Etiquette

Rude Wedding Invitations

2

Re: Rude Wedding Invitations

  • Was invited to a potluck wedding also by someone I hadn't seen in 20 years. It was super casual and it even said, "if you come early, you might be asked to help set up the tables". Eugh. Another was when I was invited to an acquaintance's jack and jill (party where they charge an entrance fee and fees for games to raise money for the wedding) where I knew that I wouldn't be invited to the wedding--hey if you have to raise money to pay for your wedding, you likely can't afford to pay for distant acquaintances to attend--honestly, if you can't afford a lavish wedding, don't have one.
    steph861
  • NWR, but since I just saw it yesterday...  The elevator in our apartment building had a sign about a Baby Shower! for the Newest Girl in the building!  It gave the baby's name, and her mother's name, the Assistant Property Manager.  And "registered at Target.com."  Thing is, this is the second child the APM has had in two years (she has a son who is barely a year old), and, I know for a fact that she has two other daughters as well.  So, this is a baby shower (that she REGISTERED for) for a 4th child (the 3rd girl!!!)  Then, the bottom of the sign says "Sponsored by 'name of APM'."  So, she's throwing her own baby shower for a 4th kid and inviting people she doesn't know who just happen to live in the building she helps run (badly, I might add.)
    steph861cowgirl8238ejpentecost
  • Got invited to one wedding "Kiki4610 & guest"... I've been with my fiance for 4 years and we're getting married in May. The bride knew this and has met him.

    My fiance got invited to his cousin's wedding when we'd been together about 2.5 years... I wasn't on the original invite but FMIL got a phone call a few months before the wedding from the groom's family saying that not enough people had RSVP'd so I was now invited.

    Didn't go to either one.
    steph861cowgirl8238
  • I've posted this before, but this was the worst cash poem ever:

    Registered we are not,
    An established home we've already got.
    As we get ready to tie the knot,
    Our guests we want to fear not...

    Need a gift idea for the Bride and Groom?
    Here are some suggestions that will work in any room...
    Hamilton, Lincoln, & Washington, (3 of our favorite men),
    Gift cards, (Home Depot or Kohl's), always score a perfect 10!

    Gifts are not a must,
    This you must trust.
    The most treasured gift we want to say,
    Is having you there to share our special day!


    Wow. That was painful to read!!
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    Anniversary

    steph861cowgirl8238
  • adk19 said:
    NWR, but since I just saw it yesterday...  The elevator in our apartment building had a sign about a Baby Shower! for the Newest Girl in the building!  It gave the baby's name, and her mother's name, the Assistant Property Manager.  And "registered at Target.com."  Thing is, this is the second child the APM has had in two years (she has a son who is barely a year old), and, I know for a fact that she has two other daughters as well.  So, this is a baby shower (that she REGISTERED for) for a 4th child (the 3rd girl!!!)  Then, the bottom of the sign says "Sponsored by 'name of APM'."  So, she's throwing her own baby shower for a 4th kid and inviting people she doesn't know who just happen to live in the building she helps run (badly, I might add.)
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    [Deleted User]cowgirl8238
  • Friend from college got married our senior year, and hers was the worst to date:
    Registry inserts
    No SOs invited
    4 hour ceremony followed by a 5 hour gap (note: I didn't find the length of the ceremony rude as they were having an abbreviated Hindi ceremony; however, it was a long time to sit over lunch to then not be fed until 7pm)
    That 5 hour gap was not universal - family members were hosted during that time - they got an extra insert about afternoon tea and appetizers

    This was also not rude, just interesting, but her invites were massive - at least 9x9 squares, on incredibly thick almost photo-mat like paper, and each event (ceremony, afternoon tea, reception) had a separate large sheet that was in an envelope inside the larger envelope. I can't imagine what the postage costs were sending those around the US and then also to relatives in India. 
    Holy crap, why?! An entire forest died for that. 
    My husband is Indian, and our invitations were similar.  And this is after specifically telling my MIL that I wanted "simple" invitations when she was getting them from India.  Compared to the ones from his family that we have received, these were simple.  I have seen leather-bound invitations similar to a menu in a nice restaurant.  And a 4-hour Hindu (sorry- Hindi is the language, Hindu is the religion) ceremony?  Unless this included other ceremonies then the wedding ceremony, I've never even heard of that.  So glad that isn't the custom in the region that my husband's family is from :)  I would have really had to put my foot down!
    steph861insertusernamehere
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I'm still irritated that mine and my bff's SO's weren't invited to the wedding we were just in.  Yeah, we were in the wedding party and were told we couldn't bring our SO's because "there wasn't enough room."  Thanks.  Then at the wedding there were a ton of people there with their SO's who weren't married, so it's not even like that rule was in effect.  Fantastic.  


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    cowgirl8238steph861
  • bebe43 said:
    Friend from college got married our senior year, and hers was the worst to date:
    Registry inserts
    No SOs invited
    4 hour ceremony followed by a 5 hour gap (note: I didn't find the length of the ceremony rude as they were having an abbreviated Hindi ceremony; however, it was a long time to sit over lunch to then not be fed until 7pm)
    That 5 hour gap was not universal - family members were hosted during that time - they got an extra insert about afternoon tea and appetizers

    This was also not rude, just interesting, but her invites were massive - at least 9x9 squares, on incredibly thick almost photo-mat like paper, and each event (ceremony, afternoon tea, reception) had a separate large sheet that was in an envelope inside the larger envelope. I can't imagine what the postage costs were sending those around the US and then also to relatives in India. 
    Holy crap, why?! An entire forest died for that. 
    My husband is Indian, and our invitations were similar.  And this is after specifically telling my MIL that I wanted "simple" invitations when she was getting them from India.  Compared to the ones from his family that we have received, these were simple.  I have seen leather-bound invitations similar to a menu in a nice restaurant.  And a 4-hour Hindu (sorry- Hindi is the language, Hindu is the religion) ceremony?  Unless this included other ceremonies then the wedding ceremony, I've never even heard of that.  So glad that isn't the custom in the region that my husband's family is from :)  I would have really had to put my foot down!

    The bride told me they abbreviated it from a 3 day event to this 4 hour thing - I think it included a lot of the blessings that would happen all smushed together instead of over several days of meals and parties. I didn't follow a lot of it; the priest would say each big chunk in Hindi first, and then give a brief summary in English. Unfortunately, he did not have a microphone and the couple was facing us but he was facing the couple so the sound didn't carry well. 

    RE: the bolded, my bad! 
    steph861
  • AuroraRose41AuroraRose41 New York
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
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    I know I have posted about this wedding before on here. I attended one in July for a good friend from high school that I kept in touch with through the years. My friend personally told me the date and that my BF was invited, and yet my name was the only name on the invitation when it arrived. It was an actual oversight and friend told me that my BF was indeed invited. 

    It also only listed the reception venue on the invite, and the ceremony was actually in an adjacent park a decent distance away. (i.e. Hotel listed as venue, didn't find out ceremony wasn't at the hotel until 15 minutes before the ceremony....). 

    Also, "Reception to follow" on invite, but there was a 2 hour gap. 

    steph861
  • I received an invite for an OOS wedding in which we were invited to the reception only (which I now realize is not against etiquette, but it still felt like a slap in the face)...The same invite also included a registry card bigger than the invite itself...

    The big kicker was it was accompanied by a facebook/email invite that demanded all of the guests wear all black (it was very clear, 100% black and no other colors) so that the bride would be more "radiant"...What kind of crap is this??
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

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    steph861cowgirl8238
  • I received an invite for an OOS wedding in which we were invited to the reception only (which I now realize is not against etiquette, but it still felt like a slap in the face)...The same invite also included a registry card bigger than the invite itself...

    The big kicker was it was accompanied by a facebook/email invite that demanded all of the guests wear all black (it was very clear, 100% black and no other colors) so that the bride would be more "radiant"...What kind of crap is this??
    What? Tiered receptions are against etiquette.
    image



  • Cousin sent a wedding invitation to my parents addressed to The Smiths. No info anywhere that made it clear who was actually invited. I hadn't lived at home for 6 years at this point and lived with now DH. Sis was over 18 but living at home and single. Since we didn't know if H was invited, parents RSvPd for the Smiths plus H figuring if they didn't want him to come they would say something when they got the RSVP. They only invite I got to bridezilla sis' wedding was a FB invite. She claims my paper invite got lost, but never sent a new one when she found out mine never arrived.

    Anniversary
    steph861


  • I received an invite for an OOS wedding in which we were invited to the reception only (which I now realize is not against etiquette, but it still felt like a slap in the face)...The same invite also included a registry card bigger than the invite itself...

    The big kicker was it was accompanied by a facebook/email invite that demanded all of the guests wear all black (it was very clear, 100% black and no other colors) so that the bride would be more "radiant"...What kind of crap is this??

    What? Tiered receptions are against etiquette.


    Not a tiered reception if the ceremony is very intimate and everyone is invited to the entire reception.
    steph861insertusernamehere
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    I've mentioned this before as well.  This woman I went to college with moved out of state, so when she had a baby and then got married, she had showers hosted in her hometown with family and us friends in the area. 

    Baby shower website: "We're learning just how expensive babies are so we recommend teaming up with others to buy the larger stuff. This is a win win because you might spend less and we get the stuff we really need! Also, shipping gifts back will cost us a lot, but since registries often have free shipping for orders over a certain amount, please ship your gift to our home and bring a picture of it to the shower."

    Bridal shower invite: "To save the bride on shipping costs, please ship your gift to her home and bring a picture to the shower."  There was a honeyfund as well as a very small regular registry.

    I have since distanced myself from this woman, particularly after she wrote me lengthy FB notes assuming she'd be invited to my wedding that conflicted with her 30th birthday weekend. 
    ________________________________


    steph861
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    I'm still irritated that mine and my bff's SO's weren't invited to the wedding we were just in.  Yeah, we were in the wedding party and were told we couldn't bring our SO's because "there wasn't enough room."  Thanks.  Then at the wedding there were a ton of people there with their SO's who weren't married, so it's not even like that rule was in effect.  Fantastic.  
    There is no way I would stand up for someone in their wedding, if they didn't respect my relationship enough to invite my SO.
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    steph861[Deleted User]
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I'm still irritated that mine and my bff's SO's weren't invited to the wedding we were just in.  Yeah, we were in the wedding party and were told we couldn't bring our SO's because "there wasn't enough room."  Thanks.  Then at the wedding there were a ton of people there with their SO's who weren't married, so it's not even like that rule was in effect.  Fantastic.  
    There is no way I would stand up for someone in their wedding, if they didn't respect my relationship enough to invite my SO.
    There were honestly so many etiquette blunders I just had to let it go. I also have a feeling that even though she didn't contribute to the wedding, the MOG (who is BSC) also threw a huge fit about the guest list, because the wedding was like 80% Groom's family, and a lot of friends of the Bride and Groom weren't invited. I'm just glad the wedding from hell is over. Saw the Bride yesterday. She was all gung-ho on going on a triple date couples vacation with all of us. So vacations, yes, but wedding no? Ahhh.....she also started telling my bff who is getting married to for sure have a dollar dance and to do something like a honeyfund for her registry. I can only promote etiquette so much. lol.


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    steph861
  • edited October 2014
    This isn't a wedding or a shower invite, but last year FI and I received an invitation to a Stag and Doe that was absolutely atrocious:
    - It arrived over Facebook.
    - It asked us to fork over $70.00 per person to attend.
    - It came from a person we hadn't talked to in a year - we hadn't met the FI at all.
    - It was for a wedding that we weren't invited to because the couple was "saving money".

    Needless to say, we didn't attend. I'm pretty non-judgemental about a lot of wedding etiquette stuff, but I can't stand the whole Stag and Doe trend.
    steph861
  • This isn't a wedding or a shower invite, but last year FI and I received an invitation to a Stag and Doe that was absolutely atrocious:
    - It arrived over Facebook.
    - It asked us to fork over $70.00 per person to attend.
    - It came from a person we hadn't talked to in a year - we hadn't met the FI at all.
    - It was for a wedding that we weren't invited to because the couple was "saving money".

    Needless to say, we didn't attend. I'm pretty non-judgemental about a lot of wedding etiquette stuff, but I can't stand the whole Stag and Doe trend.
    It's bad enough to charge anything, but $70????
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  • banana468 said:
    I received an invite for an OOS wedding in which we were invited to the reception only (which I now realize is not against etiquette, but it still felt like a slap in the face)...The same invite also included a registry card bigger than the invite itself...

    The big kicker was it was accompanied by a facebook/email invite that demanded all of the guests wear all black (it was very clear, 100% black and no other colors) so that the bride would be more "radiant"...What kind of crap is this??
    What? Tiered receptions are against etiquette.
    Not a tiered reception if the ceremony is very intimate and everyone is invited to the entire reception.
    True, to a point. I think it depends on the couple's intent. 
    image



  • I've mentioned this before as well.  This woman I went to college with moved out of state, so when she had a baby and then got married, she had showers hosted in her hometown with family and us friends in the area. 

    Baby shower website: "We're learning just how expensive babies are so we recommend teaming up with others to buy the larger stuff. This is a win win because you might spend less and we get the stuff we really need! Also, shipping gifts back will cost us a lot, but since registries often have free shipping for orders over a certain amount, please ship your gift to our home and bring a picture of it to the shower."

    Bridal shower invite: "To save the bride on shipping costs, please ship your gift to her home and bring a picture to the shower."  There was a honeyfund as well as a very small regular registry.

    I have since distanced myself from this woman, particularly after she wrote me lengthy FB notes assuming she'd be invited to my wedding that conflicted with her 30th birthday weekend. 
    These ARE adults that you're talking about, right? I mean, hard to tell since they only just learned about the expensive of raising a human after they got pregnant.
    steph861
  • I was invited to a family member's wedding through my parents' invitation (I was 26).  FI was not included, obviously.  The kicker was, I had multiple family members come up to me at the wedding and ask where FI was and why he didn't come.  Um...HE WASN'T INVITED.  Wtf?  I still think all that went down b/c my conservative southern Baptist family doesn't approve of us "shacking up", but I could just be cynical.
    steph861
  • This isn't a wedding or a shower invite, but last year FI and I received an invitation to a Stag and Doe that was absolutely atrocious:
    - It arrived over Facebook.
    - It asked us to fork over $70.00 per person to attend.
    - It came from a person we hadn't talked to in a year - we hadn't met the FI at all.
    - It was for a wedding that we weren't invited to because the couple was "saving money".

    Needless to say, we didn't attend. I'm pretty non-judgemental about a lot of wedding etiquette stuff, but I can't stand the whole Stag and Doe trend.
    It's bad enough to charge anything, but $70????
    I have no idea what they were doing for $70.00 per guest. Or who the heck attended this thing!

    I think that FI was told it was so high because "it's catered, but, you know, BYOB."

    LOL. :S
    steph861
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    I've mentioned this before as well.  This woman I went to college with moved out of state, so when she had a baby and then got married, she had showers hosted in her hometown with family and us friends in the area. 

    Baby shower website: "We're learning just how expensive babies are so we recommend teaming up with others to buy the larger stuff. This is a win win because you might spend less and we get the stuff we really need! Also, shipping gifts back will cost us a lot, but since registries often have free shipping for orders over a certain amount, please ship your gift to our home and bring a picture of it to the shower."

    Bridal shower invite: "To save the bride on shipping costs, please ship your gift to her home and bring a picture to the shower."  There was a honeyfund as well as a very small regular registry.

    I have since distanced myself from this woman, particularly after she wrote me lengthy FB notes assuming she'd be invited to my wedding that conflicted with her 30th birthday weekend. 
    I would be declining those showers and maybe sending a card with a picture of me having fun doing something else.
    I'm dying. Wish I thought of that!!
    And JellyBean, yes, they're adults. << eye roll >> They got pregnant the night they met. Luckily they were meant to be and were engaged not long after the baby's birth. They seem very happy.  So there's that. 

    There was other tacky involved with both the baby and wedding situation, but those are stories for other tacky thread topics! 
    ________________________________


    steph861
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    edited October 2014
    We received an invitation from one of my cousins, and the RSVP card had prices next to all of the meals. I was really confused, so I called to ask my cousin if it was a printing error or if they were charging guests for their meals.

    Cousin: "No, we thought that would be handy for people who want to give us a gift that covers their plate. We're hoping to get a lot of that money back since we offered filet mignon as an option."

    Me: "If you were worried about the budget, you could have had chicken instead."

    Cousin: *laughing* "No, because then we wouldn't get as much money."

    This same cousin called my brother an asshole because my brother couldn't come. It was an "Adults Only" wedding, and my brother and SIL couldn't find a sitter. My brother tried to explain that to my cousin, and my cousin said, "You could have asked to bring the kids." My brother, bless his heart, said, "No, that would have been rude. If someone is clearly not invited, you don't ask to bring them."

    We did go to the wedding, but we both ordered filet mignon, and we gave them $10. Cousin made a snide remark about my brother during dinner, so we left before the cake was cut. I've barely spoken to that cousin since.

    steph861luckysnorkel
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    We received an invitation from one of my cousins, and the RSVP card had prices next to all of the meals. I was really confused, so I called to ask my cousin if it was a printing error or if they were charging guests for their meals.

    Cousin: "No, we thought that would be handy for people who want to give us a gift that covers their plate. We're hoping to get a lot of that money back since we offered filet mignon as an option."

    Me: "If you were worried about the budget, you could have had chicken instead."

    Cousin: *laughing* "No, because then we wouldn't get as much money."

    This same cousin called my brother an asshole because my brother couldn't come. It was an "Adults Only" wedding, and my brother and SIL couldn't find a sitter. My brother tried to explain that to my cousin, and my cousin said, "You could have asked to bring the kids." My brother, bless his heart, said, "No, that would have been rude. If someone is clearly not invited, you don't ask to bring them."

    We did go to the wedding, but we both ordered filet mignon, and we gave them $10. Cousin made a snide remark about my brother during dinner, so we left before the cake was cut. I've barely spoken to that cousin since.
    Wow these people are ballsy. I would expect they got a lot less money than they were hoping to get.
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    steph861[Deleted User]
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    We received an invitation from one of my cousins, and the RSVP card had prices next to all of the meals. I was really confused, so I called to ask my cousin if it was a printing error or if they were charging guests for their meals.

    Cousin: "No, we thought that would be handy for people who want to give us a gift that covers their plate. We're hoping to get a lot of that money back since we offered filet mignon as an option."

    Me: "If you were worried about the budget, you could have had chicken instead."

    Cousin: *laughing* "No, because then we wouldn't get as much money."

    This same cousin called my brother an asshole because my brother couldn't come. It was an "Adults Only" wedding, and my brother and SIL couldn't find a sitter. My brother tried to explain that to my cousin, and my cousin said, "You could have asked to bring the kids." My brother, bless his heart, said, "No, that would have been rude. If someone is clearly not invited, you don't ask to bring them."

    We did go to the wedding, but we both ordered filet mignon, and we gave them $10. Cousin made a snide remark about my brother during dinner, so we left before the cake was cut. I've barely spoken to that cousin since.
    Wow these people are ballsy. I would expect they got a lot less money than they were hoping to get.
    Oh. HELL. NO.  Ballsy isn't a strong enough word.
    The cover-your-plate concept is alive and well in my area. I'm currently gently trying to get across to my BFF that she shouldn't be planning her guest list based on who historically covers their plate. I said, "You're not going to get your money back. At all. Just let that idea go."  Seriously, the "average gift" in my area doesn't come close to the "average plate" in the city.  < / end rand >

    Your cousins are insane, I'm sorry. 
    ________________________________


    [Deleted User]steph861huskypuppy14
  • blabla89blabla89 Atlanta
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
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    FSIL's baby shower invite had the cutesy poem about bring a book instead of a card, and also instructions to be sure to bring a gift AND a bag of diapers. There was no "please" in there...only a demand for a book, a gift and diapers. And she voluntold her friend to "host" it, but really she was hosting her own shower. Gross.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker



    steph861
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
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    I haven't received any rude invites but my coworker was just showing me one that she got. "Adult reception to follow" included on the invite, registry information included on an insert card as well as another insert that says to bring blankets and sneakers to enjoy lawn games and picnic food as you are surrounded by love (or something to that "cutesy" effect). Not sure why it needs to be an adult reception at a backyard, picnic-food setting. Also, would totally not be wearing sneakers. Coworker is completely unsure as to what to wear.
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  • My FI was verbally invited over the phone to his best friend's wedding that was scheduled 30 days from the phone call..... was the "best man" and was told what and where to buy the "attire" of a plaid shirt and blue jeans for this outdoor wedding. FI's mom received a phone call and more info was given that it was "bring your own chair" ...and another set of friends was called and told "byob...and something to share" .... FI assumed I had been included in his phone call invite but asked anyway since all other VIPs were phoned individually and spouses/SO were verbally invited, yet I was not. Rehearsal dinner was for "wedding party only" and it was to set up the event for the following day. FI respectfully declined the role of best man, and we ended up not even going. We were filled in later by our friends...with pictures :)
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