Moms and Maids

His Sisters?

So, my mom brought up an important issue with our wedding..

My fiance and I decided we want a small wedding, including a small bridal party. We decided we would both have 2 people stand up on each of our sides. On mine: my sister and my best friend. On his: his two closest friends. Neither of us have brothers, so there is no issue there. 
However, he has three sisters. 

My mom asked me how I plan to incorporate them in the wedding! I need ideas! 
How can I have them play roles in the wedding so they feel involved?
I'm open to all of your suggestions and look forward to your feedback!

Thanks in advance :)

Re: His Sisters?

  • JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    Do you and your FI want them to be included in the wedding ceremony? While there are certainly honored roles they could play, adding people just for the sake of adding people doesn't always go well. And people who play a role in the wedding need to be invited to the RD, and maybe a thank-you gift, so it may not necessarily be a cost savings to find other ways to include them.

    If you and your FI want to include his sisters, and everything that entails, you could ask them to do readings. If one or all are musically talented, you could ask them to perform during the ceremony. Depending on your ceremony, they might take another role, such as being involved in the presentation of the Eucharistic gifts if you are having a Catholic mass.

    Beyond that, there are not many roles that you could offer them that aren't considered work. You might ask them to be ushers/greeters - but that isn't universally seen as a "good" job. For example, it's an honor to be a greeter or usher where I grew up, but seen as a second rate job among my friends.

    If you don't want to include them in any of those ways, you could always consider having them be VIP guests - get them corsages or boutonnieres, seat them in the first or second row, include them in a few special photos - them with you, them with FI, all of you together. They can still be included in showers or bach parties, and you could invite them to get ready with you (maybe invite them to join in some of the pre-wedding pampering too) if you wanted.

    ETA: paragraphs
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    Anniversary


    OliveOilsMomSachaBeeweddingcactus
  • He doesn't necessarily want them to be super involved. And we know cost for us will likely rise by having them super involved.
    However, I do not want to start our married life off with a conflict with his family.
  • edited October 2014
    I am not having my fiance's sisters in my wedding. Instead we are having them a sing a nice song before the ceremony starts as people are taking their seats as they are love to sing and have nice voices. Maybe think of a job they can have that is special to your day.
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would just provide a corsage to each of your FI's sisters and seat them next to or in the row behind FI's parents (along with their SOs).  It will show they are honored guests.
    short+sassyklk111415weddingcactus
  • So, my mom brought up an important issue with our wedding..

    My fiance and I decided we want a small wedding, including a small bridal party. We decided we would both have 2 people stand up on each of our sides. On mine: my sister and my best friend. On his: his two closest friends. Neither of us have brothers, so there is no issue there. 
    However, he has three sisters. 

    My mom asked me how I plan to incorporate them in the wedding! I need ideas! 
    How can I have them play roles in the wedding so they feel involved?
    I'm open to all of your suggestions and look forward to your feedback!

    Thanks in advance :)
    None of what is bolded is any of your concern. His family, his decision.
    peachy13lizybeff
  • Don't make them bridesmaids because you feel like you need to.  Don't ask them to read if you're going to create readings just to involve them.  You don't have to involve them at all.  Just being a guest is an honor.  If you want to get them corsages, that would be lovely.
    peachy13
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you're not close to them, and it's not super important to your FI, then I would just invite them as guests and be done with it. No need for corsages, readings, or anything. It's still an honor to be a regular guest.
    [Deleted User]lizybeff
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I would invite them to the wedding as guests.  Just because they are his sisters does not mean they have to play any role whatsoever in the ceremony.  If your FI doesn't want to include them then that is your answer.

    AddieCake
  • marie2785marie2785 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited October 2014

    First off--are you including them because you and your FI want to (mostly, because it's important to FI?). My FI has a brother and a sister, and we are not incorporating them because in his family, this is not a big deal. If it's important to your FI though, it's worth exploring roles for his sisters, but I strongly object to being forced to have ANYONE in your wedding party that you don't want. You can do things like invite them to get ready with you, or get their hair and makeup done with you and your bridesmaids. Even little things can go a long way to make them feel included.


    I am going through the same thing, except with my 2 brothers. Ideally, they'd stand up on either my, or my FI side since we're close, but that won't actually work out. My mom was at first VERY upset by this, but told me as long as I incorporated my brothers, she'll lay off.

    To incorporate them, I'm doing the following:

    • Both brothers will be ushers
    • Both brothers will wear tuxes like the groomsmen, and sit at the head table. They'll also be in some of the wedding party pictures. I'm fine with an odd # of men in many of the pictures.  I was more concerned with the visual of them walking each other down the aisle ;). This worked well for my brother’s wedding when his 2 close friends were ushers due to an uneven girl/boy ratio in the wedding party.
    • At least one brother will do a reading at the church.
    • My older brother will be the MC at the reception. I saw this at a few weddings--instead of having the DJ MC everything at the start of the reception (introducing wedding party, speeches, and dances), a family member or family friend does the job. Usually someone you can trust to be funny, and who also knows your limits on acceptable speeches/when to turn off someone's microphone (I do not expect this to be an issue at my wedding, but it is a benefit I've seen!). My older brother has an amazing dry, witty sense of humor. This is a great job for him. This is also considered a position of honor at the weddings I've been to. It's a godparent, favorite cousin, or close family friend who always does it. 

    Ultimately I'm doing these things for my brothers because I WANT to involve my brothers and we're close, not because of my mom's whining. 

  • Have you considered possibly having them be formally seated before the processional? This would mean they are escorted down the aisle to their seats. This way they are 'honoured' and included but not really part of the wedding party. Some people do this with other honoured guests like the grooms' parents and grandparents. I'm not sure if it would work for you. (Also let me know if this is somehow gauche, other posters! Just an idea that popped into my head!)
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Ditto Maggie. For some reason, people often think family MUST be "included." No. Not unless you want them to be. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Thanks everyone for the input! You have all been of great help! I greatly appreciate it. :)
  • One of my husband's sisters was not in our wedding (she was SUPER pregnant at the time) so we got her a corsage and made sure she was seated with his parents. You could have corsages for each of them, and then have the ushers seat them when the ceremony begins.

  • He doesn't necessarily want them to be super involved. And we know cost for us will likely rise by having them super involved.
    However, I do not want to start our married life off with a conflict with his family.
    You have answered your own question right here.  There is no mandatory calling for all family members to be involved, and if he does not feel the need to have them all involved then all is good.  he can deal with his sisters if they have a problem with it.  He should back you up if they try to make it out like you are the bad guy.  I am sure they will understand it is a small wedding and respect the small wedding party. 


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    Anniversary
  • I don't think you need to include them. The only problem I would see if you had one in the BP but not all 3. It was good of your mom to think of it, but since HIS mom or sisters haven't said anything, the best way to handle it is for all 3 to not be in the BP.
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