Bartender wants tips?

busybride2014

My bartender is a friend of mine, who volunteered her services for my reception. I offered to pay her, and she refuses to accept any money from me, and claims that she will just work for the tips from the guests. (I intend to tip her generously for her time with or without her knowing) but do people generally tip bartenders at a wedding? Is it tacky for her to have a tip jar?  We are providing a full open bar for our guests. 

jenijoyk

Ew, no tip jar at weddings. In my opinion. If a guest feels generous and wants to slide my bartender a few dollars, fine. But it is definitely not going to be sitting out, on the bar, in a giant glass bowl making my guests feel awkward. Especially since I'll be tipping at the end of the night.

Maggie0829

It is the job of the person or persons paying for the wedding to tip the bartender, not the guests.

Tip jars are extremely tacky so I would request that your bartender/friend not put one out.  Some guests may still tip her because they are feeling generous but you should be prepared to provide her with a nice tip at the end of the night.

busybride2014

I totally agree with you guys, just have to have that talk with her I guess.... 

I'd rather have her accept the cash from me, not my guests.

southernbelle0915

No. Tell her you don't want a tip jar out at your wedding. Just tell her you don't want guests to open their wallets and you'd like to give her $X. 

Maggie0829

I would look into what bartenders around your area typically get tipped for weddings (maybe ask your local board) and then talk to your friend.  Let her know that at the end of the night she will be tipped generously but it won't be by your guests.  If the day of the wedding comes and there is a tip jar out then I would have a venue staff member or your DOC or a close family member ask her to remove it.

grumbledore

busybride2014 said:

My bartender is a friend of mine, who volunteered her services for my reception. I offered to pay her, and she refuses to accept any money from me, and claims that she will just work for the tips from the guests. (I intend to tip her generously for her time with or without her knowing) but do people generally tip bartenders at a wedding? Is it tacky for her to have a tip jar?  We are providing a full open bar for our guests. 

Oh hell no.  We hired a bartending service for our wedding and had two options - building in a gratuity (to be paid by us, of course) into our contract, or letting them put out a tip jar.  We said absolutely not to the tip jar.  They added a mandatory gratuity to the contract and we plan to tip in addition to that as well (the mandatory gratuity is quite low).

I did tell the service that if a guest volunteers a tip to the bartender anyway, they may accept it.  We have some guests who I know would try and who we don't want to feel offended at their generosity being declined.  But we are also making sure we let people know that all of this is covered and they are not responsible for paying for anything.

jacques27

No tip jar.  In fact, a tip jar makes me less inclined to tip.  Put a cutesy note on your tip jar and you've all but guaranteed I'm making sure I get every last penny of my change and not putting it in there.

Plus, at a hosted bar, I'm not walking up there with my wallet anyway.  If there isn't any change for me to get back, what am I putting in the jar?  It's a catered event, not a bar or club - most venues here have gratuity for the bartenders either built into the contract or if it's a cash bar (shudder) a percentage of the bar sales and the venues prohibit tipping.

photokitty

Can you be sneaky and have your parent contact her and say they want to cover the tip bc they don't want the guest to tip. Then she doesn't have to take the money from you. You can repay your parents. It appears she doesn't want to take money from you and this would solve the problem without having your guests open their wallets.

theartistformerlyknownas

I get that she's trying to do you a favor but she would really only make you come off as rude and cheap. Your guests shouldn't be responsible for subsidizing this expense.

Jen4948

Yes, that's very tacky.

Tell her that she can accept a contract from you that contains a gratuity provision whereby you will pay her a gratuity together with her fee, but she is not to charge your guests for drinks or put out any tip receptacles, with teeth in it in case she tries to do it anyway.  And be on the lookout for her to do it anyway at your reception and immediately insist that she lose the tip jar if she does.

busybride2014

Great ideas guys. I agree! Thanks.

ElcaB

FI and I had this argument. 

We are generously paying our bartender. There will be no tip jar, but she is allowed to accept a tip if a guest feels inclined to offer it on the bar.