How to choose a bridesmaid

Knottie28719551

My Aunt threw me an engagement party and 3 of the people I wanted to ask to be in my wedding party didn't show. One of them apologized and offered to throw a mini breakfast party to make up for it, and then ended up canceling it. But at least she tried... We have been friends the longest but only ever see each other when we need to rally for the other friends in our little group (throwing baby showers, birthdays... though come to think of it I was one of 3 people that went out for her last birthday, but she did not come out for mine...)

The other never said a word about it. I texted her and told her I was really bummed she didn't come and she never acknowledged it and pretended like it never happened. She is the only one of the 3 that I see on a regular basis, and the person I know would be the most there for me in all the planning. I am her child's godmother and go to all her baby stuff even though it's really painful for me because I am fertility challenged! 

The third is my half sister, we are each others only siblings. She told my aunt she had to work, even though was told about the party 3 months in advance. The week before the party she was having car issues (which were fixed before the party) and I got up at 4 o'clock in the morning twice that week (not a morning person! and I don't have to be to work until 9!) to drive her to work, lent her my car when I could. The party was in June and I have only seen her once since and only talked to her a handful of times. I would feel really bad not asking her to be in the wedding and I never said anything to her about the missing the party, but it really upset me! I feel like I should be asking the people who did show up to the party instead of people that totally blew it off. I go over and above for those people and I have 5 other people who were there that would be more than honored to be part of the wedding party. But now I have all this wedding party guilt. HELP! If I decide to have them all I will have 5 bridesmaids, a maid of honor, a man of honor, and my step daughter who is going to be party of the ceremony but is going to stand with my maid of honor. I discussed it with my fiancé and he said its fine and to have as many people as I want. That's kind of how I feel about it. I curious to see what other brides think! Sorry this is so long! and thank you!

Liatris2010

Knottie28719551 said:

My Aunt threw me an engagement party and 3 of the people I wanted to ask to be in my wedding party didn't show. One of them apologized and offered to throw a mini breakfast party to make up for it, and then ended up canceling it. But at least she tried... We have been friends the longest but only ever see each other when we need to rally for the other friends in our little group (throwing baby showers, birthdays... though come to think of it I was one of 3 people that went out for her last birthday, but she did not come out for mine...)

The other never said a word about it. I texted her and told her I was really bummed she didn't come and she never acknowledged it and pretended like it never happened. She is the only one of the 3 that I see on a regular basis, and the person I know would be the most there for me in all the planning. I am her child's godmother and go to all her baby stuff even though it's really painful for me because I am fertility challenged! 

The third is my half sister, we are each others only siblings. She told my aunt she had to work, even though was told about the party 3 months in advance. The week before the party she was having car issues (which were fixed before the party) and I got up at 4 o'clock in the morning twice that week (not a morning person! and I don't have to be to work until 9!) to drive her to work, lent her my car when I could. The party was in June and I have only seen her once since and only talked to her a handful of times. I would feel really bad not asking her to be in the wedding and I never said anything to her about the missing the party, but it really upset me! I feel like I should be asking the people who did show up to the party instead of people that totally blew it off. I go over and above for those people and I have 5 other people who were there that would be more than honored to be part of the wedding party. But now I have all this wedding party guilt. HELP! If I decide to have them all I will have 5 bridesmaids, a maid of honor, a man of honor, and my step daughter who is going to be party of the ceremony but is going to stand with my maid of honor. I discussed it with my fiancé and he said its fine and to have as many people as I want. That's kind of how I feel about it. I curious to see what other brides think! Sorry this is so long! and thank you!

The wedding party should be comprised of your nearest and dearest, not the people who attend the most parties, offer to host the most parties, give the biggest gifts, or can tie ribbons on favors the fastest. Large, small, mixed gendered, and uneven sides are all a-okay.

KatWAG

Who would you call to help you bury a body at 3am? that is your bridal party.

slothiegal

I think you are way overcomplicating this.

sarawifenow

I think you are making way too much drama out of your E-party. Pick your nearest and dearest. Period. And for the record, their only responsibility is to show up, in the dress you have chosen, and smile. That's it.

Knottie28719551

Thank you!!! Your all right!!! I like bury a body theory!!!

novella1186

You need to let go of the whole E-party thing. It sounds petty that you kept a tally of who did and did not come and why. Some people really hate events like this because let's face it, they can be really boring for everyone besides the bride and groom. None of your friends are required to attend stuff like this, and they don't owe you acceptable explanations as to why they couldn't make it. 

I totally understand that you'd be bummed out about it, but you gotta let it go. Also, stop keeping a tally of who you did things for and what you did, and what they did for you in return. Friendships are not a scoreboard of who has provided you with the most favors and gifts. 

Pick the people who mean the most to you, who you see as true, lasting friends, who you can't imagine not having by your side on your wedding day, and leave all the other stuff out of it. 

BMoreBride6

I get you're bummed out but things happen.  I couldn't go to my best friend's engagement party years ago because I was a manager in a retail store and taking Saturday nights off just was not an option (and I knew I'd have to take a Saturday off for her shower and wedding and felt those were more important).  Pick the people you love the most.  End of story. 

SachaBee

My first reaction was "friendship does not work this way." But it seems like you just had a momentary freak-out and you've taken the advice here to heart, so no worries. It also seems like you are not considering knocking people OUT of the party due to them not attending, but rather ADDING more based on those who did attend. So to that I would say that while I personally would hate to have a large bridal party, if you truly feel like you have 6, 7, or 10 people who you would love standing next to you on one of the most important days of your life (besides your fi of course), then go ahead and do it! That is really no one's business but your own.