Ceremony Start Time

themosthappy91

So I'm reading "The Knot Complete Guide To Weddings" chapter on the ceremony right now and I have a question- in their "sample ceremony schedule" they recommend actually starting the ceremony (as in beginning the processional) 40 minutes after the time you put on your invitation, in order to "give everyone plenty of time to take their seats"... this seems crazy to me so I wanted to check with you ladies to see if that's actual proper etiquette.  So like, on my invites it says "half past three in the afternoon" or whatever, but I'm not actually supposed to start until after 4:00?  If I were invited to a 3:30 wedding I would plan to get there at 3:15 to make sure I had time to get seated before the ceremony, in which case if what this book says is true I would actually be arriving about an hour before the ceremony begins which would annoy me... is this really how it works?

Maggie0829

No, you are right, that is crazy and extremely rude to your guests who arrived 15-20 minutes prior to the ceremony so that they didn't miss anything.

Don't take any advice from The Knot website.  It is full of bullshit advice (except for the forums) and rude ideas.

levioosa

That is insane.  I would be so upset if I showed up to a 3:30 wedding and it didn't start until 4:10.  That's just rude.  If people can't be bothered to show up on time, then that's on them.  

Don't ever listen to the Knot for wedding etiquette advice.  They're terrible and just after money.  They will also tell you that your Bridal party should be slaves, and that MOB and MOG need to coordinate clothing.  

themosthappy91

OMG I am so glad I checked with you all because reading that it really did seem like crazy advice, I'm actually laughing at the absurdity of it now... okay but a more reasonable question, for your own weddings did you give ANY buffer (like start at 3:45 when the start time was stated to be 3:30) for people who are inevitably running late or should I really 100% stick to the stated start time on the invitation?

levioosa

themosthappy91 said:

OMG I am so glad I checked with you all because reading that it really did seem like crazy advice, I'm actually laughing at the absurdity of it now... okay but a more reasonable question, for your own weddings did you give ANY buffer (like start at 3:45 when the start time was stated to be 3:30) for people who are inevitably running late or should I really 100% stick to the stated start time on the invitation?

I am a timely person, so barring unforeseen circumstances if there is a start time, that's what time I would start an event.  I would also be at an event as a guest 15-30 minutes before the start time to ensure time to find a seat, use the restroom and park.  

[Deleted User]

Start on time or within 5 minutes. You wait 10 minutes and I'm going to start thinking that somebody got cold feet. Unless Great Aunt Millie is hobbling to her seat when you start to prepare yourself to process, start on the dot.

jynxiie

We are waiting 10 minutes just in case - our venue isn't the easiest to spot while driving by.
But it should really only take 2 minutes for everyone to sit down really.

SachaBee

I've read that the bride should plan to walk down the aisle ~15 minutes after the start date. That accounts for maybe a tiny bit of lag time but also the rest of the processional. 

ScoutF

I started exactly on time. My guests are all adults (or with adults) who are capable of getting to places on time.

Alikat9614

Our ceremony was at 3:00. The mothers/grandmothers were seated at about 2:55 then the BM's came in, and I was heading down the aisle right at 3:00. I was determined to start on time! I *believe* no one came after I entered, but I have no clue because I was completely focused on DH. Don't punish those who are on time! Silly knot...

huskypuppy14

I didn't look at my watch, but we started on time or within 5 minutes of the start time on the invitation. 

I went to a wedding that started 15 minutes after the start time on the invitation and was thinking "when is this starting". 

But, sometimes things happen that make it acceptable to start late: my cousins wedding started an hour late because there was a bad traffic jam due to an accident and most of their guests were coming from that direction. My parents actually thought they missed the wedding it took them so long to get there. (Side note ceremony was at 5:30 on a Friday...) 

But to purposely plan to start late, no don't do it.

luckysnorkel

We were all set to get started exactly on time, but we ended up with a 5ish minute buffer because there were a few semi-VIP guests who were running a couple minutes late.  My mom wanted us to plan on starting 15 minutes late and I shot that right down.

MyNameIsNot

Our start time was 2:00, and our mothers started down the aisle at 2:01.  My FIL showed got there late.  He was escorted to the last pew during the processional, then moved up to his spot during the opening hymn.  (During mass, it wasn't difficult to move him without disrupting the rest of the guests).  

Some of our guests got to the church at 1:30.  I wasn't going to punish them for people who couldn't be bothered to get there on time.  Things happen and people get behind, but don't intentionally leave your guests waiting. 

allispain

I didn't have a watch on, but if we didn't start promptly at 5:00 then we starting at most 2-3 minutes late. We did have two couples shows up a little late, but we had plenty of chairs for everyone so it wasn't a big deal - they just found a spot in the back (the only reason I even know they got there late is because of photos).

sarahufl

Our invite said 3. Musicians started at 2:45. Procession started at 3 on the button.

Don't be late. It is really that simple.

lc07

Agree with PPs. 

Plus, starting late just tells late people that they were right being late. I hate that. "Weddings never start on time! We don't need to be there right at 3:30" UGH! If people would start on time I think that notion would go out the window a lot faster. 

lc07

themosthappy91 said:

So I'm reading "The Knot Complete Guide To Weddings" chapter on the ceremony right now and I have a question- in their "sample ceremony schedule" they recommend actually starting the ceremony (as in beginning the processional) 40 minutes after the time you put on your invitation, in order to "give everyone plenty of time to take their seats"... this seems crazy to me so I wanted to check with you ladies to see if that's actual proper etiquette.  So like, on my invites it says "half past three in the afternoon" or whatever, but I'm not actually supposed to start until after 4:00?  If I were invited to a 3:30 wedding I would plan to get there at 3:15 to make sure I had time to get seated before the ceremony, in which case if what this book says is true I would actually be arriving about an hour before the ceremony begins which would annoy me... is this really how it works?

tcnoble

My FMIL has insisted on more than one occasion that we plan to start late. Ha. The way our ceremony space is set up, guests will enter from behind the altar and we will have two arc suspensions that form an arch with chiffon drapings. The drapings will be tied off for guests to walk through. At exactly 6:15pm, as listed on our invite, the drapings will be closed and there will literally be no way for guests to enter the space. So if people are late, sucks for them. I'm not going to place someone on watch duty and make sure every guest is in attendance in order to start on time. Nope.

kaitlynmichelle

Our ceremony start time said 2, and I walked at 2:04 I think. Only because our parents were excited and took their time sitting down (we only had 12 guests).

I was impatiently waiting at that point! I wasn't going to wait, the one exception being if the rain had started again (it poured all morning) it would have taken me an extra 5 mins to get to our indoor back up location.

Ndelible

We're getting married at a Vegas chapel and must start on time.  I've always detested late weddings.  And swore, we would start at whatever time was stated on the invite.  Yup, that's what we're going to do.  If someone is late - oh well.  Cause I know neither FH or I will be (we have to be at the venue 1 hour before....)

mrscaty

our start time was 4:00. At 3:55 we were waiting on one couple. We called them and they said they were 10 minutes out. So we waited. I wouldn't have waited longer than that because I really really wanted to start on time. However, with 30 people, 2 coming in last minute would have been more of a disruption.

kmmssg

That advice just pisses me off!  Every one of my girls started smack on the dot of the correct time listed on their invitations.  So did I.  Grrrr.

Maggie0829

SachaBee said:

I've read that the bride should plan to walk down the aisle ~15 minutes after the start date. That accounts for maybe a tiny bit of lag time but also the rest of the processional. 

Well then I fucked up because I walked down the aisle about 3 minutes BEFORE the start time listed on invitation.  Shit.  I guess a PPD is in my future so that I can correct my mistake.

And how many freaking people are in your processional and how long is your aisle for it to take 15 minutes before the bride starts walking?

larrygaga

What you can do is have latecomers wait outside until you are all down the isle and starting the ceremony. Then they may quietly take a seat in the back. Your DOC should be stopping late people. 

I think anything up to 15 minutes late is forgivable. I get that it's your wedding day and shit happens. There could be a malfunction with the hair or a VIP isn't ready. I get that and almost expect it. Past 15 minutes is annoying, though. 

thisismynickname2

My sister's wedding was small, roughly 30 people. Everyone was there early so... we started early. How about that?

We started about two minutes past our 6pm start time because it did take awhile for folks to get settled. My BIL, who was usher, felt rather stressed.

My MIL and DH asked if we should intentionally start late and I told them in no uncertain terms, NO. 

melbenso

Reiterate all the "nos" from PP.

DH's family is perpetually late.  Not a few minutes late, but 45 minutes to an hour late to everything.  Our invitation said our wedding started at 4.  Our wedding started at 4.  As an extra precaution, I did mention to my MIL that the ceremony would be starting at 4, and anyone who wasn't there, was just going to miss it. 

I made it very clear to DH (who is among the worst of them when it comes to being on time) that our wedding starting late was completely unacceptable.  Thank god for our DOC!  She described the task of getting him to the alter on time as "herding cats," but we started on time.  She got tipped extra for that. 

ShesSoCold

I didn't have invitations but I wanted some food to be available and the bar to be open before the ceremony. So when I called everyone to invite them, I told them the bar would open at 6:30 and I'd arrive around 6:45. At 6:40, I was waiting in the hallway while my sister made sure everyone was there and sent my dad out. Worked out well.

My brother's ceremony was about a half hour late. On purpose. It was at a orchard in the middle of nowhere and the hotel block was like a half hour away. They had a shuttle and apparently a paint can had spilled all over the interstate and traffic was fucked. Both shuttle buses and like half the the rest of the people were stuck in traffic. We started when both buses and most of the VIPs arrived. 

lovesclimbing

We started maybe a couple minutes late. Right at 2, there were some people walking in, so we waited until they were able to sit and then started going.  I think within 5 minutes, or even 10 I wouldn't side eye, but much more than that, I would be wondering when it was going to start and what the delay was.

APDSS22

I was at a wedding this weekend that was out in the middle of nowhere off of farm roads. (Very Pinterest-y). The way the ceremony was set up, the guests had to walk parallel to the altar, past the family and all the seated guests around through the arch the procession came through to get into any of the available seats.

So, naturally, some guests ran a little late what with getting lost in an area that google can't find. A large group of guests ended up awkwardly standing next to the guest book off to the side through the whole ceremony because the wedding started a good 10 minutes early because the DJ couldn't read the time on his computer properly. The whole thing was a bit of a mess. Putting a fake start date wouldn't have helped, but a DJ who was paying attention would have.

My personal philosophy is to not punish people for being on time or early.  If a wedding starts a couple minutes late (like 5 or 10) that's fine, stuff happens.  There's no need to waste your guests time for 40+ minutes though.