Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Glass Clinking, Bells and All that Kissing...

My FI is an introvert in every sense of the word. He's being incredible about everything wedding related-- splitting up which vendors to contact, willingly going to every appointment with me, agreeing to most of the "in the spotlight" stuff (dancing, grand entrances, cake cutting). I know he desperately wants to disappear in to the crowd as soon as they pronounce us husband and wife, and he's doing all the reception stuff for me.

There is one thing he WILL NOT do, and that's kiss on cue-- He wants to ban any glass clinking, hollering, bells, etc. It doesn't really bother me, but since he thinks it's totally tacky, I'm on his side. The only question now is how I get our guests to comply. He wants to ignore people who do it, and if they were to continue, have our coordinator take away their silverware/glasses/instruments and replace them with plastic. I think this is too far, and would rather just put a note of the table stating our "policy" (for lack of a better word). He thinks this would just encourage the rabble rousers.

What do we do? How do we make our wishes clear in a nice, polite way? I really would like this to be a non-issue, but I don't want him upset that day.

Re: Glass Clinking, Bells and All that Kissing...

  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    ashalee02 said:
    My FI is an introvert in every sense of the word. He's being incredible about everything wedding related-- splitting up which vendors to contact, willingly going to every appointment with me, agreeing to most of the "in the spotlight" stuff (dancing, grand entrances, cake cutting). I know he desperately wants to disappear in to the crowd as soon as they pronounce us husband and wife, and he's doing all the reception stuff for me.

    There is one thing he WILL NOT do, and that's kiss on cue-- He wants to ban any glass clinking, hollering, bells, etc. It doesn't really bother me, but since he thinks it's totally tacky, I'm on his side. The only question now is how I get our guests to comply. He wants to ignore people who do it, and if they were to continue, have our coordinator take away their silverware/glasses/instruments and replace them with plastic. I think this is too far, and would rather just put a note of the table stating our "policy" (for lack of a better word). He thinks this would just encourage the rabble rousers.

    What do we do? How do we make our wishes clear in a nice, polite way? I really would like this to be a non-issue, but I don't want him upset that day.

    Just leave it alone. I have some friends who are huge fans of this, and I think they did it once at our reception. You really can't tell your guests to not do this at your reception. Don't give out bells and don't make a scene over it. If they do it, just laugh it off and keep going. They should get the hint.
    peachy13
  • ashalee02 said:
    My FI is an introvert in every sense of the word. He's being incredible about everything wedding related-- splitting up which vendors to contact, willingly going to every appointment with me, agreeing to most of the "in the spotlight" stuff (dancing, grand entrances, cake cutting). I know he desperately wants to disappear in to the crowd as soon as they pronounce us husband and wife, and he's doing all the reception stuff for me.

    There is one thing he WILL NOT do, and that's kiss on cue-- He wants to ban any glass clinking, hollering, bells, etc. It doesn't really bother me, but since he thinks it's totally tacky, I'm on his side. The only question now is how I get our guests to comply. He wants to ignore people who do it, and if they were to continue, have our coordinator take away their silverware/glasses/instruments and replace them with plastic. I think this is too far, and would rather just put a note of the table stating our "policy" (for lack of a better word). He thinks this would just encourage the rabble rousers.

    What do we do? How do we make our wishes clear in a nice, polite way? I really would like this to be a non-issue, but I don't want him upset that day.
    The note would definitely be going too far, as would taking away glassware. 

    I honestly don't think there's a nice way to announce it, you just need to ignore it, maybe spread via WOM that it makes you uncomfortable. I've also heard DJ's say that instead of the B&G kissing, every time people start clinking he would read off the name of another couple who had to kiss. I think people did that maybe twice and then it died off because that's not as interesting, and people realized they didn't want to be the one that was called.

    image
    image
  • I-G-N-O-R-E.

    Got it. Thanks ladies! :)
    beethery[Deleted User]
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    There is no really polite way other than to ignore it.  You can ask your coordinator to speak to the clinkers in question, but I'd just have him/her tell them something like "Bride and Groom really don't want to kiss on command, and all your clinking is making them uncomfortable.  They'd really appreciate it if you'd stop."  But even then they might not.
  • On another note, he does need to realize he can't 'disappear into the crowd' at his own wedding reception. You both need to be going around to thank everyone for coming. Certainly you don't have to kiss on command (and for the record, no one tried to make us), but you will still be getting a lot of attention.
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    Maggie0829LittleWohlscheidpeachy13
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    ashalee02 said:
    My FI is an introvert in every sense of the word. He's being incredible about everything wedding related-- splitting up which vendors to contact, willingly going to every appointment with me, agreeing to most of the "in the spotlight" stuff (dancing, grand entrances, cake cutting). I know he desperately wants to disappear in to the crowd as soon as they pronounce us husband and wife, and he's doing all the reception stuff for me.

    There is one thing he WILL NOT do, and that's kiss on cue-- He wants to ban any glass clinking, hollering, bells, etc. It doesn't really bother me, but since he thinks it's totally tacky, I'm on his side. The only question now is how I get our guests to comply. He wants to ignore people who do it, and if they were to continue, have our coordinator take away their silverware/glasses/instruments and replace them with plastic. I think this is too far, and would rather just put a note of the table stating our "policy" (for lack of a better word). He thinks this would just encourage the rabble rousers.

    What do we do? How do we make our wishes clear in a nice, polite way? I really would like this to be a non-issue, but I don't want him upset that day.
    Ok, this is totally ridiculous. And I detest the glass clinking with the fire of a thousand suns. I made jokes before my wedding that anyone that clinked a glass would get a marble thrown at their head. 

    Come the day of the wedding, I did not care. I think it only happened once, and I gave in. Because at the moment, it seemed like such a petty thing to care about. If someone wanted us to kiss, why not just do it. WTFever. 

    There's no polite way to ask people not to do this, and if you do, you'll probably offend them. IMO, it's just not worth it. 
    holyguacamole79
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Not one single person at our wedding clinked a glass or rang a bell.  Not a one.

    MairePoppy
  • Not one single person at our wedding clinked a glass or rang a bell.  Not a one.
    I can send my shit-faced step-aunt your way for all the clinking you missed out on, @Maggie0829 ! She was SO OBNOXIOUS about it. I think she annoyed the other guests even more than she annoyed me though, so they eventually shamed her into stopping.

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    Maggie0829
  • I definitely agree with everyone that said ignore it. I saw on some site that the bride and groom had headphones at one wedding and put them on the first time that someone clanked their glass. I thought it was funny, but definitely not for everyone! It was a silly way to get the point across that they would not be kissing every time someone cued them. 

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  • Definitely don't take away their glassware because that will probably make the guests feel like little kids. I think either have someone spread it by word-of-mouth or laugh it off if it happens. I totally understand not wanting to be the center of attention- I was uncomfortable having people look at me when I was trying on different wedding dresses, for pete's sake- but this is a party thrown by you, for you. No getting out of it and you have to walk to every table and thank all of your guests anyway. A lighthearted kiss here or there is not much compared to that so maybe go with the flow day of or laugh and ignore the cue.
  • Brother and SIL just had their DJ take the mic to the noise maker. Clearly, they wanted to make a speech, right?

    We're doing boxes of tic tacs, less nerve grating than the glass thing. But I may or may not be a bit of an attention whore in real life so that doesn't exactly bug me.
    MairePoppy
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    I'm laughing at your fi having the clinkers' flatware taken away. If anyone clinks, oblige one quick kiss and ignore after that.

    I haven't witnessed the glass, bell clinking for many years. I think it became passe, along with head tables. If the bride and groom aren't seated in the center of a long table facing the guests, it's less tempting to try to get them to perform. Consider sitting at a regular table with your MOH and BM and their significant others or with your parents. Mix the rest of your wedding party in with guests they know.


                       
  • peachy13peachy13 in my cubicle, doing very important work member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Most of the weddings I've been to lately there is no glass clinking. It's nice. 

    Funny story that makes me hope no one reading this will do this: one wedding I went to, every time someone clinked, not only did the B&G have to kiss, but then they had to call out a couple in the audience and that couple had to kiss. It ended up happening like, once every 10 minutes and it was completely obnoxious.
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    This wasn't something I worried about at all in the slightest, and it actually did happen many times at our reception. We just obliged them. I understand that someone is introverted (I am!) and you may want to fade into the crowd (you can't, sorry), but is the happy couple not going to kiss at all at the wedding?  
    What's the bigger issue--- kissing on command, or kissing at all? The ear-splitting clinks?

    Just ignore the clinking if you don't want to do it. We obliged, but since we weren't at a head table, once my friend started clinking and DH wasn't sitting next to me. I caught my friend's eye across the room and blew her a kiss instead. 
    You can't control others' actions but you can control how you respond. Just be cool or have fun with it, no biggie. 
    ________________________________


  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited October 2014
    This wasn't something I worried about at all in the slightest, and it actually did happen many times at our reception. We just obliged them. I understand that someone is introverted (I am!) and you may want to fade into the crowd (you can't, sorry), but is the happy couple not going to kiss at all at the wedding?  
    What's the bigger issue--- kissing on command, or kissing at all? The ear-splitting clinks?

    Just ignore the clinking if you don't want to do it. We obliged, but since we weren't at a head table, once my friend started clinking and DH wasn't sitting next to me. I caught my friend's eye across the room and blew her a kiss instead. 
    You can't control others' actions but you can control how you respond. Just be cool or have fun with it, no biggie. 
    Some people just don't enjoy kissing, let alone doing it as a public show. It might be because they're introverted, or it might be just that they don't like kissing, especially in front of other people-especially if they didn't do it at the ceremony. 

  • lolo883 said:
    ashalee02 said:
    My FI is an introvert in every sense of the word. He's being incredible about everything wedding related-- splitting up which vendors to contact, willingly going to every appointment with me, agreeing to most of the "in the spotlight" stuff (dancing, grand entrances, cake cutting). I know he desperately wants to disappear in to the crowd as soon as they pronounce us husband and wife, and he's doing all the reception stuff for me.

    There is one thing he WILL NOT do, and that's kiss on cue-- He wants to ban any glass clinking, hollering, bells, etc. It doesn't really bother me, but since he thinks it's totally tacky, I'm on his side. The only question now is how I get our guests to comply. He wants to ignore people who do it, and if they were to continue, have our coordinator take away their silverware/glasses/instruments and replace them with plastic. I think this is too far, and would rather just put a note of the table stating our "policy" (for lack of a better word). He thinks this would just encourage the rabble rousers.

    What do we do? How do we make our wishes clear in a nice, polite way? I really would like this to be a non-issue, but I don't want him upset that day.
    The note would definitely be going too far, as would taking away glassware. 

    I honestly don't think there's a nice way to announce it, you just need to ignore it, maybe spread via WOM that it makes you uncomfortable. I've also heard DJ's say that instead of the B&G kissing, every time people start clinking he would read off the name of another couple who had to kiss. I think people did that maybe twice and then it died off because that's not as interesting, and people realized they didn't want to be the one that was called.

    We did this (working it out with our DJ ahead of time), and were nervous about it, but it ended up being pretty hilarious. The first time there was clinking, my husband and I just turned and stared at each other, and then he gave me a super lame kiss on the cheek and people started booing. Our DJ then jumped in and said, "What was THAT? Clearly these two have no idea what they are doing. Are Jon and Jane Doe here?" Jon and Jane Doe were a super AW-ish (in the best and most hilarious of ways) married couple friends, whose names we gave the DJ ahead of time knowing that they would ham it up. The DJ asked them how long they were married and if they could show us how it was done. As if on cue, Jon then dipped Jane back and everyone clapped. Those two loved it, and within 10 minutes we were on to toasts and there was no more opportunity for people to clink. After toasts we went right into spotlight dances and cake cutting and whatnot.

    People will only clink if nothing else is going on. Just minimize the amount of time that the room is quiet during dinner. Overlap toasts with dinner, have a buffet so not everyone is sitting down at the same time, and try to have something else going on if/while you are doing table visits.

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