2 MOH? How do I ask them to be in my wedding?

auoneal

I want my sister to be my MOH, but she currently lives in the Netherlands.  I have a close friend that is near by that I also want to be my MOH.  She is due to have a baby in February 2015 and my wedding is in October 2015.  I would love to have her up there with me, she is as close to me as a sister is, but I know she will have a lot going on as well.  Plus, it would be nice to have some help locally since my sister will not be in the country until probably a week or so before the wedding.  My questions is a 2-part:

1. Do I have conversations with both of them explaining why I want 2 MOH?  

2. I was planning on asking all of my attendants formally at our engagement party.  Do I need to ask them unofficially before so they don't feel put on the spot if they need to think about it or see if is is something they will have time for?

I am a total planning newbie!  Any helpful advice is welcomed.  Thanks ladies!

[Deleted User]

Who would you call to help you bury a body at 3am?  Those are your attendants.  It doesn't matter if they live on the moon or will be adopting 8 kids next week.  They are you besties and should be in your wedding party.

Don't ask anyone to be in your wedding until you're around 9 months away from your wedding.  Then ask them all individually and personally.  This allows them to say no if they need to.

The only thing you should expect from your bridesmaids is to stand next to you at your wedding, sober, maybe while wearing a dress you selected for them.  If you're expecting a new mother to help you address your invitations, I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed.  If you're expecting someone who lives across the pond to plan your bachelorette party, I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed.  You should plan your wedding with your fiance maybe with some help from your parents if they're helping to pay for it.

Please don't explain to them why you need two MOHs.  It's an honor and shouldn't require an explanation.  "Hey sis, will you be one of my Matrons of Honor?  I'd really like you to wear a pretty purple dress and stand next to me when I marry John."  If it requires anymore explanation than that, you're doing it wrong.

Jen4948

Just ask them directly-in separate conversations.  Don't give them gifts when you ask them, and don't try to do it in a "cute," "clever," "funny," or "original" way.  Remember, these are people you are asking for a very big favor.  Don't make them feel pressured into saying yes-especially if for financial or other reasons they might have to say no.

AddieCake

Don't ask anyone in front of anyone else. And you don't need to explain to them why you want two MsOH. 

ETA: Make sure you understand that any "help" should be voluntary and that you aren't expecting it as a "duty" of your local MOH.

OliveOilsMom

auoneal said:

I want my sister to be my MOH, but she currently lives in the Netherlands.  I have a close friend that is near by that I also want to be my MOH.  She is due to have a baby in February 2015 and my wedding is in October 2015.  I would love to have her up there with me, she is as close to me as a sister is, but I know she will have a lot going on as well.  Plus, it would be nice to have some help locally since my sister will not be in the country until probably a week or so before the wedding.  My questions is a 2-part:

1. Do I have conversations with both of them explaining why I want 2 MOH?  

2. I was planning on asking all of my attendants formally at our engagement party.  Do I need to ask them unofficially before so they don't feel put on the spot if they need to think about it or see if is is something they will have time for?

I am a total planning newbie!  Any helpful advice is welcomed.  Thanks ladies!

I had 2 MOHs, my sister and BFF.  I simply couldn't choose between them and I told them that.  I didn't ask my BFF to be co-MOH because I knew she would plan me parties, that wasn't even a consideration.  So if you want both ask them, privately.  

Since your sister is overseas, I would try to make BM dress shopping as easy as possible.  Give each BM a color swatch and ask them to find any dress they want in that color.  It will also be good for the new mom, since her body will be changing so much, she can wait until closer to the wedding to get a dress.

southernbelle0915

Just ask then privately and say "I love you - you're a wonderful friend and I'd love having you stand up for me at the wedding."

Simple and from the heart > cheesy BM proposal.

Viczaesar

auoneal said:

I want my sister to be my MOH, but she currently lives in the Netherlands.  I have a close friend that is near by that I also want to be my MOH.  She is due to have a baby in February 2015 and my wedding is in October 2015.  I would love to have her up there with me, she is as close to me as a sister is, but I know she will have a lot going on as well.  Plus, it would be nice to have some help locally since my sister will not be in the country until probably a week or so before the wedding.  My questions is a 2-part:

1. Do I have conversations with both of them explaining why I want 2 MOH?  

2. I was planning on asking all of my attendants formally at our engagement party.  Do I need to ask them unofficially before so they don't feel put on the spot if they need to think about it or see if is is something they will have time for?

I am a total planning newbie!  Any helpful advice is welcomed.  Thanks ladies!

The bolded should have nothing at all to do with whom you pick as MOH.  MOH is an honorary role, it does not come with duties.

Knottie30728405

I have 1 MOH and 1 Co-MOH. Sounds weird but my MOH is my Sister-in-law to be and she's moving to Florida the year of my wedding and won't be able to help with planning...however, I love her to pieces. My Co-MOH is one of my BF and I can't imagine her not standing up there with me. She's awesome at planning and is excited to help. They are both friends so it worked out perfectly.

WhatawagSBNy

If your sister likely can make it to the wedding but not earlier for other things, she is fine to be MOH.
If she sounds reluctant it may not be because she does not want to do it, but because she knows that international travel is often such a headache that she knows that even if she does arrive in time for a shower or rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner, She might prefer a day or more to catch up from travel jet lag, with no ideas of having to be anyplace specific, even doing hair and makeup.

Happy to watch from the family row. And this may leave her more flexibility to use some time to see family and friends since she has come so far at such a price. So don't tell anyone else about it before you ask, or before she thinks it over.

2 MOH are fine.

Never ask anyone with others present. Even if you have promised each other to be in BP since you were kids. That could be the date of a professional exam or maybe she or her SO are in 2 other weddings in a short time and she made those commitments first.

Although it is possible to announce a wedding party at the engagement party, that fixes it in everyone's mind, and changes become awkward. You may just want to say, I have talked to a couple of ladies but not to others, so my lips are sealed. Stay tuned.