Would this look stupid?

hikebikebemerry

Ok, so for some background- I am not into the matchy-matchy for the WP.  Ladies are wearing black cocktail dresses with nude, black, or red shoes and gents are wearing charcoal or black suits.

I was figuring for some sort continuity, I would have the guys wear similar ties (not matching, just based off of the colors of our wedding, which are fall colors).  I was thinking of getting the ladies a bracelet in complimenting colors, just as a small touch to pull everything together (not part of anyone's gift, nor would they have to purchase these things).

FMIL sent me a text saying that FBIL bought a black bow tie.  I am not THAT picky, but I think it would look silly to have one guy in a bow tie, and the rest in regular ties.  (And FI wants to wear a regular tie).

Is it acceptable for me to tell him that we are going to be providing ties for the day of? Should we offer to reimburse him for the bow tie?  Am I being ridiculous?

Dignity100

I had this same fight with one the groom's BM.  He wanted to wear a bow tie and groom/I wanted ties.  We basically ended up buying him a tie and say 'you're wearing this'.  I probably would ask that they wear ties if that's the vision for your wedding.

weddingcactus

I don't think you're being ridiculous. I would have your FI talk to his brother and let him know that you'll be providing ties. I'm fairly certain etiquette allows the attire of the wedding party to be dictated (within reason of course).  If necessary, your FI could apologize "for the confusion" if his brother complains about having already purchased a tie. My FI has been a groomsman twice and in both cases he was told exactly what he would be wearing. In one case, he was given a tie and asked to rent a specific suit from a specific store. In another case he was given a tie and a vest and asked to wear pants and shirt of specified colors. 

jenna8984

I personally don't think you're being crazy, and don't think he should wear a bow tie. It's not something like BM shoes (that no one will see). It's a central piece of the outfit.

rooz103

I don't think it's crazy per se, but it wouldn't be my hill to die on if FBIL decided to throw a tantrum, if you know what I mean. I'd just have FI cheerfully let his brother know that ties are already taken care of and hope that FBIL isn't weird about it. 

doeydo

Yeah, it wouldn't be the end of the world or anything but you can certainly say you will be purchasing matching ties for the GM and bracelets for the BMs.  The matching ties might end up looking something like this:

And all the guys in long ties with one in a bow tie might look something like this:

chibiyui

Does FBIL wear bow ties often? Some guys really prefer bow ties. So, I understand your concern, but I wouldn't die on this hill.

sarahjane222

Chances are it's a bigger deal to you than it is to him, so I'd just give him the tie you want him to wear and don't stress about it. If he does end up caring a lot and insists on the bow tie - let him...don't sweat the small stuff. It'll look fine.  

jynxiie

I think he would stand out more and I personally wouldn't like it. If I am being honest I'd probably make a big deal about it. I'd want my Fi to stand out since it's his day too.

southernbelle0915

No, you are definitely not being ridiculous. You're not even making them wear a certain suit or buy/rent attire they don't already have. The only thing you're asking is that they all wear the same tie AND you're providing it! You are not asking too much here. He can wear the damn tie. Have your FI talk to his brother.

If he throws a tantrum about a bow tie.... ugh. Sorry but I would die on that hill just to prove a point. I equate this to asking GMs to wear white shirts and some guy is like "oh btw, I will wear a pale yellow shirt." Just no. 

cowgirl8238

Personally, I wouldn't worry about it much.  If you want to pull the groomens together you can just buy them all a tie to wear.  I know tiemart has some for $5 and if you have a few men standing up you'll get free shipping too!

badbnagdway

I think requiring one single item of clothing, a tie, is not very demanding. Many couples want the groomsmen in non-generic color (like sand/tan color) matching suits, which are very expensive. 

SachaBee

I think as long as you are providing the tie, it is definitely fair to ask him (gently!) to wear it. I mean, you are paying for it. All he has to do is put it on. It shouldn't be too difficult for him to return the bow tie if he doesn't really want it. 

As a side note, I'm not sure I'd buy something for a wedding without running it by the bride/groom first. Does anyone else feel this way? (I don't mean something small like a pair of earrings, but a tie??)

Kwalusiak

If he did wear a bow tie and no one else does, looking at pictures I might confuse him as the groom...

theartistformerlyknownas

The general rule is if you're requiring something, you have to pay for it, and I think the converse is true that if you're paying for something, you can require it. He can suck it up and wear the tie.

I would also think in a group shot with one guy wearing a bow tie, that person must be the groom.