Wedding now....reception later

cinderelly2

My fiancé and I have set a wedding date early next year. Due to moving expenses and finding employment (he's moving to my state) we're both leaning towards having a wedding held where everyone is invited, a private dinner with only family and a few close friends, and invite EVERYONE to the reception 6 months later. The idea is to focus on living expenses, a new apartment, etc. and still have time to save up to have a very nice reception instead of one that may appear thrown together.

Anyone have any ideas of what the wording should say on our invitations? I was thinking to include 'private reception to follow' but send out invites a few days later to the larger reception. No one will be excluded....there's just a gap between the wedding and reception.

 

Thanks for reading!

ShesSoCold

purplepoodahs said:

My fiancé and I have set a wedding date early next year. Due to moving expenses and finding employment (he's moving to my state) we're both leaning towards having a wedding held where everyone is invited, a private dinner with only family and a few close friends, and invite EVERYONE to the reception 6 months later. The idea is to focus on living expenses, a new apartment, etc. and still have time to save up to have a very nice reception instead of one that may appear thrown together.

Anyone have any ideas of what the wording should say on our invitations? I was thinking to include 'private reception to follow' but send out invites a few days later to the larger reception. No one will be excluded....there's just a gap between the wedding and reception.

 

Thanks for reading!

Well, a reception is held the day of the wedding as a thank you to guests coming to your wedding. Your reception with be the dinner with family.

You can have a party - "celebration of marriage" in six months but it's not a wedding or reception. No wedding dress, no ceremony, no bridal party, first dances, etc. 

And please do not send invitations to this out 6 months in advance. 8-12 weeks is appropriate. 

climbingsingle

Anyone that your'e inviting to wedding ceremony need to also be invited to the reception you're throwing afterwards. 

aurianna

Everyone invited to the wedding ceremony must also be invited to the wedding reception, to be held the same day. This is for several reasons:
1. The reception is supposed to be a thank you for your guests for attending your wedding. Not thanking them for 6 months is rude.
2. It looks like a gift grab having a ceremony with no reception.
3. Some guests may be free for your ceremony, but then because the reception is so far off they might end up not being free on that day, so you essentially have guests who never get thanked.
4. If guests find out that SOME of the guests DO get hosted at something after the ceremony, they feel like second class citizens. This is called a tiered wedding and is rude.
5. If you have any out of town guests then you're asking them to travel twice. Not cool.

So there's no proper way to word what you propose because it isn't proper to do.

But as PP has said, if you have a small ceremony you can just take all the guests to dinner and have a celebration 6 months later. Just note that if anyone offers to throw you a shower or other pre-wedding party, that you can only invite those actually invited to the ceremony.


Other options are to postpone the wedding until you can afford to invite everyone you want or to find a way to cut the cost of the reception on the same day as your ceremony (have it on a weeknight/sunday, have it at a non-meal time so you can get by with just desert, have a dry wedding, etc)


Good luck!

theartistformerlyknownas

This will not be a wedding reception, as that would be the dinner after your ceremony, it will be a regular party. Invitations to a party should be sent about 4 weeks in advance and could say something to the effect of:

Mr and Mrs Purplepoodahs

cordially invite you to celebrate our recent marriage

which took place (6 months ago date) in (city)

Please join us for dinner and dancing at

(location)

on (date and time)

ETA: anyone who comes to the ceremony needs to be treated to the dinner after. You cannot have a 6 month gap between ceremony and reception. Your wedding invitations would read the same as any other wedding and reception invitations, but only be sent to those you're willing to host at the wedding day dinner.

novella1186

lolo883 said:

This will not be a wedding reception, as that would be the dinner after your ceremony, it will be a regular party. Invitations to a party should be sent about 4 weeks in advance and could say something to the effect of:

Mr and Mrs Purplepoodahs

cordially invite you to celebrate our recent marriage

which took place (6 months ago date) in (city)

Please join us for dinner and dancing at

(location)

on (date and time)

ETA: anyone who comes to the ceremony needs to be treated to the dinner after. You cannot have a 6 month gap between ceremony and reception. Your wedding invitations would read the same as any other wedding and reception invitations, but only be sent to those you're willing to host at the wedding day dinner.

This. I think people would be very confused and insulted if they sat through a ceremony and then had to go home, and come back in 6 months for a party. You have lots of options, though, as PPs have mentioned. 

southernbelle0915

Ok, so a wedding reception is where you thank ("receive") people who attended the ceremony. This happens immediately following the wedding ceremony. It can be dinner, as you suggest, or simply cake and punch. Whatever is appropriate for the time of day.

But what you'd be planning 6 months from now isn't a wedding reception. It's just a party. Nothing wrong with a that - everyone loves a party! Hire a DJ, a caterer, a decorator, a bartender, etc. Sounds awesome! BUT, steer clear of trying to make it seem like a wedding (fake ceremony, "first" dances, wearing a big poofy gown, etc.). It's not. It's a sweet party you're throwing to celebrate your marriage that will have happened a few months prior. That should be clear on the invitations. Head over to Invites and Paper for some solid wording on this.

RebeccaFlower

I'm just curious OP, can you really come up with the money in 6 months? Most people budget for a lot longer than that. I will never fully understand the married now, party later thing. I also have known 6 couples planning on doing this and not one even had the party. 

[Deleted User]

Nothing wrong with having a ceremony & then a dinner with imidiate family, but you can't invite all your other family & friends to the ceremony & provide nothing else for them. I say either do a cake/punch ceremony for everyone & do things once or do a private ceremony with the imidiate family who you planned on taking out to dinner and when things are better, you can always do a celebration of your marriage party.

chibiyui

Honestly, if you can save the cash within six months of your wedding as you are currently planning it, just wait another 6 months to get married and do everything st once.

wrigleyville

chibiyui said:

Honestly, if you can save the cash within six months of your wedding as you are currently planning it, just wait another 6 months to get married and do everything st once.

This. We ended up waiting another eleven months because it was worth it to have the wedding we wanted instead of some confusing, stressful hodge-podge of events.

JoanE2012

chibiyui said:

Honestly, if you can save the cash within six months of your wedding as you are currently planning it, just wait another 6 months to get married and do everything st once.

Ditto.  I don't understand why you just wouldn't wait.  An extra 6 months isn't a long time.  It's still less than a year from now, and many people plan for far longer than that!

Viczaesar

Anybody and everybody invited to the ceremony must be hosted that same day.

AddieCake

Ditto those saying to just wait. I never understand how people are suddenly going to be able to afford a party several months later, and if they are, why they didn't just do the whole thing then.

redoryx

purplepoodahs said:

Anyone have any ideas of what the wording should say on our invitations? I was thinking to include 'private reception to follow' but send out invites a few days later to the larger reception. No one will be excluded....there's just a gap between the wedding and reception.

A "gap" between wedding and reception is, like, a few hours. Not a few months. And by only inviting a few people to the dinner right after then, yes, you are excluding people. Anyone invited to the ceremony needs to be invited to the reception right after and you definitely can't put "private reception to follow" on the invites, because if I received an invite with that on it I'd assume I was invited and be super confused if I got a second invitation for a second reception later.

If that's not financially feasible right now, either 1) Have a small private ceremony with only those coming to the dinner then have an At Home Reception six months later where everyone is invited (and this is just a party, not a do-over) 2) Plan the ceremony so the reception won't hit at meal time and just do cake and punch for everyone. This way, everyone at the ceremony has been hosted and I suppose you could still do the small dinner later with just the few people you wanted 3) Wait six months and have ceremony + big reception all on same day

martha1818

AddieCake said:

Ditto those saying to just wait. I never understand how people are suddenly going to be able to afford a party several months later, and if they are, why they didn't just do the whole thing then.

Thank you! This always puzzles me.

huskypuppy14

redoryx said:

purplepoodahs said:

Anyone have any ideas of what the wording should say on our invitations? I was thinking to include 'private reception to follow' but send out invites a few days later to the larger reception. No one will be excluded....there's just a gap between the wedding and reception.

A "gap" between wedding and reception is, like, a few hours. Not a few months. And by only inviting a few people to the dinner right after then, yes, you are excluding people. Anyone invited to the ceremony needs to be invited to the reception right after and you definitely can't put "private reception to follow" on the invites, because if I received an invite with that on it I'd assume I was invited and be super confused if I got a second invitation for a second reception later.

If that's not financially feasible right now, either 1) Have a small private ceremony with only those coming to the dinner then have an At Home Reception six months later where everyone is invited (and this is just a party, not a do-over) 2) Plan the ceremony so the reception won't hit at meal time and just do cake and punch for everyone. This way, everyone at the ceremony has been hosted and I suppose you could still do the small dinner later with just the few people you wanted 3) Wait six months and have ceremony + big reception all on same day

This is a good suggestion, then you could still do your private dinner with your immediate families, and you have hosted everyone for a reception.

Also, a gap of any size is rude, but 6 months is so much worse than 2 hours.

IrishPirate60

Wedding + dinner = ceremony + reception. Party in six months = PARTY, not reception.

CMGragain

Every guest who is invited to your ceremony must also be invited to a reception on that same day!  I suggest you have a very small or a private ceremony, and send out marriage announcements immediately afterwards.

Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
announce their marriage
Date
City, State

No other information may be included!  Gifts are not expected.  Any guests should be treated to dinner after the ceremony.  This is your wedding reception.

When you are ready to have your celebration party, you send out party invitations, just like any other party, or you can have them printed:

Mr. and Mrs. Already Married
request the pleasure of your company
to celebrate their recent marriage
Day, date
time
Venue
Address
City, State

This is NOT your wedding reception.  No wedding dress, no bouquet tossing, no "first dance", no cake cutting and feeding each other ceremony.  Just have a lovely party.  Do not register for gifts, as they are not expected.  You give that up when you decide to have a private ceremony.
To follow the plans you posted (a ceremony one day and a "reception" much later) is rude, gift grabby and completely against etiquette. Sorry to disappoint you.

Jen4948

purplepoodahs said:

Anyone have any ideas of what the wording should say on our invitations? I was thinking to include 'private reception to follow' but send out invites a few days later to the larger reception. No one will be excluded....there's just a gap between the wedding and reception.

In addition to what PPs have said about receptions having to follow the wedding on the same day because they are thank-yous to the guests for their attendance at the ceremony, they also have to follow the wedding immediately on the same day.  There can't be any gaps between them.  That's rude.

The way to deal is to have a cocktail hour immediately following the ceremony where the guests are provided with drinks and appetizers.  The couple and their families and wedding party members can take photographs during the cocktail hour.  (The drinks don't have to be alcoholic.  Dry "cocktail" hours are perfectly acceptable.)  But providing nothing and making guests wait for several hours for the reception to start is rude.  Even if there are plenty of "activities" and "attractions" in the vicinity, it is not acceptable to expect people to go to them while waiting for the reception to begin, especially while still dressed for the ceremony.  That's poor hosting.

CMGragain

Another option is for you to schedule a mid-afternoon ceremony followed by a traditional cake and punch reception.  It doesn't cost much, and you can invite all of your guests.

huskypuppy14

CMGragain said:

Every guest who is invited to your ceremony must also be invited to a reception on that same day!  I suggest you have a private ceremony, and send out marriage announcements immediately afterwards.

Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
announce their marriage
Date
City, State

No other information may be included!  Gifts are not expected.  Any guests should be treated to dinner after the ceremony.  This is your wedding reception.

When you are ready to have your celebration party, you send out party invitations, just like any other party, or you can have them printed:

Mr. and Mrs. Already Married
request the pleasure of your company
to celebrate their recent marriage
Day, date
time
Venue
Address
City, State

This is NOT your wedding reception.  No wedding dress, no bouquet tossing, no "first dance", no cake cutting and feeding each other ceremony.  Just have a lovely party.  Do not register for gifts, as they are not expected.  You give that up when you decide to have a private ceremony.
To follow the plans you posted (a ceremony one day and a "reception" much later) is rude, gift grabby and completely against etiquette. Sorry to disappoint you.

There is no reason she can't register. Gifts are never expected, whether you have 10 people at your wedding or 200. The few people theydo invite to their private ceremony and reception, may want to get them gifts. Of course the registry should never be given out unless someone asks, like any other wedding registry.

CMGragain

Yeah, OK, but she shouldn't expect as many gifts as she would probably receive if she was inviting people to her actual wedding and wedding reception.

cinderelly2

Thank you ladies for your honest answers. After talking it over with my fiancé, we decided to have the wedding and a small reception right afterward.

We will do something large for our one year anniversary. We both agree that we don't want to wait a whole year to be married just so that we can simply have a large party. It's not about how many gifts I receive, how many people are invited (honestly the majority of the people on our guest lists hardly call or talk to us on a daily basis) or how grand my day is. I just want to be with my guy! lol

I do agree, inviting everyone to the wedding but only some to the reception feels awkward (and I have been one of those who were not invited to a reception). So, I'll speak to him about inviting the same people to the wedding and reception and possibly having it all at one place to avoid the shuffle of going from one place to another.

 

*sigh* I feel better now :-)

 

 

theartistformerlyknownas

purplepoodahs said:

Thank you ladies for your honest answers. After talking it over with my fiancé, we decided to have the wedding and a small reception right afterward.

We will do something large for our one year anniversary. We both agree that we don't want to wait a whole year to be married just so that we can simply have a large party. It's not about how many gifts I receive, how many people are invited (honestly the majority of the people on our guest lists hardly call or talk to us on a daily basis) or how grand my day is. I just want to be with my guy! lol

I do agree, inviting everyone to the wedding but only some to the reception feels awkward (and I have been one of those who were not invited to a reception). So, I'll speak to him about inviting the same people to the wedding and reception and possibly having it all at one place to avoid the shuffle of going from one place to another.

 

*sigh* I feel better now :-)

 

Great!

martha1818

purplepoodahs said:

Thank you ladies for your honest answers. After talking it over with my fiancé, we decided to have the wedding and a small reception right afterward.

We will do something large for our one year anniversary. We both agree that we don't want to wait a whole year to be married just so that we can simply have a large party. It's not about how many gifts I receive, how many people are invited (honestly the majority of the people on our guest lists hardly call or talk to us on a daily basis) or how grand my day is. I just want to be with my guy! lol

I do agree, inviting everyone to the wedding but only some to the reception feels awkward (and I have been one of those who were not invited to a reception). So, I'll speak to him about inviting the same people to the wedding and reception and possibly having it all at one place to avoid the shuffle of going from one place to another.

 

*sigh* I feel better now :-)

 

 

Sounds like a great plan! Good luck:)

MegEn1

purplepoodahs said:

Thank you ladies for your honest answers. After talking it over with my fiancé, we decided to have the wedding and a small reception right afterward.

We will do something large for our one year anniversary. We both agree that we don't want to wait a whole year to be married just so that we can simply have a large party. It's not about how many gifts I receive, how many people are invited (honestly the majority of the people on our guest lists hardly call or talk to us on a daily basis) or how grand my day is. I just want to be with my guy! lol

I do agree, inviting everyone to the wedding but only some to the reception feels awkward (and I have been one of those who were not invited to a reception). So, I'll speak to him about inviting the same people to the wedding and reception and possibly having it all at one place to avoid the shuffle of going from one place to another.

 

*sigh* I feel better now :-)

 

 

Fabulous plan - best of luck with everything and congratulations!