ceremony alternative?

mrkelsch11

My fiance and I are planning on having a "ceremony" with just the two of us. If it were up to my fiance,  we would just go to a court house and get married there. However I find court houses kind of grimy and I told him I want something with some formality and something special for us. He is ok with this but he says that wedding ceremonies generally make him uncomfortable. I am wondering if anyone has any ideas for a ceremony alternative. Honestly I think he'll be fine with whatever we do but I figure it's his day too and I don't want him feeling uncomfortable. 

Additionally,  can anyone give any tips for a wedding for two? 

manateehugger

A wedding ceremony is still a ceremony as long as there are two individuals getting married and an officiant present.

So it sounds like you're looking for a private ceremony. There are thousands of options between a church and the courthouse. Parks, historical buildings, museums, a backyard, your living room, a hotel, a lake, the beach, a winery, a mountain, etc. Find a spot you both like, a licensed officiant and go for it. You might try to google up elopements spots/packages in your area and see where others have done this. 

I think the best thing about a private ceremony/elopement is probably that you don't really have to care about anyone except your future husband. Make it what you want. @Jells2dot0 eloped and may have some advice for you. 

Also, ease up on the courthouse ceremony criticism - plenty of women have courthouse ceremonies and are perfectly happy with them. Some courthouses I've seen are beautiful and have a lot of history to them. 

mrkelsch11

Thank you for the advice  

I want trying to criticize court house weddings at all! Maybe I just haven't seen a nice one. Where we live,  the court house is not a place you want to be unless you have to be there. Maybe I should go and find a nice one! Sorry for the careless remark 

CMGragain

Wedding = bride, groom, officiant, license and witnesses.  The ceremony can be as simple as signing the legal paperwork, or as elaborate as personalized vows.  In Colorado and Pennsylvania you don't need an officiant.  Location can be anywhere it is permitted.
I am curious.  What is it about wedding ceremonies that make your FI uncomfortable?

Jells2dot0

@manateehugger is right- we eloped!!! We FOR REAL eloped in that we didn't tell anyone about our wedding until after we were married. Some people had their suspicions, of course!

You don't have to keep anything a secret, but we planned a destination wedding for just the two of us in Australia. You obviously do not need to go that far from home to do what we did. We hired a civil celebrant, wrote very simple vows, exchanged rings, and had a ceremony that lasted no more than 10 minutes. Only myself, my DH, the celebrant, resort wedding coordinator, and the photographer I hired were present. The coordinator and photographer served as our witnesses. Since I had a photographer, we did a bunch of photos before, during, and after the ceremony. I wore a beachy wedding gown, which I had custom made. DH bought a nice shirt and pants from Tommy Bahamas. The only flowers I had were my bouquet, which was fake since real flowers weren't allowed at the resort (National Park). We walked hand in hand to the spot where we were to be married and there was no formal entrance or exit. We did a first look after I got dressed, which the photographer captured.

In place of a reception, we had a private dinner. The resort had a very nice, yet very simple set up for us to dine under the stars. If you weren't at a resort, you could have a dinner at a fancy, romantic restaurant.The dinner set up was the only "décor" we had- the ceremony was on a beach next to the water, and I really wanted that setting to speak for itself.

Again, we chose a beach and you don't need to do that. You can choose a park or other meaningful place. You can hire a celebrant and just do a private, simple, no frills ceremony. My wedding was really a dream come true and NOTHING like a traditional wedding that you see on here. It's what we wanted and wouldn't change it for the world.

artbyallie

I second CMGr. Have you asked him why weddings make him uncomfortable?

I'm sorry your local courthouse is grimy. The one in our county is actually kind of pretty, though we got married in my home church (in the new sanctuary my dad designed!). If we hadn't gotten married there we would probably have gone with the chapel at the college where we met. Since you are planning a private wedding, you can have it anywhere you like. In a park, maybe a bed and breakfast with a pretty front room, the possibilities are really endless. But you should definitely communicate with your fiancé about what kind of wedding he envisions. And it may just be that he's never considered that they can be private/creative/any level of casual to formal/etc and is just thinking he doesn't like the typical movie wedding of fancy ceremony and ballroom reception.

jenijoyk

Are you sure you've checked which courthouse in your county does weddings? I'm sure this is different in more rural areas, but our county has a ton of courthouses.  But the one where they hold weddings is the historic courthouse and it's gorgeous. In fact, I don't think they do much of anything else in that courthouse besides weddings because it's too old and too small. In some counties, San Francisco for example, weddings aren't even held in the courthouse, but at City Hall, which is one of the most beautiful buildings in the City.

But I understand your belief that courthouses are grimey. I'm there at least once a week for work and I purell the crap out of my hands afterwards. But those aren't the same courthouses where people have civil ceremonies. I'd be sure to look into it before you totally strike it from the realm of possibility.

 

mrkelsch11

Thank you for all the feedback! All the suggestions are super helpful! 

Ive talked to the FI of course and there is one major area of concern: he repeatedly watched his mom go through a series of failed marriages, each with elaborate ceremonies. He feels that if there's any kind of "ceremony" involved,  it becomes more of a show. I think it's just a lot of things from his childhood that he's confronting. I'm trying to tell him that since there will be no one there but us, it can't be a show because there's no one to watch us. I think he'll come around eventually. He says he can't wait to be married to me but he doesn't really have any suggestions to offer up about how he wants it to go down. 

Thanks again for the suggestions! I'm definitely getting a clearer idea of what I think would be special for 

Lizzieyounce

I don't know where you live, but check the courthouse out in your county seat, if it's not too far away.  Often times, those are more historic and have architectural interest, as opposed to what one thinks of when one thinks of a courthouse.

mrs4everhart

Do you live somewhere where self-solemnization is possible? In CO for example you can pick up your license then you have 30 days to sign it (with or without witnesses) then file it with the county. If you live in a place this is allowable, your possibilities are endless and you don't need any type of ceremony, officiant, etc., at all. It can be you, your FI and a pen anywhere, anytime in those 30 days. 

emmyg65

Sounds like a short, private exchange of vows would be perfect for you two. Many officiants provide this service. Where we live (Pennsylvania), you don't even need an officiant. It doesn't need to be at a courthouse. It can be in a park or any other location of your choosing.

[Deleted User]

What about finding someone who is ordained by the state and just having a private ceremony at a place that is special to the two of you. I know two people who are ordained and they generally personalize each ceremony to the wishes of the couple they are marrying. They can make it as short or long as you want it and as religous or non-religious as you want it too.

bridesontherun

I relate to your husband so very much. I never thought I would get married. I had no faith in the institution, nor religious conviction. I simply don't need the piece of paper to define or legitimize my relationship, love or commitment. I do need the legal paperwork to afford me and my fiancée legal protections and benefits. So after 12 years we are getting married. It still feels a bit crazy in fact. The best part for me is I don't equate my commitment or ceremony with any of my mother's 5 failed nuptials. I have seen her failures in relationships, and experienced my own. That's how I know what I have now is different, and not to be compared. That's the reason I don't struggle like your husband still does... But keep in mind - it's also taken me 12 years to get to this place in our relationship.

It sounds like you are understanding and patient with his concerns. Making this a private affair sounds perfect. I too didn't want to get married at the courthouse. I've watched my family run to the courthouse out of financial need and to get married quickly. I associate it with negative consequences and not making good choices. (I too understand that is not the sum of all courthouse weddings, simply my experiences.) so no matter how nice the courthouse, it doesn't change the "feeling" of a courthouse wedding for me.

When I started checking out locations I went for state parks, private bed and breakfasts with a courtyard, and the like. Something surrounded by nature, simple and available for a private ceremony. So, think of the places that are personal for you two... Where did you meet, where you like to hang out, where you feel most comfortable.

Best of luck!