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Etiquette

Is this a good idea?

Soon, my fiancé plans on making a post on Facebook asking who is interested in attending our wedding.
I will be visiting venues with my mother next month, so I'm going to need an idea of how many people will be there.
He is mostly asking for his family, I already know who I'd like to invite on my side of town..so no Facebook post necessary for moi.

Why is he asking on Facebook and not personally?
1. He's not very social and he really doesn't know how to approach the topic nor ask the right questions (he wanted me to do it and I said no, that is YOUR family, I'll just go as far as sending them a personal message letting them know to expect an invitation)
2. He has A LOT of family members on Facebook, that's pretty much how he keeps in contact with them since he doesn't always see them. That's actually how all of them keep in contact with each other... so Facebook is the easiest way to do it.

What we planned to do is ask them if they're interested and if yes, comment with who you'll be bringing. I need comments because I'll be watching and making the list as it goes on (if that makes sense). I can almost guarantee it'll be a lot of family members (which kinda scares me, lol). Also, because they'll be commenting, it'll be easier to go from one person to the next and talk about whether they're worthy of an invite or not. We don't plan on saying anything in the comments.. those who are getting invited will get a personal message and I'll let them know to expect an invitation, etc. So, no one's feelings will be getting hurt. And no, we don't plan on posting any other statuses asking everyone to send in their RSVP's or anything like that... I want to do that personally according to who's on the list.

So, what do you guys think? Yay or nay?
I personally don't see anything wrong with this since it is a very easy way to reach everyone (especially if the post is sponsored), but any other suggestions, warnings, or advice are very welcomed!

«13

Re: Is this a good idea?

  • Ditto. Have the budget and look at venue capacities first then have a hard number each of you can invite (because if you can only have 50, grandma and grandma should definitely get that invite before facebook-stalker second cousin's wife who commented first).
    image
  • MGPMGP member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    Gross. So you want people to comment on a public forum why they are worthy of attending your wedding? This is not a radio station contest. No one needs to "earn" their invite and if you think they do you have some serious ego problems.

    What if their answers are not good enough? Are you going to comment back and say "sorry you didnt make the cut". Or what if they are all good and you run out of space? Honestly this is a terrible idea. The only people who should be determining the guest list are the hosts, not the other way around.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • blabla89blabla89 Atlanta member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    This is, in fact, a bad idea. I get why it sounds convenient, but you will get a LOT of side-eyes and probably cause some hurt feelings by doing this.

    If you need the number of guests for your venue search, start by figuring out your budget and your guest list. Decide on the maximum number of people you can afford to host, then make a list of the people you want to invite, up to that number. This should be based on who you and your FI want to have at your wedding, not who wants to come.

    ETA missing words
    Wedding Countdown Ticker



    [Deleted User]luckysnorkel
  • No, it is not a good idea and is a recipe for disaster.

    If one of my facebook friends put a mass message or status update out there trying to see who's interested in attending the wedding, I would assume I was invited and that my H was invited whether the person was FB friends w/ him or not. No matter who it was or how close I was to that person. Unless you are prepared to invite all XXX number of his facebook friends w/ their SOs and host them at your wedding, you should not do this. It would be rude to do this and then not actually invite those people.

    Here's how you should figure out venue size: 

    1) Make a budget for the entire wedding
    2) Make a guest list with everyone you'd like to invite (no FB messages)
    3) Talk to venues that can accommodate that # of people and see if they fit your budget
    4) Adjust your guest list and venue search accordingly to fit your budget.
    *********************************************************************************

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    PrettyGirlLost
  • mslrose said:
    Soon, my fiancé plans on making a post on Facebook asking who is interested in attending our wedding.
    I will be visiting venues with my mother next month, so I'm going to need an idea of how many people will be there.
    He is mostly asking for his family, I already know who I'd like to invite on my side of town..so no Facebook post necessary for moi.

    Why is he asking on Facebook and not personally?
    1. He's not very social and he really doesn't know how to approach the topic nor ask the right questions (he wanted me to do it and I said no, that is YOUR family, I'll just go as far as sending them a personal message letting them know to expect an invitation)
    2. He has A LOT of family members on Facebook, that's pretty much how he keeps in contact with them since he doesn't always see them. That's actually how all of them keep in contact with each other... so Facebook is the easiest way to do it.

    What we planned to do is ask them if they're interested and if yes, comment with who you'll be bringing. I need comments because I'll be watching and making the list as it goes on (if that makes sense). I can almost guarantee it'll be a lot of family members (which kinda scares me, lol). Also, because they'll be commenting, it'll be easier to go from one person to the next and talk about whether they're worthy of an invite or not. We don't plan on saying anything in the comments.. those who are getting invited will get a personal message and I'll let them know to expect an invitation, etc. So, no one's feelings will be getting hurt. And no, we don't plan on posting any other statuses asking everyone to send in their RSVP's or anything like that... I want to do that personally according to who's on the list.

    So, what do you guys think? Yay or nay?
    I personally don't see anything wrong with this since it is a very easy way to reach everyone (especially if the post is sponsored), but any other suggestions, warnings, or advice are very welcomed!

    No, just don't do this.  You'd be opening up one giant can of worms.  And to the bolded...yes people will get their feelings hurt because they will assume if they say they'd like to come, that they are going to be invited.  It's like a little kid in class saying "who wants to come to my birthday party?" then going back and saying, "well I know you wanted to come but you weren't cool enough".  It is not tactful and will only end up causing issues.  
    luckysnorkelrubyotter217
  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited October 2014
    For the love of God. NO. 

    Keep wedding stuff OFF of facebook. Also, you have this totally backwards. 
    The person hosting the event is not told who to invite by the invitees based on who is "interested." The person (you and your FI in this case) hosting CHOOSES on their own who to invite, they invite those people, and then those people decide whether they are willing and able to come. 

    Your budget should come first. That will help you decide on a venue and guest list. If you fall in love with a particular venue, the number of people it can accommodate will also help you determine your guest list. Make a list of the most important people you must have at your wedding no matter what; all of those people will get invited. Then make a list of people you would LIKE to have at your wedding, if the budget and space permits. You only invite the people on that list if you are able. 

    And please don't use the word "worthy" in regards to who should get an invitation. I'm sure you didn't mean it the way it sounds, but it sounds incredibly degrading and rude. 

    ETA: to the bolded, I'm NOT talking about "B listing." I'm talking about a way to work out the initial guest list. 
    image
    mslrose
  • If your goal is to alienate all the "unworthy" members of your FI's family and anyone else who sees the post, then yes this is a terrific idea. Go for it!
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    This is not a good idea. At all. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    mslroseFizzySips
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    PPs have it covered, just adding that this is an awful idea and dittoing their suggestions.
    mslrose
  • Don't do it on facebook. Just do a list of who you both would like to invite and send invites. Asking in person (or otherwise) if they want to be invited isn't necessary.
    luckysnorkel
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    @MobKaz‌ A sponsored Facebook post is one you pay for so that it appears more often in the tops of friends feeds.

    OP, this is a really bad idea. I agree with Pp. Make your lists with the help of your FI (and maybe his parents if he isn't sure) then go from there.
    mslroseMobKaz
  • You invite who you WANT to invite. It really has nothing to do with who wants to come. So I don't see the point of asking? Make a list of who you absolutely 100% want to invite, and then another list of people you would like to invite. If these lists are 75 people and 200 people, for example, you should ONLY look at venues that fit at least 75 people. Once you pick a venue, you can invite up to the maximum number of people. This means if you find a venue that fits 150, you can invite 150 (your mandatory 75, plus 75 others). If people decline, then that's fine. It's fine to only have 100 or 130 people at a venue that fits 150 max. 
    blabla89misshart00luckysnorkelcowgirl8238
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This is a terrible idea. 

    FizzySips
  • What?  No, just no.  That's incredibly tacky.  

    Figure out who you want to invite and put them on the list.  Don't ask EVERY person your fiance is friends with if they want to come on his FACEBOOK.  Then every person who doesn't get an invite who responded that they want to come will think you guys are assholes.  
    image


  • Don't do this.  Do what other posters have suggested.  But you should feel free to use facebook to get addresses of the people you plan to invite.  It's nice that your FI is facebook friends with so many of his family members.  It's a great way to get the name of the cute girl his cousin is dating so that her name can be added to the invitation.  And it's a great way to get the current of address of his globe-trotting aunt.
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Ok, two things.
    1) Why in the world did this idea even come up?  Are his family members living in a variety of far-flung places? Does he know they rarely travel?  Doing this over FB is just a bad, bad idea, but my mom's family lives overseas and are mostly lower-income and/or aging with health issues. Few of them ever travel. Immediately after we set our date my mom e-mailed her relatives to ask who would be interested in making the trip. Those that were, we added to the guest list. It was something that worked for us. I get the general idea, but don't do it publicly!!

    2) I once received a "Hey who's interested?" e-mail from a coworker. At the time, yeah, I was interested in attending her wedding. When I got the invite, and thought about logistics (several hour drive to her hometown) I was not interested, and didn't attend.  I'd say that normally "gauging interest" will get you absolutely nowhere.  
    ________________________________


    [Deleted User]luckysnorkelcowgirl8238
  • redoryxredoryx member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited October 2014

    I can't even with this.

    Decide who you want to invite. Make a guest list. Find a venue that fits that guest list. When it gets closer, send out a Save the Date (that's how you let them know how to expect an invitation) then send out invitations and have the guests RSVP.

    It honestly sounds like you're trying to B-List without B-Listing. "Oh, so-and-so says that they can't come, so we don't have to invite them so I guess that means we can invite this other person now."

    ETA: Also, if you don't have a venue yet that means you don't have a for sure date yet, right? So how can you ask people if they can come if they don't know when or where it's going to be?

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    luckysnorkel
  • IMHO the only thing facebook should be used for when planning a wedding is stalking the names of SO of friends/family members or privately messaging a guest you want to invite for a current address. 
    [Deleted User]mslrosechibiyuiAPDSS22
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This is a horrible idea.  It will not end well. 

    What is the problem with figuring out your budget, and inviting the people you actually want there?  Just because my FI's brother's best friend wants to go doesn't mean I want him there.  But if he comments he gets an invite?  What?  This is so....nonsensical.   


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  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    This has got to be MUD. Surely no one has their head this far up their ass. Post on Facebook to see who wants to come to the wedding and then deem them worthy for an invite? Just think this through. Very carefully.

    image
    levioosa
  • I agree with all PP's, and just have to add: if your FI is not sure who from his family needs to be invited, he needs to ask his parents for a list.  I understand the thought process of trying to gauge how big of a venue you will need, but posting on facebook is just asking for trouble.  


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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    This can't be real.
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Aside from all of the above (correct) stuff, what about people not on Facebook? Does that mean his grandparents don't get invited because they didn't respond to the Facebook call? 

    Bad idea all the way around. He needs to decide who he really wants there, compare it to your budget (which is the first thing you set), and then pare it down or increase as necessary.  He needs to do it the way you're doing it.
    luckysnorkelmslrose
  • I'm shocked at the amount of people who responded to this; I read it earlier and was like "nah that's gotta be MUD." But I guess I'll chime in in case it's not just to ditto all the other PPs.

    Also, sidenote: your wedding is NOT the event of the century, as the way you posted about it made it seem. Take that ego down, sista.

    ____________________________________________________________________________________


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    MGPhuskypuppy14
  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
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