Mom's plus one

Jen4948

banana468 said:

sarahbear31 said:

busybride2014 said:

Hey Ladies, thank you all for your responses!!! I'm still confused, because it's a small wedding of 50 people and if something happens, everyone will witness it. The last time 3 times I saw this man, he screamed, "hey dirty dog," at the top of his lungs to greet me. That's his "phrase " that's he loves to yell. He's the type of man that, its so sad to admit, but the type of man that looks like he belongs on a corner with a brown bag in his hand, he just has that drunkard look. And yes, I admit it, I'd be very embarrassed to have to introduce him to people. I totally get everyone's point. My sister told me that my mother acknowledges the fact that he's a drunk but that she should still be allowed to bring him, and that she will be calling me soon to tell/ask me.... Gosh, I don't know what to do. I dislike this man so much, in general.

busybride2014 said:

You are absolutely right about that! It's just that he fits the term to a tee. It would be one thing if I actually could tolerate the man on any given regular day. She acknowledges that he's a drunk and even has severed her friendship with this man several times because of his behavior. I do agree that you shouldn't limit a person's plus one, but my mother has always maintained that she was coming solo, all the way up until now (2 weeks from the wedding). I will have the awkward conversation with my mother when/if she asks.

You really can't tell your mother whom she can bring as a date. If he creates a scene, it will reflect poorly on him, not you.

Unfortunately, while it may not directly reflect poorly on the OP if this guy behaves badly, people may be bringing it up to her in a "poor you" way for a long time to come.  Nobody likes to have the memories of people behaving badly to be the only thing remembered about them or their weddings-"Wasn't that the bride who's mother's date got drunk and went berserk at her wedding?  Poor bride!"

But that can happen due to anyone! My cousin's wife was a hot mess at our wedding and everyone talked about it. But no one thought it took away from the big day and I didn't get to split up a social unit either.

No one may have thought it took away from your wedding, but if that's all they talk about with regard to someone else's, especially if the number of people coming is small, then unfortunately, it can well take away from that wedding.

I'm not suggesting that this guy not be invited as her mother's escort if that's who she really wants to bring, although I hope she won't make the request, but at the same time, I do think that if she does, she should be made aware that he will be escorted out by security if necessary and that any defensiveness from her about his behavior is not acceptable.

chibiyui

banana468 said:

Jen4948 said:

sarahbear31 said:

busybride2014 said:

Hey Ladies, thank you all for your responses!!!

I'm still confused, because it's a small wedding of 50 people and if something happens, everyone will witness it.

The last time 3 times I saw this man, he screamed, "hey dirty dog," at the top of his lungs to greet me. That's his "phrase " that's he loves to yell. He's the type of man that, its so sad to admit, but the type of man that looks like he belongs on a corner with a brown bag in his hand, he just has that drunkard look. And yes, I admit it, I'd be very embarrassed to have to introduce him to people.

I totally get everyone's point. My sister told me that my mother acknowledges the fact that he's a drunk but that she should still be allowed to bring him, and that she will be calling me soon to tell/ask me....


Gosh, I don't know what to do. I dislike this man so much, in general.

busybride2014 said:

You are absolutely right about that! It's just that he fits the term to a tee. It would be one thing if I actually could tolerate the man on any given regular day.

She acknowledges that he's a drunk and even has severed her friendship with this man several times because of his behavior. I do agree that you shouldn't limit a person's plus one, but my mother has always maintained that she was coming solo, all the way up until now (2 weeks from the wedding).

I will have the awkward conversation with my mother when/if she asks.

You really can't tell your mother whom she can bring as a date. If he creates a scene, it will reflect poorly on him, not you.

Unfortunately, while it may not directly reflect poorly on the OP if this guy behaves badly, people may be bringing it up to her in a "poor you" way for a long time to come.  Nobody likes to have the memories of people behaving badly to be the only thing remembered about them or their weddings-"Wasn't that the bride who's mother's date got drunk and went berserk at her wedding?  Poor bride!"


But that can happen due to anyone! My cousin's wife was a hot mess at our wedding and everyone talked about it. But no one thought it took away from the big day and I didn't get to split up a social unit either.

Seriously. I've had people ask who the drunk guy was at my wedding. It didn't make my wedding less awesome and it didn't reflect on me.

Although if this is two weeks before your wedding, can't you just be like, sorry mom, final numbers are in and we can't accommodate any more guests?

MollyandD

I don't know your relationship with your mom, but if I were in your place, I'd talk to my mom about it. I would say, "Mom, I know you want to bring _____ to the wedding. I'm really worried that he will drink too much and act obnoxious. It would make me very upset if he did or said something inappropriate, like he has a habit of doing." 

Then, I'd let my mom share her thoughts. You can let her know that if she brings him and he acts out, she will have to be aware that he will be escorted out. If she drove him, that may mean she too will have to leave early. 

I just think that this is a conversation to have with your mom. She may still want to bring him, but at least she will be made aware if your feelings and back up plans for bad behavior. Besides, she may be able to talk to him herself. You said he is one of her best friends. There must be a reason for that, and maybe she can talk to him about it.

cowgirl8238

busybride2014 said:

You are absolutely right about that! It's just that he fits the term to a tee. It would be one thing if I actually could tolerate the man on any given regular day. She acknowledges that he's a drunk and even has severed her friendship with this man several times because of his behavior. I do agree that you shouldn't limit a person's plus one, but my mother has always maintained that she was coming solo, all the way up until now (2 weeks from the wedding). I will have the awkward conversation with my mother when/if she asks.

Did you have formal RSVP's?  Did the dealine pass?  I am not saying one way or the other that you have to include this man, but perhaps this could become a potential issue...if you had final numbers to give already.