Let's talk about body love

levieenrose

Sending support and empathy in your direction. 

I don't always think to look at this when I need something to jolt my perspective, but I always remember to send it to others! I hope it helps a little.

So you're feeling too fat to be photographed: http://myfriendteresablog.com/so-youre-feeling-too-fat-to-be-photographed/

Hugs! 

ETF: Hyperlink not working, sorry.

flyingfoxes

pinkcow13 said:

raissyrais said:

Maybe not all women fit that mould of what society considers the perfect woman but I know one thing: we are all beautiful in our own ways and we are all unique. And that alone makes each one of us beautiful. I know it's hard to disregard name calling and comments, but in the end, it reflects their own insecurities. We all have them cause we are all humans and we all have faults.

I don't know what it feels like to have weight issues but people would make fun of me enough about my height (I don't fit the supermodel mould you see) that I can be very conscious sometimes that I look like a dwarf. But people will say what they have to say to make themselves feel better. Wear that skimpy bikini girl. Wear it with pride, you have a man who loves you, for everything you are. Enjoy it! 

How tall are you dress twinie? I am 4 11 1/2 and I used to get the short jokes my entire life. Now I just brush them away. People say to me all the time "Oh wow I didn't know you were that short!" Or "How tall are you, really?" "Did you know you could have gotten a scholarship for college for being under 5 feet?" Now I just reply back with really snarky replies. When I was younger, the comments stung. Now I learned to accept my height, and I quite like it. The best things come in small packages

Gaga, I have also struggled with body issues my whole life. Since I am so small, any weight gain is very noticeable. Right now I am feeling crappy about my body and I am trying to get back to a comfortable weight. I also hate how vain I feel about my body sometimes. It doesn't help that my mom and sometimes my dad  ALWAYS has something to say about my weight. One of FI's aunt is the same way. And it pisses me off, who the fuck gives ANYONE the right to comment about MY body. I feel that this is why I used to struggle with my body image, because people were too invested in what they felt the ideal body should be. I will never forget how my dad once asked me if I was pregnant because my stomach looked so big.

I also have cellulite which I hate. But I try to put things in perspective. FI has never complained about my cellulite nor has he ever complained about my body. And really, he's the one I get undressed for, so wtf cares what outsiders think?

You are freaking adorable!  I hate that people think they have a right to comment about others' weights. 

Earlier this month I went on a girls' weekend to FL.  Yes, I could stand to lose about 30 pounds, and I have cellulite.  I give zero fucks however, and I wear a bikini top with swim shorts.  My weight is in my hips/thighs, with my upper half being a whole size smaller than my lower.  Anyway, my BFF was texting pics with her husband back home, and I happened to read his comment back to our pic of us on the beach..."why is 'Mo" wearing a bikini?  You need to have a talk with your girl".  Oh hell NO.  I told her to tell him to fuck off, when I want his opinion I'll ask for it.  FI loves my body, and he's the only one whose opinion matters to me in the least. 

levieenrose

mobride2015 said:

Earlier this month I went on a girls' weekend to FL.  Yes, I could stand to lose about 30 pounds, and I have cellulite.  I give zero fucks however, and I wear a bikini top with swim shorts.  My weight is in my hips/thighs, with my upper half being a whole size smaller than my lower.  Anyway, my BFF was texting pics with her husband back home, and I happened to read his comment back to our pic of us on the beach..."why is 'Mo" wearing a bikini?  You need to have a talk with your girl".  Oh hell NO.  I told her to tell him to fuck off, when I want his opinion I'll ask for it.  FI loves my body, and he's the only one whose opinion matters to me in the least. 

Wowwww. Good for you for standing up for yourself! I feel sorry for your friend; it must be painful to live with such a judgmental idiot who probably makes her feel terribly insecure. 

novella1186

levieenrose said:

mobride2015 said:

Earlier this month I went on a girls' weekend to FL.  Yes, I could stand to lose about 30 pounds, and I have cellulite.  I give zero fucks however, and I wear a bikini top with swim shorts.  My weight is in my hips/thighs, with my upper half being a whole size smaller than my lower.  Anyway, my BFF was texting pics with her husband back home, and I happened to read his comment back to our pic of us on the beach..."why is 'Mo" wearing a bikini?  You need to have a talk with your girl".  Oh hell NO.  I told her to tell him to fuck off, when I want his opinion I'll ask for it.  FI loves my body, and he's the only one whose opinion matters to me in the least. 

Wowwww. Good for you for standing up for yourself! I feel sorry for your friend; it must be painful to live with such a judgmental idiot who probably makes her feel terribly insecure. 

Um yeah that guy gets a "Major Douche" award for sure. I'm glad you didn't let his idiotic comment get to you! If my FI said that about one of my friends I would be PISSED. But since my FI is not a shallow dick, I doubt he'd ever even notice let alone judge. 

KatWAG

Would you like me to list 10 positive things about your appearance from your engagement pictures??? Because I can..... easily.

hellosweetie1015

I've been thinking about this thread since it posted. And I really don't think I can respond with advice, because I have zero body love for myself so any advice I have would be shitty. I don't think I could find 10 things I liked about my body on my best day, even if we counted each of my 4 tattoos individually. I have tons and tons of hugs for you and thoughts and prayers and woowoo that you can overcome this (YOU CAN!!!!) but no good advice.

I can, however, tell you that your epix are drop-dead gorgeous. I generally lurk on everyone's AW threads and see all their pictures, and yours were absolutely stunning. I'm with @katwag - let me loose on those pix and I'll come back with a list of 10 positive things in a matter of minutes. (Depending on how quickly my internet works.)

holyguacamole79

I just saw this on Buzzfeed and thought it was appropriate here

sophhabobopha

This might not help you, but one thing that really helped me was being naked a lot. Like, I sleep naked, and I put on makeup and do my hair naked. Just seeing my body all the time made me at peace with it.

levioosa

I struggled with anorexia for years.  I would go a week and only eat an apple.  I used to hate everything about myself.  I still struggle with body dysmorphia, which has been made worst with an inexplicable 40 pound weight gain despite my best efforts to be healthy. It's honestly tearing me apart, and I'm trying so hard to "practice what I preach." Body image is so complex, and it cuts so deeply.  It's easy to say "Love yourself" but is an entirely different thing to practice and believe. 

You are beautiful.  You are loved.  You are perfect just the way you are.  Those things you tell yourself when you look in the mirror are ugly, hideous lies.  Look in the mirror and really see yourself.  See you for you, for the beauty you have inside and out.  See the things that make you unique, the flecks of color in your eyes, the way you smile and light up, the strength in your limbs.  Look at yourself and tell yourself that you are beautiful, you are worthy, you are loved, you are perfect.  

You are beautiful. 

novella1186

levioosa said:

I struggled with anorexia for years.  I would go a week and only eat an apple.  I used to hate everything about myself.  I still struggle with body dysmorphia, which has been made worst with an inexplicable 40 pound weight gain despite my best efforts to be healthy. It's honestly tearing me apart, and I'm trying so hard to "practice what I preach." Body image is so complex, and it cuts so deeply.  It's easy to say "Love yourself" but is an entirely different thing to practice and believe. 

You are beautiful.  You are loved.  You are perfect just the way you are.  Those things you tell yourself when you look in the mirror are ugly, hideous lies.  Look in the mirror and really see yourself.  See you for you, for the beauty you have inside and out.  See the things that make you unique, the flecks of color in your eyes, the way you smile and light up, the strength in your limbs.  Look at yourself and tell yourself that you are beautiful, you are worthy, you are loved, you are perfect.  

You are beautiful. 

I feel like this could be published as a poem. Well said! 

esstee33

sophhabobopha said:

This might not help you, but one thing that really helped me was being naked a lot. Like, I sleep naked, and I put on makeup and do my hair naked. Just seeing my body all the time made me at peace with it.

This is my go-to, also. It took me a very long time to become comfortable with my body, and I've gained a lot of weight over the past 5 or so years that has made it even harder, but goddamn, it's awesome to finally be mostly at peace with it and just wander around with no clothes on. Sometimes I'll catch my reflection and be like "Daaaaaamn... those curves!" 

It's a lot easier to not feel embarrassed or shameful about your body if you treat it like it's not an embarrassing or shameful thing. 

And plus also, you are freakin' gorgeous, OP. 

jdluvr06

I've struggled with how I look and my weight too, but not to the extant that you have. It sucks. I have no real encouraging words or anything but I've seen your e-pics and you are gorgeous.

larrygaga

agh you guys are amazing!!!! I wasn't looking for compliments just a place to vent my frustration! They helped though. I feel much better and even though I did feel like crap I ate anyway and for that I am very proud.

pinkcow13

mobride2015 said:

pinkcow13 said:

raissyrais said:

Maybe not all women fit that mould of what society considers the perfect woman but I know one thing: we are all beautiful in our own ways and we are all unique. And that alone makes each one of us beautiful. I know it's hard to disregard name calling and comments, but in the end, it reflects their own insecurities. We all have them cause we are all humans and we all have faults.

I don't know what it feels like to have weight issues but people would make fun of me enough about my height (I don't fit the supermodel mould you see) that I can be very conscious sometimes that I look like a dwarf. But people will say what they have to say to make themselves feel better. Wear that skimpy bikini girl. Wear it with pride, you have a man who loves you, for everything you are. Enjoy it! 

How tall are you dress twinie? I am 4 11 1/2 and I used to get the short jokes my entire life. Now I just brush them away. People say to me all the time "Oh wow I didn't know you were that short!" Or "How tall are you, really?" "Did you know you could have gotten a scholarship for college for being under 5 feet?" Now I just reply back with really snarky replies. When I was younger, the comments stung. Now I learned to accept my height, and I quite like it. The best things come in small packages

Gaga, I have also struggled with body issues my whole life. Since I am so small, any weight gain is very noticeable. Right now I am feeling crappy about my body and I am trying to get back to a comfortable weight. I also hate how vain I feel about my body sometimes. It doesn't help that my mom and sometimes my dad  ALWAYS has something to say about my weight. One of FI's aunt is the same way. And it pisses me off, who the fuck gives ANYONE the right to comment about MY body. I feel that this is why I used to struggle with my body image, because people were too invested in what they felt the ideal body should be. I will never forget how my dad once asked me if I was pregnant because my stomach looked so big.

I also have cellulite which I hate. But I try to put things in perspective. FI has never complained about my cellulite nor has he ever complained about my body. And really, he's the one I get undressed for, so wtf cares what outsiders think?

You are freaking adorable!  I hate that people think they have a right to comment about others' weights. 

Earlier this month I went on a girls' weekend to FL.  Yes, I could stand to lose about 30 pounds, and I have cellulite.  I give zero fucks however, and I wear a bikini top with swim shorts.  My weight is in my hips/thighs, with my upper half being a whole size smaller than my lower.  Anyway, my BFF was texting pics with her husband back home, and I happened to read his comment back to our pic of us on the beach..."why is 'Mo" wearing a bikini?  You need to have a talk with your girl".  Oh hell NO.  I told her to tell him to fuck off, when I want his opinion I'll ask for it.  FI loves my body, and he's the only one whose opinion matters to me in the least. 

What a judgemental prick. I would be extremely pissed if my FI said something negative about my BFF. Good for you not letting his immature comment get to you.

raissyrais

pinkcow13 said:

raissyrais said:

Maybe not all women fit that mould of what society considers the perfect woman but I know one thing: we are all beautiful in our own ways and we are all unique. And that alone makes each one of us beautiful. I know it's hard to disregard name calling and comments, but in the end, it reflects their own insecurities. We all have them cause we are all humans and we all have faults.

I don't know what it feels like to have weight issues but people would make fun of me enough about my height (I don't fit the supermodel mould you see) that I can be very conscious sometimes that I look like a dwarf. But people will say what they have to say to make themselves feel better. Wear that skimpy bikini girl. Wear it with pride, you have a man who loves you, for everything you are. Enjoy it! 

How tall are you dress twinie? I am 4 11 1/2 and I used to get the short jokes my entire life. Now I just brush them away. People say to me all the time "Oh wow I didn't know you were that short!" Or "How tall are you, really?" "Did you know you could have gotten a scholarship for college for being under 5 feet?" Now I just reply back with really snarky replies. When I was younger, the comments stung. Now I learned to accept my height, and I quite like it. The best things come in small packages

Gaga, I have also struggled with body issues my whole life. Since I am so small, any weight gain is very noticeable. Right now I am feeling crappy about my body and I am trying to get back to a comfortable weight. I also hate how vain I feel about my body sometimes. It doesn't help that my mom and sometimes my dad  ALWAYS has something to say about my weight. One of FI's aunt is the same way. And it pisses me off, who the fuck gives ANYONE the right to comment about MY body. I feel that this is why I used to struggle with my body image, because people were too invested in what they felt the ideal body should be. I will never forget how my dad once asked me if I was pregnant because my stomach looked so big.

I also have cellulite which I hate. But I try to put things in perspective. FI has never complained about my cellulite nor has he ever complained about my body. And really, he's the one I get undressed for, so wtf cares what outsiders think?

I'm 4'11 3/4, just under 5'. People ask for my height all the time and when I tell them they say "oh just round it up to 5'!" But that's how tall I am and there ain't no shame in it. I get those jokes all the time too, and resent meeting people because of it. "you have to be this tall to sit at the bar", "where were you when God was giving inches away?"...and all that shit. People will never be happy about you look like. There's no such thing as perfection. Even though I'm a size 0, have a 23 inch waistline, people will STILL find something the matter with you. And don't worry about your cellulite! You look beautiful in those e-photos

KatieinBkln

@larrygaga first let me say that I saw your e-pics, and you are most certainly NOT fat.

But I would like to add, for you and for everyone else: Even if you were, you would still be a valid, important person. Even if you were, you would be beautiful. This is not something I am blaming you for, but I do think it behooves us to remember that society's obsession with thinness and beauty is not an objective truth to be pursued--people of all shapes and sizes matter, and they deserve to feel good about themselves, too. 

I wish very much that there could come a day when the collective response to "you're ugly" is simply: So what? There are more important things than pretty. There are more important things than thin. Arguably everything is more important than pretty and thin, but women in particular are told over and over again that these are the main indicators of our worth. 

I'll say it again: You are not a bit fat. You are every bit beautiful. But ultimately, you are a person on this Earth who is smart and funny and interesting, and LOVED. And certainly worth loving. 

Hugs to you!

flyingfoxes

@larrygaga - I too went and looked at your e-pics.  Holy crap you have gorgeous skin and hair, and you don't look in the least bit fat to me at ALL.  And IA with @KatieinBkln, who hits it right on the nose. 

sarawifenow

Late to the party as usual here, but I felt the need to comment. Larry, you are smoking hot. Having just returned from my honeymoon and spending lots of time by the pool and the hot tub with my H, I can guarantee you that you will be so focused on your new H that you won't give two shits about anyone else.

 

I still struggle with bulimia and there are days when I just don't get out of bed. The whole mirror/listing things off that you like is very helpful. Keep doing this. Another thing that helps me when I am really down in the dumps about my body is putting on some sexy undies. Works every time. Just know that you are beautiful and that you are not alone.

esstee33

@KatieInBklyn You rock. Co-sign everything you said. 

There was a TED talk (I think) by a woman raising a daughter who listed off all the reasons she doesn't want her daughter to associate being pretty as something to aspire to. I can't remember who it was off the top of my head and, of course, half the internet is blocked at work so I'm failing to Google it either, but if I find it when I get home I'll link ya. 

SmileDamnit

Girl, I've got nothing but big ol' bear hugs for you. Sometimes (oftentimes!) the battles we wage with ourselves are the scariest & most difficult...sending you strength and love as you fight rediscover your beautiful self.

Jells2dot0

(hugs)

I agree that we're our own worst enemies when it comes to personal appearance. I have fought that battle for most of my life, though I have not ever had a specific disorder. For some reason, we feel like we're not good enough. I felt that way this morning and cried on the phone to my DH for 20 minutes about it. We need to learn that those that love us, they love us regardless because they see beauty in a true form. Not some societal construct.

bethsmiles

Like many of the PPs, I don't know that I have any words that will help. I can't even manage to like my own body so I don't know how to help anyone else love theirs.  But I will say that I think you looked gorgeous in your engagement pictures. At the very least know that you aren't alone in this struggle (this thread is proof!) and that even when you don't think you look pretty there are so many people in the world who see the beauty you can't.

esstee33

@KatieInBkln Not a TED talk, apparently, but a poetry slam. CLICK.

princessleia22

One thing I learned a while ago... most people don't care or notice what other people look like.  Unless you are at an extreme, like morbidly obese or skin and bones.  Generally, people are more concerned about their own lives and worrying about how they look, instead of how you look. And we all see the worst in ourselves, so you can bet that what everyone else is seeing is probably 10 times better than what you see in the mirror.

I know it's hard to let that lesson sink in... I still struggle with it. But, I've learned to let myself be more comfortable with who I am. Lately I've gained some weight and have struggled with my own body image quite a bit, but nobody else has even noticed that I've gone up two pant sizes... not even DH. Most people are too self-absorbed to notice or care what you look like.  

VulgarGirl

esstee33 said:

@KatieInBkln Not a TED talk, apparently, but a poetry slam. CLICK.

And now I'm down the rabbit hole watching poetry slams.

ashley8918

Well, how timely.

This was just posted on my Facebook feed today: http://www.beautyredefined.net/5-steps-feel-better-about-body/

VulgarGirl

I was raised by feminists. My mother, my father, my step-mothers, my grandmother, people who reminded me that the sum of my worth is not equal to the size of my waist. People who taught me that I as I am is beautiful. No matter my height or weight or looks, my existence, my strength, my self, is what makes me beautiful. 

And still, despite those lessons in my head, I spent many years looking in mirrors wishing I was more like the standard of beauty that I do not meet. That I cannot meet. Because I will never be supermodel tall, but still shorter then the average man while wearing heels because being too tall as a woman will intimidate men and being unable to wear heels is unfeminine. I will never have full breasts, that are of course just big enough without being too big and never sag and never have stretch marks. I will never grow long beautiful lush hair that is always perfectly styled and even if I could I still hate having to deal with long hair. I will never have caramel colored skin that is still not too dark, I also don't have the perfect peaches and cream complex that would also be acceptable. My ass...my ass is good actually. 

When I was 17 I was sitting outside a gay bar smoking and crying (always attractive) because some shithead I went to school with told me I was an ugly ass dyke who only ate pussy because no man would want me. And my best friend told our drag queen mama what the little shit had said to me and she wrapped her arms around me and said "Fuck that little fucker you get twice the pussy he ever will and he doesn't know what do with the shit he does get" which made me laugh. Then she gave me advice that I still try to remember when I decide I hate myself, "All these motherfuckers telling you you're wrong because of your sexuality or your looks or anything else are dumbass motherfuckers. Because God, or the universe, or whatever the fuck you want to believe in made you and the fact that you were made and you are here means you are not wrong, the way you look is not wrong, who you fuck are not wrong. And don't you go being one of those dumbass motherfuckers by telling yourself you are wrong. Listen to me, I am fat man who likes to put on dresses and lip sync to Britney Spears while wearing 4 inch heels and Dolly Parton wig, baby more then a few people told me I was wrong. But them motherfuckers are some unhappy bitches trying to live the right way while I'm out here being all kinds of wrong and fucking happy as a goddamn clam".

So Larry, do not be a dumbass motherfucker getting down on yourself. Put on your bikini and look hot. Anyone who judges you, is a dumbass motherfucker.

CMGragain

My age is sometimes an advantage.  I worried about my appearance in my wedding pictures in 1976, too.  Now I look at them and think, "Wow look how thin I was!  I had great skin!"   Time heals self criticism.

jdluvr06

CMGragain said:

My age is sometimes an advantage.  I worried about my appearance in my wedding pictures in 1976, too.  Now I look at them and think, "Wow look how thin I was!  I had great skin!"   Time heals self criticism.

I don't think that is always true. How many older actresses are there that get cosmetic surgery to look younger? Not just actresses either but tons of everyday women get Botox or lipo to look younger and thinner. Self image issues know no age.

ETA: not that I have problem with cosmetic surgery. 

esstee33

jdluvr06 said:

CMGragain said:

My age is sometimes an advantage.  I worried about my appearance in my wedding pictures in 1976, too.  Now I look at them and think, "Wow look how thin I was!  I had great skin!"   Time heals self criticism.

I don't think that is always true. How many older actresses are there that get cosmetic surgery to look younger? Not just actresses either but tons of everyday women get Botox or lipo to look younger and thinner. Self image issues know no age.

ETA: not that I have problem with cosmetic surgery. 

True dat. I think it's more that wisdom heals self-criticism than age or time. 

For me, I look at pictures of me at 21, when I barely weighed enough to donate blood, and I think "Man, I was so thin then! And also incredibly unhappy and my self-esteem was awful. At least now I'm happier AND I get to eat cookies whenever the fuck I want."