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Bridesmaid Number Game: 3 Future Sister In-Laws

My Fiance comes from a large family and a small town. I come from "the city" and am an only child.  The issue we're struggling with the most is whether to include his 3 sisters as bridesmaids, especially since I have no brothers to contribute to his side.  His sisters have always been kind to me, but we've never lived in the same place for me to bond with, yet on the flip side I've now moved to their hometown and hope to grow closer from here on out. 

I have several girl friends that have been actively present in my fiance and my relationship over the past 5 years.  Do I suck it up and have 8 bridesmaids (although that seems like so many) to include his sisters as well as all my girls, or is there another way to appropriately incorporate them into the wedding without them feeling left out? I'd hate to dampen the relationship before its had a chance to flourish! Thank you!

Re: Bridesmaid Number Game: 3 Future Sister In-Laws

  • IrishPirate60IrishPirate60 Clare Island member
    Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Why can't his sisters stand with him and you with your friends?
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    It sounds like you have 5 friends that you want to be bridesmaids, right?  
    You have a few options.
    1) Include them, and have 8
    2) Include them, but not invite all five friends
    3) Have them on your FI's side instead of yours
    4) Don't include them in the bridal party or the ceremony at all
    5) If you have a more involved ceremony, they could be readers; if one is talented at singing, being a cantor is an option. 

    I'm actually wondering what your FI wants to do. You truly don't have to include his sisters; I doubt they'd be hurt. However, it would be a nice gesture. If he really wants them to stand, it would be best to have them stand. 
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    cafarriePrettyGirlLost
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Personally if you are not that close to them now then you should not include them in your wedding party.  Invite them as guests, give them some corsages to denote them as VIPs and call it a day.

    If your FI wants them included then he can ask them to stand on his side.

    [Deleted User]doeydoshort+sassyhuskypuppy14
  • I would prefer to be a guest than a bridesmaid.  If you still want to include them in mani/pedi day or in getting your hair and makeup done the day of the wedding, they don't have to be bridesmaids to do that.  If you're not that close, I wouldn't think they're expecting to bridesmaids, so I'd just get them corsages and call it a day.
    short+sassy
  • It doesn't sound like you don't want to NOT include them either. I agree that 8 sounds like a lot, but it's not the number that matters, but the people. Do you have more time before you have to ask to see if these relationships grow?

    I always think family is the best way to go. I was in my ex-SIL & BIL's wedding. I was asked because sides needed to be even but at the time I didn't care and was excited to be in the wedding. H and I were dating just over a year when the wedding happened (so she asked me like 6 months into our relationship). It felt great to really be included in this family event, and really made us closer. Unfortunately the marriage didn't last so it's sort of a moot point now...
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    Anniversary
  • peachy13peachy13 in my cubicle, doing very important work member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I was a similar boat with 2 sisters of my own, 5 really good girlfriends, and also 2 FSILs. In the end I asked everyone, and am really, really happy I did. Not only are my FSILs super excited to be in the wedding, but I think we've really come closer as a big family. 

    So I have 9 bridesmaids, but everyone I want to be in my bridal party is in it now, and that makes me happy!
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers


    mhoffman17
  • My Fiance comes from a large family and a small town. I come from "the city" and am an only child.  The issue we're struggling with the most is whether to include his 3 sisters as bridesmaids, especially since I have no brothers to contribute to his side.  His sisters have always been kind to me, but we've never lived in the same place for me to bond with, yet on the flip side I've now moved to their hometown and hope to grow closer from here on out. 

    I have several girl friends that have been actively present in my fiance and my relationship over the past 5 years.  Do I suck it up and have 8 bridesmaids (although that seems like so many) to include his sisters as well as all my girls, or is there another way to appropriately incorporate them into the wedding without them feeling left out? I'd hate to dampen the relationship before its had a chance to flourish! Thank you!
    Yeah. If your H wants them in his wedding, he can ask them to stand with him on his side. Just because they have vaginas doesn't mean they can only stand on your side.

    [Deleted User]
  • Thanks for all the responses!  In the end, we decided it was important to not hinder any future relationships with his sisters before I give it a chance to start.  I have agreed to have them on my side and we will both just have 8 beside us - being a traditional wedding we wanted it to be even and not force the girls to walk with each other just because they were on 'his' side.

    My biggest reservation of having 8 bridesmaids is the phrase 'too many cooks in the kitchen' so before asking my 'maids I picked out their dresses and hair/makeup details to avoid any conflict! It has worked out perfectly. 

    Again, thanks everyone!


  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Thanks for all the responses!  In the end, we decided it was important to not hinder any future relationships with his sisters before I give it a chance to start.  I have agreed to have them on my side and we will both just have 8 beside us - being a traditional wedding we wanted it to be even and not force the girls to walk with each other just because they were on 'his' side.

    My biggest reservation of having 8 bridesmaids is the phrase 'too many cooks in the kitchen' so before asking my 'maids I picked out their dresses and hair/makeup details to avoid any conflict! It has worked out perfectly. 

    Again, thanks everyone!


    You do realize that an even wedding party does not make a wedding traditional, right?

    And I hope you asked people's budgets before picking out a dress.  And why are you dictating their hair and makeup?  If you are requiring them to get their hair and makeup done professionally then you need to pay for it.

    PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]Dreamergirl8812
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Thanks for all the responses!  In the end, we decided it was important to not hinder any future relationships with his sisters before I give it a chance to start.  I have agreed to have them on my side and we will both just have 8 beside us - being a traditional wedding we wanted it to be even and not force the girls to walk with each other just because they were on 'his' side.

    My biggest reservation of having 8 bridesmaids is the phrase 'too many cooks in the kitchen' so before asking my 'maids I picked out their dresses and hair/makeup details to avoid any conflict! It has worked out perfectly. 

    Again, thanks everyone!


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    slothiegalpeachy13
  • Yeah two women walking down an aisle next to each other. What will people think?! I avoid walking next to any woman ever just in case someone thinks we're not traditional (I mean straight). 

    FI has two sisters. I love his sisters, but I'm closer other friend's of mine and haven't planned on asking them to be my bridesmaids. He's planning on asking them to be his groomswomen. We're pretty sure they won't grow penises because of this.

    I will keep everyone up to date if either of them happen to sprout a penis after standing up with their brother.
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    PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you don't feel close enough to them now that you wouldn't ordinarily ask them then I just wouldn't "suck it up" and ask them to make someone else happy. They could stand on your FI's side or they can be readers if "including" them to avoid hurt feelings is so important.

    The thing to bear in mind is that since the only requirements of being in a wedding party are to obtain the designated outfit, show up wearing it on time, sober, and in good spirits, and walk down the aisle and back, asking someone you don't already feel close to to be in your wedding party is not necessarily going to bring you closer together.
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2014
    Thanks for all the responses!  In the end, we decided it was important to not hinder any future relationships with his sisters before I give it a chance to start.  I have agreed to have them on my side and we will both just have 8 beside us - being a traditional wedding we wanted it to be even and not force the girls to walk with each other just because they were on 'his' side.

    My biggest reservation of having 8 bridesmaids is the phrase 'too many cooks in the kitchen' so before asking my 'maids I picked out their dresses and hair/makeup details to avoid any conflict! It has worked out perfectly. 

    Again, thanks everyone!


    imageNope.  You cannot select a dress without consulting with each BM privately to inquire about their budget.  It is also very inconsiderate of you not to take into account any personal style issues any of your BM's might have with a particular dress.  Why would you dictate their hair and make up styles?  Those two things are the absolute height of personal comfort, and should never be dictated.  You are basically saying, "I don't care for the way you look, and I cannot trust you to arrive in a presentable/acceptable manner, therefore I will be dictating how you wear your hair and make up."  That is the worst possible attitude a bride can have. 

    And other responders are correct.  If you are hellbent on taking away their individuality and personal taste, the cost falls to you.

    And speaking of hindering relationships that have yet to grow.....nothing says controlling, micromanaging bridezilla more than dictating someone's hair and make up.
    PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]
  • First, I do appreciate many of the points you brought up! You are ABSOLUTELY correct in suggesting that I consult with each of the ladies before they commit to being a bridesmaid. I want everyone to be comfortable, happy, and not go broke in the process.

    Although this was not a discussion past the original point of whether to include my future sister-in-laws, I feel like my final response was misinterpreted and that it did create quite a stir so I wanted to clarify for future brides with similar questions. 

    My main concern of having so many bridesmaids was the price on my shoulders.  I had anticipated paying for as much of their costs as possible.  I know the ladies I asked very well and know their budget constraints.  

    When I say I pre-selected the dress, I selected a line that had various options for different body types. As far as hair and make-up, I simply meant that I selected someone and am providing the service so that everyone has equal access, should they want it.  

    Lastly, there were many responses to my comment about keeping it 'traditional' by having equal bridesmaids and groomsmen.  I am getting married in a place of worship that does have strict rules for this, whether I agree with this policy or not isn't something that should be part of this discussion board.  Future brides should be aware that this may be a constraint as they start their ceremony location search.  Honestly, I in no way meant to offend anyone and have myself been a groomswoman!  

    I hope this thread focuses on deciding who is close to you now versus who will be a part of your life forever, and how to choose which of those people will stand next to you on one of the most important days of your life.  

    Again, thanks to everyone for the feedback and I apologize if I came across wrongly!
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer

    First, I do appreciate many of the points you brought up! You are ABSOLUTELY correct in suggesting that I consult with each of the ladies before they commit to being a bridesmaid. I want everyone to be comfortable, happy, and not go broke in the process.


    Although this was not a discussion past the original point of whether to include my future sister-in-laws, I feel like my final response was misinterpreted and that it did create quite a stir so I wanted to clarify for future brides with similar questions. 

    My main concern of having so many bridesmaids was the price on my shoulders.  I had anticipated paying for as much of their costs as possible.  I know the ladies I asked very well and know their budget constraints.  

    When I say I pre-selected the dress, I selected a line that had various options for different body types. As far as hair and make-up, I simply meant that I selected someone and am providing the service so that everyone has equal access, should they want it.  

    Lastly, there were many responses to my comment about keeping it 'traditional' by having equal bridesmaids and groomsmen.  I am getting married in a place of worship that does have strict rules for this, whether I agree with this policy or not isn't something that should be part of this discussion board.  Future brides should be aware that this may be a constraint as they start their ceremony location search.  Honestly, I in no way meant to offend anyone and have myself been a groomswoman!  

    I hope this thread focuses on deciding who is close to you now versus who will be a part of your life forever, and how to choose which of those people will stand next to you on one of the most important days of your life.  

    Again, thanks to everyone for the feedback and I apologize if I came across wrongly!
    First bold: The point PPs were making was that you should ask their budget before picking out a dress (or dress line), not that you should ask them before they commit to being a BM. If they have strict budget concerns, they can still be your BM!

    Second bold: Are you really saying that your ceremony venue requires the sides be even? That's a new one.



    Anniversary
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    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLost
  • First, I do appreciate many of the points you brought up! You are ABSOLUTELY correct in suggesting that I consult with each of the ladies before they commit to being a bridesmaid. I want everyone to be comfortable, happy, and not go broke in the process.


    Although this was not a discussion past the original point of whether to include my future sister-in-laws, I feel like my final response was misinterpreted and that it did create quite a stir so I wanted to clarify for future brides with similar questions. 

    My main concern of having so many bridesmaids was the price on my shoulders.  I had anticipated paying for as much of their costs as possible.  I know the ladies I asked very well and know their budget constraints.  

    When I say I pre-selected the dress, I selected a line that had various options for different body types. As far as hair and make-up, I simply meant that I selected someone and am providing the service so that everyone has equal access, should they want it.  

    Lastly, there were many responses to my comment about keeping it 'traditional' by having equal bridesmaids and groomsmen.  I am getting married in a place of worship that does have strict rules for this, whether I agree with this policy or not isn't something that should be part of this discussion board.  Future brides should be aware that this may be a constraint as they start their ceremony location search.  Honestly, I in no way meant to offend anyone and have myself been a groomswoman!  

    I hope this thread focuses on deciding who is close to you now versus who will be a part of your life forever, and how to choose which of those people will stand next to you on one of the most important days of your life.  

    Again, thanks to everyone for the feedback and I apologize if I came across wrongly!
    First bold: The point PPs were making was that you should ask their budget before picking out a dress (or dress line), not that you should ask them before they commit to being a BM. If they have strict budget concerns, they can still be your BM!

    Second bold: Are you really saying that your ceremony venue requires the sides be even? That's a new one.
    I wonder if she's saying the ceremony venue requires girls vs. boys. Like, her FI's sister's aren't allowed to stand on his stand because vaginas. 

    Also, OP, just because you know your friends well doesn't really mean you know their financial situation. I'd never in a million years presume to know my friend's budget constraints and what they can and cannot afford. More to the point, just because you think/know they can spend $x amount on the dress doesn't mean they actually want to nor should they have to simply because they can afford it.
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    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLost
  • edited March 2015
    Does your ceremony venue really require even sides? I've never heard of that before.

    ETA: what would they do if a BM or GM was sick or dropped out or was in an accident? Or for whatever reason, someone didn't show? I question if that policy is a real thing....
    *********************************************************************************

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    [Deleted User]
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    Does your ceremony venue really require even sides? I've never heard of that before.

    ETA: what would they do if a BM or GM was sick or dropped out or was in an accident? Or for whatever reason, someone didn't show? I question if that policy is a real thing....

    I have heard of certain churches not allowing women on the groom's side or men on the bride's side. 
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