Attire & Accessories Forum

Can I tell my guests what to wear?

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Re: Can I tell my guests what to wear?

  • Alright, I am the most laid back, chilled girl you could ever meet. Heck I even don't mind someone wearing some good looking sneakers with their suit.

    I just would rather not have a pair of blue jeans looking all tacky at my wedding. Is that wrong to ask of my guests? Other than that, I'm truly not picky as to what people are going to wear. I'd like it to be a nice, comfortable and welcoming environment. But still, it's a wedding you know? Like... casual formal.  
    But I would think people would have just plain common sense on what's alright to wear right?
    You can't tell anyone apart from the bridal party what to (or not to) wear. It's not polite. End of story. However, tell me, what's the absolute worst thing that will happen if someone does wear jeans? It will only reflect poorly on that person. And likely most people won't notice or give it a second thought.
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  • Yes, you should give your guests the benefit of the doubt that they will know what is appropriate to wear to a wedding. You can convey the degree of formality by the style of the invitation and the time of day. If some guests don't pick up on that and show up under-dressed, then it's on them. However, it's not appropriate to tell guests what to wear.
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  • Alright, I am the most laid back, chilled girl you could ever meet. Heck I even don't mind someone wearing some good looking sneakers with their suit.

    I just would rather not have a pair of blue jeans looking all tacky at my wedding. Is that wrong to ask of my guests? Other than that, I'm truly not picky as to what people are going to wear. I'd like it to be a nice, comfortable and welcoming environment. But still, it's a wedding you know? Like... casual formal.  
    But I would think people would have just plain common sense on what's alright to wear right?
    Casual formal is literally not a thing that can even exist since the words mean exactly the opposite of each other. 

    You can't dictate your guests attire, no matter how much you don't want people to wear jeans. And I promise you won't even care if someone does. Several people wore jeans to my wedding -- one with a t-shirt, one with a button-down, and one with a button-down & blazer. I gave zero fucks about it on my wedding day. Had you asked me before then, I would've absolutely said "No, I don't want people wearing jeans at my wedding." But it really doesn't matter. 
  • DD has a BIL from her half sister on her dad's side.  BIL wore cargo shorts to the wedding.  He wanted to wear cutoffs but his wife intervened the best she could.  DD's wedding was wonderful, her BIL was a really nice guy and we all had a great time.  It made no difference whatsoever - not EVEN in the formal family photo.

    Please don't worry about this and be happy and grateful for time your guests take to attend your wedding and reception.

  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited October 2014
    Don't even think about what the guests are going to wear. Even if you told them no jeans, some jerk would show up in jeans anyway. You can't control adults or dictate their outfits. Just leave it alone. Most people know exactly what's appropriate to wear to weddings. And as a PP said, if they wear jeans, that only makes themselves look bad. I doubt that one jean-wearing moron will show up in photos, etc, so it won't matter at all. 

    ETA: I think what you mean is "semi formal," not "casual formal." Casual formal isn't a thing. If guests ask about attire, you can tell them "semi formal" but only if they specifically ask because they want to know the level of formality, and only by word of mouth. 
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  • And "causal formal" is not a thing.  There is no way something can be casual but also formal at the same time.  Unless you rock a tuxedo t-shirt...

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    SO casual formal. 
  • My uncle and cousin wore jeans at my wedding. It was so not even a big deal. Stop trying to control the little things and refocus on the important stuff.
  • Some guys, the only thing they might own for dressing up is a pair of black jeans. Honestly I would rather see a guest in a nice pair of jeans with a nice shirt then a female guest wearing a dress that is too short or too low cut where everyone is just waiting for her to expose herself when dancing.  Your guests will be in only photos from the reception and the great thing is that when you get your photos back, you can be just tell the photographer, you can delete that one.
  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    edited October 2014
    I really don't want people wearing jeans, either. I get the impulse, trust me.

    Unfortunately, you can't tell people how to dress without being rude (unless you're the Queen of England, I guess). You just have to make the invites and the event time reflect the formality you're expecting. Usually the kind of person you are worried will wear jeans to a wedding is also super tone deaf about "invitation formality," which is why I understand your concern. Uncle Jim doesn't understand subtle hints! But ultimately, Uncle Jim is gonna wear what Uncle Jim wants to wear, and the only thing that will change if you tell him "no jeans" is that he'll wear the jeans PLUS a chip on his shoulder. It's a lose-lose.

    Furthermore? People are totally right that other people's lack of "appropriate" attire doesn't reflect on you at all. Hell, for all we know the Uncle Jims of this world are the kindest, most fun guy at the whole damn wedding. Fancy clothes don't always signify what someone is like inside, and anyone who judges Jim (or you) about it is kind of a dick, honestly.Having a beer with the guy in jeans is always more fun than clutching pearls at him.
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
  • unless your venue has a strict dress code then you cannot ask them not to wear jeans unless you were planning on having a black tie event 
  • Yeah, sorry, no way to dictate your guests attire without coming off as rude and self-obsessed. I had people in jeans at my wedding and it affected nothing. Let this go and focus on things that matter.
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  • I had two people show up to our wedding in jeans.  One of them was also in a flannel shirt and a ball cap the entire time.  I honestly didn't even notice, until one of my friends pointed it out.  It didn't matter!  We all had a great time, and he was the one who "looked weird" not the whole wedding :)
  • If you care what people wear, even a little bit, you are not the most chill, laid back person everrrr. Not even close.

    No, there is no good way to tell people how to dress because it's rude. I was so busy and happily focused on other stuff on my wedding day that I hardly remember what anyone wore. Just now, I couldn't remember if my mom's dress was blue or purple without looking at a photo. That is how little I gave a shit. That is how little you need to give a shit because that is how little this matters.
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  • jynxiiejynxiie member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    I have had muliple people ask me "is it cool if I wear jeans?"

    I really just have to smile and tell them to wear what they feel comfortable in. I know on the day, I really won't care. The only one I'm a little annoyed about is one is a bridesmaids date - so he'll be sitting at the headtable with us.... Ah well.
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  • jynxiie said:
    I have had muliple people ask me "is it cool if I wear jeans?"

    I really just have to smile and tell them to wear what they feel comfortable in. I know on the day, I really won't care. The only one I'm a little annoyed about is one is a bridesmaids date - so he'll be sitting at the headtable with us.... Ah well.
    It really only reflects poorly on him. 
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  • jynxiie said:
    I have had muliple people ask me "is it cool if I wear jeans?"

    I really just have to smile and tell them to wear what they feel comfortable in. I know on the day, I really won't care. The only one I'm a little annoyed about is one is a bridesmaids date - so he'll be sitting at the headtable with us.... Ah well.
    Well, I'd bet you have a skirting for the head table, so nobody will be able to see his pants behind it anyway. Problem solved!
  • I honestly don't see how so many people think jeans are so bad at weddings.  At my wedding, I had a girl wear dark blue skinnies, a nice blouse and flats.  It was such a cute outfit!  

    Now if it was an acid washed ripped pair, that would be a bit odd.
  • I already know I'm going to have a few family memebers show up in jeans. Because those are their "nice clothes", oh they'll be the nicest jeans they own...some might even iron them, but they'll be in jeans.

    I don't totally love it, but honestly, I'm not even gonna bother to think about it. Pretty sure it won't make my marriage void. 
  • I honestly don't see how so many people think jeans are so bad at weddings.  At my wedding, I had a girl wear dark blue skinnies, a nice blouse and flats.  It was such a cute outfit!  

    Now if it was an acid washed ripped pair, that would be a bit odd.
    People wouldn't have been allowed inside my wedding venue in jeans, so I did care about that.

    Otherwise though... nope, didn't care what people wore. One girl wore white, didn't care. Some men wore khakis while others wore nice suits. There were women in full length lace gowns and women in nice pants. Didn't matter.

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  • Think of it as a memory catcher; something to laugh about later. Especially if that's the persons personality.
    Happiness is an inside job
  • edited October 2014
    Actually it can, Esstee. Pretty much wearing a t-shirt underneath a fitted blazer, that sort of thing. I've seen it many times because I have MANY friends who rock that style.
  • A guest at our wedding wore jeans.  Absolutely nothing happened, except that our wedding went off without a hitch and everyone had a fucking blast!

    Seriously, there is zero point in trying to control something that you literally can't control.  It will only stress you out and make you miserable.

    And "causal formal" is not a thing.  There is no way something can be casual but also formal at the same time.  Unless you rock a tuxedo t-shirt...

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    Omg for the second time people, lol, yes... it is. I see Casual Formal all the time. Google it. 
  • Yeah, sorry, no way to dictate your guests attire without coming off as rude and self-obsessed. I had people in jeans at my wedding and it affected nothing. Let this go and focus on things that matter.
    I don't know why people are thinking that I'm obsessing over this. It was just a question, calm the eff down.
  • I honestly don't see how so many people think jeans are so bad at weddings.  At my wedding, I had a girl wear dark blue skinnies, a nice blouse and flats.  It was such a cute outfit!  

    Now if it was an acid washed ripped pair, that would be a bit odd.
    People wouldn't have been allowed inside my wedding venue in jeans, so I did care about that.

    Otherwise though... nope, didn't care what people wore. One girl wore white, didn't care. Some men wore khakis while others wore nice suits. There were women in full length lace gowns and women in nice pants. Didn't matter.
    Oh, I understand if it's a venue requirement. But it it's not, I don't understand what the problem is.
  • Yeah, sorry, no way to dictate your guests attire without coming off as rude and self-obsessed. I had people in jeans at my wedding and it affected nothing. Let this go and focus on things that matter.
    I don't know why people are thinking that I'm obsessing over this. It was just a question, calm the eff down.
    She didn't say you're CURRENTLY obsessing over this. She said if you try to tell people what to wear, it will look like you're self-obsessed, which is a valid point. 

    Look, you can see people calling things "casual formal" all the livelong day, but it doesn't make it a real thing. It's an oxymoron. What you're talking about is probably "dressy casual" or, maybe if it's a step up from that, "business casual." But there is no such thing as casual formal. 
  • ca·su·al
    ˈkaZHo͞oəl/
    adjective
    1. 1.
      relaxed and unconcerned.
      "she regarded his affairs with a casual indulgence"
      synonyms:relaxedfriendlyinformalunceremoniouseasygoing, free and easy;
      informallaid-back


    for·mal
    ˈfôrməl
    adjective
    1. 1.
      done in accordance with rules of convention or etiquette; suitable for or constituting an official or important situation or occasion.
      "a formal dinner party"
      synonyms:ceremonialceremonious, ritualistic, ritualconventionaltraditional;

    They are opposites.

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  • People who are going to wear jeans will wear them regardless of what you put on the invitation. We have a jeans and dingy t-shirt wearer in our circle. He wore jeans and a denim button up to my wedding and to a black tie red-carpet themed family party. He clearly has no idea what is and is not appropriate attire, and no amount of cajoling is going to get him to dress differently. He thinks probably thinks his denim get up is "casual formal" (these jeans barely have any paint on them and this denim shirt has a collar - perfect!).

     Don't let other people's clothes get in the way of your good time.
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  • A guest at our wedding wore jeans.  Absolutely nothing happened, except that our wedding went off without a hitch and everyone had a fucking blast!

    Seriously, there is zero point in trying to control something that you literally can't control.  It will only stress you out and make you miserable.

    And "causal formal" is not a thing.  There is no way something can be casual but also formal at the same time.  Unless you rock a tuxedo t-shirt...

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    Omg for the second time people, lol, yes... it is. I see Casual Formal all the time. Google it. 
    I'm too lazy to Google it so why don't you just enlighten me since apparently you know the definition of it.

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