New Here #2

AlPacina

Hello ladies!

I know another newb already introduced herself today, but I have nothing to do at work and I have been pretty excited to say hello ever since I made my account. I started lurking on NEY/TK approximately a week before @eilis1228 got engaged. I thought her birthday proposal was so freaking adorable!

I filled out the survey yesterday, but here is some other info about myself.

First off, because I know you care, GUACAMOLE IS THE BEST.

Other than that - - I'm outdoorsy. I sing all the time. I love crime shows. Other than my BF, my dog is my favorite thing about my life. My favorite candy is juicy pear jelly bellies. My cooking specialty is lasagna.

As far as why I'm here..... Boyfriend and I discussed a timeline, and we agreed that we would like to get married in 2016. So I'm figuring that means I will get proposed to in 2015, but for some reason my poor brain just wants to forget that silly little fact and let myself get a little lot crazy wondering if he's going to propose at every single upcoming event/occasion. For instance, this weekend my parents are meeting his for the first time. I know it won't be happening, but I can't help but get excited thinking about how it COULD happen. . . I started coming on the knot to read proposal stories and do some future wedding dreaming. I'm hoping you ladies can help talk me through those times when I start expecting too much. Next month is our 2 year anniversary, and I know I will start expecting too much. Hell, who am I kidding. I already am!

Looking forward to chatting with you ladies. Today at work is so dead, I can hardly stand it.

audrewuh

Welcome! 

Step away from the BSC train. Distract yourself from all the things that "could" happen and focus on the reality of what is actually happening. 

So, what do you do as a hobby?

eilis1228

Awww, I feel special that you remember my story so well.  

If you were here about a week before my proposal, you probably remember how BSC I went. It's so hard to keep your patient pants on, but in the end, it really is worth the wait. I would avoid any wedding planning forums or websites--it only adds to the impatience. Like @audrewuh suggested, distract yourself. Find a new hobby, go out with more with friends, and overall just try to enjoy this time you have together as just BF and GF. An engagement is both very exciting and very stressful, so take this time to relax together and enjoy each other's company. If you guys end up doing a traditional, big-ish wedding, you'll be amazed at how stressed out you both will become. Arguing over suit colors, table layouts, boutonnieres, crazy family demands, etc... all of the engaged and married ladies on here will tell you that wedding planning of any kind can make you want to pull your hair out. Try to enjoy these next few months and throw your energy into new hobbies and outings.  

AlPacina

audrewuh said:

Welcome! 

Step away from the BSC train. Distract yourself from all the things that "could" happen and focus on the reality of what is actually happening. 

So, what do you do as a hobby?

I have lots of hobbies! I homebrew on weekends, go to the dog park a lot, read, play guitar, and my favorite times are board game nights with my friends. This year I started volunteering as an advocate for female victims of sexual crimes.

@eilis1228 - I actually keep myself extremely busy. I know that's a good way to distract myself. I feel that it's just an important part of being young! I need to do all the things that I have the freedom, time, and money to do right now, because once I have a house and a family everything will be different. And luckily we already know that our wedding will be very small. We talked about eloping once, but I know I would want my parents and sisters to be there. I hope your wedding planning is going well!

eilis1228

AlPacina said:

audrewuh said:

Welcome! 

Step away from the BSC train. Distract yourself from all the things that "could" happen and focus on the reality of what is actually happening. 

So, what do you do as a hobby?

I have lots of hobbies! I homebrew on weekends, go to the dog park a lot, read, play guitar, and my favorite times are board game nights with my friends. This year I started volunteering as an advocate for female victims of sexual crimes.

@eilis1228 - I actually keep myself extremely busy. I know that's a good way to distract myself. I feel that it's just an important part of being young! I need to do all the things that I have the freedom, time, and money to do right now, because once I have a house and a family everything will be different. And luckily we already know that our wedding will be very small. We talked about eloping once, but I know I would want my parents and sisters to be there. I hope your wedding planning is going well!

You are awesome!

AlPacina

YOU'RE awesome!

But seriously, it's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Why is it that city police have no standards? I'm sure it's not all of them, but I am so disgusted by the majority of the officers I've been around and how they handle taking statements from the victims.

audrewuh

So how did you get involved in this particular line of advocacy work?

AlPacina

@audrewuh - My strong belief in woman's sexual freedom developed when I joined the cast of the Vagina Monologues in college. I mostly just wanted acting experience, but it ended up changing my life overall. I think I learned that advocates existed in an online article someone posted on facebook once (or something along those lines). When I learned they were mostly volunteers, rather than employees, I signed up for a program in the city. I do 9 hours a week right now.

audrewuh

What does that look like? 

I'm interested in being more participatory in field advocacy myself. 

AlPacina

Here is the description from my program's website:

Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Advocate
• Provide over the phone advocacy, information and referrals to domestic violence and sexual assault survivors who call the 24-hour crisis line. This occurs on-site at the PWCL office, located at a confidential address.
• Accurately obtain and record caller demographic information for use in identifying service and geographic needs of callers.
• Commitment to ongoing resource knowledge and education in order to provide coordinated community responses.
• Provide in-person advocacy and support, information and referrals to survivors and non-offending family and friends during medical exams and other meetings with participants as needed in the tri-county area.
• Work collaboratively with area service providers such as Law Enforcement and medical personnel and submit any necessary feedback about these interactions to the Director of Services.

So typically I work in the call center. Women will call and we give them advice about whether they need to visit the police or the hospital. Most of the time I feel like I'm just trying to convince women in bad situations that they're strong enough to leave. But if a sexual crime occurs they can ask to have me present at the hospital to make sure procedures are followed correctly, and to help talk them through it. Or I can oversee them giving their statement at the police station, to help provide support and ensure officers are acting appropriately (which they almost never are).

It's so hard, but I think it's an amazing way to advocate. We have a program specifically for sex workers too, but I don't know if my heart is ready for that yet.

Do you do any volunteering currently?

GoldenPenguin

AlPacina said:

@audrewuh - My strong belief in woman's sexual freedom developed when I joined the cast of the Vagina Monologues in college. I mostly just wanted acting experience, but it ended up changing my life overall. I think I learned that advocates existed in an online article someone posted on facebook once (or something along those lines). When I learned they were mostly volunteers, rather than employees, I signed up for a program in the city. I do 9 hours a week right now.

I DID THIS IN COLLEGE TOO!! 

eilis1228 said:

Awww, I feel special that you remember my story so well.  

If you were here about a week before my proposal, you probably remember how BSC I went. It's so hard to keep your patient pants on, but in the end, it really is worth the wait. I would avoid any wedding planning forums or websites--it only adds to the impatience. Like @audrewuh suggested, distract yourself. Find a new hobby, go out with more with friends, and overall just try to enjoy this time you have together as just BF and GF. An engagement is both very exciting and very stressful, so take this time to relax together and enjoy each other's company. If you guys end up doing a traditional, big-ish wedding, you'll be amazed at how stressed out you both will become. Arguing over suit colors, table layouts, boutonnieres, crazy family demands, etc... all of the engaged and married ladies on here will tell you that wedding planning of any kind can make you want to pull your hair out. Try to enjoy these next few months and throw your energy into new hobbies and outings.  

Also, this isn't always true. FI & I haven't had one argument over anything, and I haven't been the least bit stressed during any phase of wedding planning. I'm anxious to get my engagement pictures back, but for other reasons, not because it's stressful. 

ETA: Sorry, I just get really annoyed when people talk about OMG WEDDING PLANNING IS SO STRESSFUL, because 1. it isn't and 2. it really shouldn't be. I'm loving every step of the way, to be honest.

cu97tiger

eilis1228 said:

Awww, I feel special that you remember my story so well.  

If you were here about a week before my proposal, you probably remember how BSC I went. It's so hard to keep your patient pants on, but in the end, it really is worth the wait. I would avoid any wedding planning forums or websites--it only adds to the impatience. Like @audrewuh suggested, distract yourself. Find a new hobby, go out with more with friends, and overall just try to enjoy this time you have together as just BF and GF. An engagement is both very exciting and very stressful, so take this time to relax together and enjoy each other's company. If you guys end up doing a traditional, big-ish wedding, you'll be amazed at how stressed out you both will become. Arguing over suit colors, table layouts, boutonnieres, crazy family demands, etc... all of the engaged and married ladies on here will tell you that wedding planning of any kind can make you want to pull your hair out. Try to enjoy these next few months and throw your energy into new hobbies and outings.  

False - the size of your wedding doesn't really determine how stressed or not-stressed you'll be. We had a medium-ish wedding and there were zero fights over suit colors, table layouts or boutonnieres. The only intense discussions were around our expectations and timelines (i.e. Me wanting it done by x date and him pressing me as to why. Usually he was right... it didn't need to be done THAT quickly, I was very impatient). 

Anyway, there is lots of good advice here, and there ARE stressful parts of wedding planning, but just worry about that when it comes!

audrewuh

I don't volunteer currently, but I work in a church with teenagers, which is advocacy enough. My schedule is really sporadic for volunteering right now. 

Along the lines of what @goldenpenguin said, H and I only fought over actual relationships stressors, ie: parents, his career, my drinking habits, unhealthy friendships, my drinking habits, etc., when we were engaged. The actual wedding planning was the happy part that distracted us from the fact that he was working a shitty job and I had family issues. 

AlPacina

@GoldenPenguin - OMG! I already love love love you! Did you have a monologue? I wanted Angry Vagina so bad, but they typically only gave that one to the veterans, haha. I ended up in My Vagina was my Village, and then the larger group ones.

@cu97tiger - I am hoping to not be stressed by wedding planning. But luckily, I don't have to worry about it yet! Haha!

AlPacina

audrewuh said:

I don't volunteer currently, but I work in a church with teenagers, which is advocacy enough. My schedule is really sporadic for volunteering right now. 

Along the lines of what @goldenpenguin said, H and I only fought over actual relationships stressors, ie: parents, his career, my drinking habits, unhealthy friendships, my drinking habits, etc., when we were engaged. The actual wedding planning was the happy part that distracted us from the fact that he was working a shitty job and I had family issues. 

@audrewuh - So did you find a new distraction after the wedding, or did the bolded sort themselves out? I can definitely ride the family issues train with you if you'd like. And I really hope your H has found a new job by now. My BF had a shitty job for a while, and when he would come home miserable, I would end up miserable. I know how that goes, and how it can be really stressful on your life and relationship.

eilis1228

Arguing probably wasn't the best word to use. We've had ongoing discussions about things we never dreamed would be so complicated to figure out. Wedding planning isn't all stressful, but it is an added source of stress in general. 

Swazzle

Hi! Welcome! 

PPs have already given great advice so I'll just pester you with questions. 

What crime shows do you watch? 

Do you watch any other TV shows?

Last movie you saw in the theater? 

What kind of dog do you have?

audrewuh

We've been married 1.5 years and H just got his first non-internship, full time, well paid with benefits job last month. It's made a huge difference. My dad was fighting lung cancer our whole relationship and passed away two weeks before we got married. The stress of losing my dad, of my brother boycotting my wedding, and then my mom being crazy, it added a lot. Not to mention H is an only child and a total momma's boy, transitioning into a social unit of our own was hard. 

My new distraction is definitely healthier. I quilt now and travel a lot, which is great. I drink a hell of a lot less, which is better on everyone. H loves his new job, his mom and I are falling into a better relationship, and I'm looking for a new job that isn't as shitty.

GoldenPenguin

AlPacina said:

@GoldenPenguin - OMG! I already love love love you! Did you have a monologue? I wanted Angry Vagina so bad, but they typically only gave that one to the veterans, haha. I ended up in My Vagina was my Village, and then the larger group ones.

@cu97tiger - I am hoping to not be stressed by wedding planning. But luckily, I don't have to worry about it yet! Haha!

SAME!! It was so super emotional. 

AlPacina

Swazzle said:

Hi! Welcome! 

PPs have already given great advice so I'll just pester you with questions. 

What crime shows do you watch? My main squeeze is Law and Order: SVU. But I've also watched the entirety of Crime Scene Investigation (original), and Lie To Me..... I used to watch the funnier ones too, like Monk and Psych. I feel like I'm missing a big one right now, but there are literally (not literally) a billion crime shows out there.

 

Do you watch any other TV shows? Oh gawd, yes. I was huge on The Office from beginning to end. I rerun that shit all the time. And I've stuck with South Park. Other than that, I watch whatever shows up on Netflix or Hulu. Really loving Drunk History right now. . .

 

Last movie you saw in the theater? Guardians of the Galaxy

 

What kind of dog do you have? I have a mutt. He's at least part black lab. Beyond that, no clue.

GoldenPenguin

Pics of pup required, please & thank you.

Swazzle

@AlPacina - I was obsessed with the original Law and Order when I was younger. I actually cried when I found out that Jerry Orbach died. 

Are you thinking of Criminal Minds? There's a new show called Stalker that just started last week and I'm really into it so far. 

I LOVE Drunk History!

audrewuh

@swazzle @alpacina is Drunk History on Hulu?? I haven't seen an episode but I've heard SO much about it!

Peaseblossom55

Hi and welcome!

Favorite vacation you've been on?

What type of vacation would you take if you have an unlimited budget?

AlPacina

@audrewuh - I am so happy to hear about all of the healthy changes in your life! And I hope that your job search goes well. I lucked out being the one with a stable job with benefits. It made it easier to be a support system when BF was going through his hard time. And I am so sorry to hear about your dad. My father had cancer three years ago.

Yes, Drunk History is on Hulu. But the original episodes were on YouTube, on a channel for Funny or Die or one of those sites. I’ve never enjoyed learning about history so much!

@GoldenPenguin - I'm not sure what to call our relationship now. Vagina sisters? It's different than eskimo brothers, haha (Anyone get that reference?) ....... How about I'll just call you "friend" instead? Here is a picture from the shelter where I got my pup!

 

Also, does anyone here watch Trailer Park Boys? I was so insanely excited when I found my signature gif.

KeptInStitches

Welcome! What's your biggest Pinterest disaster?

AlPacina

Peaseblossom55 said:

Hi and welcome!

Favorite vacation you've been on? My favorite vacation was probably in British Columbia when I was younger. I've traveled much farther from the states, but I remember a road trip up the west coast of BC with my family the most fondly. I saw all kinds of wildlife, and we went on a few boat trips. It also wasn't touristy, which I liked.

What type of vacation would you take if you have an unlimited budget? Unlimited budget? My BF and I would get one of those expensive luxurious over-the-water bungalows in Bora Bora and just enjoy the water and sunshine. It's probably not his dream, but I think it sounds just amazing.

Currently I'm saving up to afford a panda-centric vacation in China, where you get guided around the country for a few days, then spend a few days volunteering at a panda sanctuary. They're my favorite animal, so I'm really looking forward to it.

What about you, @peaseblossom55?

audrewuh

AlPacina

@Swazzle - Sorry I missed your question before. I haven't watched Criminal Minds yet! But I noticed that it got added to Netflix, and I've heard good things about it. I plan to watch it eventually. Maybe I just feel like I'm missing a show because there are SO MANY seasons of the ones I did list, haha.

@KeptInStitches - I mostly just go on Pinterest for the humor section. I don't know that I've ever actually tried making anything from there! I know I'm disgusting. Typically I'll have a rough idea of what I want to make, and then I just google it. What about you? Do you have a disaster story?

Peaseblossom55

@AlPacina I've been dying to go to Bora Bora and stay in an overwater bungalow.  H & I looked at it as a HM option but it was so expensive for us, we decided to go to Belize. Your trip to China sounds like it will be amazing.  I've been to China and I loved it.

One of my favorite all time vacation places is Paris but I haven't taken H yet.  I love when we go to the timeshare in the Bahamas in March though. 

AlPacina

@Peaseblossom55 - Right? BF and I agree that having a small wedding but an expensive HM would be ideal for both of us. But Bora Bora is pretty damn expensive! Even just the plane tickets are bank breaking. I figure I've already been saving up money, so it's possible, but I really don't feel like delaying my China trip. It may be selfish, but it's also money I've been saving in a seperate account since before I met him.

I went to Paris. I thought I would like it a lot more than I did, but mostly I was just scared of being robbed the whole time. There were a lot of sketchy people in my face, and I had never really done a trip like that before. Plus, I tried to speak French the entire time, and they were STILL super rude to me. But it really is beautiful overall. And there were some insanely beautiful Parisian men.