social media is making me not want kids..

steph861

banana468 said:

When I day that my marriage is first that doesn't mean that the needs of my children are second. It DOES mean that the 3 yo doesn't get to sleep in our bed or stay up late because that's special time my husband and I have together. And of course shoes and clothing for the kids come before a romantic dinner out. BUT, a video game may take second place to it. It's all about balance and appropriate priorities. In 20 years DD should be out on her own. I need to make my marriage the thing that shows my children what a stable loving relationship looks like or she will turn into a special snowflake who thinks that a marriage is about a wedding dress and being queen for the day. There is a large amount of importance in choosing a life partner.

When you put it like that, yes, I completely, 100% agree. I think earlier disagreements in the thread may centre on semantics. It's about wants versus needs. And sometimes what a child needs is the opposite of what they want (e.g., staying up late versus getting enough sleep).

I define the needs of a child fairly narrowly: food, basic clothes, shelter, healthcare, and intangibles like love/emotional support, security, good role models, etc. For me, these needs will come first, but I don't think it has to be zero-sum when it comes to meeting the needs of children and a spouse. I think it's completely possible to meet these basic needs as well as a partner's need for love/emotional support, respect and equality. I expect that the circumstances in which I'd have to choose between the needs of my children and my spouse would be very, very rare.

bethsmiles

Sugargirl1019 said:

I just read this article found on fb. Thoughts? "A letter to my friends without kids" http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5823776?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents&utm_content=buffer4d6d6&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Having experienced this with most of my friends who had kids, I get it they are busy and I understand everything this article is saying. BUT you can't put relationships on pause and just expect it to be exactly the same when you decide to un-pause. I have things going on in my life, my life isn't on pause. I'm doing things, growing, changing, and if you aren't there during that there's a chance that when you have time to un-pause our relationship I've moved on and I don't think I should be faulted or made out to be a bad friend for that. For some people that pause period is years! 

It's not like I hate my friends who have kids, I still care but we aren't as close. I've made new friends who share my interests and have similar hobbies. I just don't think having a kid is a get of out jail free card. Friendship is always a two-way street.

[Deleted User]

CrazyCatLady3

I presume you all have found the STFU Parents blog?  (no offense to any mommas out there, this is just making fun of the annoying ones).

 

http://www.stfuparentsblog.com/

KatWAG

@sugargirl1019 that article made me stabby. You cannot pause a friendship just becasue you had a kid. The world doesnt stop turning because someone decided to procreate. This article is basically saying well,  I had a kid so everything that I have going on is more important and I cant focus on anything else. But its not my fault because, I had a baby!

Parents like this are the reason we have As for effort and trophies for participation.

Signed,

The mother of an infant.

Maggie0829

bethsmiles said:

Sugargirl1019 said:

I just read this article found on fb. Thoughts? "A letter to my friends without kids" http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5823776?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents&utm_content=buffer4d6d6&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Having experienced this with most of my friends who had kids, I get it they are busy and I understand everything this article is saying. BUT you can't put relationships on pause and just expect it to be exactly the same when you decide to un-pause. I have things going on in my life, my life isn't on pause. I'm doing things, growing, changing, and if you aren't there during that there's a chance that when you have time to un-pause our relationship I've moved on and I don't think I should be faulted or made out to be a bad friend for that. For some people that pause period is years! 

It's not like I hate my friends who have kids, I still care but we aren't as close. I've made new friends who share my interests and have similar hobbies. I just don't think having a kid is a get of out jail free card. Friendship is always a two-way street.

So much this.

KatWAG

And I am sorry but a baby gender announcement party? Why are you celebrating baby genitalia?

/ end rant

banana468

steph861 said:

banana468 said:

When I day that my marriage is first that doesn't mean that the needs of my children are second. It DOES mean that the 3 yo doesn't get to sleep in our bed or stay up late because that's special time my husband and I have together. And of course shoes and clothing for the kids come before a romantic dinner out. BUT, a video game may take second place to it.

It's all about balance and appropriate priorities. In 20 years DD should be out on her own. I need to make my marriage the thing that shows my children what a stable loving relationship looks like or she will turn into a special snowflake who thinks that a marriage is about a wedding dress and being queen for the day. There is a large amount of importance in choosing a life partner.

When you put it like that, yes, I completely, 100% agree. I think earlier disagreements in the thread may centre on semantics. It's about wants versus needs. And sometimes what a child needs is the opposite of what they want (e.g., staying up late versus getting enough sleep).

I define the needs of a child fairly narrowly: food, basic clothes, shelter, healthcare, and intangibles like love/emotional support, security, good role models, etc. For me, these needs will come first, but I don't think it has to be zero-sum when it comes to meeting the needs of children and a spouse. I think it's completely possible to meet these basic needs as well as a partner's need for love/emotional support, respect and equality. I expect that the circumstances in which I'd have to choose between the needs of my children and my spouse would be very, very rare.

I agree. But I've seen parents live for their kids. They give up any and all spare time for sporting events and put the kids first without doing anything as a couple. That's a potential problem.

steph861

banana468 said:

banana468 said:

When I day that my marriage is first that doesn't mean that the needs of my children are second. It DOES mean that the 3 yo doesn't get to sleep in our bed or stay up late because that's special time my husband and I have together. And of course shoes and clothing for the kids come before a romantic dinner out. BUT, a video game may take second place to it. It's all about balance and appropriate priorities. In 20 years DD should be out on her own. I need to make my marriage the thing that shows my children what a stable loving relationship looks like or she will turn into a special snowflake who thinks that a marriage is about a wedding dress and being queen for the day. There is a large amount of importance in choosing a life partner.

When you put it like that, yes, I completely, 100% agree. I think earlier disagreements in the thread may centre on semantics. It's about wants versus needs. And sometimes what a child needs is the opposite of what they want (e.g., staying up late versus getting enough sleep).

I define the needs of a child fairly narrowly: food, basic clothes, shelter, healthcare, and intangibles like love/emotional support, security, good role models, etc. For me, these needs will come first, but I don't think it has to be zero-sum when it comes to meeting the needs of children and a spouse. I think it's completely possible to meet these basic needs as well as a partner's need for love/emotional support, respect and equality. I expect that the circumstances in which I'd have to choose between the needs of my children and my spouse would be very, very rare.

I agree. But I've seen parents live for their kids. They give up any and all spare time for sporting events and put the kids first without doing anything as a couple. That's a potential problem.

Yes, that would definitely be a problem and not something I want to do.

Sugargirl1019

KatWAG said:

@sugargirl1019 that article made me stabby. You cannot pause a friendship just becasue you had a kid. The world doesnt stop turning because someone decided to procreate. This article is basically saying well,  I had a kid so everything that I have going on is more important and I cant focus on anything else. But its not my fault because, I had a baby!

Parents like this are the reason we have As for effort and trophies for participation.

Signed,

The mother of an infant.

I feel similarly. If this is your best friend, you should not care that your house is dirty or that your toddler only has pants on or even that baby needs to eat during this time you could come over.

And I also don't know why you become a below average listener and start day dreaming about your baby. No, it's just rude behavior and you suck at life.

[Deleted User]

flantastic

pinkrevenge said:

KatWAG said:

And I am sorry but a baby gender announcement party? Why are you celebrating baby genitalia?

/ end rant

I'm glad someone else hates these, because they suck. I don't care. I doooooooooooooooon't caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare what your baby will pee out of. I am not attending a party for that shit. It's text-message info, facebook post at best. That's how low-level interesting it is for anyone who will not have to wipe it's ass.

TRUE. This is another situation where people think that they're much more popular and important than they are.

WinstonsGirl

I've never been to a gender reveal party, but if I get to eat cupcakes out of it, I'm happy to go. 

[Deleted User]

holyguacamole79

flantastic said:

pinkrevenge said:

KatWAG said:

And I am sorry but a baby gender announcement party? Why are you celebrating baby genitalia?

/ end rant

I'm glad someone else hates these, because they suck. I don't care. I doooooooooooooooon't caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare what your baby will pee out of. I am not attending a party for that shit. It's text-message info, facebook post at best. That's how low-level interesting it is for anyone who will not have to wipe it's ass.

TRUE. This is another situation where people think that they're much more popular and important than they are.

I've been to one.  It had damn good cake. 

sarahufl

WinstonsGirl said:

I've never been to a gender reveal party, but if I get to eat cupcakes out of it, I'm happy to go. 

I went to one. They had blue ice cream cake. We had fun, but I think they are super-AWish. I also don't want to find out when we have kids, so I think finding out in advance is silly anyway.

sophhabobopha

I really want kids, but everyday I'm smacked in the face with annoying parents (daycare). I got bitched at the other day for not letting little Suzy play with her special toy from home during nap time. Sorry mom, fuck off. That will not be me!

banana468

flantastic said:

pinkrevenge said:

KatWAG said:

And I am sorry but a baby gender announcement party? Why are you celebrating baby genitalia?

/ end rant

I'm glad someone else hates these, because they suck. I don't care. I doooooooooooooooon't caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare what your baby will pee out of. I am not attending a party for that shit. It's text-message info, facebook post at best. That's how low-level interesting it is for anyone who will not have to wipe it's ass.

TRUE. This is another situation where people think that they're much more popular and important than they are.

I think a lot of this stems from people being the center of attention so much that they invent the need to throw another party. The bridal shower, wedding, and baby shower needed a new event!

SBmini

I saw something that I thought was a really good idea and I think I'll do this. Someone created a baby group on Facebook. If you wanted to see pictures of their kids- you got put in the group. Then mom shared baby photos only with that group. So for the rest of their friends- nothing changed. 

levioosa

sarahbear31 said:

flantastic said:

pinkrevenge said:

KatWAG said:

And I am sorry but a baby gender announcement party? Why are you celebrating baby genitalia?

/ end rant

I'm glad someone else hates these, because they suck. I don't care. I doooooooooooooooon't caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare what your baby will pee out of. I am not attending a party for that shit. It's text-message info, facebook post at best. That's how low-level interesting it is for anyone who will not have to wipe it's ass.

TRUE. This is another situation where people think that they're much more popular and important than they are.

I've been to one.  It had damn good cake. 

My cousin was having twins.  Our family was excited to have a get together and find out what they would be.  They had a two layer cake with blue and pink.  It wasn't too bad (mostly because it wasn't AWish on their part, it was everyone else who wanted to know.  My cousin is like the opposite of an AW).  Also, my other cousin is a fantastic cook, so.....CAKE.  

Sugargirl1019

I never knew gender reveal parties to be a gift giving event - it was the couple hosting their loved ones so everyone finds out the gender together. No gifts, just family/friend time.

WinstonsGirl

sarahufl said:

WinstonsGirl said:

I've never been to a gender reveal party, but if I get to eat cupcakes out of it, I'm happy to go. 

I went to one. They had blue ice cream cake. We had fun, but I think they are super-AWish. I also don't want to find out when we have kids, so I think finding out in advance is silly anyway.

I really don't care what gender people are having,  I just need no excuses to eat cake.  I'd probably hate a gender reveal party otherwise.  If we ever get accidentally knocked up, I wouldn't want to know either

KatWAG

WinstonsGirl said:

I've never been to a gender reveal party, but if I get to eat cupcakes out of it, I'm happy to go. 

Nope, I am going to need a whole cake. to myself if you want me to get excited about a tiny penis