When I met H, he hadn't spoken to his mom in 5+ years for a variety of reasons. About 14 months ago, his sister told all of the siblings (H is the oldest of 4) that their mom was diagnosed with a rare form of uterine cancer. She went through treatment successfully and, while he didn't help out, H started speaking to her again. They now have a remarkably good relationship.
MIL adores me - and the feeling is mutual - but she goes to other women with all of her healthcare issues. She lived with H's sister for years and she helped with everything - but the sister moved away for grad school this summer (we're all so proud!). Since then, MIL moved into a new place close to H's brother and his wife. She now goes to SIL for all of her health questions. I understand it- they've known each other for years longer, speak the same language, and SIL had breast cancer years ago.
10 days before the wedding (we've only been married a week and a half!), I hear that she was hospitalized because of cysts. She didn't want to get in the way of wedding planning. My gut said that she was lying about the cause of the hospitalization but I didn't want to push things.
2 days after the wedding we hear that it's back. This time, stage 4, complete with spots on her lungs. She plans to fight aggressively.
Last time, she got shitty healthcare. She's had issues with insurance, problems finding specialists, and problems understanding some of the directions (language issues). I offered help (mostly via the sister) because she didn't know me- but I know healthcare. I've offered to be involved-- take her to appointments, stay with her after treatments, even have her move in with us while she's getting radiation (we have no stairs). Nothing. SIL takes her to appointments and does what she can but neither has a great English significant knowledge of the healthcare system.
I work in healthcare. I've researched hospitals and doctors in our city who are experienced with her cancer and take her insurance. I know the questions to ask and, quite frankly, have the connections to get shit done at some very good hospitals. But she sees my offers of help as imposing and doesn't want to be an imposition-- a relic of her years of being shut out by H.
Any recommendations on how to handle this? How to keep H ok (he's clearly upset though denies it)? How to help MIL get the best quality healthcare possible? Or, what can I do to make things as easy for her as possible?
Basically, just tell me what to do!