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Re: "Will You Be My Bridesmaid?" Boxes

  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Are you going to meet up with them and ask them individually?
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

    image
    slothiegal
  • slothiegalslothiegal The Sloth Farm member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    OP, the reason for the responses you're getting is because grand gestures such as this have the potential to put a lot of pressure on those you are asking.  There are a million reasons why someone may not be able to be a bridesmaid (time, money, just don't LIKE being in weddings, etc.), and these gifts can sometimes make a friend feel like they CAN'T say no (especially if they are asking in a group, hence beethery's question).  Food for thought.  (You are incredibly crafty though, and if you're planning on doing a lot of DIY for your wedding, I think it will be absolutely lovely based on what I've seen.)



    Now, I'm personally curious as to what all is on the "roles" insert, as there seems to be a lot more on that sheet than "get a dress" and "show up"...




    ETF spelling.
    Anniversary

    image
    esstee33doeydo
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited October 2014

    Hi!

    Newly engaged and very excited to get my girls on board, I have made the boxes of love that you may have seen floating around Pinterest (and elsewhere, I suppose). When I was embarking on this project I looked around a lot for inspiration, so I thought I'd share my own project for anyone else doing the same!

    I started with these boxes. They were 60% off at Michael’s-- $1.50!


    I decorated the tops using ModPodge and scrapbook paper. I made the “logo” with my Cricut machine—a scrapbooking machine that looks like a paper but cuts out shapes, etc. Once it was all glued down, I tripped the edges with a bit of ribbon and added some pretty white lace and flowers.

     

    Here’s all the goodies I packed inside!


     First there’s the packet of papers—information on the dresses, the roles for the girls, a list of the bridesmaids (with phone numbers), info about the color scheme and “theme”, and a collage of inspiration photos.


     Since it’s a winter wedding, I skipped the champagne & fancy glasses and included hand-painted mugs, hot cocoa, and Bailey’s. As far as the paining on glass thing—make sure you leave lots of time for the paint to dry in between coats or your first coat will move around and make a mess. They aren't exactly masterpieces, but I have heard that it is the thought that counts.


    A few other things are included: macaroons (from the lovely French bakery in my town), a vintage handkerchief (I bought a cheap lot of them on Ebay and washed them—they are lovely!), a nail polish in a coordinating color, a sparkly snowflake (as opposed to a flower—yay winter weddings!), paint swatches in my colors, and this, rolled and tied with ribbon:

     

    Here it is:



    I’m very happy with the way they turned out! I hope you like them too!


    ***************

    These are really cute, but the bolded paragraph is hella concerning. Have you actually asked these women to be in your wedding party yet? Have you asked them individually for their budgets, or have you just decided on a dress and are requiring them to buy that one? Also, your party doesn't have "roles." Their only job is to get the correct dress (within their budget, which you should be asking them for) and show up on the day of the wedding to stand next to you. That's it. They are not your brideslaves, no matter what Pinterest tells you.
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    [Deleted User]
  • slothiegalslothiegal The Sloth Farm member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Gah, thanks for quoting, esstee, and for bringing up the dress point--I forgot both in my post.  (I was too busy forgetting how to spell every other word.)
    Anniversary

    image
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    @slothiegal Got yr back, boo.
    image
  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird Bawlmer member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    Oh my.
    Fran1985
  • slothiegalslothiegal The Sloth Farm member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    esstee33 said:

    @slothiegal Got yr back, boo.

    Mwuah, thanks love!
    Anniversary

    image
    esstee33
  • Please don't take this as a dig, because I can tell you worked hard on this, but I would consider holding off on actually giving these to your bridesmaids. From the program picture, it looks like you're not getting married until January 2017. A lot can change in the next 2+ years. You might want to wait until your closer to your date to ask.

    Also, to echo PPs, please ask your bridesmaids for their budget before you tell them what dress their buying. And their only "role" should be to show up to your wedding on time, in their bridesmaid dress. Remember these are your best friends, not free labor to help you with your wedding.

    doeydo
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited October 2014
    Eeek, it looks like the bridesmaid roles list is a print out of this: http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/bridesmaids-duties-in-detail.aspx 

     OP, please don't give this to your potential bridesmaids!! This is demanding a lot from them, and these "duties" are not necessary.
    doeydo
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Hi!

    Newly engaged and very excited to get my girls on board, I have made the boxes of love that you may have seen floating around Pinterest (and elsewhere, I suppose). When I was embarking on this project I looked around a lot for inspiration, so I thought I'd share my own project for anyone else doing the same!

    I started with these boxes. They were 60% off at Michael’s-- $1.50!

    image

    I decorated the tops using ModPodge and scrapbook paper. I made the “logo” with my Cricut machine—a scrapbooking machine that looks like a paper but cuts out shapes, etc. Once it was all glued down, I tripped the edges with a bit of ribbon and added some pretty white lace and flowers.

     image

    Here’s all the goodies I packed inside!

    image

     First there’s the packet of papers—information on the dresses, the roles for the girls, a list of the bridesmaids (with phone numbers), info about the color scheme and “theme”, and a collage of inspiration photos.

    image

     Since it’s a winter wedding, I skipped the champagne & fancy glasses and included hand-painted mugs, hot cocoa, and Bailey’s. As far as the paining on glass thing—make sure you leave lots of time for the paint to dry in between coats or your first coat will move around and make a mess. They aren't exactly masterpieces, but I have heard that it is the thought that counts.

    image

    A few other things are included: macaroons (from the lovely French bakery in my town), a vintage handkerchief (I bought a cheap lot of them on Ebay and washed them—they are lovely!), a nail polish in a coordinating color, a sparkly snowflake (as opposed to a flower—yay winter weddings!), paint swatches in my colors, and this, rolled and tied with ribbon:

     image

     

    Here it is:

    image

    image

    image

    I’m very happy with the way they turned out! I hope you like them too!

     image

    Please let this be MUD. 

    My vision is horrid.  And enlarging these photos creates a blur that makes your "inserts" difficult to read.  However, I am almost certain I can read that you have named "point persons" for your shower and bachelorette parties.  It would also appear that you have requested that the other minions/BM's "follow their lead".  You have also included a disclaimer statement as to how participating in a wedding is a lot of work for a BM as well as expensive. 

    I am almost grateful I cannot read the complete text.

    OP, your wedding is not until 2017.  It is WAY to early to be asking friends to be in your bridal party.  You have made choices for things that directly impact your BM before knowing whether they will participate, and before speaking with them regarding their budgets. 

    It is not your girls that need to "get on board".  I strongly encourage you to read/lurk these boards and figure out the difference between gracious bride/friend and bridezilla. 
    doeydo[Deleted User]
  • edited October 2014

    Good job on the DIY, but as others have said, you are putting them in an incredibly uncomfortable situation. And you are asking way way way too early.

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    doeydo[Deleted User]
  • wandajune6wandajune6 Chicago-ish member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Please don't do this.

    It's way too early and you seem to have huge expectations of your bridesmaids. It's extraordinarily thoughtless to lay all of this on someone.

    If you do this, I expect to see you posting here over the next few years about bridesmaids that disappoint and feelings of being deserted by your friends.

    Remember: your bridesmaids are your friends, not your bitches.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    doeydo[Deleted User]
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yikes. You need to dial it back. This is way over the top.

    doeydo
  • I'd recommend asking each girl, and then give them the boxes LATER. Just in case any say no, you don't want to show her that you already printed her name on the contact list. It can be uncomfortable. I'd also skip dress info until you talked to them about budgets and concerns. The boxes are cute, and they may really love them, but just wait until they agree to give the boxes out.
  • We must have scared her off?
    image
    mrsk616
  • slothiegalslothiegal The Sloth Farm member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper

    We must have scared her off?

    What a waste of me being nice for once. Sigh.
    Anniversary

    image
    esstee33theartistformerlyknownas
  • Well, since I'm kind of lurking, when is a good time to ask the girls to be a bridesmaid?  And if they agree to do it, can you still send them a cute gift like a wine glass and small bottle of wine?  Just trying to see what's right and wrong.

  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Well, since I'm kind of lurking, when is a good time to ask the girls to be a bridesmaid?  And if they agree to do it, can you still send them a cute gift like a wine glass and small bottle of wine?  Just trying to see what's right and wrong.


    It's usually best to ask them 9-10 months before the wedding. That way, they have adequate time to purchase a dress and make arrangements as necessary. Friendships can change over time, so it's best to wait a bit before asking.

    I think a wine glass & bottle of wine are great gifts (assuming they enjoy wine, of course).  I would suggest purchasing the gift after she has accepted.  It's awkward to say no to someone when she is giving you a gift along with the question.

    OP's idea includes bridesmaid "duties" and other things that are a bit presumptuous and assume that the women will say yes.
  • You did a lovely job on these, and it was a very nice package!  :) Your attention to all these details shows that you are very dedicated and detail oriented, and filled with enthusiasm. Good for you!

    All that having been said, please please don't give these to anyone.

    This should not be a 'asking' gift. It's simply too much pressure. You already have their line up and prices and duties on there, and sorry, but that just too much pressure and expectations when you're asking someone. 

    This is something you should give AFTER they've said yes!

    You should NOT give them to the girls until every. single. one. is confirmed. 

    I get it- the cute 'asking people to be your bridesmaid' thing is truly adorable on pinterest. In reality, it's better to send a 'thank you for agreeing to be my bridesmaid!' gift, if you are so inclined.The things I would remove: anything about duties and prices, any personal information about the other bridal party members. And your very thorough paperwork is more logistical stuff that should be done much closer to the wedding (like a few months ahead at most.) 

    You should also not give them to them for another year at least.

    I agree with the other ladies, this is very early- like others said, a lot can happen in over two years- as hard as it can be to think about that. I'm lucky in that almost everyone in my bridal party is someone I've known for over a decade-but on top of that, my engagement was very short- only 7 months.  If I was given 2+ yrs, I would not be planning my wedding quite yet- as so very much can change in that time- and most venues won't even take a look more than a year in advance. 

    I'm so sorry to say this, when you are obviously very excited, and have done an amazing job putting these together down to the last detail.

    Best of luck! 

    [Deleted User]
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Well, since I'm kind of lurking, when is a good time to ask the girls to be a bridesmaid?  And if they agree to do it, can you still send them a cute gift like a wine glass and small bottle of wine?  Just trying to see what's right and wrong.

    I'd ask about 10 months before. You can absolutely send a gift like that after they accept. I think a bottle of wine is perfect. 

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    The bad side of Pinterest has taken hold of OP and is dragging her down the bridezilla tunnel of craziness.

    holyguacamole79Fran1985 Blue_Birdmrsk616
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited October 2014
    Well done, OP. I'd still ditch the print out of "duties" from the Knot, though. Enjoy your engagement!
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hi everyone! Thank you so much for all of your feedback, it was really kind of you to give your thoughts. You didn't scare me, lol-- I'm just not on here daily. 

    I should have qualified that I've already confirmed most of this information with the girls, who have been known bridesmaids for years. Nothing in there would surprise them.  I promise I'm not insane! A lot of the criticisms you all aired-- totally legitimate, I may add-- are totally heard and I will take them into consideration. Maybe I will leave out the papers and just give them the present portion after everyone officially says "yes", and perhaps I will wait a while (or a year) first. I can eat macaroons. 

    Sorry, I am very embarrassed! I just got a little over excited, and I tend to be a hyper-communicator who believes that being straightforward is the best way to avoid miscommunication. I guess I need to practice. I'm glad I posted and got feedback. 

    I appreciate it ladies, thank you :) 


    You handled that criticism really well. Don't be embarrassed! And stick around. Lots of good advice here ;-) 

    theartistformerlyknownasBlue_BirdKnottie70764111haleyk620
  • Not 100% grace-- you will notice that I have changed my "avatar" and am hiding my face (and what's more, FI's face) in embarrassment. haha! I will ditch all the printouts. Much appreciated, I've never been a bridesmaid before-- I thought I was being clear and helpful, so thank you for being honest and helping me to get my head out of my bum. 
    ohannabelle[Deleted User]hellohkb
  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Hi everyone! Thank you so much for all of your feedback, it was really kind of you to give your thoughts. You didn't scare me, lol-- I'm just not on here daily. 

    I should have qualified that I've already confirmed most of this information with the girls, who have been known bridesmaids for years. Nothing in there would surprise them.  I promise I'm not insane! A lot of the criticisms you all aired-- totally legitimate, I may add-- are totally heard and I will take them into consideration. Maybe I will leave out the papers and just give them the present portion after everyone officially says "yes", and perhaps I will wait a while (or a year) first. I can eat macaroons. 

    Sorry, I am very embarrassed! I just got a little over excited, and I tend to be a hyper-communicator who believes that being straightforward is the best way to avoid miscommunication. I guess I need to practice. I'm glad I posted and got feedback. 

    I appreciate it ladies, thank you :) 


    I love this. You are good.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

    image
    ohannabelle[Deleted User]Megalega14sallieisgettingmarried
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