Okay, I'm crazy worried today and just need to get this off my chest. And I know that you awesome ladies are great listeners.
DH had pretty advanced colon cancer about 12 years ago (like, they gave him about 5-10% chance of survival). He had to go to 3 doctors before he finally found one that was willing to try a risky surgery so he didn't end up on colostomy bag for the rest of his life. He was only in his 20's. He got through surgery, radiation, and chemo, went to his checkups for about 2 years, everything was successful and showed clear of cancer... and hadn't been to a doctor since. Before our wedding over the summer, I did make DH go to doctor for a basic check up. They said he seemed very healthy, but he wouldn't allow them to do any blood work or tests. He's always said that if the cancer were to come back, he'd rather not know than have to go through chemo again. Especially since they've already removed as much of his colon as they could, so his options would be very limited. And he didn't want to do any tests before the wedding on the off chance that there was something and he didn't want to ruin our happy wedding. I can understand not wanting to overshadow that, but I'd also rather have him alive. But, he's been healthy and no reason to worry, so whatever.
A couple weeks ago he mentioned some new treatment options that he's heard about, "if" his cancer ever did come back. Then yesterday he casually mentioned that he thinks he should go to doctor for a cancer screening. He's lately had some minor symptoms that he had the first time he had cancer. Nothing major that couldn't be explained by other stuff... increased skin problems and easier bruising... but the combination has him a bit worried. I'm glad that he's looking to go to doctor, instead of just ignoring it, and would be willing to look into treatment options. Normally he just blows that type of stuff off, like a typical guy, so the fact that he's saying he needs to go to doctor and has been looking at treatment options really scares me now. I suspect he's been having symptoms since before the wedding, since he was so against getting tested then. And it also makes me worry if he's having more severe symptoms that he's not telling me about. I hope to God that there's nothing to worry about, but people tend to know their bodies. And he usually downplays everything, especially medical stuff, so if he's worried enough to go to doctor, or even tell me anything, it scares me that there's likely something going on.
So, I'm scared now... and trying not to let him know I'm scared. And trying not to actually be scared, because I don't want that fear to affect my life until I know if there is actually something to be afraid of. And praying like crazy that there's nothing to be scared of or worry about. And I'm trying to prepare myself for some possible rough times ahead, if there is something going on. And I just needed to rant and get all this out of my brain. And I can't talk to anyone I know IRL because I don't want to worry them until we know for sure. I know there are many ladies here who have dealt with this evil disease (or other evil diseases) and the fear it can bring, either for themselves or others they love, so I know some of you can understand. So, thanks for listening.
(Edited because it ate my paragraphs)