Chit Chat

DH cancer scare! :/

edited October 2014 in Chit Chat

Okay, I'm crazy worried today and just need to get this off my chest. And I know that you awesome ladies are great listeners.

 

DH had pretty advanced colon cancer about 12 years ago (like, they gave him about 5-10% chance of survival). He had to go to 3 doctors before he finally found one that was willing to try a risky surgery so he didn't end up on colostomy bag for the rest of his life. He was only in his 20's. He got through surgery, radiation, and chemo, went to his checkups for about 2 years, everything was successful and showed clear of cancer... and hadn't been to a doctor since. Before our wedding over the summer, I did make DH go to doctor for a basic check up. They said he seemed very healthy, but he wouldn't allow them to do any blood work or tests. He's always said that if the cancer were to come back, he'd rather not know than have to go through chemo again. Especially since they've already removed as much of his colon as they could, so his options would be very limited. And he didn't want to do any tests before the wedding on the off chance that there was something and he didn't want to ruin our happy wedding. I can understand not wanting to overshadow that, but I'd also rather have him alive. But, he's been healthy and no reason to worry, so whatever.

 

A couple weeks ago he mentioned some new treatment options that he's heard about, "if" his cancer ever did come back. Then yesterday he casually mentioned that he thinks he should go to doctor for a cancer screening. He's lately had some minor symptoms that he had the first time he had cancer. Nothing major that couldn't be explained by other stuff... increased skin problems and easier bruising... but the combination has him a bit worried. I'm glad that he's looking to go to doctor, instead of just ignoring it, and would be willing to look into treatment options. Normally he just blows that type of stuff off, like a typical guy, so the fact that he's saying he needs to go to doctor and has been looking at treatment options really scares me now. I suspect he's been having symptoms since before the wedding, since he was so against getting tested then. And it also makes me worry if he's having more severe symptoms that he's not telling me about. I hope to God that there's nothing to worry about, but people tend to know their bodies. And he usually downplays everything, especially medical stuff, so if he's worried enough to go to doctor, or even tell me anything, it scares me that there's likely something going on.

 

So, I'm scared now... and trying not to let him know I'm scared. And trying not to actually be scared, because I don't want that fear to affect my life until I know if there is actually something to be afraid of. And praying like crazy that there's nothing to be scared of or worry about. And I'm trying to prepare myself for some possible rough times ahead, if there is something going on. And I just needed to rant and get all this out of my brain. And I can't talk to anyone I know IRL because I don't want to worry them until we know for sure. I know there are many ladies here who have dealt with this evil disease (or other evil diseases) and the fear it can bring, either for themselves or others they love, so I know some of you can understand. So, thanks for listening.

 

(Edited because it ate my paragraphs)

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Re: DH cancer scare! :/

  • I am sorry you're going through something so frightening. You and your H are in my thoughts, and I hope all is well and his tests come back negative.
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
  • nicoann said:

    Okay, I'm crazy worried today and just need to get this off my chest. And I know that you awesome ladies are great listeners.

     

    DH had pretty advanced colon cancer about 12 years ago (like, they gave him about 5-10% chance of survival). He had to go to 3 doctors before he finally found one that was willing to try a risky surgery so he didn't end up on colostomy bag for the rest of his life. He was only in his 20's. He got through surgery, radiation, and chemo, went to his checkups for about 2 years, everything was successful and showed clear of cancer... and hadn't been to a doctor since. Before our wedding over the summer, I did make DH go to doctor for a basic check up. They said he seemed very healthy, but he wouldn't allow them to do any blood work or tests. He's always said that if the cancer were to come back, he'd rather not know than have to go through chemo again. Especially since they've already removed as much of his colon as they could, so his options would be very limited. And he didn't want to do any tests before the wedding on the off chance that there was something and he didn't want to ruin our happy wedding. I can understand not wanting to overshadow that, but I'd also rather have him alive. But, he's been healthy and no reason to worry, so whatever.

     

    A couple weeks ago he mentioned some new treatment options that he's heard about, "if" his cancer ever did come back. Then yesterday he casually mentioned that he thinks he should go to doctor for a cancer screening. He's lately had some minor symptoms that he had the first time he had cancer. Nothing major that couldn't be explained by other stuff... increased skin problems and easier bruising... but the combination has him a bit worried. I'm glad that he's looking to go to doctor, instead of just ignoring it, and would be willing to look into treatment options. Normally he just blows that type of stuff off, like a typical guy, so the fact that he's saying he needs to go to doctor and has been looking at treatment options really scares me now. I suspect he's been having symptoms since before the wedding, since he was so against getting tested then. And it also makes me worry if he's having more severe symptoms that he's not telling me about. I hope to God that there's nothing to worry about, but people tend to know their bodies. And he usually downplays everything, especially medical stuff, so if he's worried enough to go to doctor, or even tell me anything, it scares me that there's likely something going on.

     

    So, I'm scared now... and trying not to let him know I'm scared. And trying not to actually be scared, because I don't want that fear to affect my life until I know if there is actually something to be afraid of. And praying like crazy that there's nothing to be scared of or worry about. And I'm trying to prepare myself for some possible rough times ahead, if there is something going on. And I just needed to rant and get all this out of my brain. And I can't talk to anyone I know IRL because I don't want to worry them until we know for sure. I know there are many ladies here who have dealt with this evil disease (or other evil diseases) and the fear it can bring, either for themselves or others they love, so I know some of you can understand. So, thanks for listening.

     

    (Edited because it ate my paragraphs)

    Let it all out, take some deep breaths, and then chill out, girlie. He's taking the initiative to go to the doctor, and that's a good step! I know how hard it is to not stress about this, but the best thing you can do now is try to calm down. He could go in, have the bloodwork done, and everything could come back normal! And if it doesn't, that's a bridge to cross if you get there. 

    Keep in mind that stress can cause a lot of physical symptoms, so if he was feeling off before the wedding, it could have been stress-related. Only tests will tell if there's something serious to be concerned about. 

    Sending mega positive vibes your way. 
  • Oh gosh that would be terrifying. Hang in there! Prayers and good vibes that it's something minor like needing more iron or something. 

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  • The unknown is terrifying.  I'm so glad he's going in to get things checked out.  You sound so supportive.  He needs that right now.  

    Sending positive vibes your way.  Like you were saying, there's new treatments available as well.  I hope he gets that clean bill of health we're all rooting for.

    Cancer can screw itself.
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  • Sending all positive thoughts your way.  I hope that he goes in and that all the tests come back negative so that you guys can breath a little easier.  

    Not knowing is always the scariest part.  Sending lots of HUGS your way.   

                                               

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  • So sorry you are going through this. I can completely relate to how your DH handled this. It's very scary. I hope everything comes out negative and he can continue to live a happy and healthy life!

     







  • I think that it is harder to be the loved one of a person who is at risk, than it is to be the cancer survivor.  My DH is tied up in knots about me.  He keeps looking at the internet to try and find answers, and sometimes there just aren't any.
    It's OK for you to feel frightened.  This is normal.  Wait until you are a mother.  The possibility of bad things happening to your child is mind boggling, and the media does nothing to calm our fears.
    You have to be a brave person to get through this life.  Thoughts and prayers.
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  • Sorry to hear. Sending you good vibes and hope it turns out to be "just" a scare and nothing more. Hang in there.
  • I can't imagine having someone so dear to me be facing something so scary. Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way! I hope your nerves are calmed until the test results are returned, hopeful with positive answers!
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  • Thinking of you both!
  • Thanks for the support everyone. 

    Oh, another thing to add to his list of "driving me crazy & making me suspect he knows more than he's letting on", about a week ago we were in the car and he started up the "if I die, I want you to move on and not be alone forever" conversation. Yeah, it's a good conversation to have at some point, but it takes on a new meaning when added to his thinking he needs a cancer screening now. 

    And he also HATES when people overreact and think the worst about a situation, especially with medical stuff. It seriously drives him crazy. So, it's hard for me to think he'd even mention cancer unless he had more reason to suspect it besides some minor symptoms. I think that's the part that bothers me most... he wouldn't mention possible cancer to me unless he had a very good reason to think something was going on.

    Now, I just need to make him follow through and go to the doctor... soon. And not overthink it until we know more. And if it does turn out to be bad, I need to not let him drop into thinking that cancer = death sentence, because he has made it very clear in the past that he thinks he wouldn't survive it again. But, thank you everyone for letting me vent it out. It really does help to put my thoughts out there.

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  • Thinking of you and H, prayers for you. Stay strong.
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  • Thinking of you and H.  Hopefully he will get good news from the doctor.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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