Ok, so I have posted before about my troubles with FMIL (she's the only parent left between my fiancé and myself, and his father passed suddenly in May). She is an older mother at 74 because he is the youngest of 8. She hasn't been very supportive of practically anything since we began planning in August for our April 2016 wedding. We are paying (as far as we know) for everything including the rehearsal dinner which is fine. Our wedding = our financial responsibility.
With that being said, I am constantly researching ways to keep costs as low as possible without anybody but FI knowing how much we are REALLY spending. We have found amazing deals on venues, my wedding planner has planned several weddings before but she's using this wedding to really jump start her portfolio (which means in exchange for pictures, etc, we get a discount!), our musicians and DJ are all friends... very, very talented friends, and while my dream photographer was out of our budget, her second shooter shoots in a very similar style (and even she has a second shooter - awesome!). Basically this is the long story short way to say I will put in as much work and planning, leaving no stone unturned or any question answered prior to the week of the wedding. (Keep in mind, my fiancé has plans Friday and Saturday morning for golf - so it is just me that isn't supposed to be de-stressing and spending time with my friends and family!)
I made the comment that once people start arriving in town for the wedding, I don't want to have anything left to do or stress over. I said there will be a phone list with everyone to call in order if there are questions or a problem arrises, but that my number won't be anywhere on that. I believe that is my planner's job. And then she can call a close friend, then a family member, and finally my sister should it turn into a serious issue. Not having my parents or any family really (two aunts and two cousins) makes it all the more important that I am able to keep my emotions and anxiety and panic disorder under control.
Well let's just say I came off as a spoiled brat apparently when I expressed the above sentiment about turning off my planner hat and turning on my "bridal glow" come Wednesday or Thursday of the wedding week. The words used were "well we are a family that does for ourselves and works with our hands and you can't just say you won't be doing anything...". My fiancé understands that to a certain extent, but he also wonders if I would be more hands-on if it would save us money. I'm cutting every cost possible and delegating to my vendors so I can enjoy my guests, my fiancé/husband/, and really focus on the joining of our lives in the eyes of God. With such a long engagement which was done on purpose to literally get every possible plan made, diagram created, so on and so forth, but of course I'm not going to throw a fit or anything if I have to help decorate, etc.
Do I need to apologize for wanting to just be a bride on the wedding day especially since I've hired legit professionals to take over? I also said to her in the same conversation that I don't really want her name on the emergency phone tree list either because it is her youngest's wedding, and it is a time I want her to be as stress-free as possible too. I just feel like there is no pleasing her. She's mad at the town we decided to get married in. She's mad at our ceremony venue because she doesn't like the inside of this historic home from 1830 - but the kicker is that NO part of the wedding is going to be taking place inside. We are getting married on the lawn under a beautiful magnolia tree. She is insisting that her entire immediate family (7 groups of people) process in just as the mothers traditionally do... But keep in mind, nobody is processing as a family member for me. She's also wanting me to seat all of her friends at the ceremony together - WHAT? I understand having a few people in certain seats, but a group of 30 people? That we aren't even related to???
So maybe this turned into a bit of a rant. I just feel like there's no winning this woman, and it all feels so amplified by the fact that I don't have my mom to talk to or even just tell me it will all be ok. Am I just crazy?! (Please be as kind as possible because I am leaving tomorrow to go spend the next week with her because she has summoned me to help her with organizing her storage unit... all while criticizing me for not having found a new job yet or cooking and cleaning for her son.) HELP!!!