The Honeymoon is Over

LadyMillil

Don't worry, DH and I are excellent. Bridezilla sis on the other hand . . .  married less than 2 months and they are already fighting about big issues, and she is talking about these issues with mom, which I don't think is appropriate, but whatever. One of the pre-marriage red flags is causing the problems.

Her H can't get a job in his field where they live. He has been trying for 4 years. He gets a little work consulting and tries to get seasonal retail work, but he is mostly a SAH spouse. He wants to work in his field and has found several job opportunities elsewhere in the province. These opportunities are about a 4-5 hour drive from where they currently live. Sis works for a company that can give her a lateral transfer (no change in pay or job title/responsibilities) to a branch in the area where her H can get a permanent job in his field. Sis refuses to even consider moving because "this is her house and she lives here" and is pissed that he would dare to suggest a move. She is also pissed that he "isn't contributing enough to the household". This isn't only financially. He doesn't take care of "her house" up to her standards.

bethsmiles

It would be really frustrating to live in a world where I refused to make common sense decisions to make my life easier and instead just bitched and expected things to magically change without me having to do anything. Sounds like your sister likes to make her life harder.

esstee33

I'm with @bethsmiles. Does your sister not realize that he would LIKE to contribute, and is unable to do so without moving to this new location? If she's the one holding back his career, she hardly has room to complain about him not contributing enough. 

She seems to be unaware or simply unwilling to admit that marriage is about compromise. 

MegEn1

When you said your sister was complaining to your mom, I thought it was because sister's DH was doing something wrong.

How do those complaints go exactly? "Mom I'm being a total tool and life isn't fair!"

luckya23

MegEn1 said:

When you said your sister was complaining to your mom, I thought it was because sister's DH was doing something wrong.

How do those complaints go exactly? "Mom I'm being a total tool and life isn't fair!"

 

_____

 

My mom wouldn't tell my sister she is wrong, either, so I get it.

mschristie123

Ooooooh boy does that sound like trouble.

Even more trouble that Sis is talking to your mom about it. And I'm presuming that your mom is telling you about it? Ugh, sounds like my family. With us, everyone's got their nose in everyone's business in an effort to "help."

plainjane0415

LadyMillil said:

Don't worry, DH and I are excellent. Bridezilla sis on the other hand . . .  married less than 2 months and they are already fighting about big issues, and she is talking about these issues with mom, which I don't think is appropriate, but whatever. One of the pre-marriage red flags is causing the problems.

Her H can't get a job in his field where they live. He has been trying for 4 years. He gets a little work consulting and tries to get seasonal retail work, but he is mostly a SAH spouse. He wants to work in his field and has found several job opportunities elsewhere in the province. These opportunities are about a 4-5 hour drive from where they currently live. Sis works for a company that can give her a lateral transfer (no change in pay or job title/responsibilities) to a branch in the area where her H can get a permanent job in his field. Sis refuses to even consider moving because "this is her house and she lives here" and is pissed that he would dare to suggest a move. She is also pissed that he "isn't contributing enough to the household". This isn't only financially. He doesn't take care of "her house" up to her standards.

She needs to stop being so selfish.  She isn't considering him at all.  When she got married they became a team, which in most circumstances means that she will have to make compromises that will benefit them as a team.  She better thank her lucky stars that she has such a good job along with an opportunity to do a lateral move in the place where her husband can get a job.  Most of the time that doesn't happen.  I just can't believe how selfish some people are.

KatieinBkln

I know your sister is...difficult, and may not take well to hearing anything from you.

But I'm thinking of her poor H--do you or your H have any kind of relationship with him? It sounds like he could use a friend right now. I wouldn't recommend "commiserating" or talking any smack about your sister to him, but something as small as an offer to hang out might be really nice for him. He must be really stressed out about this. (Or maybe not? I mean, presumably he knew what she was like before he married her, but that doesn't mean it's an easy thing to go through).

LadyMillil

The complaining to mom started when he missed a phone call for a day of consulting work. I doubt mom told her she was being difficult. Even if mom did tell her to compromise, sis isn't good a compromising as she thinks she is perfect.

She was really focused on having the perfect wedding NOW and gave no thought to having a healthy, happy marriage. I really can't reach out to her to try to help. Unfortunately, DH and I live across the country from them and don't have a relationship with her H so we can't reach out to him either. 

They didn't live together before the marriage so I do think some of this selfishness is a surprise to him.