Gifts for Mega Destination Wedding

miniac

My sister is having a destination wedding, and I am her maid of honor. Do my fiance and I have to get them a gift, and if so, what's reasonable? I know that in general, brides/grooms are not supposed to "expect" a gift, but that as a guest to a destination you are still technically supposed to give a gift. However when I say 'destination wedding', I don't mean going to Mexico. I mean going to Bali! My fiance and I estimate we will be spending about $7000 on flights, accommodations, food and sightseeing. This is in addition to the groom's bachelor party which my fiance would attend (and help pay for) that would be during their stopover. 

I was thinking of paying for a night or two at a nice hotel for my sister as a bachelorette party during our stopover, and have that be their gift. However I'd be using points to pay for it (free)--is that cheap of me?

For context, my fiance and I are getting married 2 months prior and will be paying off our own wedding, plus this trip would replace our honeymoon. We wanted to go elsewhere but we wouldn't have the money or vacation time to go to our original honeymoon destination. 

(Also, the above might seem crazy but I promise you that my fiance and I are not wealthy, but not doing badly either.)

Thanks!

photokitty

Wow! That's a tough one. I would probably get hera  gift still since she is my sister and I would want to give her something that she'd have for a long time and remember me fondly by. Can you make her something or a smaller token like an album or nice trice that matches their decor?

I don't think it is cheap of you at all. If it wasn't my sister I would just go tot he wedding and give them a nice card full of well wishes for the future, but no gift.

You certainly don't need to buy anything extravagant. I'm sure your sister is happy just to have you there. GL!

peekstar said:

My sister is having a destination wedding, and I am her maid of honor. Do my fiance and I have to get them a gift, and if so, what's reasonable? I know that in general, brides/grooms are not supposed to "expect" a gift, but that as a guest to a destination you are still technically supposed to give a gift. However when I say 'destination wedding', I don't mean going to Mexico. I mean going to Bali! My fiance and I estimate we will be spending about $7000 on flights, accommodations, food and sightseeing. This is in addition to the groom's bachelor party which my fiance would attend (and help pay for) that would be during their stopover. 

I was thinking of paying for a night or two at a nice hotel for my sister as a bachelorette party during our stopover, and have that be their gift. However I'd be using points to pay for it (free)--is that cheap of me?

For context, my fiance and I are getting married 2 months prior and will be paying off our own wedding, plus this trip would replace our honeymoon. We wanted to go elsewhere but we wouldn't have the money or vacation time to go to our original honeymoon destination. 

(Also, the above might seem crazy but I promise you that my fiance and I are not wealthy, but not doing badly either.)

Thanks!

bethsmiles

Given how expensive the trip is and that you are essentially giving up your honeymoon to attend, I wouldn't get a gift on top of it all. I would probably give a card with a heartfelt note. 

southernbelle0915

If you have the budget to give her a wedding present, I would. If you don't, then give her a heartfelt card. 

It doesn't have to be something huge. One of our GMs who traveled for our wedding gave us a cutting board with our names and wedding date in little font burned into the corner. Obviously not something we registered for but SUPER thoughtful and we love using it. 

JaxInBlue

photokitty said:

Wow! That's a tough one. I would probably get hera  gift still since she is my sister and I would want to give her something that she'd have for a long time and remember me fondly by. Can you make her something or a smaller token like an album or nice trice that matches their decor?

I don't think it is cheap of you at all. If it wasn't my sister I would just go tot he wedding and give them a nice card full of well wishes for the future, but no gift.

You certainly don't need to buy anything extravagant. I'm sure your sister is happy just to have you there. GL!

Obviously nothing is required of you, and you are already spending quite bit to attend and participate in this wedding.  But I would want this too.  Some things I might consider would be a holiday ornament, a picture frame, maybe a book or piece of music special to you two that you inscribe with a note.  You could frame their wedding invitation and put a note of congratulations in the back. 

And I think using points on a hotel for the bachelorette is fantastic! 

levioosa

You are not obligated to give a gift, especially given how expensive the trip is. I think doing something thoughtful would be nice. My only issue with the bachelorette hotel would be that it is more of a gift for her and not them.

delujm0

My best friend got married in St. Lucia last year.  it cost us about $3k to attend for a 4 night stay, 6 months prior to our own wedding and honeymoon.  We got her a nice card.  She did get some gifts from people, which she appreciated, but absolutely did not expect.  She also got us a card for our wedding, which was more than enough, as she not only planned my bachelorette party but also had to travel and stay the weekend to attend.

 

My best friend, however, is a reasonable person who didn't expect anyone to even attend the wedding.  Your sister might be unreasonable, given that she is apparently cool with you giving up your own honeymoon so that you can attend her extremely inconvenient wedding.  I would never ask my sister to do that for me...or anyone in my family for that matter.  i felt bad that so many of our guests had to travel from PA/NJ to NC for the weekend.  I would get her a card and call it a day.

futuremrsog15

I was a bridesmaid in a wedding. I went to her shower and her a nice gift. I also threw her a lingerie shower and gave her a gift for that shower. My fiance and spent a lot on the shower I hosted at his house. We ended up giving them a small wedding gift off their registry. I probably should've waited and sent a bigger one after the wedding when we had recovered from the expenses, but I didn't think of that and now its too late. No thank you card for the lingerie shower, lingerie shower gift or wedding gift and we are 3 months out. So I don't feel so bad now.

dramamonkey

To be honest, neither of my brothers gave me anything for my (local to both of them) wedding, so I wouldn't worry too much about getting her something. 

badbnagdway

I'm certain I will be corrected if I am mistaken, but I think you have some time on a gift to her. I think conventional wisdom is a year after the wedding. I agree with getting them something smaller, and maybe in this case waiting a little while, perhaps even explaining, we're pretty strapped right now but we did want to get you something, and give them a card for now. I spent gads of money (over $4k) for my sister's wedding -- due to gifting money to help pay for wedding stuff and travel up there because I'm out of town. I didn't buy them anything off their registry (until the following Christmas) but did also give them some $ to spend on dinners or whatever on their honeymoon and of course a card. The thing I got her that I thought was really special was a pearl bracelet to go with her wedding dress. It was not more than $100 but it was special to me that she wore it on her day and has it still.

larrygaga

I think depending on the reason she wants to have it in Bali. If it's just to have a DW, then I probably would not get her anything. If she's going because your family is from there or her family is or something that makes sense, I might shell out a bit more for a gift. 

That's how I would slice that cake. 

weddingcactus

As a destination wedding bride, I think that any gift at all, including a simple framed picture or paying for a hotel by whatever means (points counts too) is incredibly generous. I do not think you should be obligated to get anything, though I do agree as a gift giver it sometimes feels really good to give someone you love something that they might treasure (either as an object or a memory). In all honesty, I think just showing up at a destination wedding is generous and hopefully leads to some really wonderful memories for you both. If you can't give her a gift now, don't stress. If you're able to use points to pay for a hotel and are comfortable with spending them, do it. That sounds really lovely. 

lyndausvi

My BFF got married OOT for me.  It was during a shut down at work so money was tight.   I gave her a card at the wedding.  Then when she bought a house about 8 months later I gave her a generous housewarming gift.

marie2785

I really think it depends on your own finances. Spending $7K to attend a wedding  would be a gift enough for a family member for me, but I also couldn't afford $7K without taking on debt. I'd maybe do something very small (holiday ornament, or similar small keepsake), or pay for the hotel using points like you mentioned. I think that is MORE than generous of you!

For my brothers wedding, I was just out of school and spent about $1,500 to go. This was ALOT of money for me--over 1/2 of a month's salary at the time. So I gave them gifts for the shower and wedding that totaled ~$100 since that was the limit of my budget. The other bridesmaids wanted me to pitch in $500 for a grill and patio set for them, but I said that was well above my budget (and also seriously presumptuous that ANYONE could afford that much so easily with all of the travel involved, but they live in a wealthy area so I let it slide without being rude.)

perdonami

southernbelle0915 said:

If you have the budget to give her a wedding present, I would. If you don't, then give her a heartfelt card. 

It doesn't have to be something huge. One of our GMs who traveled for our wedding gave us a cutting board with our names and wedding date in little font burned into the corner. Obviously not something we registered for but SUPER thoughtful and we love using it. 

Thats is a super sweet and thoughtful gift! I was actually secretly hoping we would get a gift like that too. 

CMGragain

miniac said:

My sister is having a destination wedding, and I am her maid of honor. Do my fiance and I have to get them a gift, and if so, what's reasonable? I know that in general, brides/grooms are not supposed to "expect" a gift, but that as a guest to a destination you are still technically supposed to give a gift. However when I say 'destination wedding', I don't mean going to Mexico. I mean going to Bali! My fiance and I estimate we will be spending about $7000 on flights, accommodations, food and sightseeing. This is in addition to the groom's bachelor party which my fiance would attend (and help pay for) that would be during their stopover. 

I was thinking of paying for a night or two at a nice hotel for my sister as a bachelorette party during our stopover, and have that be their gift. However I'd be using points to pay for it (free)--is that cheap of me?

For context, my fiance and I are getting married 2 months prior and will be paying off our own wedding, plus this trip would replace our honeymoon. We wanted to go elsewhere but we wouldn't have the money or vacation time to go to our original honeymoon destination. 

(Also, the above might seem crazy but I promise you that my fiance and I are not wealthy, but not doing badly either.)

Thanks!

When you decide to attend a destination wedding, this decision should have no bearing on gift giving.  You should give the same gift you would have given if the event was going to be at your home town.
You are going into debt to pay for your wedding?  Oh, no!  Bad decision!

majesty318

I think whether to give a gift or not is totally up to you and what you can afford, regardless of the fact that it is your sister. But if you give one, what about something handmade/ personalized?

I have had great luck on Etsy with gifts and gave this to 2 couples - one whose registry was a cash registry in disguise, and one whose registry was 100% out of my budget: https://www.etsy.com/transaction/91237418 (under $50)

And I was just looking at creative ways to preserve our wedding invitation and found these: https://www.etsy.com/listing/125558678/keepsake-quilled-wedding-invitation?ref=fp_item&aref=14138265466 (under $50) or https://www.etsy.com/listing/204166949/personalized-plastic-wedding-invitation?ref=fp_item&aref=14101593199 (under $20)

huskypuppy14

CMGragain said:

miniac said:

My sister is having a destination wedding, and I am her maid of honor. Do my fiance and I have to get them a gift, and if so, what's reasonable? I know that in general, brides/grooms are not supposed to "expect" a gift, but that as a guest to a destination you are still technically supposed to give a gift. However when I say 'destination wedding', I don't mean going to Mexico. I mean going to Bali! My fiance and I estimate we will be spending about $7000 on flights, accommodations, food and sightseeing. This is in addition to the groom's bachelor party which my fiance would attend (and help pay for) that would be during their stopover. 

I was thinking of paying for a night or two at a nice hotel for my sister as a bachelorette party during our stopover, and have that be their gift. However I'd be using points to pay for it (free)--is that cheap of me?

For context, my fiance and I are getting married 2 months prior and will be paying off our own wedding, plus this trip would replace our honeymoon. We wanted to go elsewhere but we wouldn't have the money or vacation time to go to our original honeymoon destination. 

(Also, the above might seem crazy but I promise you that my fiance and I are not wealthy, but not doing badly either.)

Thanks!

When you decide to attend a destination wedding, this decision should have no bearing on gift giving.  You should give the same gift you would have given if the event was going to be at your home town.
You are going into debt to pay for your wedding?  Oh, no!  Bad decision!

This is just not true. A gift is never to be expected.  And obviously many variables go in to giving a gift, how far and how expensive it is to travel to the wedding, is one of those variables. 

I'm also assuming she meant paying for, not paying off. 

OP, if you're already spending 7000 dollars, whats another 100 dollars (or 50 or whatever) to get your sister something.

miniac

Thanks for making that assumption but no, I am not going into debt for my wedding. My point in mentioning my wedding is that we will be stretched for money because of our wedding. But the main point here is that since her wedding is costing us so much, as it's not just a $2000 destination wedding but more like a $10,000 destination wedding, do we also need to buy them a gift.

CMGragain

I think that you should buy a gift, but I would keep it under $100.,  This is why I dislike destination weddings.  They are inconvenient and expensive for everybody!

CMGragain

Oops.  I just noticed that this thread is four months old!  Miniac, why the late response?

miniac

I haven't been online in months! but this destination wedding is still 10 months away. thanks for your response

photokitty

@slothiegal zombie?

slothiegal

Thanks, @photokitty!