shut up- it's not your honeymoon

jenna8984

DH and I attended his cousin's wedding 2 and a half years ago. They had a new baby and a tight budget so it was a really pretty backyard event and they didn't go on a honeymoon.

Last week, they left the kids with grandma and had their first real vacation together. Every picture she posted on FB was tagged honeymoon and gushed about how they were broke back then but they were finally on their honeymoon.

Maybe I'm just a bitch because I know this doesn't affect my life in any way, and they are free to do whatever makes them happy, but every time I saw that I wanted to scream "it's just a vacation dude, it's not your honeymoon over 2 years later". What do you guys think? (I totally understand that people take delayed honeymoons due to work schedules and stuff like that, and I think up to 6 months is still considered the honeymoon, just not two years)

destinationtake2

I wont say much because I realize I stumbled into the Snarky Brides board... LOL

But, I think it's a basic idea that everyone "gets." Sure, it's a vacation but to them it is the honeymoon they never had. Or the trip they would have taken immediately after their wedding if they had been able to.

 

thisismynickname2

I understand where you're coming from OP. Snark away!

But yeah, the dictionary even includes in the definition of honeymoon "any blissful period" so maybe they can just happily fall into that category.  

At least they were responsible in not taking a trip back then. They didn't beg for cash from their wedding guests! Woo hoo! 

Maggie0829

thisismynickname said:

I understand where you're coming from OP. Snark away!

But yeah, the dictionary even includes in the definition of honeymoon "any blissful period" so maybe they can just happily fall into that category.  

At least they were responsible in not taking a trip back then. They didn't beg for cash from their wedding guests! Woo hoo! 

I get what you are saying OP.  To me a honeymoon is just a vacation that includes just the couple, not other family members or kids or what have you.  So with that and the fact that the definition includes the above wording, all vacations that H and I go on alone from now on will be considered a honeymoon

destinationtake2

Maggie0829 said:

   To me a honeymoon is just a vacation that includes just the couple, not other family members or kids or what have you.  So with that and the fact that the definition includes the above wording, all vacations that H and I go on alone from now on will be considered a honeymoon

I think this is why I have seen "second honeymoons" numerous times. I am not so sure about all vacations but if I couple doesn't really ever vacation OR doesn't vacation without the kids, many take a big trip for a milestone anniversary and call it a honeymoon also.

southernbelle0915

I guess I just don't care. 

Anymore, a lot of people I know are delaying their honeymoons because of work and reasons. We have some friends who got married in June and are taking their "honeymoon" in April of next year because they just couldn't take the time off work after the wedding. I mean, I guess it's not technically a honeymoon, or is it? Whatever I don't really care.

MegEn1

I'm in the same boat OP - it's a personal opinion but I share it.

FI and I discussed doing our 'honeymoon' later for a number of reasons. I told him that I'd like to do something right after the wedding, otherwise it'll just seem like a vacation. Vacations are great! Honeymoons, as I always viewed it, are the vacations you take right after your marriage.

twitterbird

I don't really care what they call it - honeymoon, vacation, time away from the kids. We're not going on our honeymoon until early next year but are getting married next month. We didn't want to take it so close to Christmas. I still consider it my honeymoon.

lyndausvi

I travel often.  I do not just go to the beach house, I do big trips.  I do them so often I do not need to label them.

 I have some friends and family who never travel at all.  A big trip to them is a HUGE deal.  Especially if you have kids.  My own brother and wife never took a HM or any trip alone.  They have a 20 year old in college and a 16 year old.  They have plans to go away when the 16 year old leaves for school.       After being  married for 25 years they are finally going somewhere together without the kids. I have no problem with them call that their HM or not.  I just do not care.

jenna8984

@lyndausvi I didn't think of it like that. I go on 1 big international trip per year and also a 1 week domestic trip each year (with husband). So to us, the honeymoon was the trip directly after the wedding because that differentiated it with our other trips. I guess it is different for people who have never been on a nice vacation together. I'm so used to that word being associated with wedding, so it seems weird to use that word years later.

lyndausvi

jenna8984 said:

@lyndausvi I didn't think of it like that. I go on 1 big international trip per year and also a 1 week domestic trip each year (with husband). So to us, the honeymoon was the trip directly after the wedding because that differentiated it with our other trips. I guess it is different for people who have never been on a nice vacation together. I'm so used to that word being associated with wedding, so it seems weird to use that word years later.

Sometimes you have to put yourself in someone else's shoes.   It sounds like they haven't been away with just each other.   For some people it's just not easy to find the time and money to go on a big trip.  Especially with a young child.    

If for the last 2.5 years they have told each other they will one day get the time and money to finally take a trip together, who am I to care if they still want to call it their HM?  If that keeps them motivates, good for them.

It's easy for people like to us to take for granted how lucky we are to have the PTO and funds to take such trips on a regular basis. I know I have in the past.

Maggie0829

lyndausvi said:

jenna8984 said:

@lyndausvi I didn't think of it like that. I go on 1 big international trip per year and also a 1 week domestic trip each year (with husband). So to us, the honeymoon was the trip directly after the wedding because that differentiated it with our other trips. I guess it is different for people who have never been on a nice vacation together. I'm so used to that word being associated with wedding, so it seems weird to use that word years later.

Sometimes you have to put yourself in someone else's shoes.   It sounds like they haven't been away with just each other.   For some people it's just not easy to find the time and money to go on a big trip.  Especially with a young child.    

If for the last 2.5 years they have told each other they will one day get the time and money to finally take a trip together, who am I to care if they still want to call it their HM?  If that keeps them motivates, good for them.

It's easy for people like to us to take for granted how lucky we are to have the PTO and funds to take such trips on a regular basis. I know I have in the past.

This is H and I.  We haven't been on a trip together alone since our HM 3 years ago.  So whenever we do get to go on a trip together (that doesn't involve our dog and driving down to my parents in Florida or going to the ocean and staying in the same condo as his parents) it will be a big deal for us.  I mean we won't call it anything but it will be a big deal.  Or maybe we will call it something...Maggie and H's Excellent Adventure?  Yes?  No?

Do I think it is silly to call a romantic vacation two years after you been married a HM?  Yes, but I do get why finally getting that kind of trip is exciting and something to want to celebrate.

jenna8984

Maggie0829 said:

 

This is H and I.  We haven't been on a trip together alone since our HM 3 years ago.  So whenever we do get to go on a trip together (that doesn't involve our dog and driving down to my parents in Florida or going to the ocean and staying in the same condo as his parents) it will be a big deal for us.  I mean we won't call it anything but it will be a big deal.  Or maybe we will call it something...Maggie and H's Excellent Adventure?  Yes?  No?

SITB

LOL YES!

AddieCake

I fully intend to refer to our cruise as our delayed honeymoon when we finally get to take it.

luckysnorkel

We took a couple days after our wedding to get away from normal life, but we're not taking what I consider our honeymoon until next year sometime.  There are a lot of reasons for this -- H is out of work so finances are tight right now, I'd drained my PTO reserves leading up to the wedding, and I've been dealing with a broken foot that is still not completely healed after 6 months.

I can see where OP and others are coming from in being annoyed by it, but meh... some people just don't have the luxury of being able to take a trip immediately after their wedding.

lurkergirl

Maggie0829 said:

lyndausvi said:

jenna8984 said:

@lyndausvi I didn't think of it like that. I go on 1 big international trip per year and also a 1 week domestic trip each year (with husband). So to us, the honeymoon was the trip directly after the wedding because that differentiated it with our other trips. I guess it is different for people who have never been on a nice vacation together. I'm so used to that word being associated with wedding, so it seems weird to use that word years later.

Sometimes you have to put yourself in someone else's shoes.   It sounds like they haven't been away with just each other.   For some people it's just not easy to find the time and money to go on a big trip.  Especially with a young child.    

If for the last 2.5 years they have told each other they will one day get the time and money to finally take a trip together, who am I to care if they still want to call it their HM?  If that keeps them motivates, good for them.

It's easy for people like to us to take for granted how lucky we are to have the PTO and funds to take such trips on a regular basis. I know I have in the past.

This is H and I.  We haven't been on a trip together alone since our HM 3 years ago.  So whenever we do get to go on a trip together (that doesn't involve our dog and driving down to my parents in Florida or going to the ocean and staying in the same condo as his parents) it will be a big deal for us.  I mean we won't call it anything but it will be a big deal.  Or maybe we will call it something...Maggie and H's Excellent Adventure?  Yes?  No?

Do I think it is silly to call a romantic vacation two years after you been married a HM?  Yes, but I do get why finally getting that kind of trip is exciting and something to want to celebrate.

Haha, are you me?  This sounds exactly like us.  On the one hand it's great because we spend most of our summer weekends at the beach and lake, but our dog is always with us, the family is with us more than half the time, and it's not the same as like "our" vacation.

We've been together almost 7 years and have never been on a plane together.  We were both lucky enough to travel a good bit when we were younger, but it's so much harder to get away now.  Especially with a dog that has issues and basically can't be away from us.  We have our wedding and HM, plus 2 OOT weddings next year, so it'll be really interesting to figure that out!

huskypuppy14

My husband and I bought a house around the same time as our wedding. We moved the week after our wedding. We went on a mini honeymoon, but it was just our regular vacation to the beach.

We plan to take a big honeymoon in February. We've never been on a plane together either, and we don't travel a lot.

If people want to judge me because I'll have been married 8 months not 6 or less or whatever random timeline , that's their problem not mine.  I give zero fucks what anyone thinks.

I think if it's your first big vacation together, it can be your honeymoon. People take "the honeymoon they never had" 25 years later. Good for them.  

jenna8984

Good points y'all, I confirm my OP that I was just being a bitch about it

Vacations are such a normal part of my life, I overlooked that it's not the case for others and it's very exciting for them.

larrygaga

It's cool that they did get a honeymoon after all. 

I think it's really weird to share pictures and gush over your honeymoon on FB. I always thought it was a big secret thing that nobody but the couple gets to know about. 

thisismynickname2

larrygaga said:

It's cool that they did get a honeymoon after all. 

I think it's really weird to share pictures and gush over your honeymoon on FB. I always thought it was a big secret thing that nobody but the couple gets to know about. 

This is a digression, but....

I'm in the camp that is fortunate to get to travel frequently. DH and I had been on several small trips together before getting married. I love posting our travel photos and I love stalking other people's travel photos, so of course I wanted to post honeymoon photos. Italy, y'all! 

DH didn't want me to post any. He said, "A honeymoon is specifically a $*x vacation. It's weird to post honeymoon photos." My retort was, "Everyone travels, and what do you think happens during travels? Couples stay celibate?"

I always draw the line at, "Check out our honeymoon suite!" No, just no. I don't need that visual. To that end, I posted no hotel room pics, just scenery and stuff.  

jenna8984

thisismynickname said:

larrygaga said:

It's cool that they did get a honeymoon after all. 

I think it's really weird to share pictures and gush over your honeymoon on FB. I always thought it was a big secret thing that nobody but the couple gets to know about. 

This is a digression, but....

I'm in the camp that is fortunate to get to travel frequently. DH and I had been on several small trips together before getting married. I love posting our travel photos and I love stalking other people's travel photos, so of course I wanted to post honeymoon photos. Italy, y'all! 

DH didn't want me to post any. He said, "A honeymoon is specifically a $*x vacation. It's weird to post honeymoon photos." My retort was, "Everyone travels, and what do you think happens during travels? Couples stay celibate?"

I always draw the line at, "Check out our honeymoon suite!" No, just no. I don't need that visual. To that end, I posted no hotel room pics, just scenery and stuff.  

Same here! I posted a few of us snorkeling or swimming in the ocean and that's it. A girl on my FB (not the girl in original question) posted herself in a robe on the bed eating chocolate covered strawberries and it's like ew dude, no.

KatieinBkln

Eh, I think it's cool as long as they didn't have one earlier. A lot of places will give you free perks/etc. if you mention it's your honeymoon, so I don't blame them for calling it that.

Also @thisismynickname I seriously had to stare at $*x for like 30 seconds before I understood what was going on. Just say sex, woman!

Cookie Pusher

In 13 years together, DH and I have been on vacation together... twice? Every other time we've traveled, it has been for something work or family related. We both travel with some frequency, but rarely together. Like, the stars have to align and planets need to shift for us to both get extended time off at the same time.

kmmssg

You know, it has been 18 years and we STILL have not gone on a honeymoon.  We had 4 girls to blend into a family plus a 16 month old son (who is now 19).  We have gone to WDW, DC, and Atlanta as a family unit of some type and some of those were work trips of mine that I turned into vacays.  One day, I will have my belated honeymoon and I will call it that with no  shame, but I won't try to play it for any honeymoon freebies or upgrades.  But, dammit it will be the honeymoon I have waited a long time for.  (and if he is at all smart it had better be a warm, tropical, fruity umbrella drink kinda place)

MollyandD

southernbelle0915 said:

I guess I just don't care. 

Anymore, a lot of people I know are delaying their honeymoons because of work and reasons. We have some friends who got married in June and are taking their "honeymoon" in April of next year because they just couldn't take the time off work after the wedding. I mean, I guess it's not technically a honeymoon, or is it? Whatever I don't really care.

I don't care either. My husband and I got married in June. We paid for everything ourselves, and so we made the decision to not have a honeymoon right then. That way, we were able to pay for everything we wanted. We can always take a honeymoon, but we can't have another wedding. Plus, I had a graduate course that started the Monday after our wedding. I didn't want to take time off school. 

We are now planning a cruise for the end of next May. Once wedding stuff was paid for and done, we saved for a couple months and booked the cruise as our honeymoon. It's long after our wedding, but this is the time that works better for us. 

canadianhearts

lyndausvi said:

I travel often.  I do not just go to the beach house, I do big trips.  I do them so often I do not need to label them.

 I have some friends and family who never travel at all.  A big trip to them is a HUGE deal.  Especially if you have kids.  My own brother and wife never took a HM or any trip alone.  They have a 20 year old in college and a 16 year old.  They have plans to go away when the 16 year old leaves for school.       After being  married for 25 years they are finally going somewhere together without the kids. I have no problem with them call that their HM or not.  I just do not care.

I feel the same way as you. I'm lucky enough to get to travel a lot with my FI, so I think for us our honeymoon will be the special trip we take right after our wedding. At the same time, I wouldn't care at all if a couple who had to delay their post-wedding trip for money or family reasons called it a honeymoon two years later. To each their own.

banana468

DH and I took a short trip to the north fork of LI for 4 days after we got married fully intending to take a big honeymoon eventually. 7 years and 2 kids later, I think the honeymoon is on hold indefinitely. When we get to take a romantic vacation without kids, you can bet your sweet ass I'm calling it a honeymoon.

lovesclimbing

jenna8984 said:

thisismynickname said:

larrygaga said:

It's cool that they did get a honeymoon after all. 

I think it's really weird to share pictures and gush over your honeymoon on FB. I always thought it was a big secret thing that nobody but the couple gets to know about. 

This is a digression, but....

I'm in the camp that is fortunate to get to travel frequently. DH and I had been on several small trips together before getting married. I love posting our travel photos and I love stalking other people's travel photos, so of course I wanted to post honeymoon photos. Italy, y'all! 

DH didn't want me to post any. He said, "A honeymoon is specifically a $*x vacation. It's weird to post honeymoon photos." My retort was, "Everyone travels, and what do you think happens during travels? Couples stay celibate?"

I always draw the line at, "Check out our honeymoon suite!" No, just no. I don't need that visual. To that end, I posted no hotel room pics, just scenery and stuff.  

Same here! I posted a few of us snorkeling or swimming in the ocean and that's it. A girl on my FB (not the girl in original question) posted herself in a robe on the bed eating chocolate covered strawberries and it's like ew dude, no.

abbyj700

Honestly - if any of our friends did this, I'd be SUPER happy for them. We have enough friends with super busy jobs, kids, towers of bills, no vacation, no dog sitter or a mix of them all. If they were not fortunate enough to be able to take their honeymoon right after their marriage - I'd be extremely happy for them if they made the stars align so that they could finally have a romantic trip for two!

As we own our own home, I'm an independent consultant and FI has ZERO vacation days where he works - paying for a wedding - not the honeymoon - has been our top priority. We're not going in to debt, we're trying not to touch too much of stocks, bonds, long term savings - but we have. We were blessed enough that my boss gifted us an amazing honeymoon that we are going on. If it wasn't for that - we most likely would have been in the 6 months to a year category for our honeymoon - and it wouldn't near as awesome as the 7 days in Aruba we're doing. 

I honestly find this topic a little off putting. Yeah, you get to travel all the time, you have the money and all the time off in the world. Most people don't. We ain't hungry in my house - but we surely aren't so rich we'd put others down for having to delay their honeymoon due to finances, work and children.

jenna8984

abbyj700 said:

 

I honestly find this topic a little off putting. Yeah, you get to travel all the time, you have the money and all the time off in the world. Most people don't. We ain't hungry in my house - but we surely aren't so rich we'd put others down for having to delay their honeymoon due to finances, work and children.

Sorry, I didn't mean to come off this way. Because actually I only have 10 vacation days per year which is much less than most of my friends who get 3-4 weeks. I find mine a far cry from "all the time in the world". And we budget our money very carefully to afford vacations, so I don't like when people point fingers like you must make so much money. No, we are an average couple with average paychecks and a mortgage- we just forgo things like eating out, shopping, new cars, etc so that we can take our trips. So sorry that I don't feel bad for people when I watch them blow all their money food, purses, pot/ beer and then cry that they can't take vacations. (Not you, people I know).

abbyj700

jenna8984 said:

abbyj700 said:

 

I honestly find this topic a little off putting. Yeah, you get to travel all the time, you have the money and all the time off in the world. Most people don't. We ain't hungry in my house - but we surely aren't so rich we'd put others down for having to delay their honeymoon due to finances, work and children.

Sorry, I didn't mean to come off this way. Because actually I only have 10 vacation days per year which is much less than most of my friends who get 3-4 weeks. I find mine a far cry from "all the time in the world". And we budget our money very carefully to afford vacations, so I don't like when people point fingers like you must make so much money. No, we are an average couple with average paychecks and a mortgage- we just forgo things like eating out, shopping, new cars, etc so that we can take our trips. So sorry that I don't feel bad for people when I watch them blow all their money food, purses, pot/ beer and then cry that they can't take vacations. (Not you, people I know).

Oh trust me- I get it. People make comments to us about some of the money we spend. And I point out that those are the things we've decided to spend money on. We don't have cable and internet, I don't have a car payment and FI's is literally $50 a month. They kinda look at me like I'm crazy that we have rabbit ears so we can have big dinner parties for our friends and that I drive a ten year old car so that if we want to go to brunch and have tons of drinks every Sunday during football season. Not to mention FI's mom thinks we are loaded and wasteful for having a $15k wedding - when really we've been scrimping and saving all year. You spend your money how it's best for you.

And vacation...I have none. As a consultant - I get paid when I work. And FI has none as his company just doesn't. Consider your 2 week's a blessing! :-)