So I am pretty sure I know what the etiquette is in this situation but its always good to have other sets of eyes to either confirm what I think is OK or tell me I am completely off base.
Here is a bit of the back story:
FI and I both work in a University. It is the same university but completely different departments, different work colleagues, different administrators, etc. etc. We are crafting our "Not Family" invite list and the question of inviting our "bosses" came up. In our case, being in the university, our bosses are not necessarily typicallly "Do what I say-type people" but rather supervisors who just guide our research. That being said, very soon we are finishing up our time here at this particular university and FI has gotten an offer by his boss to stay on and continue in a higher-level position and I have not. This decision has pretty much been linked to the lack of funds in certain University departments. FI works in a field where there is a lot of external money coming in, and therefore more opportunities for people to continue, while I work in a field that is less funded and, thus, it becomes more difficult to stay in the university atmosphere.
So, the other night we were out with some of FI's colleagues who are also mutual friends of ours and we were discussing a bit the wedding planning. One of these colleagues asked FI "Are you inviting Boss?" and FI basically responded that he really hadn't thought of it. So, this colleague continued to go on explaining how other colleagues invited Boss to their weddings, etc. etc. When we got home we continued the conversation between FI and I. FI asked me what my position was on inviting my Boss. My response was absolutely not. In our field there are some people who become very close and friendly with their bosses because of the type of working environment that it is but my Boss has always kept a distance with the researchers. Also, because when my contract finishes up here, as she has offered me no possibility to continue staying, besides a good recommendation letter, I don't feel that Boss needs to take part in my wedding day. (Also, we don't live in our home town so for people coming from where we live now it would require them to take a 7/8 hour flight.)
FI on the other hand has a more friendly relationship with his Boss and he has been offered the possibility to stay indefinitely after we finish our contracts. Thus, FI told me he feels that the proper thing to do is to invite Boss (+ family because of the distance of travel required). The numbers / budget is not really an issue in this case as we have the space to include them, if necessary.
So, am I in the wrong for not inviting my Boss if FI invites his. As I said, we all work in the same university but in different departments. I just truly wouldn't feel comfortable inviting my Boss and I don't want that to infringe on the possibility of FI inviting his boss - especially if they are considered part of the same "social circle".
What do you think? Am I blowing this out of proportion and shouldn't even think twice about it?
ETA: grammer and spelling. Was writing in a just-woke-up-blurry eyed tangent
