Can't afford friend's wedding this weekend

knottie7e05e9217d8ecb66

My friend's wedding is this weekend and my husband and I are no longer able to go. I don't know how to tell her. My car broke down unexpectedly on Monday and I had to dip into savings because I couldn't afford to have it towed. After paying a few bills we really can't afford gas to drive 8hrs total and pay for hotel and food without having a few dollars left to our name. I have 1 car and my husband has 2. I have been driving the crown Victoria and he's been driving his 70s Lincoln. Yesterday I didn't realize how much gas he spent this week to drive it an hr back and forth to work. The car took a toll on our bank accounts. I don't know how to tell her that we can't come. I was really excited to be able to get out of the city for awhile especially with everything that has been going on. I could tell her what I just wrote but I don't want to disappoint her.

lurkergirl

I think you just need to be honest.  Sure, she'll probably be disappointed, but when her wedding day arrives, marrying her FI will probably be the only thing on her mind.

FWIW, if you were my friend, I would rather swallow the cost of your meal (because it's surely too late for her to change that since I'm sure she's already given final head count at this point) than have you go broke to attend my wedding.  But then again, I am a very reasonable person, and I see lots of unreasonable brides around here.

larrygaga

 Honestly, she might not even care this late in her wedding planning. Since it's less than 3 days away. Unless you guys were super best friends?

I can see her getting upset months before, but shes probably so busy and over the moon with her FI that she might not be that upset. Think about that when you decide to tell her, it might help!

knottie7e05e9217d8ecb66

I agree. She wasn't able to come to mine in August due to unforseen circumstances and I definitely understood. Things happen.

theartistformerlyknownas

Well you obviously both get re-do weddings!

Just be honest. A friend will understand.

RebeccaFlower

I'm sorry you're in this situation, I agree you should just be honest. However, I do think it sucks that you saving is going to end up costing her (I assume that she won't get her money back for your meals/favors/rented chairs etc). I know it's part of planning, but it sucks. When you can, I would try to send her a gift to 'make up' for her loss. It's not required and might even be an unpopular opinion. 

knottie7e05e9217d8ecb66

RebeccaFlower said:

I'm sorry you're in this situation, I agree you should just be honest. However, I do think it sucks that you saving is going to end up costing her (I assume that she won't get her money back for your meals/favors/rented chairs etc). I know it's part of planning, but it sucks. When you can, I would try to send her a gift to 'make up' for her loss. It's not required and might even be an unpopular opinion. 

I have nothing to save....we would both be broke. I didnt plan for my car to stop working. I've already sent her gift. Contributed to get honeymoon

climbingsingle

That really sucks. I agree with PPs that you should just be completely honest with her. 

KatieinBkln

Yeah, it sucks. She will be disappointed, but she'll get over it. You did, when the same thing happened to her.

cupcait927

Just be honest. I had a friend who broke up with her boyfriend a week before the wedding and another who's boyfriend was a dbag and didn't show up with her (loooooong, dramatic story). I didn't care at all, it was only two meals. I cared more about them than losing out on money, and I honestly had way more to worry about right before the wedding than losing $100 to uneaten meals. Just be honest with her - I'm sure she'll be understanding, especially if she's a good friend.

knottie7e05e9217d8ecb66

I called and left a message. She's a good friend and very understanding. Ugh! I was excited for cake!

theartistformerlyknownas

RebeccaFlower said:

I'm sorry you're in this situation, I agree you should just be honest. However, I do think it sucks that you saving is going to end up costing her (I assume that she won't get her money back for your meals/favors/rented chairs etc). I know it's part of planning, but it sucks. When you can, I would try to send her a gift to 'make up' for her loss. It's not required and might even be an unpopular opinion. 

I totally disagree with this. Shit happens. It's not a guest's responsibility to cover their own plate EVER, even when they no show or cancel.

loro929

missy5290 said:

I called and left a message. She's a good friend and very understanding. Ugh! I was excited for cake!

Honesty is always the best policy. It sounds like you have a good, understanding friend.

southernbelle0915

"Hi Friend, DH and I had a financial emergency when our car broke down this week. I'm so sorry, but it means that we can't afford to attend your wedding. We tried to crunch some numbers and figure out a way to make it work, but we just can't. I wish you and FI all the best and I will be thinking about you both."

What else are you going to say? 

holyguacamole79

RebeccaFlower said:

I'm sorry you're in this situation, I agree you should just be honest. However, I do think it sucks that you saving is going to end up costing her (I assume that she won't get her money back for your meals/favors/rented chairs etc). I know it's part of planning, but it sucks. When you can, I would try to send her a gift to 'make up' for her loss. It's not required and might even be an unpopular opinion. 

@RebeccaFlower, are you kidding?  Someone missed our wedding because of a sick kid ... the LAST thing I thought of was trying to eat the cost.  This is asinine. 

climbingsingle

lolo883 said:

RebeccaFlower said:

I'm sorry you're in this situation, I agree you should just be honest. However, I do think it sucks that you saving is going to end up costing her (I assume that she won't get her money back for your meals/favors/rented chairs etc). I know it's part of planning, but it sucks. When you can, I would try to send her a gift to 'make up' for her loss. It's not required and might even be an unpopular opinion. 

I totally disagree with this. Shit happens. It's not a guest's responsibility to cover their own plate EVER, even when they no show or cancel.

Ditto this. MIL's best friend and her SO couldn't make it at the last minute because their son was ill. I didn't care about the cost. I was sad they couldn't be there, but I understood. Things happen! 

theartistformerlyknownas

holyguacamole79 said:

RebeccaFlower said:

I'm sorry you're in this situation, I agree you should just be honest. However, I do think it sucks that you saving is going to end up costing her (I assume that she won't get her money back for your meals/favors/rented chairs etc). I know it's part of planning, but it sucks. When you can, I would try to send her a gift to 'make up' for her loss. It's not required and might even be an unpopular opinion. 

@RebeccaFlower, are you kidding?  Someone missed our wedding because of a sick kid ... the LAST thing I thought of was trying to eat the cost.  This is asinine. 

A friend of mine broke up with his boyfriend a few days before my wedding and showed up solo. He ate both dinners. No money "wasted."

cupcait927

lolo883 said:

holyguacamole79 said:

RebeccaFlower said:

I'm sorry you're in this situation, I agree you should just be honest. However, I do think it sucks that you saving is going to end up costing her (I assume that she won't get her money back for your meals/favors/rented chairs etc). I know it's part of planning, but it sucks. When you can, I would try to send her a gift to 'make up' for her loss. It's not required and might even be an unpopular opinion. 

@RebeccaFlower, are you kidding?  Someone missed our wedding because of a sick kid ... the LAST thing I thought of was trying to eat the cost.  This is asinine. 

A friend of mine broke up with his boyfriend a few days before my wedding and showed up solo. He ate both dinners. No money "wasted."

H and I were totally psyched to get two leftover meals to eat the next day. Definitely no money "wasted" for us either!

RebeccaFlower

cupcait927 said:

lolo883 said:

holyguacamole79 said:

RebeccaFlower said:

I'm sorry you're in this situation, I agree you should just be honest. However, I do think it sucks that you saving is going to end up costing her (I assume that she won't get her money back for your meals/favors/rented chairs etc). I know it's part of planning, but it sucks. When you can, I would try to send her a gift to 'make up' for her loss. It's not required and might even be an unpopular opinion. 

@RebeccaFlower, are you kidding?  Someone missed our wedding because of a sick kid ... the LAST thing I thought of was trying to eat the cost.  This is asinine. 

A friend of mine broke up with his boyfriend a few days before my wedding and showed up solo. He ate both dinners. No money "wasted."

H and I were totally psyched to get two leftover meals to eat the next day. Definitely no money "wasted" for us either!

Ehh. My point is that I think it's extra crappy to bail so close and not give a gift, which OP has already done, so she's fabulous in my book. I get shit happens. I also said that it might be a unpopular opinion, so no need to get wound up about it.

I am jealous, however, that some of you got left over food from your venues. Mine said legally they can't give anything to go home, so that's why I said it's money wasted.

holyguacamole79

RebeccaFlower said:

cupcait927 said:

lolo883 said:

holyguacamole79 said:

RebeccaFlower said:

I'm sorry you're in this situation, I agree you should just be honest. However, I do think it sucks that you saving is going to end up costing her (I assume that she won't get her money back for your meals/favors/rented chairs etc). I know it's part of planning, but it sucks. When you can, I would try to send her a gift to 'make up' for her loss. It's not required and might even be an unpopular opinion. 

@RebeccaFlower, are you kidding?  Someone missed our wedding because of a sick kid ... the LAST thing I thought of was trying to eat the cost.  This is asinine. 

A friend of mine broke up with his boyfriend a few days before my wedding and showed up solo. He ate both dinners. No money "wasted."

H and I were totally psyched to get two leftover meals to eat the next day. Definitely no money "wasted" for us either!

Ehh. My point is that I think it's extra crappy to bail so close and not give a gift, which OP has already done, so she's fabulous in my book. I get shit happens. I also said that it might be a unpopular opinion, so no need to get wound up about it.

I am jealous, however, that some of you got left over food from your venues. Mine said legally they can't give anything to go home, so that's why I said it's money wasted.

Yeah, if memory serves me right, this couple bailed on us and I don't think we ever got a gift from them.  I wouldn't have even thought about it had it not been for this post.

But we did have glorious leftovers to nom on in our hotel room.