Question on Bridesmaid Dresses

pinkcow13

For some reason, the hardest thing I have encountered during this wedding process (besides watching my bank account dwindle), is figuring out this whole bridesmaid dress thing. FI and I finally decided on the colors, and for the bridesmaid dresses I'd like Cobalt/Royal Blue. I ran this by my girls, asked what style they preferred, got their budgets. Now I'm stuck on the next part. I have 2 bridesmaids that are from out of town, so going together may be be tricky. There was a thread a few days ago about telling bridesmaids to get what they want, but the general consensus was that people prefer some direction.

Should I pick out the dress for each of them? And if so, where can I get a nice, reasonably priced dress? I checked David's Bridal online, and I know some ladies posted where they went on the May board, so I can look into that option.

Or should I just tell them to get whatever dress they want as long as it is within the color we agreed on? They all like the color, and all said that they prefer long dresses over short ones. They also each told me which neckline they prefer. Therefore, with that information, they can pick out their own dress. I really don't care about fabric or ruffles or anything else.

What did you guys do? And for those of you who were or will be bridesmaids, which option do you prefer? And if there is a better option, by all means I'd love to hear it!

cafarrie

My personal preference is for the bride to just tell me exactly what she wants (assuming she finds a dress within my budget).  However, if you don't care about fabric/style/length and only the color the girls will have lots of choices and it shouldn't be too difficult to find their own dress. Just make a decision, communicate it with them and all should be fine

kat1114

My goal was too keep the costs reasonable for my girls. We ended up getting dresses from Ann Taylor. I picked a few that I liked then had them vote on the dresses. Some of Ann Taylor's dresses are pricier, but we picked one that retails for $150. They have so many 40% off sales that most of the girls were able get their dress for $90. One of my bridesmaids ended up getting pregnant, and she had a fairly easy time exchanging her dress for a different size.

My only caution with going with a standard retail store is to make sure the girls order their dresses relatively close to the same time. One of my bridesmaids waited until at least 2-3 months after everyone else had ordered, and Ann Taylor only had the dress in petite size. Thankfully, it fits her, but if she had been one of my taller girls, we could have been in trouble.

sarawifenow

My BMs told me that if I didn't pick their dress for them they wouldn't be in the wedding. Haha! So I am not sure how much help I will be. I just found a dress in everyone's budget and their preferred style. We did the DB route, but DB seriously sucks ass, so I would avoid them if I could. The plus side to them is that they are everywhere so OOT BMs can get their dress easily.

 

I have been a BM twice and both times the bride told me what to wear. I kind of like this because I don't have to stress about what I am wearing.

theartistformerlyknownas

I've always (3x) been allowed to pick my own dress within a predetermined fabric, color and hem length, and that's what I did with my own girls too. I personally think that's the best way to go.

holyguacamole79

I told mine to get a dark purple cocktail dress. They all looked lovely!

flyingfoxes

I think if you give them a couple of options to pick from, that would be good.  I know what type of dress I prefer (loose fitted around the hips) so it would be nice to not be forced into a mermaid-style dress, lol. 

[Deleted User]

I haven't asked anyone yet.  But when I do, I plan on telling them to wear something pretty.  I don't even want to specify that they have to wear a dress in case they're more comfortable in pants.  I know for a fact that my sister is going to be so confused.  

What do you want me to wear?  

A pretty dress.  

What color?  

I don't care.  

Long or short?  

I don't care.

What are you wedding colors?

I'm supposed to have wedding colors?

What are the other bridesmaids wearing?

Whatever they want.

Give me the numbers of the other bridesmaids so I can call them up so we can match.

Well, my maid of honor is 9 years old, so you probably won't be wearing the same dress as her.  But I can still give you her number, I guess.

JaxInBlue

If I had it to do over again, I'd do color/length, maybe designer.  I was very lucky that my bridesmaids all had an accommodating budget and that there was one dress everyone agreed on, but looking back, I think being less specific would have saved me time and negotiations - primary with myself - that the agreed upon dress would look okay on everyone, that it was modest but comfortable, etc. 

Plus, I do like the look of similar but not matchy dresses.  It something I've grown to appreciate with more experience attending weddings and seeing people's pictures.  But DH and I got married at a wonky time in our social circle - after most of his friends, before most of mine - so there are a couple of things I hadn't really seen play out that are now things I'd do.

mschristie123

For my BMs, I went through Alfred Angelo for their dresses. They were the best dresses that I could find that were in my girls' price range. Everyone weighed in on their opinions (I gave them 3 choices) before I made the final decision.

BMs dresses was a hard decision for me too. I was living in LA, had one bridesmaid in LA, my FI was living in Chicago with 2 of my bridesmaids, I had two girls in Michigan and 1 on the east coast. There was no way in hell everyone was getting together to look at dresses. So I just emailed back and forth with them, showing them pics of what I was thinking, got their budgets, and went from there. Everyone raved about them on the wedding day.

I know a lot of others on TK just have girls get a dress in the color they want. I think that is a good option too, I've just never had anyone that I knew do that IRL so I didn't even know that was an option haha.

ETA: The reason that I went with AA was because I wanted to go through a national chain that served all my girls' areas and it made it more convenient for them. National lines like AA, DB, Dessy etc, are sold in stores all over the place, so that everyone can go into the store near them (on their time) and try the dress on, give opinions, etc.

jenna8984

I would really prefer the route of "David's Bridal- this color- this fabric- go". Both times that I was a BM the bride chose an identical dress for everyone and they were both strapless. I personally hate strapless dresses so I was a little bummed that I had to spend $180 for something I didn't even get a say in. And I told her my budget was around 130. So yea, don't do that. 

RebeccaB88

I like the 'Designer-color-fabric-length --> go pick out your dress' method. Having the same designer and fabric helps keep the colors the same and adds continuity, but each girl gets a style she's comfortable in.  I've never worn a bridesmaid's dress that I've liked, so the idea of picking my own is appealing. There's also a wide range of interpretation of colors, and what if someone is an out-of-average size and can't find anything in the prescribed color?  Usually bridesmaid's dresses can be special ordered in a range of sizes.

erinlin25

I tried to say "get a dress in this color" (gave a swatch), and they thought I was crazy.  So we planned a day to meet up  to go look at Alfred Angelo and Davids Bridal to narrow down styles that I/they liked.  We ended up not loving anything at Alfred Angelo, and actually changed the dress color to a different shade at Davids per my consultant, which was the best decision. The swatches looked different compared to the actual dress, so I am glad we actually tried on dresses together to get the big picture.  We narrowed it down to three dresses we all liked in the new color, and from that two girls picked one style and the other three picked another style. I then bought the third style for my rehearsal dinner dress

I would have been totally fine giving them free range, but they wanted direction and a day to meet up and try on dresses together.  And it was a lot easier to pick color/style seeing the dresses on. End of the day everyone was happy and they all looked gorgeous 

WinstonsGirl

I told my MOH to wear what she wanted.  She bought 3 dresses before deciding on one.  She said the same to me, but in fall colours.  I hated shopping cos I was trying to find browns/oranges in July.  Made it a little hard, though I did like that I had say in my dress.  And while I have liked all of the other BM dresses I've worn, I've never worn them again.  

I actually donated the second one, and should have kept it, cos it was brown and I could have used it again for the 3rd wedding.  Boo me.  

pinkcow13

Thanks for the awesome advice! From speaking to the girls I think they do want some direction. I'm thinking of going with the color/length/designer route. I also want to do the national route since the chances are slim we will all be together at once to go together. I think maybe Ill give them a few choices and let them decide amongst themselves. They have their own text chat without me, so maybe they can vote amongst like 3 designers in the color and length I find. I definitely don't want them spending a ton of money on something chances are, they won't wear again.

wandajune6

I told my girls to wear black dresses of similar lengths- long or short, just agree as a group. I actually regret the move. Everyone wanted more direction or approval. One girl ended up in a dress that was way too casual another chose a dress I absolutely hated (over-the-top beading). In the end, everyone looked gorgeous and happy so it worked but it caused more stress for everyone than was needed.

pinkcow13

wandajune6 said:

I told my girls to wear black dresses of similar lengths- long or short, just agree as a group. I actually regret the move. Everyone wanted more direction or approval. One girl ended up in a dress that was way too casual another chose a dress I absolutely hated (over-the-top beading). In the end, everyone looked gorgeous and happy so it worked but it caused more stress for everyone than was needed.

This was going to be my move originally but all my girls have different styles. While I don't need matching dresses, I like the idea of some uniformity like @JaxInBlue‌ said. My MOH dresses chick and trendy while my college roomie has more of a laid back hippie ish style for example. I guess some direction is the way to go.

l9i

The last wedding I was in we all went to davids bridal as a group and the bride said "everyone can get a dress in colors x, y, or z and it doesn't matter long or short or style.  We all thought she was crazy and planned to coordinate with each other despite the lack of direction.  Surprised we all really liked a single dress that looked great on everyone!

For my wedding I narrowed it down to a line from Allure that was the same color, fabric, and hem.  We went as a group to try them on and half like a strapless version and the other half one with straps.  They were shocked when I told them to get the one they liked best but the dresses were identical up to the straps.  I think having the two dresses looked great in pictures.  It gave them a little bit of individuality, they felt comfortable, they liked what they paid for, and they were HAPPY.

larrygaga

I am going to narrow it down to length, color and maybe fabric then let them go at it. I have had my dress picked for me 3 times in a row and I only somewhat liked one. I have 6 or 7 maids, so getting them all in the same dress is just asking for trouble. As a bridesmaid, I would appreciate some freedom, because I don't like dressing exactly like the other maids. I hate the whole clone bridesmaid thing. It's sooooo so soso so weird and stupid. If all my maids want to match, they can. I refuse to tell grown women what to wear.

It's not fun to spend a whole night in a dress you don't like because someone dressed you. It is fun to wear the same color and basic idea.

I was magically able to get everyone to go to David's Bridal on the same day. I'm not a big fan of their store, but it's nice that they offer so many color and dress choices. And they have good prices.

I'll probably have a ball watching everyone panic trying to make me happy while they try on dresses, because they refuse to believe I honestly don't care what they wear.

loro929

My girls wanted me to choose a dress.

We ended up finding a time to all go together to this one shop that had a huge selection, but we didn't find anything there. I was very discouraged because I did not want to pick something out that someone did not like and I knew we were not going to be able to get back together again.

I ended up going to another store with my sisters, we found something that we thought everyone would like - emailed pictures to all. Everyone agreed. Yay we were happy. We then found out that the store only could get the dress in one color, which was not the color we wanted (dark grey). 

I ended up googling the style number of the dress and found they sold it at Nordstorm's. They have a free shipping and return policy, which is great too. They also do the alterations in-store. What was great though was that they tend to have lots of sales, we got the dresses at 40% off, and one girl, who waited a bit even got it at 60% off. 

I know this is more in the camp of already having a pre-selected dress, but larger department stores that have a Wedding Section could also be an option, especially for people spread out, as we are.

Bubblegum5586

I did Royal Blue too! I told my girls short, satin and "horizon" from DB. The most expensive dress was $119 with the coupon. Everyone looked like a smoke show in the dress they chose!

Here is a picture of the dresses...

ETA - Before we went shopping I found the online catalog and copy and pasted all the short satin dresses into one picture and sent it to all of them. It gave them 9 choices and could go to the appt knowing which ones they wanted to try on.

pinkcow13

bubblegum1309 said:

I did Royal Blue too! I told my girls short, satin and "horizon" from DB. The most expensive dress was $119 with the coupon. Everyone looked like a smoke show in the dress they chose!

Here is a picture of the dresses...

OMG that is the color!!!! Is it really that easy to find that color at DB's? The only difference is that they want long dresses. 

Bubblegum5586

pinkcow13 - looks like DB changed their website to add filters making it easier to search. In Horizon long dresses it says 24 in satin and 15 in chiffon and a sprinkling in other materials. Clicky

 

ETA: my picture above the dresses are in Satin, I think the chiffon would tone done the color slightly...

ETA again.... looks like the filters didn't save when you click on that link.

theartistformerlyknownas

The last DB dress I wore was Horizon, and I think the first was Marine although they're very close in person. It's a great color! The chiffon doesn't reflect the light as nicely as the satin:

pinkcow13

lolo883 said:

The last DB dress I wore was Horizon, and I think the first was Marine although they're very close in person. It's a great color! The chiffon doesn't reflect the light as nicely as the satin:

It is an awesome color! I do think it looks nicer in satin. I'm actually leaning towards that now lol.

sophhabobopha

adk19 said:

I haven't asked anyone yet.  But when I do, I plan on telling them to wear something pretty.  I don't even want to specify that they have to wear a dress in case they're more comfortable in pants.  I know for a fact that my sister is going to be so confused.  

What do you want me to wear?  

A pretty dress.  

What color?  

I don't care.  

Long or short?  

I don't care.

What are you wedding colors?

I'm supposed to have wedding colors?

What are the other bridesmaids wearing?

Whatever they want.

Give me the numbers of the other bridesmaids so I can call them up so we can match.

Well, my maid of honor is 9 years old, so you probably won't be wearing the same dress as her.  But I can still give you her number, I guess.

Are you me? I'm saying "maybe something floral?" and my MOH is my sister, who will be nine!

[Deleted User]

sophhabobopha said:

adk19 said:

I haven't asked anyone yet.  But when I do, I plan on telling them to wear something pretty.  I don't even want to specify that they have to wear a dress in case they're more comfortable in pants.  I know for a fact that my sister is going to be so confused.  

What do you want me to wear?  

A pretty dress.  

What color?  

I don't care.  

Long or short?  

I don't care.

What are you wedding colors?

I'm supposed to have wedding colors?

What are the other bridesmaids wearing?

Whatever they want.

Give me the numbers of the other bridesmaids so I can call them up so we can match.

Well, my maid of honor is 9 years old, so you probably won't be wearing the same dress as her.  But I can still give you her number, I guess.

Are you me? I'm saying "maybe something floral?" and my MOH is my sister, who will be nine!

I'd probably say, "something in a solid color, summery, flowy, don't care beyond that."

I'm thinking of asking my goddaughter to be my MOH.  I'm kinda giddy about imagining her telling her friends that she's going to be a Maid of Honor and her friend's mom saying, "you mean flower girl."  "No, I mean Maid of Honor.  I'm going to be Maid of Honor in my Fairy Godmother's wedding.  My brother's Fairy Godmother is going to be a Bridesmaid.  My cousin is going to be a Flower Girl."