Do I have to pay for BM dress alterations?

dcbride86

My mom (very generously) paid for all my BM dresses.  They've all arrived, but a couple of them were not available in the right size, so I had to order up, and some other BMs just need to get them altered.  Since my mom paid for the dresses, do we also need to pay for the alterations?  I don't know if people expected that when we offered to pay for the dresses.  The dresses are from JCrew, but they can get them altered anywhere, so I didn't think that it would be expected, but now I don't know.

 

Thanks!

Teddy917

If I were a BM and you said that you would pay for the dresses, I would assume that would include alterations. But maybe that's just me. I would see if you can afford to and go from there. If your mom doesn't offer I think you should.

blabla89

I think it's fine for your BMs to cover that expense. It was generous and not required of your mom to pay for the dresses, so the cost of getting them altered shouldn't be a problem. It's probably still costing your BMs less than buying a dress.

ETA missing words

dcbride86

Teddy917 said:

If I were a BM and you said that you would pay for the dresses, I would assume that would include alterations. But maybe that's just me. I would see if you can afford to and go from there. If your mom doesn't offer I think you should.

@Teddy917 - how would I pay for them?  Should I just send them a check?  They mostly live out of state, and they're just going to get them done at whatever tailor they want.  I don't know if sending them a check is a bit tacky, but I don't know how else I would do it.

Thanks again!

climbingsingle

I think it's fine to let them pay for the alterations. If I were in a wedding and the bride told me she was paying for the dress, I wouldn't assume that included alterations as well. 

[Deleted User]

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I think it's fine to let them pay for the alterations. If I were in a wedding and the bride told me she was paying for the dress, I wouldn't assume that included alterations as well. 

Yes, but the bride is the one who had to order up, not the bridesmaid.  So, if the dress was available in the correct size, alterations would not be necessary.  

So, if you have two size 6 bridesmaids, but the store only had one size 6 dress, the bride ordered one size 6 dress and one size 8 dress.  So which bridesmaid gets to pay for alterations for the size 8 to go down to size 6?

dcbride86

adk19 said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I think it's fine to let them pay for the alterations. If I were in a wedding and the bride told me she was paying for the dress, I wouldn't assume that included alterations as well. 

Yes, but the bride is the one who had to order up, not the bridesmaid.  So, if the dress was available in the correct size, alterations would not be necessary.  

So, if you have two size 6 bridesmaids, but the store only had one size 6 dress, the bride ordered one size 6 dress and one size 8 dress.  So which bridesmaid gets to pay for alterations for the size 8 to go down to size 6?

I only ordered them (instead of the BMs) so I could put them right on my moms credit card.  I asked them to go to the store and get fitted and everything so I could take care of it, but it would have been the same situation if they had ordered them.

Also, the scenario you mentioned didn't happen.  I had 2 BMs who are the same size, and the store was totally out of that size.  So both of them had to get a size up.  I have another BM who will need the dress taken in a little at the top, but it totally fits at her waist and hips.

 

lyndausvi

I'm normally in the camp that the BMs would take care if the alterations.   However, in this case I think you should pick up the charge or a least part of the costs.

   It was your choice that created the extensive alterations, not the BMs.    Going from a 8 to a 6 can cost as much or more than the dress depending on what needs to be done.  

How do you pay for them?   I would see how much the costs are and just send them a check or visa card.  

STARMOON44

I think you should return all of the dresses and order something that you can get in everyone's correct size!

If I wear a size 10, and you buy me a size 10, I would expect to pay to do things like take up the hem and take in the straps.

If I wear size 10, and you buy me a size 12, how exactly is that generous? I wouldn't have had to pay to alter a dress down a whole size if you hadn't bought the dresses, because I would have seen they were out of my size and called and told you there was a problem.

This dress isn't available in your bridesmaids' sizes, so it's not an appropriate choice for your bridesmaids. JCrew has tons of dresses. Pick a different one.

dcbride86

STARMOON44 said:

I think you should return all of the dresses and order something that you can get in everyone's correct size! If I wear a size 10, and you buy me a size 10, I would expect to pay to do things like take up the hem and take in the straps. If I wear size 10, and you buy me a size 12, how exactly is that generous? I wouldn't have had to pay to alter a dress down a whole size if you hadn't bought the dresses, because I would have seen they were out of my size and called and told you there was a problem. This dress isn't available in your bridesmaids' sizes, so it's not an appropriate choice for your bridesmaids. JCrew has tons of dresses. Pick a different one.

JCrew actually didn't have any dresses in thier size and in my color that they would feel comfortable wearing.  They are both a bit top heavy, and therefore wanted a dress that had wiring in them.  The only dresses with the wiring they wanted were sold out in their size.  I'm happy to pay for the alterations if that's appropriate, but I don't understand why I would have to go reselect the dresses completely. 

Additionally, I didn't know it wasn't available for my BMs right away.  Originally I was told it was available.  Then, after the orders for several had gone through, I was told the "backorder" for those 2 dresses had changed and they were actually sold out.  I was then told they didn't have the color I want in any dress with wiring built in.

Again, I'm happy to pay for the alterations - I was just asking if I should offer to do so. 

photokitty

ssautter said:

adk19 said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I think it's fine to let them pay for the alterations. If I were in a wedding and the bride told me she was paying for the dress, I wouldn't assume that included alterations as well. 

Yes, but the bride is the one who had to order up, not the bridesmaid.  So, if the dress was available in the correct size, alterations would not be necessary.  

So, if you have two size 6 bridesmaids, but the store only had one size 6 dress, the bride ordered one size 6 dress and one size 8 dress.  So which bridesmaid gets to pay for alterations for the size 8 to go down to size 6?

I only ordered them (instead of the BMs) so I could put them right on my moms credit card.  I asked them to go to the store and get fitted and everything so I could take care of it, but it would have been the same situation if they had ordered them.

Also, the scenario you mentioned didn't happen.  I had 2 BMs who are the same size, and the store was totally out of that size.  So both of them had to get a size up.  I have another BM who will need the dress taken in a little at the top, but it totally fits at her waist and hips.

 

Were they not available online? I would return he ones that don't fit, order them online and have them directly shipped to the BMs. That way if they need normal alterations they can have them done 0 like hems, straps etc.

If you shipped me a dress a size to big bc that's what your local store had, and told me to pay to have it altered I would be ticked - especially after I went and tried them on so you would have my correct size.

dcbride86

photokitty said:

ssautter said:

adk19 said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I think it's fine to let them pay for the alterations. If I were in a wedding and the bride told me she was paying for the dress, I wouldn't assume that included alterations as well. 

Yes, but the bride is the one who had to order up, not the bridesmaid.  So, if the dress was available in the correct size, alterations would not be necessary.  

So, if you have two size 6 bridesmaids, but the store only had one size 6 dress, the bride ordered one size 6 dress and one size 8 dress.  So which bridesmaid gets to pay for alterations for the size 8 to go down to size 6?

I only ordered them (instead of the BMs) so I could put them right on my moms credit card.  I asked them to go to the store and get fitted and everything so I could take care of it, but it would have been the same situation if they had ordered them.

Also, the scenario you mentioned didn't happen.  I had 2 BMs who are the same size, and the store was totally out of that size.  So both of them had to get a size up.  I have another BM who will need the dress taken in a little at the top, but it totally fits at her waist and hips.

 

Were they not available online? I would return he ones that don't fit, order them online and have them directly shipped to the BMs. That way if they need normal alterations they can have them done 0 like hems, straps etc.

If you shipped me a dress a size to big bc that's what your local store had, and told me to pay to have it altered I would be ticked - especially after I went and tried them on so you would have my correct size.

They were not available online, or in any store in America.  I called the bridal dept. to do this whole thing.  They both said they would have to get the dress altered because they were a different size in the bottom than on top, which is why I didn't know if I should offer.  The consensus is that I should, so obviously I will

photokitty

ssautter said:

photokitty said:

ssautter said:

adk19 said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I think it's fine to let them pay for the alterations. If I were in a wedding and the bride told me she was paying for the dress, I wouldn't assume that included alterations as well. 

Yes, but the bride is the one who had to order up, not the bridesmaid.  So, if the dress was available in the correct size, alterations would not be necessary.  

So, if you have two size 6 bridesmaids, but the store only had one size 6 dress, the bride ordered one size 6 dress and one size 8 dress.  So which bridesmaid gets to pay for alterations for the size 8 to go down to size 6?

I only ordered them (instead of the BMs) so I could put them right on my moms credit card.  I asked them to go to the store and get fitted and everything so I could take care of it, but it would have been the same situation if they had ordered them.

Also, the scenario you mentioned didn't happen.  I had 2 BMs who are the same size, and the store was totally out of that size.  So both of them had to get a size up.  I have another BM who will need the dress taken in a little at the top, but it totally fits at her waist and hips.

 

Were they not available online? I would return he ones that don't fit, order them online and have them directly shipped to the BMs. That way if they need normal alterations they can have them done 0 like hems, straps etc.

If you shipped me a dress a size to big bc that's what your local store had, and told me to pay to have it altered I would be ticked - especially after I went and tried them on so you would have my correct size.

They were not available online, or in any store in America.  I called the bridal dept. to do this whole thing.  They both said they would have to get the dress altered because they were a different size in the bottom than on top, which is why I didn't know if I should offer.  The consensus is that I should, so obviously I will

Well that's different than ordering a size up bc they didn't have the correct size - If I tried on a dress and needed one size in the bottom and another on the top, I would expect to order the larger of the two sizes and pay to have the other part taken in. If that's what happened then I think it is ok to expect them to pay. You aren't being very clear, so it's hard to give a complete answer.

dcbride86

photokitty said:

ssautter said:

photokitty said:

ssautter said:

adk19 said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I think it's fine to let them pay for the alterations. If I were in a wedding and the bride told me she was paying for the dress, I wouldn't assume that included alterations as well. 

Yes, but the bride is the one who had to order up, not the bridesmaid.  So, if the dress was available in the correct size, alterations would not be necessary.  

So, if you have two size 6 bridesmaids, but the store only had one size 6 dress, the bride ordered one size 6 dress and one size 8 dress.  So which bridesmaid gets to pay for alterations for the size 8 to go down to size 6?

I only ordered them (instead of the BMs) so I could put them right on my moms credit card.  I asked them to go to the store and get fitted and everything so I could take care of it, but it would have been the same situation if they had ordered them.

Also, the scenario you mentioned didn't happen.  I had 2 BMs who are the same size, and the store was totally out of that size.  So both of them had to get a size up.  I have another BM who will need the dress taken in a little at the top, but it totally fits at her waist and hips.

 

Were they not available online? I would return he ones that don't fit, order them online and have them directly shipped to the BMs. That way if they need normal alterations they can have them done 0 like hems, straps etc.

If you shipped me a dress a size to big bc that's what your local store had, and told me to pay to have it altered I would be ticked - especially after I went and tried them on so you would have my correct size.

They were not available online, or in any store in America.  I called the bridal dept. to do this whole thing.  They both said they would have to get the dress altered because they were a different size in the bottom than on top, which is why I didn't know if I should offer.  The consensus is that I should, so obviously I will

Well that's different than ordering a size up bc they didn't have the correct size - If I tried on a dress and needed one size in the bottom and another on the top, I would expect to order the larger of the two sizes and pay to have the other part taken in. If that's what happened then I think it is ok to expect them to pay. You aren't being very clear, so it's hard to give a complete answer.

I'm sorry.  I'll try to clairfy: both of them happen to be 2 different sizes: 1 size up top and another on the bottom.  They both told me to order the bigger size and joked about how they would need them altered because they have big boobs.  Then JCrew didn't have that size, so I had to order up.  This means that they now need the whole dress altered, instead of just the bottom.

However, I also have a BM who is 2 different sizes, but JCrew DID have her size in stock.  She still needs to get it altered, though.  Obviously I don't want to just pay for the 2 who's size was not in stock, so if I pay for any alterations, I'm paying for them all.  I just wanted to see if I should offer to pay for them all.  The consesus seems to be that I should, so I will.

lilacck28

One of my bridesmaid's bought a dress from JCrew Factory in a size 2 when she is actually a size 0. Two of my bridesmaids bought matching dresses by coincidence, and we scrambled to find an as close to matching dress as possible for this third bridesmaid because she had always wanted to match. The size 2 looked good on her (it was a shift dress, so maybe the style lends itself to looking a little looser?). I don't think it would be an issue if she didn't have it altered. So, up to her if she does alter or not. Maybe the size up will look fine on your girls too?

STARMOON44

So they wear a 6 on top, a 4 on bottom, but you could only get an 8?

And there are no other dresses that work at JCrew?

Yeah. Pay for the alterations or find a different dress. Is it available in the sizes I need should be a basic requirement of deciding on a dress. Obviously it's super annoying when things are back ordered and sold out, but if you don't want to pick a dress available in their size you should pay for the alterations. I'd pro just ask them to tell me the cost and send a check.

dcbride86

STARMOON44 said:

So they wear a 6 on top, a 4 on bottom, but you could only get an 8? And there are no other dresses that work at JCrew? Yeah. Pay for the alterations or find a different dress. Is it available in the sizes I need should be a basic requirement of deciding on a dress. Obviously it's super annoying when things are back ordered and sold out, but if you don't want to pick a dress available in their size you should pay for the alterations. I'd pro just ask them to tell me the cost and send a check.

That's correct.  They didn't want the other dresses at JCrew (which were available in their size) because they wanted a dress with wiring at the bust.  The dresses available in their size did not have the wiritg.

I did check if the dress was available in all the sizes, and was initially told the dresses were available, but that some were slightly backordered.  Most of them ended up being backordered for a couple of weeks, but these 2 ended up being sold out.  I completely understand that brides should check the sizes first, but this seemed a bit out of my hands since others had already received their dresses and removed the tags before I knew about the 2 being sold out.

I'll just ask them how much alterations are and send them a check.  Thanks!  I really do appreciate the advice

poodledoodleooo

I understand the situation and I get that you're basically stuck with it now. Lurkers take note - if you can't get the dresses in the appropriate size you must select different dresses. It's not fair to expect them to pay to alter a dress a full size down - that can be incredibly costly!

In your situation, if you can swing it, I would offer to pay for all the alterations. Since they live in different states, you can either see if their chosen tailors will accept cards over the phone or if you can mail a check directly to the tailor to cover the costs.

For most people's situation (as in, the bridesmaids are able to get the closest possible correct size by choice not because they are running out) I would say paying for alterations is a nice bonus, but isn't expected.

southernbelle0915

If I'm understanding this correctly, the BMs helped choose this dress and asked you to order a dress that did not come in their size because they wanted wiring versus a dress in their size. They joked about needing to get it altered because they have big boobs. If that is correct, I think it's fine to let them take care of their own alterations.

cafarrie

Yes, you should absolutely pay for the alterations in this case.  Good for you for paying for the dresses, I think it's ridiculous that BM's are "required" to buy their own dresses ever anyway (even though it's traditional).

RebeccaB88

If you paid for my dress, I would expect that you'd also cover any alterations necessary to make the dress fit unless you said otherwise ahead of time.  Especially if I provided you my size info and you ordered something other than my size. 

abbyj700

sjf2715 said:

I understand the situation and I get that you're basically stuck with it now. Lurkers take note - if you can't get the dresses in the appropriate size you must select different dresses. It's not fair to expect them to pay to alter a dress a full size down - that can be incredibly costly!

In your situation, if you can swing it, I would offer to pay for all the alterations. Since they live in different states, you can either see if their chosen tailors will accept cards over the phone or if you can mail a check directly to the tailor to cover the costs.

For most people's situation (as in, the bridesmaids are able to get the closest possible correct size by choice not because they are running out) I would say paying for alterations is a nice bonus, but isn't expected.

So much this.

martha1818

ssautter said:

STARMOON44 said:

I think you should return all of the dresses and order something that you can get in everyone's correct size! If I wear a size 10, and you buy me a size 10, I would expect to pay to do things like take up the hem and take in the straps. If I wear size 10, and you buy me a size 12, how exactly is that generous? I wouldn't have had to pay to alter a dress down a whole size if you hadn't bought the dresses, because I would have seen they were out of my size and called and told you there was a problem. This dress isn't available in your bridesmaids' sizes, so it's not an appropriate choice for your bridesmaids. JCrew has tons of dresses. Pick a different one.

JCrew actually didn't have any dresses in thier size and in my color that they would feel comfortable wearing.  They are both a bit top heavy, and therefore wanted a dress that had wiring in them.  The only dresses with the wiring they wanted were sold out in their size.  I'm happy to pay for the alterations if that's appropriate, but I don't understand why I would have to go reselect the dresses completely. 

Additionally, I didn't know it wasn't available for my BMs right away.  Originally I was told it was available.  Then, after the orders for several had gone through, I was told the "backorder" for those 2 dresses had changed and they were actually sold out.  I was then told they didn't have the color I want in any dress with wiring built in.

Again, I'm happy to pay for the alterations - I was just asking if I should offer to do so. 

Yes

dcbride86

Thanks everyone!  I've already sent each BM a text offering to pay for any alterations they need.  I'll figure out payment logistics once they find tailors.

Obviously, I would not have selected a dress that was sold out for my BMs.  Unfortunately, I was told several times that the dress was only slightly backordered for one of the sizes, but it ended up being totally sold out.  Obviously it would have been great to be able to go with the BMs for a mass fitting, but since only 2 of my BMs live in the same state as I do, that was pretty much impossible.  Hopefully the alterations won't be too expensive, but I understand that it's not fair to have them pay for the alterations.

Thanks again!

princessleia22

I personally always expect to pay for my own dress & alterations if I'm a bridesmaid.  I'm short, so I always need length altered and I've often needed other alterations, depending on dress style. I usually expect to pay between $50-200 on alterations and anticipate that when I agree to be bridesmaid and take that into account in discussions regarding what I can afford for BM dress. I had one BM dress that cost me $100 for the dress but nearly $200 for alterations because the style was tighter and required more alterations to look right.  But I anticipate that and expect that to come out of my pocket unless otherwise offered.  

If you paid for the dress, I would think that is super kind, but wouldn't expect you to pay for alterations unless you specifically offered that also. And paying for alterations can get trickier since the cost will likely vary with each person. It sounds like they knew there was a sizing issue and they told you to go ahead and order the larger size. So, I don't think you are obligated to pay for alterations at all.  But, just like offering to purchase the dress, if you can afford to pay for alterations, that would be very kind of you and I'm sure they will appreciate it.

As far as paying for it, I'd say you have a few options.  You could just send each a check for the total cost of their alterations.  You could possibly make arrangements with their tailors to pay via credit card over phone or mail them the check directly. Or to avoid "you paid them more than you did for me" issues, you could get an overall estimate of cost and send each a pre-paid visa of same value, like $50-100 each, to supplement the cost of alterations. They may need to pay more or less than that, but it still saves them a significant amount of money. Personally, I would probably go with the last option, of sending each a pre-paid card, even if not the full value.  I know my body shape often requires alterations, so I'd feel bad about having you pay more because of that.

larrygaga

I would say you pay because you chose a dress that needed alterations. I don't think it would be tacky to send a check. 

Although, personally, I would be happy paying for it myself. Free dress, so whatever. 

Keri&EdwinWedding

Almost all bridesmaid dresses are going to need to be altered, no matter the size and shape. This is a known fact. You are correct that it was very generous of your mom to pay for the dresses in the first place. The girls should have expected to pay for the dress, alterations, hair, make-up, etc. when saying yes to being in the wedding. Therefor, maybe politely say, since my family covered the cost of the dress we'd like you to cover the cost of the alterations. They should be understanding (especially if they've ever gotten married before and had to budget for such an event). 

Good luck with everything! Just remember (as I have to keep telling myself) this day is for you and your partner. It should be a fun and memorable experience. Those around you who love and support you will do anything possible for it to be the day you've always dreamed about! 

annakay511

As a BM, I would assume that I would need to pay for my own alterations.