Why is it rude to say "No gifts"??

afaber24

I know I've read on here that its rude to say "No gifts please" or some variation of that on invitations, but I don't remember why.

Is that true of all parties or just wedding related events? Seems like all the party invites I've received lately say something about no gifts.

What about something like a "Diaper Shower" for a new baby that's the second or third child? Is it okay to call it a diaper shower and then say "no gifts"?

I'm thinking of doing a diaper shower for SIL. How do people feel about those? It would just be an excuse to get together and eat and give the family a package of diapers for the new little one.

Maggie0829

It is rude to say no gifts on an invitation because gifts are never mandatory and by stating that you don't want any you are letting your guests know that there was an expectation of gifts but you are "graciously" taking that expectation away.

As for baby showers for second or third kids I am not a fan.  I am also not a fan of dictating what gift a person brings.  A diaper shower is a shower where you are telling the guests that they should bring diapers in lieu of gifts, but the diapers are a gift so saying that "no gifts are necessary, but bring diapers" is silly.

jacques27

I agree with Maggie0829, right down to the shower for a second or third child.  You don't indicate that there ever was an expectation of gifts to begin with and you don't dictate the type of gift. 

You're also going to find a lot of people who feel it's tacky to throw a shower for subsequent children, even a "diaper shower".  There may be some who might relax that thought if there was a significant amount of time between children or they are having twins (multiples) the second time around.  Otherwise, you're probably going to get a bit of side-eying about having a shower, even if the only "requirement" is that you bring diapers.  I personally would pass on attending a diaper shower.

plainjane0415

If you're going to do a "diaper shower" I would think it's only best to say that it's a diaper shower.  I definitely wouldn't say no gifts.  People will understand.

happybridetobe1987

It frustrates me when people say "no gifts" because everyone attending that event deserves to be able to show their love and appreciation for the bride/groom/new mommy/etc in whatever way they choose. I was invited to a wedding on the west coast last year, and they told us that our presence was enough (we flew across the country). It was extremely kind of them, as they knew we were flying across the country to attend, but that was our choice! We gave them a gift anyways, because we wanted to be able to show our love for them in gift-form. It may be a bit materialistic, but I honestly do love giving a gift. And when somebody says "no gifts", some people follow that and others don't. Then the people who don't bring a gift may feel bad because they followed the couple's wishes. I've been in that situation and every time I think, "damn I should have given something, even just a bottle of wine and a card"... I don't know if I'm making sense I'm really just rambling at this point. But those are my two cents, for whatever they are worth.

LondonLisa

But you DO want gifts at this event: Diapers. 

Baby showers are to give new parents essentials. By the time you are at the second baby, you should already have the essentials. Baby showers at this point are gift grabby.

If you want to celebrate the new baby, why not have a brunch or luncheon which is a non-gift giving event. 

AddieCake

I don't mind baby showers for babies beyond the first, and I don't mind being told it is a diaper shower. I agree, though, that no other wording about gifts is needed. If you tell me it is a diaper shower, I know the gifts are diapers, I used to work with someone whose wife had triplets. They already had another child. At work, we surprised him by filling his classroom with diapers. It was one of my favorite things ever.

misshart00

AddieCake said:

I don't mind baby showers for babies beyond the first, and I don't mind being told it is a diaper shower. I agree, though, that no other wording about gifts is needed. If you tell me it is a diaper shower, I know the gifts are diapers, I used to work with someone whose wife had triplets. They already had another child. At work, we surprised him by filling his classroom with diapers. It was one of my favorite things ever.

That is so sweet. I bet he was thrilled.

charcoalandblush

AddieCake said:

I don't mind baby showers for babies beyond the first, and I don't mind being told it is a diaper shower. I agree, though, that no other wording about gifts is needed. If you tell me it is a diaper shower, I know the gifts are diapers, I used to work with someone whose wife had triplets. They already had another child. At work, we surprised him by filling his classroom with diapers. It was one of my favorite things ever.

I agree, they don't bother me at all. Mostly because at showers I've been to, the gifts are much smaller. It's not the "essentials" like car seats and strollers and baby bathtubs that you only need to buy once. It's more diapers and rash cream and burp cloths and stuff like that that is used up/wears out between kids.