You just got the ring (vent)

princessofgenovia

So my best friend is getting married in December. Oh yay good for her! I'm gonna be a MOH, really? Oh that's great yes of course I'll do it! All of this was decided months ago.

Now I get a FB message from the bride's mom about how many people RSVP'd yes...many more then they expected. So she wanted me to know, they're having to institute a "no ring, no bring" policy (dumbest shit ever), and since I only recently "got the ring", she wants to know if I could just leave FI at home. 

Dafuq you say? So I text my best friend (the girl getting married) to ask her if her mother has lost her damn mind. Seriously, was there some recent head trauma? Should be we going to the hospital? And my best friend says "Well, I know it's technically not right, but well...can you just go along with it? To not make waves?" I want to point out last year she was in a friend's wedding and didn't get a plus one. Two weeks after the invites went out her now FI became her boyfriend and she called up to demand he being invited to as they were social unit. Her friend said of course she could bring him and made no big deal over it. But now I can't bring the guy I'm engaged too? And not only that, we've been together for over two fucking years! It's not like some dude I just met and decided "Oh hey I'll marry this dude". 

Unfortunately, my mother raised me with a spine and I let BFF know that, no I was not leaving my FI at home and I'd be very hurt if he wasn't invited. And then I messaged her mother back and said "We're a social unit, of course he will be attending". I'm not the only one, one of the other maids was told her boyfriend wasn't invited because they're just dating. She has no spine and went along with it. 

bethsmiles

You are awesome! More people should be called out on their rudeness. Wow...I can't imagine being so horrible like that to anyone, much less my best friend!

gladyscf

"No ring, No Bring" What the hell is that!?

plainjane0415

I would have given her mom a good "hahahahaha! No."  via FB message.

princessofgenovia

msstaticfancypants said:

"No ring, No Bring" What the hell is that!?

It's a lovely way of saying if you ain't married or engaged, you're coming solo because your relationship is less important then someone who is married or engaged.

Though I always thought most marriage and engagements start with ya know...dating.

mschristie123

Disgusting.

sarahufl

Good for you- that is ridiculous. I can't fathom not inviting SOs but going so far as to set a time limit? That is insane!

princessofgenovia

This wedding has seriously made the MOB go completely insane. She had a melt down because they weren't doing inner and outer envelopes on the invites because they couldn't afford them. I was there for it, it was bad. Really bad. I've never seen a grown woman loose her shit over envelopes.

sarawifenow

That is absolute BS! I am so glad that you stood up for yourself and your FI.

esstee33

princessofgenovia said:So my best friend is getting married in December. Oh yay good for her! I'm gonna be a MOH, really? Oh that's great yes of course I'll do it! All of this was decided months ago.

Now I get a FB message from the bride's mom about how many people RSVP'd yes...many more then they expected. So she wanted me to know, they're having to institute a "no ring, no bring" policy (dumbest shit ever), and since I only recently "got the ring", she wants to know if I could just leave FI at home. 

Dafuq you say? So I text my best friend (the girl getting married) to ask her if her mother has lost her damn mind. Seriously, was there some recent head trauma? Should be we going to the hospital? And my best friend says "Well, I know it's technically not right, but well...can you just go along with it? To not make waves?" I want to point out last year she was in a friend's wedding and didn't get a plus one. Two weeks after the invites went out her now FI became her boyfriend and she called up to demand he being invited to as they were social unit. Her friend said of course she could bring him and made no big deal over it. But now I can't bring the guy I'm engaged too? And not only that, we've been together for over two fucking years! It's not like some dude I just met and decided "Oh hey I'll marry this dude". 

Unfortunately, my mother raised me with a spine and I let BFF know that, no I was not leaving my FI at home and I'd be very hurt if he wasn't invited. And then I messaged her mother back and said "We're a social unit, of course he will be attending". I'm not the only one, one of the other maids was told her boyfriend wasn't invited because they're just dating. She has no spine and went along with it. 

Oh hellllllll no. Good on you for telling her that's bullshit. 

AprilH81

So even though you have a ring you still can't bring FI?  

That is even more rude than the already rude as hell rule...

gladyscf

princessofgenovia said:

msstaticfancypants said:

"No ring, No Bring" What the hell is that!?

It's a lovely way of saying if you ain't married or engaged, you're coming solo because your relationship is less important then someone who is married or engaged.

Though I always thought most marriage and engagements start with ya know...dating.

This is what Jack and I have to say about that:

penguin44

Wow. I can't believe she's uninviting people! I'm glad you stood up for yourself. That's crazy!

JaxInBlue

Yeah.  That's not right.  Not in the least.  Why do people think this is a good rule? 

There was just major family drama about an upcoming wedding. Cousin 1 is holding a mega-wedding, has way over-invited, and has now said that Cousin 2 can't bring his SO, even though Cousin 2 and GF have been together since my wedding. I want badly to point out that "no ring, no bring" would have meant that Cousin 1's FI wouldn't have been included in several family weddings, including my own, but right now I'm enjoying the passive aggressive fighting too much (and clearly that would be inappropriate of me). We've reached the stage where family of Cousin 2 is threatening not to come en masse while family of Cousin 1 is planning not to ever attend Cousin 2's wedding to GF (only theoretical at this point). I wish badly I could go to this wedding, but, alas, I don't want to use the vacation time before the holidays.

princessofgenovia

AprilH81 said:

So even though you have a ring you still can't bring FI?  

That is even more rude than the already rude as hell rule...

Right?! 

She even tried to say because I wasn't supposed to have the ring yet...I should be ok with leaving him at home. He was going to wait to propose at on my birthday at the end of this month but then decided he couldn't wait any longer and popped the question on Labor day weekend, which I thought was super cute and sweet (he got the ring just before I graduated this may, so it was a long time to hang onto his plan). 

I swear she was once a totally sane rational woman. I remember her being sane. 

princessofgenovia

JaxInBlue said:

Yeah.  That's not right.  Not in the least.  Why do people think this is a good rule? 

There was just major family drama about an upcoming wedding. Cousin 1 is holding a mega-wedding, has way over-invited, and has now said that Cousin 2 can't bring his SO, even though Cousin 2 and GF have been together since my wedding. I want badly to point out that "no ring, no bring" would have meant that Cousin 1's FI wouldn't have been included in several family weddings, including my own, but right now I'm enjoying the passive aggressive fighting too much (and clearly that would be inappropriate of me). We've reached the stage where family of Cousin 2 is threatening not to come en masse while family of Cousin 1 is planning not to ever attend Cousin 2's wedding to GF (only theoretical at this point). I wish badly I could go to this wedding, but, alas, I don't want to use the vacation time before the holidays.

I would totally just be sitting back basking the drama that does not directly invovle me.

esstee33

princessofgenovia said:

AprilH81 said:

So even though you have a ring you still can't bring FI?  

That is even more rude than the already rude as hell rule...

Right?! 

She even tried to say because I wasn't supposed to have the ring yet...I should be ok with leaving him at home. He was going to wait to propose at on my birthday at the end of this month but then decided he couldn't wait any longer and popped the question on Labor day weekend, which I thought was super cute and sweet (he got the ring just before I graduated this may, so it was a long time to hang onto his plan). 

I swear she was once a totally sane rational woman. I remember her being sane. 

Your so-called friend said this bullshit, or her mother? 

I'd be seriously reconsidering my friendship with someone who disrespected my relationship to this level. Fuck everything about that. 

mschristie123

princessofgenovia said:

AprilH81 said:

So even though you have a ring you still can't bring FI?  

That is even more rude than the already rude as hell rule...

Right?! 

She even tried to say because I wasn't supposed to have the ring yet...I should be ok with leaving him at home. He was going to wait to propose at on my birthday at the end of this month but then decided he couldn't wait any longer and popped the question on Labor day weekend, which I thought was super cute and sweet (he got the ring just before I graduated this may, so it was a long time to hang onto his plan). 

I swear she was once a totally sane rational woman. I remember her being sane. 

God that shit is unreal. This is the stuff I have never even heard of before coming onto TK. The shit people do to their friends is mindblowing!

levioosa

Wow MOB is having some crazy control issues.  I feel for you.  Don't let the crazy get you down! 

princessofgenovia

esstee33 said:

princessofgenovia said:

AprilH81 said:

So even though you have a ring you still can't bring FI?  

That is even more rude than the already rude as hell rule...

Right?! 

She even tried to say because I wasn't supposed to have the ring yet...I should be ok with leaving him at home. He was going to wait to propose at on my birthday at the end of this month but then decided he couldn't wait any longer and popped the question on Labor day weekend, which I thought was super cute and sweet (he got the ring just before I graduated this may, so it was a long time to hang onto his plan). 

I swear she was once a totally sane rational woman. I remember her being sane. 

Your so-called friend said this bullshit, or her mother? 

I'd be seriously reconsidering my friendship with someone who disrespected my relationship to this level. Fuck everything about that. 

Her mother. My friend is just well...a wimp and doesn't want to stand up to mommy dearest and would perfer if the rest of us didn't either.

ElcaB

No ring, no bring? Seriously? Good for you for standing up for yourself (and FI).

JaxInBlue

esstee33 said:

princessofgenovia said:

AprilH81 said:

So even though you have a ring you still can't bring FI?  

That is even more rude than the already rude as hell rule...

Right?! 

She even tried to say because I wasn't supposed to have the ring yet...I should be ok with leaving him at home. He was going to wait to propose at on my birthday at the end of this month but then decided he couldn't wait any longer and popped the question on Labor day weekend, which I thought was super cute and sweet (he got the ring just before I graduated this may, so it was a long time to hang onto his plan). 

I swear she was once a totally sane rational woman. I remember her being sane. 

Your so-called friend said this bullshit, or her mother? 

I'd be seriously reconsidering my friendship with someone who disrespected my relationship to this level. Fuck everything about that. 

Agree with this!  This might need to be a friendship that is paused until someone remembers that a wedding is not an excuse to be a dictator.  I'd take the month of October off from wedding related friend stuff.

simcal18

Schnikes.  This is awful.  Awful, awful, awful.  Note to lurkers:  this is why you ALWAYS ensure that you can properly host every single guest you invite.  Never count on people RSVPing "no."  In fact, in general, don't plan an event that you can't afford.  MUCH better to host a kickass brunch, barbecue, or cake and punch reception than a penny-scrimping cash bar, no-SO, money-tree laden dinner time event.  Guess which one guests will thank you for and which one guests will resent you for?

esstee33

princessofgenovia said:

esstee33 said:

princessofgenovia said:

AprilH81 said:

So even though you have a ring you still can't bring FI?  

That is even more rude than the already rude as hell rule...

Right?! 

She even tried to say because I wasn't supposed to have the ring yet...I should be ok with leaving him at home. He was going to wait to propose at on my birthday at the end of this month but then decided he couldn't wait any longer and popped the question on Labor day weekend, which I thought was super cute and sweet (he got the ring just before I graduated this may, so it was a long time to hang onto his plan). 

I swear she was once a totally sane rational woman. I remember her being sane. 

Your so-called friend said this bullshit, or her mother? 

I'd be seriously reconsidering my friendship with someone who disrespected my relationship to this level. Fuck everything about that. 

Her mother. My friend is just well...a wimp and doesn't want to stand up to mommy dearest and would perfer if the rest of us didn't either.

In that case, I'd be having a conversation with my friend about how awful her mother is treating her friends. That is totally disrespectful. 

Maggie0829

This would garner a big fat "Fuck you!" from me.

abbyj700

How dafuq do people do this?

Seriously...I didn't do outer envelopes - but if I would have - they would have cost like a whooping $30 max I believe. And...they are so tight on budget envelopes are an issue? And are they doing the uninviting of people based on money too? Who planned this shit show? Mommy dearest?

Did they respond to you saying you were a social unit and you are bringing him?

photokitty

This is so messed up! Was he invited int he first place or did they just conveniently leave SOs off the invites? Just wondering what level of disgusting and gross this is, bc inviting guests is about as bad as it gets.

blabla89

princessofgenovia

abbyj700 said:

How dafuq do people do this?

Seriously...I didn't do outer envelopes - but if I would have - they would have cost like a whooping $30 max I believe. And...they are so tight on budget envelopes are an issue? And are they doing the uninviting of people based on money too? Who planned this shit show? Mommy dearest?

Did they respond to you saying you were a social unit and you are bringing him?

I think they said the difference was like...$40. Her FI (the groom) didn't want to shell out $40 there because he didn't think they were important and wanted to put it towards the food because he does think that's important. So Bride, said yeah sure ok that sounds like a good plan. And then MOB lost her shit because WHAT WILL HER FRIENDS THINK. So Bride goes "Ok then...we'll just pay for it then" and then Groom got all upset because Bride was siding with mom over him and she's marrying him not her mom. So Bride goes "Ok, you're right, we won't do it" and then MOB has a melt down.

And I'm just like...are we really fighting about envelopes? Bride is not helpful because she'll go along with whatever someone says just to make them happy.

Though their budget is totally fucked. Bride over spent on her dress and frankly neither of the happy couple can budget to save their lives. 

No repsonse from MOB. Bride texted back and said she understood and FI would be invited. I might have played the technically we've been together longer then the two of you have so if we want to judge relationships by length we're more serious then you two are, card. I know her well enough to know the "no ring, no bring" idea was not her own. She just went along with whomever said it so as not to cause waves. I have zero fear of waves.

Maggie0829

princessofgenovia said:

abbyj700 said:

How dafuq do people do this?

Seriously...I didn't do outer envelopes - but if I would have - they would have cost like a whooping $30 max I believe. And...they are so tight on budget envelopes are an issue? And are they doing the uninviting of people based on money too? Who planned this shit show? Mommy dearest?

Did they respond to you saying you were a social unit and you are bringing him?

I think they said the difference was like...$40. Her FI (the groom) didn't want to shell out $40 there because he didn't think they were important and wanted to put it towards the food because he does think that's important. So Bride, said yeah sure ok that sounds like a good plan. And then MOB lost her shit because WHAT WILL HER FRIENDS THINK. So Bride goes "Ok then...we'll just pay for it then" and then Groom got all upset because Bride was siding with mom over him and she's marrying him not her mom. So Bride goes "Ok, you're right, we won't do it" and then MOB has a melt down.

And I'm just like...are we really fighting about envelopes? Bride is not helpful because she'll go along with whatever someone says just to make them happy.

Though their budget is totally fucked. Bride over spent on her dress and frankly neither of the happy couple can budget to save their lives. 

No repsonse from MOB. Bride texted back and said she understood and FI would be invited. I might have played the technically we've been together longer then the two of you have so if we want to judge relationships by length we're more serious then you two are, card. I know her well enough to know the "no ring, no bring" idea was not her own. She just went along with whomever said it so as not to cause waves. I have zero fear of waves.

What exactly will $40 get you in regards to food for a wedding?  An extra 3 crab cake appetizers?

princessofgenovia

photokitty said:

This is so messed up! Was he invited int he first place or did they just conveniently leave SOs off the invites? Just wondering what level of disgusting and gross this is, bc inviting guests is about as bad as it gets.

Invites haven't actually been sent yet (to most of us)! MOB took upon herself to send them out to her friends and family about a week and a half ago and then they're sending out all the others this week. Bride found out about this and her and MOB got in a huge fight last week over it. MOB was "helping" by addressing the invitations (she has very nice penmenship and Bride and Groom do not), and basically b-listed the rest of us. Bride took away the invites after this shit storm happened. 

So now that she's got a yes form a lot of her friends and family, the couple's friends, and the Groom's family must suffer her consequences. 

MOB and I will not have a good relationship after this. I'll be as polite as is necessary but that's about it.