Wedding Party Dilemma - Ask Future Sister In Law or Not

cem1118

I am having quite a hard time deciding whether or not to ask my future sister in law to be a bridesmaid at my wedding. Me and my fiance have been together for over 5 years and recently got engaged. Me and his sister really don't have a relationship and she seems to not care much for me. I am always friendly to her and it seems that it doesn't get anywhere with her. She seems to think that I am going to take her brother away from her and the family. She is a little immature and she has strong opinions that she isn't afraid to share. Part of me wants to ask her to be a bridesmaid in hopes that it would help with our relationship and make her realize I have no intention of keeping her brother away from his family but the other Part of me feels that she will be quick to voice her personal opinion regarding everything. I don't need someone that is going to be petty in my wedding party and cause me an unnecessary amount of stress. I am also afraid if I don't ask her it may cause an issue with his family, I have plenty of girlfriends that I know would be happy to step up and be in the wedding. Any advice?

Maggie0829

Your wedding party should consist of those that are nearest and dearest to you.  Just because she is your FSIL does not mean that you automatically have to include her.  If your FI wants her to be in the wedding then he can ask her to stand up on his side.

And typically asking someone that you aren't close with and may not be that big of a fan of yours very rarely works out well.

novella1186

Do not ask her. You shouldn't ask someone just cuz you feel obligated or cuz it might make your crappy relationship better. You're right; it's going to cause you a lot of unnecessary stress. 

Your wedding is about you and your FI, not about FSIL or your relationship with her. Leave her out of the WP and let it be something for you to enjoy, as it should be. 

[Deleted User]

Wait to select your wedding party until you're around 9 months out from your wedding.  Then, when you do make those selections, ask the people YOU are close to regardless of age or gender.  Sure, your brother may not come to your shower or bachelorette party, but since his only job is to stand next to you at your wedding (in the proper attire), he can do that regardless of being a dude.

flantastic

Being in someone's wedding party doesn't usually solve relationship problems or deepen relationships, and depending on the parties involved, it sometimes creates problems. Since you're not close, don't ask her. It won't help anything.

AddieCake

If you don't have a relationship with her, the answer is no.

levioosa

Don't ask her if you aren't close.  If you want to convey that you care about her and want her to be a part, could she do a reading?  That being said, it might be in your best interest just to leave her out of the process all together, especially if she is prone to dramatics.  

yates2015

DO NOT DO THIS. I did this, and she is no longer in the wedding after she started some crazy drama. 

Good luck!

climbingsingle

Don't ask her to be in the wedding. I would also suggest asking her to do a reading. And if it's important to you to have a relationship with her, try asking her out for lunch. Do some bonding stuff - things like that. 

OliveOilsMom

The third sentence of your post answers your question for you.  You are not close to each other.  If your FI wants his sister to stand on his side, that is up to your FI.  She could also do a reading.

zitiqueen

cem1118 said:

I am having quite a hard time deciding whether or not to ask my future sister in law to be a bridesmaid at my wedding. Me and my fiance have been together for over 5 years and recently got engaged. Me and his sister really don't have a relationship and she seems to not care much for me. I am always friendly to her and it seems that it doesn't get anywhere with her. She seems to think that I am going to take her brother away from her and the family. She is a little immature and she has strong opinions that she isn't afraid to share. Part of me wants to ask her to be a bridesmaid in hopes that it would help with our relationship and make her realize I have no intention of keeping her brother away from his family but the other Part of me feels that she will be quick to voice her personal opinion regarding everything. I don't need someone that is going to be petty in my wedding party and cause me an unnecessary amount of stress. I am also afraid if I don't ask her it may cause an issue with his family, I have plenty of girlfriends that I know would be happy to step up and be in the wedding. Any advice?

Seriously? No.

No no no no no.

You are giving this girl way too much power. If your FI wants her to stand up in his wedding, he can ask her and she can stand on his side with him. None of this is your problem or your responsibility.

lunardaydreaming

To echo the other responses: Nope. I wouldn't ask her. An engaged co-worker and I were just discussing this. You're not obligated to include someone for any reason (in my opinion), if you are not close with them. I think that the (potential) stress of being in a bridal party would only intensify any issues in a friendship, not help them! Good luck

pearlluo

In order to show your kindness to her,you can ask her to be your BM.That is my opinion!

Bubblegum5586

Honestly, sometimes I wish that I had asked my future SIL (H's brother's wife) because as planning went on she told me to let her know when the bach parties and showers were because she wanted to help (since I had planned her baby shower etc). I told her I would tell my BM and they would reach out to her. Well when the time came she was BS that they asked for help and kept saying "well I am not a BM so I should just be a guest". My BMs were in no way demanding of help, they were just told (by me from SIL) that she wanted to help!

It led to a lot of drama of her hating my friends and not speaking to me for a few months (including at the wedding). Sometimes I wonder if I had asked her to be a BM if it could have all been avoided... but then I think... how could I ever consider someone like that a close friend? I now keep her at arms length

larrygaga

pearlluo said:

In order to show your kindness to her,you can ask her to be your BM.That is my opinion!

It's not a kindness to ask someone to be a bridesmaid. Nobody is lining up going OH PLEASE PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME. 

When you say it like that, it makes me think the bride is some benevolent being that blesses a girl with the honor of being a bridesmaid. 

landa10315

I've been in 2 weddings, and both times the bride did this. BOTH time it did not work out we Other weddings of close friends that I've attended did this. It has NEVER worked out well. Do not do I unless you are close. It will not solve family drama!

minttobemrsb

I would NOT ask her to be in your wedding. I was recently MOH in my best friend's wedding and she had the same problem. Both of the other siblings were in the wedding so they felt obligated to invite her. She showed up late and hungover,without her dress or her part of the group gift we gave to the bride. She also had to leave during pictures to throw up. Clearly, I don't think your FSIL would do this, I'm just point out that having someone in your wedding is a big deal and it needs to be people you are close to and that tou trust to help you on your big day. 

With all that being said, my FSIL will be in my wedding. My FI and I have been together about 2 years and we are both SUPER close to each others families. I have sat around doing her hair, helping with prom, and providing another girl to talk to since she has grown up overwhelmingly surrounded by boys. MY sister is my MOH and FBIL is the best man, so we felt appropriate to have her as a bridesmaid, especially since she and I are semi-close. 

Jen4948

If she's someone that you're not close to and would be very critical of you and the choices you make, then I think it doesn't make sense to ask her.