RSVP Etiquette

ab6704a

Hi ladies,

I need an etiquette check on RSVPing for an upcoming wedding.  DH and I just received an invitation to the wedding of the stepson of a friend of his from his hometown. He's only met the stepson once or twice - he almost didn't even recognize the name on the invitation.

We're not able to make it to the wedding and the invitation provides a phone number for RSVP.    We were planning to send a gift anyways so assuming we send it prior to the RSVP date, is it acceptable for us to send our regrets in the card in lieu of making the phone call?  Quite frankly we both feeling a little awkward about making the phone call and talking to the stepson and or/fiance that we don't know, but one of us will do it if it's the correct thing to do.

indianaalum

I would still call, so it is perfectly clear.

esstee33

Since they're specifically requesting a phone call, I'd just go ahead and do it. 

huskypuppy14

I disagree with the previous posters. I think it's perfectly acceptable to respond to a written invitation with a written response. 

As long as you respond, that's all that matters.

jacques27

I honestly don't think it matters, but I also don't understand why it would be awkward, either.  They at least know your names, since they addressed the invitations.  It's a 45 second phone call.

You:  Hi, may I please speak with **************?
Them:  Speaking.
You:  This is ******** ********* and I just wanted to let you know that ********* and I will be unable to attend your wedding, but we appreciate you thinking of us and inviting us to join you on your day and wish you all the best.
Them:  Thank you so much and thanks for letting us know.  Have a great night.

Boom.  Done.

ab6704a

Thanks for the feedback everybody.  My husband's first comment when we  read the invite was that he thought they were just looking to get a gift from us.   I don't know these folks at all so I couldn't say, but it's a potluck reception so either way I'm glad we're not going.

MyNameIsNot

I would make the call. I wouldn't send a gift. This is obviously a gift grab. And ick to the potluck.

huskypuppy14

It may not be a gift grab if the groom's parents invited you and your husband. You said it's a friend of your husband whose child is getting married. We see all the time, that parents want to invite people, so why is this different?  

You obviously don't have to send a gift, and the pot luck is ick, but it's not necessarily a gift grab.

AddieCake

I hate making phone calls, especially to people I don't know well, so I would probably say it in the card.

lovesclimbing

I would say it in the card, or send a separate note. As @cmgragain would tell you, sending your own note with your regrets is actually the correct way to do it, more correct than what most people do now, sending an RSVP included with the invitation.