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Vow Renewals

Vow renewal

My DH and I will be renewing our vows on 3-12-16 in Las Vagas with close friends and family. I am happy to see that there is finally a board here for those of us who choose to renew our vows. Too often I see vow renewal posts on other boards and people are basically bashing vow renewals. I am sure that we all know that having a vow renewal is NOT a wedding. I was married in 2004 at the courthouse and don't regret a minute of it. In my eyes, after 10+ years of military married years, 2 kids, 4 state moves, and three deployments; I can and will celebrate in any way I want. The vows I said to my husband in that courthouse in 2004 are still very true and we live them everyday. If I want to celebrate that while wearing a big poofy dress (I'm not) in my vow renewal, then I will. I find nothing wrong with having your vow renewal as basic or over the top as you want. I just think that people should generally be happy for others instead of being so critical of things. With that said, congratulation to all the brides that are renewing wedding vows. I hope this board goes far, and remember let's all be supportive of each other.

Re: Vow renewal

  • Hi Laura! :)

    I agree with you. I was on TK several years ago when I planned my wedding and it can be truly helpful (which is why I returned!) but I will say that, in GENERAL, I forgot how much judging, and even bashing, occurs on internet message boards.  I see it all a bit differently now. ;) You can get great advice and tips but sometimes people here won't "get" the things your spouse, family and friends would and that is what matters.

    I am glad this board is here and hope it takes off! I am excited about our plans and while we have never forgotten our vows from our wedding day, there is something special about taking a step back and stopping to reaffirm those promises and celebrate your growth as a couple and your continued commitment to your marriage.

    Happy planning to you!

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I don't think any posters on these boards will bash a true vow renewal.  What posters on here will bash are people who have been married (possibly secretively) and then saying they are having their "real" wedding.  In whatever way you say your vows that made you H&W, that is your real wedding.  It doesn't matter if its in a courthouse, park, church, reception venue, etc.  It's especially disheartening when people refer to marriage as just "signing the paperwork", because so many same sex couples cannot legally "sign the paperwork" to recognize a marriage.  Thankfully that is changing at least!
  • @OliveOilsMom Great points. I DO get where the real trouble lies.

    Still, there are some aspects of vow renewals that are criticized. Take wearing a bridal gown... FWIW, personally I am wearing a cocktail dress but a lot of women wear wedding dresses for renewal ceremonies in what I feel are typically acceptable circumstances.  Maybe I shouldn't refer to a tv show (lol) but for example's sake: I see women on SYTTD buying traditional wedding dresses for renewals with moms/sisters/BFFS that are thrilled for them and think they deserve the dress and everything they are planning. Definitely NOT saying that the dress should be the REASON to renew but saying that the wife is not being judged for wearing it by those close to her.

    I kind of feel like some of those same women could post here and while some would understand, they might also hear things like, "You aren't a bride. That ship has sailed. You already had your wedding. You can't have a re-do." etc etc etc. So that's basically what I meant when I said that those close to you will understand better. Usually. Now if you're really just out of control and ridiculous I am sure you get the side eye IRL also. LOL

  • Thank you for this post! I always have so many questions and my husband and I had a private wedding with our pastor (our parents weren't even involved). So, I am going over the top for the vow renewal, I will be wearing a gown, but the main part will be the celebration (the ceremony will not be as long as a wedding ceremony) but I do want to renew my vows and my husband wants me in the gown he never saw, and so do I! :)
  • Where in Vegas are you going to be doing your vow renewal?  My husband and I are from Vegas, and I'm looking at possible places.  I had wanted to do Mt. Charleston, but we were originally married in March, and while temps are normal in town around that time, Mt Charleston is down right chilly!
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I'm in the camp that doesn't care what you do for your renewal as long as you don't get married in secret, keep it a secret from everyone, and then pretend the renewal is your "real/actual wedding." I used to care, but over the last year, I've had a change of heart about it. I do question people who get married at the courthouse or wherever and then have a do-over/renewal just a few months later, though.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • You'll see two types of vow renewals on here. The. First type are those couples who have been married for 5+ years, everyone knows they are married, they acknowledge their actual wedding is when they were legally married, and they just want to celebrate a milestone anniversary or milestone in their relationships. These vow renewal couples do not think the vow renewal is a wedding and they do not consider themselves "bride" or "groom." Most posters on TK are supportive of these plans and wish these couples the best of luck in their planning.

    The second type of vow renewal is those couples who proclaim "we're finally having our real wedding!" they were most likely married 1-2 years ago, may not have even told anyone that they were legally married, and that wedding was most likely in a courthouse and rushed because of insurance or immigration concerns. These couples do not think the signed papers count as having a wedding and so they call themselves "bride" and "groom" and plan the typical pre-wedding parties (shower, Bach party) as if they are unwed. In fact, when you explain to these couples that they are having a vow renewal and not a wedding, they get defensive and proclaim they are in fact having a wedding because the courthouse and lack of guests didn't make anything real. You'll also see some people in this group who could not afford a larger wedding, but have since saved some money to throw a re-do wedding so they can be the center of attention with a poofy white dress, a DJ, and special spotlight dances. These "Pretty Princess Day" will not be satisfied with just being married until they have that large, expensive party.

    The worst ones in the second group are those who got legally married and purposely do not tell anyone in their circle. They then announce a wedding date, plan all of the trappings of a wedding, while all of the guests are kept in the dark about their existing marriage. Guests will often spend a lot of money on gifts, travel plans, etc thinking they are witnessing a legally binding wedding, when it's just a husband and wife (or wife/wife, husband/husband) standing up before everyone pretending to be married for show.


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