Weird things people say.

climbingsingle

Please share your own! I need some laughs today. 

Friday night, I went out for drinks with a few of my girlfriends. We were at a pretty mellow bar that wasn't too crowded, but most people were dressed up in costumes. I noticed that a guy I knew from elementary and high school had walked in with a few people. He ended up sitting just a few seats away. I thought it was weird that he didn't say hi, so I went over to him. 

Me: Hey John! 

John: Hi Climbing.

Me: How come you didn't come over and say hi? (I said this jokingly, not like in a mean, weirdo way)

John: Oh, I'm on hallucinogenics. I didn't recognize you. 

Me: Oh....

John: I took mushrooms. 

Me: Oh. Ok. Good seeing you. 

After we left, I couldn't stop laughing about it. It was just such a funny thing to say/admit. Also, I try not to judge.  But, really? Mushrooms on Halloween when you're in your mid 30s? 

blabla89

I have nothing to contribute ATM but that's hilarious.

sarawifenow

I called to speak with a client of mine a couple of weeks ago. His wife answered and told me her husband couldn't come to the phone because he had really bad diarrhea.

climbingsingle

sarawifenow said:

I called to speak with a client of mine a couple of weeks ago. His wife answered and told me her husband couldn't come to the phone because he had really bad diarrhea.

Omg. Hahahah! Why say that!? People be crazy. 

KatieinBkln

That is amazing. I don't think I'd be on shrooms on Halloween--too many creepy costumes to cause a bad trip!

lacqueredlover

Hahaha that's awesome.

This is a funny "kids say funny thing."  I'll share a few from my future step daughter who is 5.

1.  I was really sick a few weeks ago and the kids were with us.  I was laying in bed and she kept coming to check on me because she was worried about me:

FSD - Are you going to die?

Me - No sweetie, I'm just sick.

FSD - You look like you're going to die.  Are you sure you're not going to die.

Me - Well I hope not.

FSD - Is the only reason you're living is so you can marry daddy?

Me - (dying with laughter) haha yes sweetie, that's the reason.

2.  We picked the kids up to go to dinner and my FFIL was with us so I was sitting in the back between the two kids.  FSD hugs me and goes:

FSD - I'm so excited that I get to be your step mommy!

Me - Do you mean my step daughter?  I'm so excited too!

FSD - No, I decided I wanna be the mommy.  I'm the step mommy. You're the kid.  I get to make the rules.

holyguacamole79

I had a shitastic week last week and my dad is a classic avoided of awkward situations. He knows I'm having a bad week, and he says "it's all good. " I just don't get it.

jenna8984

hahaha shrooms, I definitely would have done a Pauly D "awkwaaaaaard" as I walked away.

Yesterday I tried on a pair of black, leather equestrian style boots (I'm sure most of you know what I'm talking about- knee high, no heel). I ask DH if they are too soccer mom. He says "No....but they are too State Trooper." LOL I died laughing and did not buy them.

novella1186

lol that is too funny. 

My FI's dad FINALLY sent me the list of addresses for his side of the family (more than three weeks after I asked but that's another story) along with an e-mail message stating that he was pretty sure most of the people on the list wouldn't come to our "destination wedding" because it's "too far for them to travel," but we should invite them anyway. 

Our wedding is 1-2 hours away from 90% of the people on the list. It's an hour away from where we live. But it's a destination wedding. Ok, fine. 

thisismynickname2

Ok, I have something weird from DH.

One of my friends who's very girly got me some Victoria's Secret lingerie as a bachelorette gift. We both thought it was very pretty- had a little flower pattern and some blue lace. I packed it for the honeymoon. I'm not really a lingerie girl and own just a couple other pieces and can't remember the last time DH saw my in anything, um, "fun". 

His response when I paraded in the room wearing it? A funny look on his face and ... "Hm. That kind of looks like... like redneck lingerie. Who got that for you?"

Don't worry, it didn't kill the mood. I also didn't tell him who got it for me. At least he was honest....? LOL.  

mrsdee15

Oh I've got one, not sure if it is weird, but it is pretty funny.  A good friend of mine's son is one of our ring bearers, and he has had some really random comments, probably because he's about four and kids are just funny.

Friend: Guess what?  You've been asked to be a ring bearer in my friend's wedding!

*Kid gets serious look on his face*

Ring bearer: Momma... I can't be a bear... I'm a boy!

Friend: No, kid, ring bearER.  You're going to have a pillow and a... okay so there is going to be a guy dressed like a king and a girl dressed like a queen.  It's their birthday and you have to bring them their present, which will be on a pillow.  You have to bring the present to the king and queen.

Ring bearer: Oh, is it a special pillow?

Friend: Yes, kid, it's a special pillow.

Ring bearer: OH MOMMA! We can use my new puppy pillow!!

Friend:  No, it's a special tiny pillow.

Ring bearer: Ooooh.... is it a magic pillow?

Friend: Yes, yes kid.  It's a magic pillow.

This kid is adorable.  He was at another friend's bridal shower, and one of the other ladies in attendance lost her nametag.  He found it, went up to the woman who lost it, and said, "I've been looking for you for my entire life!"

huskypuppy14

mrsdee15 said:

Oh I've got one, not sure if it is weird, but it is pretty funny.  A good friend of mine's son is one of our ring bearers, and he has had some really random comments, probably because he's about four and kids are just funny.

Friend: Guess what?  You've been asked to be a ring bearer in my friend's wedding!

*Kid gets serious look on his face*

Ring bearer: Momma... I can't be a bear... I'm a boy!

Friend: No, kid, ring bearER.  You're going to have a pillow and a... okay so there is going to be a guy dressed like a king and a girl dressed like a queen.  It's their birthday and you have to bring them their present, which will be on a pillow.  You have to bring the present to the king and queen.

Ring bearer: Oh, is it a special pillow?

Friend: Yes, kid, it's a special pillow.

Ring bearer: OH MOMMA! We can use my new puppy pillow!!

Friend:  No, it's a special tiny pillow.

Ring bearer: Ooooh.... is it a magic pillow?

Friend: Yes, yes kid.  It's a magic pillow.

This kid is adorable.  He was at another friend's bridal shower, and one of the other ladies in attendance lost her nametag.  He found it, went up to the woman who lost it, and said, "I've been looking for you for my entire life!"

We didn't have a ring bearer, but if we did my husband would have let him use a puppy pillow.  He loves dogs.  

This is adorable.

mrsdee15

huskypuppy14 said:

mrsdee15 said:

Oh I've got one, not sure if it is weird, but it is pretty funny.  A good friend of mine's son is one of our ring bearers, and he has had some really random comments, probably because he's about four and kids are just funny.

Friend: Guess what?  You've been asked to be a ring bearer in my friend's wedding!

*Kid gets serious look on his face*

Ring bearer: Momma... I can't be a bear... I'm a boy!

Friend: No, kid, ring bearER.  You're going to have a pillow and a... okay so there is going to be a guy dressed like a king and a girl dressed like a queen.  It's their birthday and you have to bring them their present, which will be on a pillow.  You have to bring the present to the king and queen.

Ring bearer: Oh, is it a special pillow?

Friend: Yes, kid, it's a special pillow.

Ring bearer: OH MOMMA! We can use my new puppy pillow!!

Friend:  No, it's a special tiny pillow.

Ring bearer: Ooooh.... is it a magic pillow?

Friend: Yes, yes kid.  It's a magic pillow.

This kid is adorable.  He was at another friend's bridal shower, and one of the other ladies in attendance lost her nametag.  He found it, went up to the woman who lost it, and said, "I've been looking for you for my entire life!"

We didn't have a ring bearer, but if we did my husband would have let him use a puppy pillow.  He loves dogs.  

This is adorable.

I actually told her I was pretty okay with the idea of a puppy pillow!  It's just such a stinkin' cute thing to say.

Gustafson28

ha ha we used a turtle pillow for our ring bearer! Gave it to him as a gift after 

littlemushroom

My husband just said, "We either need a bigger TV or I need smaller eyes so that things look bigger." He is goofy and I love him.

theartistformerlyknownas

Not weird, but another cute RB story. He has a little stuffed possum named Lonnie that he carries around everywhere. He asked if Lonnie could help carry the rings at the wedding, and his mom told him there would be a special pillow for that. So he found one of her bangle bracelets, put it around Lonnie's neck, and said "look Mommy, now Lonnie is special so he can go to Lolo's wedding!" 

Lonnie did not carry the rings, but he did have a great time at the reception.

lacqueredlover

Oh my future step son also asked us if he can be the flower boy in our wedding (he's 7.)  He wants to be the flower boy because his sister will be the flower girl and he will be ring bearer when their mom gets married in the Spring so he thinks it's only fair that they switch for ours.

dcbride86

My future nephew said something that reminded just how weird little boys can be:

 

Future Nephew: "Have you ever killed a possum with a knife?!"

Me: "...No!  ....Have you???"

Future Nephew: (sad) "No..." (Excited now) "BUT one time my uncle did shoot a racoon!"

 

He was referring to a camping trip where one of his other uncles heard a racoon outside the cabin during the day and shot it.  I was simply stunned.

blabla89

I was just on the phone with my grandma and she was on a tirade about how much she hates MOB dresses and how they're too ugly and matronly. She said, "I don't even want you to bury me in something like that when I die. Promise me, blabla?" I couldn't stop laughing.

KytchynWitche

I have to say, I'm quite surprised that nobody did the "OMG you're pregnant!" squeal at me on Friday. I had a couple of sips of the bubbly we used for toasting, but the rest of the day I was drinking ginger ale. For once, people kept their curiosity out of the bride's uterus!

I did have one of DH's aunts come up to me immediately after the ceremony to tell me about how difficult it was going to be for me having a double-barrel surname now, and how she hoped I knew what I'd gotten myself into.