HELP! I've tried on over 100 dresses at 9 different stores! Still can't find the one!

Knottie1445136220

At what point do I give up and settle for the OK one? It's starting to stress me out!!

[Deleted User]

Did you try on all different shapes and narrow the selections down to one or two silhouettes that looked good on your body shape? Once you do that it gets easier to weed out the ones you absolutely wouldn't wear and help you to compare details on different dresses that appeal to you. Good luck.

LondonLisa

Firstly, when is your wedding? Do you have time to take a break from dresses and think about other stuff?

Clear your mind, take a break and try to start with a clean slate. 

It is easier to work backwards and do process of elimination.  Think about some of your favourite outfits that you feel confident in. What is it about them that makes you feel good? ie: Is it an open back? The way it hides something you don't like? The tailoring? or that it is fun and light?  

I also like to look at red carpet gowns of celebrities that have a similar body type/ colouring as me (not wedding dresses) and what is it about those that I really like (the skirt, the neckline, the fabricetc)? 

Write those traits down of those outfits, such as: shows off my shoulders, the sweetheart neckline cut, the way it cinches at the waist, detail on the sleeves)

Then start thinking about the gowns with those traits in mind. 

- Start with your location: is your venue a rustic barn in an afternoon? Evening gala? The beach?

- silhouettes- do you imagine yourself in a ball gown, short, mermaid etc? Cut out the ones that don't fit into this.

- Then work with fabric, do you want something structured or more flowing? (cut out fabrics you hate the feel of, don't like the colour etc)

- Do you want sleeves? Strapless? (cut out the ones you know you don't want)

- In your day to day, think about how you feel confident: Do you wear a lot of busy fabrics or bright colours (this can translate to dresses as unique beading, overlays, appliques etc)? Or do you like one statement piece (simple with a jeweled belt etc)? Lace? or more simple with clean lines? (then cut out the ones that don't fit this).

Then when you try on dresses, even when you don't like something, think specifically what it is: rouching, pick-ups, fabric, sleeves, silhouette etc. 

Work on the process of elimination. Don't settle but also make sure that it is about the dress and not something bigger (From personal experience, I had gained some weight so I hated all the dresses I tried on but then realised it wasn't the dresses, it was my body that I didn't like. I have dropped some of the weight and now am liking a lot of the dresses I previously hated- I'm not saying that you need to lose weight or anything (far from it!), but it made me realise it wasn't about the dress at all, it was about my confidence and self-esteem).

And also note, you don't HAVE to wear a wedding dress! You can wear whatever makes you feel awesome even if it is a bright blue red carpet gown with rhinestones or a pink flowing maxidress. 

Good luck!

theartistformerlyknownas

NikkiRose710 said:

At what point do I give up and settle for the OK one? It's starting to stress me out!!

About 80 dresses ago. 

I really, truly don't believe "the one" exists. You just need to find "a beautiful one" that goes with the formality of your wedding, makes you feel confident and beautiful, and is in your budget. 

You haven't dated everyone on earth to know that your FI is the right one for you; you don't need to try on every dress either. 

Maggie0829

Yeah, you have seriously over shopped.  You have now tried on so many dresses that you are probably confused as hell as to what you like and want.

Out of the 100 dresses you tried on did you really like any of them?  Why did you say no to them? Was it because the shape wasn't right or you didn't like the small bead cluster on the hip area.  I am not a big fan of super modifying wedding gowns but if there is a slight thing that isn't wowing you (like the dress has a straight neckline but it would be perfect if it was a sweetheart neckline) then make a small modification.

When is your wedding?

novella1186

I didn't have that feeling that my dress was The One. There was a dress I liked a lot, but there were a few things I didn't like at all about it. I found a similar dress that didn't have anything I didn't like about it, and I bought it. I wasn't that excited. I didn't burst into tears. I didn't have that "aha!" moment. I was just kind of meh about the whole thing, but I new it was a beautiful dress that worked well for my body type, my personal style, and my venue. 

6 months later the dress came in and I went to pick it up. I was worried I was going to hate it since I was never so in love with it to begin with. It was still the same beautiful dress though, and now I really am in love with it. My mom took a photo of me in it and I can't stop staring at the photo. It's an amazing dress. I still don't think it's "the one" because I agree with Lolo that there's no such thing, but I doubt I could easily find a dress I love more. 

amelisha

I'm with these other ladies. It's just a dress. A piece of clothing. There is not one magical perfect one out there for you, and the wedding industry really builds the experience up to an unattainable level. They really manipulate your emotions with sales techniques, your family can unintentionally contribute, and overall it's a really absurd situation to be putting women in, honestly.

It's no different than buying any other dress. Just get one in your budget that suits your event and that looks good on you. It doesn't have to be this big emotional thing for everyone.

I post this a LOT on TK because it really seems like a lot of women have this problem and it's because of this unattainable thing the whole industry has rammed down our collective throats.

kvruns

I also look at which dress I've been comparing the others to.  So if you have one (or a few) that you always compare new ones to go back and look at those again.  The "one" is probably sitting there

lkristenj

I shopped a lot too. I probably tried over 60 dresses on at various places. Some were close, but none were it. I tried several that I could have been happy with, but just didn't grab me. Many were immediate "no"s.

I finally went to a very nice salon (5th location). They listened to me and put me in many dresses that were close to what I said I wanted. I liked two of them very much, but realized the only reason I liked that one was because my dad had seen a picture of me in another I tried that was very similar that he liked a lot. I liked that dress because I knew my dad would like it, but it was obvious to everyone else that the other was for me. I almost walked away from it, being unable to decide, but once I got in the car I realized that it really was that one. I ran back in and ordered it right then, also managing to get the 10% off for buying on the first visit.

My problem was that I fell in love with a picture of a dress that was discontinued, old, and subsequently very hard to find. I traveled all over Texas looking for it or something similar. I realized that ballgowns didn't work for me (the photo dress was a ballgown) and had to adjust. It took a lot to let that dress go. A-lines and modified a-lines were the cut for me. So, I began focusing on that, and the lace that I liked. My dress ended up being a layered dress with vintage-style lace in an a-line cut. It's perfect and 100% me. I have never regretted choosing it or thought twice about if I should have gotten a different dress. So, I did have my moment, it just took a long time, many dresses, and realizing what I really wanted (not the tulle and lace ballgown that my dad loved). You have to please yourself and not others' expectations.

spglsp

At this point you've tried on too many dresses, it's time to step back. Did you see any that you liked but maybe weren't perfect? Do those dresses have anything in common? You may want to set up a list of priorities with the dresses, as in "I can live with a higher neckline but I cannot tolerate ruffles" and then think back on the ones you've already dismissed.
Keep in mind that some of the things you might not love can be resolved later. Not sparkly enough? Add a beaded belt or blinged out veil. Can't do strapless? A good seamstress can add some spaghetti straps or cap sleeves. Not enough volume? Dress, meet petticoat. Good luck!

thisismynickname2

I really think LondonLisa has great advice for you. At some point though, you just need to be a decision maker, period.

I know people who have a hard time making decisions. One of my closest friends has started the dress hunt and she looks fabulous in everything yet she never said anything more than, "I really like this one."  Both she and her FI are overly analytical and are the worst people I know with any life decision.

If you look fabulous and feel good in the dress, and if it's in your budget, just go for it. Just say yes. You're only wearing it one day. Only your opinion matters, by the way. Don't let any friends or family, no matter how helpful you or they think they are, distract you.  

badbnagdway

I agree with the general consensus, you've tried on so many that you can't pick right now. I do think it would be great to take a few weeks or a month away from dresses altogether. Focus on a hobby or even another element of your wedding.

For me, when I tried on dresses at the bridal salon, none of them felt like me, even the ones that were devastatingly lovely and what I thought I wanted. I don't know how to explain it exactly, but it was like the outside of the dress was so far away from my skin it felt like it was wearing me and not vice versa because of all the construction. I found something simpler that I ordered off of Zappos and I love it. I agree with another pp who said to think back to your favorite outfits and styles and consider why you love those and how they made you feel and try to find something that makes you feel that way. 

In the end, there is no "ONE" dress. There are lots of dresses out there and if you look for something perfect you may remain disappointed. Focus on whether you look and feel good in the dress and whether it matches the formality of your event. I'm sure you'll find something. 

novella1186

I think the main thing here is that you need to stop expecting to have that "WOW this is IT!" feeling. For most of us, that's just a Disney Myth. 

spglsp said) then buy it and be done. 

weddingcactus

I think previous posters are spot on. Not everyone is going to have some magical feeling about a dress being "the one". That may happen for some, but not everyone. I agree that the wedding industry (especially some bridal gown sales people) perpetuates this myth purely to make money and sell dresses. 

So what do you do now? Well, step back and narrow down the dresses until you find one you can afford and want to wear. Here are some questions I'd suggest to help narrow down your choices.

1. What silhouette did you like the most? Honestly I think this is the most important question to answer first.
2. What fabrics did you like the most and are most appropriate for your venue?
3. What embellishments did you like the most (beading, lace, train or no, etc)?

Narrow down to no more than your top 5 choices and then go back in (maybe just by yourself or with no more than one or two most trusted cohorts) and try them on. And then just start narrowing them down. Pay attention to if you're picking them apart ("I love this one but I wish the neckline was different" etc). Just keep trying them each on until you're able to decide on one and then buy it. This is not some monumental thing that you could get "wrong". There is no right or wrong and you need to just relax and find a single dress that fits your budget that you want to wear. Don't make it more complicated than it needs to be.

lilacck28

I was pleasantly surprised by the fact that I liked a LOT of dresses, because they looked good on me, when I had been worried that none would. I found many dresses in my budget that I liked, and a few just outside of my ideal budget that I liked. I kept trying on dresses because I was confused that none really stood out to me the way I expected. I went to 5 stores, and tried on 10-20 dresses at each store. A lot of dresses = a lot of confusion! I did TOO much shopping.
I ended up narrowing them down based on what "feeling" I had while I was in the dress.

The top dresses all looked good (that is, the ones with the silhouettes and style I knew I liked from the get go), but despite their similarities some made me feel pretty, some elegant, some glamorous, some girly/ cute, some gave me a combination of a few of those. All of those are good feelings, but I decided that I wanted to feel pretty and elegant with a touch of the ethereal on my wedding day...which tended to match with the formality/ vibe of the wedding I was planning.

I didn't want glamorous, I didn't want old hollywood, and I didn't want cute and girly. So, I went with that one dress that made me feel the way I wanted to feel. I went back to the boutique and tried that dress on at three separate occasions to be sure.

 I didn't ever have an "Aha! The One! TEARS" moment, and of course I still see pictures of dresses and go "oh man.. so pretty. I like that", but I feel happy with my dress decision... I looked at the picture of me in it a lot.

 My dress finally came in the other day... I can't wait to pick it up next week!

pearlluo

I read all points of the previous posters.I think they all hit the point from all aspects,you can find wisedom from them.And good luck to you!

decembergrl2014

I didn't have that "Wow" feeling, either. I ended up with the first dress that I tried on in the first store I went to. I tried on about 15 dresses, but kept coming back to that one in particular. It also helped that only my mother was with me, so I wasn't bombarded with opinions. Her approval definitely helped. She kept saying how sophisticated and flattering it was on me. The way I see it, you have two choices: take a break from shopping altogether. If you have at least a year until your wedding, you can afford to do this. Another option is to think back and see if there was a particular style, neckline or silhouette you particularly liked. If so, bring one or two people with you and try on ONLY dresses that fit your requirements. Most of all, remember this is supposed to be a happy, fun time. It sounds to me that you're stressing yourself out and that makes it tougher to decide. Just try to relax and have fun. It'll all fall into place.

Knottie1445136220

Oh thank you so much for your detailed replies! My wedding is next October. I think I'm having a conglomerate of every single issue outlined above, which seems to be a recipe for disaster. Thanks for helping me..all great points and advice!!

princessleia22

Like others said, not everyone will get the "WOW" feeling or start bawling. 

I tried on 60+ dresses before I found the right one.  But, with each shopping trip I was able to narrow down what elements of each dress I liked and didn't like.  By about dress 40-50 I pretty much knew exactly what I wanted, but I just needed to find it. My first couple trips I tried various silhouettes and determined that I wanted an A-line, so only tried on A-lines after that.  Then I figured out that I really liked organza or chiffon material.  Then I decided that I really liked a ruched bodice but didn't want one that was super plain on bottom nor one that was super frilly.  After that, I actually went into some stores and looked at dresses without trying anything on, because I knew what I was looking for and they didn't have it.  And I did A LOT of searching online. I ended up finding a photo online of a dress that met everything I wanted.  I went to a store that carried that designer, but my dress was a previous year design.  But, they contacted the designer and it could still be ordered.  They had a sample dress sent from the designer, so I could try it on.  When I finally tried it on, I loved it.  It wasn't really an "OMG, This is my dress" moment, there wasn't any crying, no overwhelming emotion.  I just knew what I wanted and had finally found on that met all my requirements and looked gorgeous on me.  Although, even after that, I still started thinking of possible modifications to it.  I did add a colored sash to it.  But, I otherwise I decided that it was perfectly beautiful just the way it was.

So, take the knowledge from the dresses you have tried on and make a list of what you did like about each dress or what you didn't like.  Determine what silhouette, material, neckline, how much bling, and other design features and search online until you find a few that meet what you want.  Then find someplace that sells those dresses and try them on. And if you know what you want but really can't find one that's quite right, I did discover that getting a dress custom made isn't always that much more expensive than buying one at a bridal salon, but that can depend on location and other factors. I had almost given up my search and looked into this as an option. Getting the dress I wanted custom made would have cost about the same as what I paid for the one I ended up buying. So, after narrowing down the desired elements, if you still can't find one you like, that may be an option.

canadianhearts

NikkiRose710 said:

Oh thank you so much for your detailed replies! My wedding is next October. I think I'm having a conglomerate of every single issue outlined above, which seems to be a recipe for disaster. Thanks for helping me..all great points and advice!!

I think you can afford to take a few weeks off and just reset your mind and mindset regarding what you're looking for. Take into account everything the PPs have mentioned above (some amazing advice!) and then go into it without expectations that you're going to have some movie "aha!" moment. I think that can ruin you for actually being open to finding a great dress.

Also, this is what I realized in  my search (I also didn't have any "The One" moments):

1.) I have the most important "One" = my FI.

and

2.) The dress is going to look so wonderful once I'm marrying my "One" in it. Think about the make-up, hair, jewelry, venue...it'll all come together and you'll look fabulous.

Also, try not to take too many people shopping with you. I had a million opinions coming from all sides and then I realized that the only person I really need to please is myself. As long as I feel confident and beautiful in it, it'll be the perfect dress.

Sorry if this is bordering on cheesy, but it's true. I was so stressed I cried over not being able to find this fantasy dress I imagined. And then when I looked at it the way I explained above, everything clicked and it was no longer about some dress quest, but about the celebration of getting married to my love.

Good luck!

Keep up updated.

lacqueredlover

I'm getting married next October as well.

I found a dress I really liked.  I didn't like that it was strapless and I didn't like the applique thing they had on it.  So I found a belt I liked instead and they will take off the applique and I can wear the belt.  And I ordered 2 extra belts and am going to have them made into straps.  I also hated how much tulle it had underneath the lace and that it was so poofy and they are going to take out a few layers so it lays more flat.  So I took a dress that made me feel beautiful and made it into a dress I wanted.  I suggest you find a silhouette you love (for me, I'm most comfortable in A-line so I knew that's what I wanted) and tweak the dress if necessary!

feignducky

I agree with canadianhearts. Reduce the factors involved in the desicion. You can show pictures afterwards to excited friends/family and they'll give consistent, positive feedback to support your desicion. I was going to get a custom gown, but I found one off the rack. I haven't fallen in love with my dress (but haven't fallen in love with any dress of mone to date), it just it hit all the basic wants (cost, cut, fit, overall look), with a few interesting details. In the end, nobody's going to say it's a bad dress. Check out, and come back later with a fresh mind, and a short list of wants and a person to remind you of your wants, not theirs. 

Knottie1445136220

Thank you everyone!!! I took your advice into consideration and GUESS WHAT!! I FOUND THE DRESS!!!! You were right. I took a break, analyzed my likes and dislikes, stuck to my budget, etc. And I didn't burst into tears or even get excited about the actual dress. I was just excited I found one I was happy with. And I'm OK with that! Feel relieved!!!

Thanks everyone!

decembergrl2014

Love the lace and open back!