Big wedding vs. small/destination wedding

mzblue2b

So recently my fiance and I began rethinking our (ok maybe my) decision to have a big wedding. I'm not going to lie I still want the wedding but I'm trying to be responsible also. If we have this wedding my fiance and mom are paying for it. I don't want to burden her and his budget is maxed out saving for this wedding. I have a fear that a big wedding will prevent us from being able to save after marriage and buy a car and home. Unfortunately, I'm stuck with the desire of a bigger wedding, because my family is big and close and I want to share this moment. But also I'm trying to remember that after our wedding day life begins and we need to be able to manage and start our lives off comfortably.....What's a girl to do when she has big dreams but plans in the near future after we're married..we cant have both

LondonLisa

mzblue2b said:

So recently my fiance and I began rethinking our (ok maybe my) decision to have a big wedding. I'm not going to lie I still want the wedding but I'm trying to be responsible also. If we have this wedding my fiance and mom are paying for it. I don't want to burden her and his budget is maxed out saving for this wedding. I have a fear that a big wedding will prevent us from being able to save after marriage and buy a car and home. Unfortunately, I'm stuck with the desire of a bigger wedding, because my family is big and close and I want to share this moment. But also I'm trying to remember that after our wedding day life begins and we need to be able to manage and start our lives off comfortably.....What's a girl to do when she has big dreams but plans in the near future after we're married..we cant have both

Just because a wedding is big, doesn't mean it needs to be expensive. One of the best weddings I have ever been to was a hog roast with kegs of beer and wine and then some cake. We ate at picnic tables, and there was no fancy centrepieces.  We all had SO much fun celebrating and I remember that celebration more than any 7 course, black tie wedding I have been to.

I think it is very, very smart of you to realise that you shouldn't blow all of your savings on a wedding. Look as the wedding as the first day of your marriage. You do not want to start that in a financial black hole. Just ask yourself, what are you really going to regret later? Mine was open bar, good food and photography, so I am looking into inexpensive dresses and in-season flowers. I've cut out little things like limos and some extraneous decorations. 

You don't HAVE to spend so much. Look at BBQ or pasta catering, afternoon non-meal weddings, dry wedding, or brunch weddings (which sound AMAZING!). Maybe have a Friday night or Sunday brunch wedding. You can easily save thousands this way- and put that in a separate savings account for a house down payment.

At the end of the day, the question is: Am I OK with getting married without these people so I can have my wedding dream? Or will I regret not having these people there even if that means my wedding isn't exactly how I imagined it?

southernbelle0915

Before you do anything else, I think you and your FI should have some long talks about BOTH of your priorities, goals, finances, etc. 

It sounds like you're basically choosing between a big wedding that will max out others' budgets and investments (a house, a car, etc.). I totally get wanting to have a big wedding, but for me, this is a total no-brainer. 

If I were in your position, I'd probably rent a shelter at a public park and do a BBQ. Super casual. Have burgers, salad, other sides, Costco sheet cake, a keg and some waters. Picnic tables for seating. Depending on your budget, you could probably afford to host a lot of people this way and not put off important investments, like a home.