Facebook Event Invite?

bookishgiraffes

I received a Facebook notification from my cousin today. He's getting married in December, and it turns out this notification was an invite to an event for his reception. No paper invite (as of yet), but I thought the Facebook invite was tacky. Is this becoming a thing? I prefer real invites. What if your guests don't regularly check Facebook and don't get the invite?

lc07

bookishgiraffes said:

I received a Facebook notification from my cousin today. He's getting married in December, and it turns out this notification was an invite to an event for his reception. No paper invite (as of yet), but I thought the Facebook invite was tacky. Is this becoming a thing? I prefer real invites. What if your guests don't regularly check Facebook and don't get the invite?

I'm confused by the bolded. Are you invited to the ceremony? Are you invited to the reception? What is "an event FOR his reception"? 

I don't think a Facebook invite is tacky but it's very, very casual and certainly not something I would do for my own wedding.

I have never received a Facebook wedding invite. So, to my knowledge, it is not a thing.

bookishgiraffes

Sorry, I worded some things oddly. He's Mormon and I am not, so I am not able to attend the ceremony. Since most people wont be able to attend the ceremony, everyone is pretty much invited to just the reception. 

It was an invitation to join the "event" he and his FI created on FB for their reception. So basically, it was an invite to the reception. I just thought it was odd, and it would probably be hard to keep track of who is attending and who isn't. I know that I will usually keep myself added as a maybe on FB event invites, in case things change or I'm not sure.

lc07

bookishgiraffes said:

Sorry, I worded some things oddly. He's Mormon and I am not, so I am not able to attend the ceremony. Since most people wont be able to attend the ceremony, everyone is pretty much invited to just the reception. 

It was an invitation to join the "event" he and his FI created on FB for their reception. So basically, it was an invite to the reception. I just thought it was odd, and it would probably be hard to keep track of who is attending and who isn't. I know that I will usually keep myself added as a maybe on FB event invites, in case things change or I'm not sure.

That makes sense now that I read it again. I understand how Facebook lingo works. Sorry for the brain fart. 

I personally don't think it's tacky of him to invite you in this manner, but yes, it could add complication on his end trying to track down RSVPs. I agree with you on the count that sometimes I miss FB "events" because I don't check FB enough or I have events hidden/don't pay attention to them so I would be annoyed if I missed someone's wedding because that was the only way I was notified.

jynxiie

Was it a save the date or like... an actual invite? 

canadianhearts

Considering how many things are changing with technology I guess it's something more people are doing nowadays. Personally, I wouldn't.

It's also a bit confusing. How do you know if your SO who isn't on this person's Friend's List is invited as well? Or kids (if you have young kids who don't have Facebook)? What if you don't check Facebook? Since you mentioned it being just the reception, maybe it's very casual, bring whomever and come party with us kind of thing - in which case I guess it's fine. Are they feeding you? I can't help but wonder...

I understand not wanting to spend money on paper invitations, but then you can still do virtual ones. Or even send me a personal email. A lot of my friends are sending out online invitations, but you still have a virtual envelope with your name on it, etc.

I was once invited to a wedding through an Instagram direct message. I didn't see the message until months after the event (no one contacted me to inquire if I had received it) so to me it was a sign that the couple didn't really care if I was there or not.

southernbelle0915

Facebook invites aren't against etiquette per se, as long as they invite SOs, follow all the other rules, etc. 

But do I think a mass Facebook notification asking people to attend a wedding is "tacky"? Yes. I do. 

¹tacky adjective \ˈta-kē\

not having or exhibiting good taste: as 

a :  marked by lack of style :  dowdy

novella1186

I think it's tacky. There's nothing personal about it, there's nothing pretty about it, as OP said some people don't really check facebook (I usually ignore event invites cuz a lot of the time they're from people in other cities I don't even know very well so they clearly just invited every single person on facebook) and it's hard to get a clear RSVP from people. I have enough trouble using facebook to invite 30 people to a Halloween party. 

If I were invited to a wedding via social media I would side-eye the crap out of that. And I probably wouldn't go cuz I find tackyness to be really annoying. Unless it was just a save-the-date, which is still kind of in bad taste. But this is all just my own traditional, harsh opinion. 

weddingcactus

I think Facebook invites are tacky and rude. To me it screams: I didn't care enough to send you a personal message or take any time or money to create a written invitation or even an e-invite. And most importantly, not everyone is on Facebook! 

mikenberger

Tacky. Sure it saves on money and is probably easier to keep track of RSVPs, but dude, spend a little money on people that are willing to take time, effort and money on you and send them a paper invite. Or at least call. Geez. 

raissyrais

I think mass FB invites for such an event are tacky. It is so much easier for people to do that nowadays though. Still doesn't make it elegant in my book.

biggrouch

I think this is pretty common in Mormon circles. Weddings aren't necessarily events that you have a year and a half to plan and order pretty invitations for. It's common to have less formal weddings, because it's common to be marrying someone with an engagement of a month or two (and to have known them for maybe a few months beforehand).* And if you're only engaged for eight weeks, you would have to get on your shit pretty damn quick (and basically have no life, since you're presumably also doing a thousand other things for the wedding within a compressed timeframe) to be able to send out "elegant" paper invites more than 48 hours before the reception.

*I hope this doesn't come off as super stereotype-y. There are plenty of Mormons, of course, who don't do it this way.

biggrouch

And presumably these people are not idiots and understand to send alternative invites to people whom they can't contact through facebook...

Teddy917

@biggrouch FB invites aren't actually common for LDS weddings, at least that I've seen. The rest you got right though. Mostly I've seen photo invites with a cute pic of the bride and groom or I made mine on the computer with a pretty border and font.

bookishgiraffes

@biggrouch I've seen it more just a FB group where the LDS couple will ask for addresses. Not so much an invite. But as a former Mormon from Utah, that doesn't sound stereo-typey to me. It's a legit observation. 

bookishgiraffes

Thanks for your responses. It seems like it is an invite, not a Save the Date. He added people to the group haphazardly (added my 15 yo cousin, forgot cousin's mom who is our aunt and we are both FB friends with) so I'm probably going to make a phone call to my grandma and ask if it's an invite or should we be expecting something. I'm mostly hoping for an address so I can send them a gift, since I wont be able to make it to the wedding, regardless.