Wedding 911

HELP! Seating chart fiasco!

Hello everyone!!! Please, I need some help... My mother-in-law seems to think that she should be the one doing the seating chart for everyone that is on her side (friends, and family). My fiance and I have been trying to tell her that this is something he and I do together (of course with input from both sets of parents about what family conflicts are going on, etc). My parents seem to understand that and so do other young newly wed couples that have just finished planning their wedding but his side of the family thinks it is disrespectful of us to assume we would be doing it ourselves. Let me know what all of you think! Am I right? Am I wrong? Am I totally out of line for thinking we should be doing this ourselves?? Thanks!

Re: HELP! Seating chart fiasco!

  • mdk511 said:
    Hello everyone!!! Please, I need some help... My mother-in-law seems to think that she should be the one doing the seating chart for everyone that is on her side (friends, and family). My fiance and I have been trying to tell her that this is something he and I do together (of course with input from both sets of parents about what family conflicts are going on, etc). My parents seem to understand that and so do other young newly wed couples that have just finished planning their wedding but his side of the family thinks it is disrespectful of us to assume we would be doing it ourselves. Let me know what all of you think! Am I right? Am I wrong? Am I totally out of line for thinking we should be doing this ourselves?? Thanks!
    Who's paying for the wedding? If she's paying and wants to do the seating chart for her relatives, she should be able to do it.

    If she's not paying, you do whatever you want. HOWEVER, do you really care if she does the seating chart for his side? I mean, really.... In the end do you think her doing the seating chart for her family for a dinner that will last about an hour will cause a natural disaster and all hell to break loose? Is there more too this than in your OP?

    Also, your FI should be the one to deal with his mom on this. Since she's offended, all conversations regarding this should be between him and her - NOT you. And the two of you should be on the same page before he talks to her, of course.
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    mdk511
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I think your FMIL is being slightly crazy about this.  Saying that it is disrespectful?  Really?\

    But this is what I would do.  I would have your FI ask his Mother to put together a DRAFT (make sure that word is emphasized) seating chart for her side.  Then take her input and use it to help make the rest of your seating chart.  Make sure your FI tells his Mom that you will both do your best to keep her side as is but depending on the number of guests coming and the number of tables available some changes may need to be made.

    If that compromise doesn't work then I am not sure what else to tell you.

    Unfortunately people get crazy when it comes to seating charts.  Not sure why since they will really only be sitting at their table for like an hour and a half and then once dinner is over with they are free to get up and mingle and move around.  I mean even if you are sitting at a table with one or two people you can't stand an adult can certainly act appropriately for a short amount of time.

    mdk511
  • Thank you for the input!!! Just a couple of things, MY parents and my fiance and I are paying for the wedding. FI's parents have contributed maybe 2% of total costs. You are totally right that this is just one little thing that really doesn't matter which also begs to be mentioned that if it shouldn't really matter to us, then why is it so crazy important to her?? I'm not sure exactly WHY she thinks its disrespectful... Either way, I would have no problem letting her do her side (which is what FI and I just decided to do) BUT with that being said, we have everyone they way she already wants them. After typing out this reply it almost seems to me as if this is more a control issue than anything else. 
    And yes, he is speaking with his mom about all of this. It has been a very horrible argument over the past couple of days and apparently old issues are being brought up. All of this over a seating chart. 
    I'm not sure what all of your personal experiences were with the seating charts? I know everyone has the worst time with them. Were there issues with WHO was supposed to be doing the seating??

  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    mdk511 said:
    Thank you for the input!!! Just a couple of things, MY parents and my fiance and I are paying for the wedding. FI's parents have contributed maybe 2% of total costs. You are totally right that this is just one little thing that really doesn't matter which also begs to be mentioned that if it shouldn't really matter to us, then why is it so crazy important to her?? I'm not sure exactly WHY she thinks its disrespectful... Either way, I would have no problem letting her do her side (which is what FI and I just decided to do) BUT with that being said, we have everyone they way she already wants them. After typing out this reply it almost seems to me as if this is more a control issue than anything else. 
    And yes, he is speaking with his mom about all of this. It has been a very horrible argument over the past couple of days and apparently old issues are being brought up. All of this over a seating chart. 
    I'm not sure what all of your personal experiences were with the seating charts? I know everyone has the worst time with them. Were there issues with WHO was supposed to be doing the seating??

    Just because they're not contributing as much as you guys and your parents doesn't diminish the fact that they ARE contributing and, as such, get a say in some things. 

    I really like what @Maggie0829 suggested about asking her for a draft. Then she gets to create what she wants, but you still have control over the whole thing. 

    She's being crazy, but weddings do that to some people. Let your FI deal with her. 
    mdk511
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    mdk511 said:
    Thank you for the input!!! Just a couple of things, MY parents and my fiance and I are paying for the wedding. FI's parents have contributed maybe 2% of total costs. You are totally right that this is just one little thing that really doesn't matter which also begs to be mentioned that if it shouldn't really matter to us, then why is it so crazy important to her?? I'm not sure exactly WHY she thinks its disrespectful... Either way, I would have no problem letting her do her side (which is what FI and I just decided to do) BUT with that being said, we have everyone they way she already wants them. After typing out this reply it almost seems to me as if this is more a control issue than anything else. 
    And yes, he is speaking with his mom about all of this. It has been a very horrible argument over the past couple of days and apparently old issues are being brought up. All of this over a seating chart. 
    I'm not sure what all of your personal experiences were with the seating charts? I know everyone has the worst time with them. Were there issues with WHO was supposed to be doing the seating??

    Because when it comes to weddings sometimes people focus on things that seem so important to everyone else but it is the biggest thing in the world to them.  Weddings bring out the crazy in people.  In another thread on here today a poster talked about her FMIL being obsessive over what the flower girls were wearing and that their shoes aren't going to match and because of that the world will cease to exist!  But really, people get crazy and they obsess over things that, like you said, really don't matter in the end.

    As for our seating chart, it took me all of 15 minutes to put it together and 2 minutes for my H to say that it looked good.  I didn't even run it by my parents or his parents because I didn't think it was necessary.

    mdk511
  • Again, thank you everyone!! Yes, I agree that just because they aren't contributing as much they should still have a say. I didn't mention their contribution amount because I think that they shouldn't have a say. I mentioned it because my parents, who are contributing more, had no problem with FI and I doing it on our own (although we did check with them to see about family dynamics). And we honestly did give her a say. We put the seating chart together and called to ask if the was we set it up was good with family dynamics. But, really, thank you for the suggestions and input, I really appreciate it!
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