Not sure who is hosting..

nicolie1125

I'm only just beginning to look at invites at this stage of my planning. I'm thinking ahead but I'm not sure who is really "hosting" our wedding and from what I've seen so far that is a big part of the wording for our invites.

My parents are paying for our venue, reception hall and the catering. Future in laws are paying for the booze and rehearsal dinner. We are paying for everything else. My first thought is to list my parents but I don't want to possibly offend my future in laws since they are contributing as well.

I may just be over thinking this whole thing but just looking for a little direction/advice. Thanks in advance!!

CMGragain

The general rule is that the host os the person who acts as point of co-ordination, greets the guests, etc.  The old tradition, which is seldom followed these days, was that the groom's family paid for the rehearsal dinner and alcohol, but were not listed as hosts.  I would do this:

Mr. and Mrs. Bridesparents
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Bride's First Middle
to
Mr. Groom's Full Name

You should talk to your FILS and see what they think of this.  If they expect to be on the invitation (They shouldn't) then your can list them as co-hosts, too.  It doesn't hurt.

Mr. and Mrs. John Bridesparents
Mr. and Mrs. George Groomsparents
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name

Of course, if you are having a church wedding, you should use "request the honour of your presence".

Maggie0829

I would talk to both sets of parents to see how they feel about the invitation.  If they both want to be listed then I would list them.  It may not be traditional but if it will prevent possible hurt feelings I would go against tradition then have to deal with irritation.

holyguacamole79

Agree with PPs.  My husband wanted his parents to be listed on the invitation even though my parents paid for the majority of our wedding.  Nobody took issue with it, and it was all good. 

plainjane0415

You could also word it like "together with our parents" "together with our families" something along those lines if both sets want to be included.

nicolie1125

Thanks ladies!

kvruns

The invitations I'm looking at say "together with our parents" vs listing out actual names. 

annakay511

It sounds like it might be best to use the wording

Bride

&

Groom

Together with their parents

request the pleasure of your company

at their wedding...

or

Bride's Parents

and

Groom's Parents

request the pleasure at your company

at the wedding of their children

Bride

&

Groom

CMGragain

annakay511 said:

It sounds like it might be best to use the wording

Bride

&

Groom

Together with their parents

request the pleasure of your company

at their wedding...

or

Bride's Parents

and

Groom's Parents

request the pleasure at your company

at the wedding of their children

Bride

&

Groom

NEVER use the ampersand on an invitation.  It is an abbreviation, and is always incorrect.  "Children" do not get married.  This wording is inappropriate.  The first wording is also incorrect.  "Together with their parents" is a non-traditional wording, but the bride and groom never directly take credit for the invitation, and their names must come last.
@annakay511, from where are you getting your etiquette information?  It isn't in any of the standard sources I use.

vmj23

I did together with our families and everyone was happy.   

annakay511

CMGragain said:

annakay511 said:

It sounds like it might be best to use the wording

Bride

&

Groom

Together with their parents

request the pleasure of your company

at their wedding...

or

Bride's Parents

and

Groom's Parents

request the pleasure at your company

at the wedding of their children

Bride

&

Groom

NEVER use the ampersand on an invitation.  It is an abbreviation, and is always incorrect.  "Children" do not get married.  This wording is inappropriate.  The first wording is also incorrect.  "Together with their parents" is a non-traditional wording, but the bride and groom never directly take credit for the invitation, and their names must come last.
@annakay511, from where are you getting your etiquette information?  It isn't in any of the standard sources I use.

Well excuuuuuuuse me. 

1) Not everyone wants traditional wording. Traditionally, the bride's parents pay for the wedding, so obviously if the bride and groom are hosting or no one is specifically hosting, then this is a non-traditional situation and so why the need for traditional wording?

2) You are always your parent's child. Wedding invitations say, "...at the marriage of their daughter.." what's the difference?

3) My suggestions came from actual wedding invitations I have received, as well as suggested wording on invitation websites. Looks like you are out of touch with what real couples are actually  doing!.

4) Personally, I just put the & in because it was faster for me to type.

5) You need to REEELAAAXXX. That was a super bitchy response.

CMGragain

I have been giving invitation advice on The Knot for five years, and you are the first person to use the word "bitchy" to describe my response.
There is nothing wrong with non-traditional wording, however msking up your own rules is not acceptable.  When most brides post on this board, they expect to get advice that is correct etiquette.  I get my advice from standard sources such as Crane's Invitation Guide, Emily Post, Miss Manners and Amy Vanderbilt.  I do not make up these rules.
Please feel free to give etiquette correct advice.  I can use the help.  However, your only purpose in posting your last message was to deliver a put-down.  Well, you failed. 

MairePoppy

annakay511 said:

CMGragain said:

annakay511 said:

It sounds like it might be best to use the wording

Bride

&

Groom

Together with their parents

request the pleasure of your company

at their wedding...

or

Bride's Parents

and

Groom's Parents

request the pleasure at your company

at the wedding of their children

Bride

&

Groom

NEVER use the ampersand on an invitation.  It is an abbreviation, and is always incorrect.  "Children" do not get married.  This wording is inappropriate.  The first wording is also incorrect.  "Together with their parents" is a non-traditional wording, but the bride and groom never directly take credit for the invitation, and their names must come last.
@annakay511, from where are you getting your etiquette information?  It isn't in any of the standard sources I use.

Well excuuuuuuuse me. 

1) Not everyone wants traditional wording. Traditionally, the bride's parents pay for the wedding, so obviously if the bride and groom are hosting or no one is specifically hosting, then this is a non-traditional situation and so why the need for traditional wording?

2) You are always your parent's child. Wedding invitations say, "...at the marriage of their daughter.." what's the difference?

3) My suggestions came from actual wedding invitations I have received, as well as suggested wording on invitation websites. Looks like you are out of touch with what real couples are actually  doing!.

4) Personally, I just put the & in because it was faster for me to type.

5) You need to REEELAAAXXX. That was a super bitchy response.

That remark was inappropriate.

CMGragain offered corrections for your errors along with an explanation of her reasoning. She was trying to help you and other brides that might assume what you posted is correct. 

huskypuppy14

To be fair, sometimes the proper etiquette for invitations can be sexist or outdated.

Take these examples from Crane's:

My mother is a medical doctor, but my father is not. How is that worded?
Traditionally, your mother would use her social title — “Mrs.” — on your wedding invitations, so your parents’ names should read “Mr. and Mrs. Andrew Jay Forrester.”

However, as more and more women have become doctors, they have felt it unfair that male doctors can properly use their professional titles while they are relegated to “Mrs.” So, they may also, quite properly, use their professional titles.

My mother kept her maiden name. How should my parents’ names read?

One avenue is to discuss with your parents the possibility of their using “Mr. and Mrs. Andrew Jay Forrester” for purposes of the wedding invitation. Another option is to engrave your mother’s name on the first line of the invitation and your father’s name, preceded by “and,” on line two. No titles are used in this format.

My parents are separated. Should they send my invitations together?
Yes. Their names may appear on separate lines with the name of your mother on the first line and your father on the second line. The word “and” is not used to join their names.

Your mother properly uses her married name, which is “Mrs.,” followed by her husband’s name. If she does not want to use “Mrs.,” she can use her first, maiden and last names without a title. This wording, however, is not proper and is therefore less formal. It also requires the dropping of all other titles on the invitation to keep the rest of the invitation uniform.

Your parents may also, when legally separated but not divorced, issue your wedding invitation together as “Mr. and Mrs.”

But CMGragainannakay511 what is proper and customary. Feel free to disagree with her, plenty of people don't take into account all the rules. (I used "children" on my wedding invitation because both sets of parents were hosts, and we will always be our parent's children). But you didn't have to get all snotty. What you posted was awkwardly written, and there are better ways to relay the information.