Pre-wedding Parties

Bachelor party...

I feel like I'm going crazy and being ridiculous. FH has his BM planning the bachelor party. I said I wasn't comfortable with Vegas, because I am far from comfortable with strippers and strip clubs. And I feel really stupid for letting it bother me so much, but I found out after four years that he lied about going to one on a trip with friends. I guess it's the lying that bothers me. I know I need to trust that he will respect me, and that his friends will respect me, but I just don't feel like they do. He says that it isn't his party, and that his BM is planning it.  He told me he had already told his BM that, and then there's a text asking about how many people will be invited to Vegas. Now the new choice (since he had to tell his BM no to Vegas) is New Orleans. I'm probably more upset that I've asked about going there because I think it would be great, and he always tells me how much he doesn't want to go, but now it's okay? Besides all of that, if it's not his party, why should I trust that I will be respected on the trip? I'm just frustrated, and I know I'm driving myself crazy thinking about it and letting it bother me too much. It's a long weekend, and that shouldn't be an issue. Most of his friends are single, especially the ones that would be going.

Any words of wisdom to help me calm down about all of this nonsense? Or possibly anyone who has had these issues, and figured out a way to deal? 

(really, I've been typing this and I feel crazy, so I know I'm overreacting.)
«1

Re: Bachelor party...

  • peachy13peachy13 in my cubicle, doing very important work member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    kae07 said:
    I feel like I'm going crazy and being ridiculous. FH has his BM planning the bachelor party. I said I wasn't comfortable with Vegas, because I am far from comfortable with strippers and strip clubs. And I feel really stupid for letting it bother me so much, but I found out after four years that he lied about going to one on a trip with friends. I guess it's the lying that bothers me. I know I need to trust that he will respect me, and that his friends will respect me, but I just don't feel like they do. He says that it isn't his party, and that his BM is planning it.  He told me he had already told his BM that, and then there's a text asking about how many people will be invited to Vegas. Now the new choice (since he had to tell his BM no to Vegas) is New Orleans. I'm probably more upset that I've asked about going there because I think it would be great, and he always tells me how much he doesn't want to go, but now it's okay? Besides all of that, if it's not his party, why should I trust that I will be respected on the trip? I'm just frustrated, and I know I'm driving myself crazy thinking about it and letting it bother me too much. It's a long weekend, and that shouldn't be an issue. Most of his friends are single, especially the ones that would be going.

    Any words of wisdom to help me calm down about all of this nonsense? Or possibly anyone who has had these issues, and figured out a way to deal? 

    (really, I've been typing this and I feel crazy, so I know I'm overreacting.)
    Wherever they go for the party, whether it's Vegas, Orleans, or rural Maine, certain people will want to include the traditional aspects of a Bachelor party, aka-- go to a strip club. Sounds like the BM is trying to throw a fun party for your FI and I would let them have their fun. If it were me I would really try to avoid butting into their planning and acting like the crazy/jealous fiance. If you cannot let this happen because you have trust issues with your FI, that's something the two of you need to figure out... soon. 
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers


    plainjane0415chibiyui
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    First breathe.

    Second, yes you should be upset about the lying rather then the fact that he went to strip club.  It was not cool of him to lie and you need to make that clear to him.

    Third, do you trust your FI?  If so, then no matter what is planned for his bach party, you need to trust in him to not do anything that would hurt you or your relationship with him.  Many times it isn't the strip club or strippers that is the issue, it is the lack of trust in the relationship and brides thinking that if they don't let their SO go to those places or be around strippers then that will prevent their SO from doing anything wrong.

    This bach party is being throw for your FI and he should have veto power over where they go and what they do.  So if HE is uncomfortable with something being planned then he should speak up.

    What was wrong with him going to Vegas?  There are strip clubs everywhere, not just Vegas.

    Personally I don't get when people say that they will not allow their SO to go to strip club.  My H goes every once in a blue moon and I give him a kiss and tell him to have fun.  Do I understand the appeal?  Nope.  But I trust him 150% so him going to strip club doesn't bother me in the slightest. He comes home and proceeds to tell me funny stories of his night (especially when it involves running into a high school classmate who is working that night).

    Basically you need to have trust in your FI that he will respect you and your feelings.  If he can't do that then that is a major red flag.

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    So is your current issue that he is going to New Orleans and always said no to going with you?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Blue_Bird
  • Honestly, I probably wouldn't have an issue if it was a friend's bachelor party and he was going to a strip club. I have a problem with him being the groom, when you're the groom everyone wants to buy lap dances and what not. I guess it's just not something I'm comfortable with, which obviously that varies from person to person. It's one thing to do that with a friend because it's what he wants to do, but it's another if you're doing it when supposedly it isn't something that you want. He always tells  me he has problems telling his friends no, and that they don't listen to him anyway. I just have a hard time trusting with statements like that. After five years I hardly know his friends because he doesn't want me around them, which has always been a red flag to me. I haven't always been uptight or bothered by certain things. It's been heightened over the years because of things that have happened between us, mostly things that do include lying. He thinks I should just be over a lie because it happened years ago, is it weird that still hurts? I guess I do have trust issues with him, and I don't know how to fix them.

    I guess the issue with Vegas is that if he is honestly uncomfortable with going to a strip club then he shouldn't have to be where that's a big thing with a group of guys, which why do they go in groups? (Does that seem weird to anyone else?) And he agreed, it's easier if there's other stuff to do. We're also trying to save for a house and paying for the wedding which I have made as budget friendly as possible. I don't think gambling away money is all that great either.

    I don't care that he doesn't want to go to New Orleans with me, more that he never wants to take time to go anywhere with me unless it can be centered around a football game. That's just a whole different ball game (pun intended). 
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

    I agree with all of the trust comments from PP.  It's all in how much you trust someone.  Do I understand why guys want to go to strip clubs?  No.  Am I worried that FI will want to call off the wedding because he met a stripper at a strip club? No.  Because I trust him 100%, and if I had to worry about him going to a place like that, then I might need to rethink marrying him.

    image
    peachy13
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think it's very concerning that you barely know his friends after 5 years. I've been with my husband for less than 2 years and I'm very familiar with all of his friends. 

    It seems like your issue is more that you don't trust him, and I can see why. 

    jenijoykpeachy13chibiyui
  • Supposedly time with his friends should only be considered 'guy time.' Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a night with the girls, but he needs to know my friends too. That's important to me. I just feel like I don't know his friends at all, which also makes it hard to trust them. 
  • jenijoykjenijoyk member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    edited November 2014

    I'll take the unpopular opinion and say that strip clubs are a big No Go for me too. Not because I think my husband is going to get it on with a stripper, but because I find them disrepectful to women in general and the blatant objectification of women, including women who are willing participants (and there are a ton of rational arguments over exactly how willing they are), is the root of about a million societal ills. I also just find them really, really sad. For every stripper who believes herself to be an empowered women in charge of her sexuality, there's one who is there because she is desperate. And that's just really sad. I didn't always feel this way, and have even willinging gone to ones with a big group a friends a handful of times in my 20s. But now my opinion is Just No.

    DH knew this was a no go for me for years, and when his groomsmen wanted to plan the bachelor party he said they weren't an option. No one threw a fit, at least that anyone told me about. They went to a fun city out of state, went to a bunch of breweries, and went to a baseball game. And rented a house and grilled a lot of food. And drank a lot. It was all good.

    If strip clubs make you uncomfortable, and if the fact that your FI isn't cool with the fact they make you uncomfortable makes you even MORE uncomfortable (and it should), don't let other people pressure you into believing you're wrong. There's nothing wrong with not being cool with them. Your FI's friends should respect your wishes given that their friend is about to marry you. That's seriously the worst part. What's the proverb? You are who you walk with?

    kae07Blue_Bird[Deleted User]Knottie17888503
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    kae07 said:
    Supposedly time with his friends should only be considered 'guy time.' Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a night with the girls, but he needs to know my friends too. That's important to me. I just feel like I don't know his friends at all, which also makes it hard to trust them. 
    Have you ever hung out with his friends? 

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    kae07 said:
    Honestly, I probably wouldn't have an issue if it was a friend's bachelor party and he was going to a strip club. I have a problem with him being the groom, when you're the groom everyone wants to buy lap dances and what not. I guess it's just not something I'm comfortable with, which obviously that varies from person to person. It's one thing to do that with a friend because it's what he wants to do, but it's another if you're doing it when supposedly it isn't something that you want. Sorry to say but I think your FI wants to go to a strip club but just tells you he doesn't to appease you.  He always tells me he has problems telling his friends no, and that they don't listen to him anyway. I just have a hard time trusting with statements like that. After five years I hardly know his friends because he doesn't want me around them Huge, huge, huge red flag.  You are going to marry this man and he should be open about who he is friends with and be comfortable with you getting to know his friends, which has always been a red flag to me. I haven't always been uptight or bothered by certain things. It's been heightened over the years because of things that have happened between us, mostly things that do include lying. He thinks I should just be over a lie because it happened years ago, is it weird that still hurts? I guess I do have trust issues with him, and I don't know how to fix them.  You fix them by going to couples counseling

    I guess the issue with Vegas is that if he is honestly uncomfortable with going to a strip club then he shouldn't have to be where that's a big thing with a group of guys Like I said before strip clubs are everywhere, not just Vegas, and in fact there is a shit ton of other things to do in Vegas then just strip clubs, which why do they go in groups? (Does that seem weird to anyone else?) And he agreed, it's easier if there's other stuff to do. We're also trying to save for a house and paying for the wedding which I have made as budget friendly as possible. I don't think gambling away money is all that great either. Again, this comes down to trust and also how you and him work out your financials. If he is using money that he has saved up for this trip and has also fully paid his portion of the bills and contributed to your savings, there is no reason why he cannot gamble a bit.  But if he is slacking on the financial front, then yes gambling shouldn't be first priority.  

    I don't care that he doesn't want to go to New Orleans with me, more that he never wants to take time to go anywhere with me unless it can be centered around a football game. That's just a whole different ball game (pun intended). 

    kae07 said:
    Supposedly time with his friends should only be considered 'guy time.' Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a night with the girls, but he needs to know my friends too. That's important to me. I just feel like I don't know his friends at all, which also makes it hard to trust them. 
    Your issues aren't the fact that he may or may not go to a strip club.  Your issue is trust and the lack there is of that since he has lied to you in the past.  Also him keeping his friends at a distance from you for 5 years is another major issue.


    [Deleted User]
  • I know his college buddies really well, in fact, a few were my friends before we'd met. They aren't the issue, but they also don't live close to us, nor are they GMs. His high school friends are the ones that he sees more, they go to a bar that is literally down the road from where we live. He's the first to get married, I get it, it's hard for them to come to terms that it isn't always going to be the four of them. But others have had girlfriends that they take to stuff and he just acts like it's inconvenient because he doesn't know how to include me and doesn't really act like he wants to.

  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    kae07 said:
    I know his college buddies really well, in fact, a few were my friends before we'd met. They aren't the issue, but they also don't live close to us, nor are they GMs. His high school friends are the ones that he sees more, they go to a bar that is literally down the road from where we live. He's the first to get married, I get it, it's hard for them to come to terms that it isn't always going to be the four of them. But others have had girlfriends that they take to stuff and he just acts like it's inconvenient because he doesn't know how to include me and doesn't really act like he wants to.

    I don't understand how it's hard to include you. My H's high school friends go out to a local bar just about every Friday night. H always asks if I want to come. Most times when I go, I'm the only girl/SO there. And we all have a blast. We sit and drink and eat and talk. It's not really that complicated. 

    This is just so bizarre to me. 


    jenijoykesstee33chibiyui[Deleted User]
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    kae07 said:
    I know his college buddies really well, in fact, a few were my friends before we'd met. They aren't the issue, but they also don't live close to us, nor are they GMs. His high school friends are the ones that he sees more, they go to a bar that is literally down the road from where we live. He's the first to get married, I get it, it's hard for them to come to terms that it isn't always going to be the four of them. But others have had girlfriends that they take to stuff and he just acts like it's inconvenient because he doesn't know how to include me and doesn't really act like he wants to.

    Yeah, this is an issue.  It is not hard to include you on evenings out, especially if others bring their girlfriends.

    You have a FI issue and you need to get some counseling to figure these things out.

  • When I try to talk to him about it, he just tells me that I hate his friends and gets highly dramatic about everything. I then feel like the bad guy for even trying to talk about trust issues or any of that. He acts like I'm supposed to be completely over being lied to over the years about various things. Every time I go with them it's like I am a complete outsider and nobody can talk about anything. I'm not exactly one to lead a conversation with a group of guys, I have my fair share of guy friends but we grew up together and I know every detail of their history, but these guys are just strangers. Half the time he tells me he thinks they're strangers. I just feel like I am constantly going around and around in arguments that he takes a million different stances on. And then I'm stuck feeling guilty for even voicing my opinion.
  • kae07 said:
    I know his college buddies really well, in fact, a few were my friends before we'd met. They aren't the issue, but they also don't live close to us, nor are they GMs. His high school friends are the ones that he sees more, they go to a bar that is literally down the road from where we live. He's the first to get married, I get it, it's hard for them to come to terms that it isn't always going to be the four of them. But others have had girlfriends that they take to stuff and he just acts like it's inconvenient because he doesn't know how to include me and doesn't really act like he wants to.

    **Stuck in box**
    This is so bizarre and weird to me. What's inconvenient about it? Does he think he needs to, like, baby sit or entertain you all night or something? I've hung out with my guy and his friends and been the only SO in attendance and it's been fine. We all just hang out and talk and whatever. There've been times where circumstances have meant I've hung out with his friends and he *wasn't* there and it was no big deal.

    image
  • Ugh, he does act like he needs to babysit me. He tells me he constantly worries that somebody will say something to offend the other party. I don't offend that easily, I grew up in a smaller town, while they grew up in a city, but I feel like they have blinders on most of the time to anybody outside of their group or who had a different life experience just can't fit in. I've always told him I doubt anyone can say anything THAT offensive to me, I mean they can, but I would hope they wouldn't. I just feel like any time I bring it up he gets upset. Then if we go out and I just want to get out of the house and not drink, apparently that's also a problem. Like if we all go out and I offer to be DD and don't drink, he acts like there's a problem. I don't ALWAYS have to be drinking to be out, I've been that way for years, what does he think I did when my friends and I were 17?!
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    You need to get couples counseling ASAP!

    chibiyui
  • The issue isn't a strip club. The issue is that you're being treated disrespectfully. Your feelings are being trivialized, you're being excluded with lame excuses, and he throws up smoke screens by being "dramatic" and childish when you try to discuss it. 
    He needs to grow up. You're number 1, his buddies aren't. 
    Counseling. ASAP.
    You need an outside mediator who won't accept bullshit excuses and be distracted by childish "you just hate my friends" dramatics.
    MairePoppychibiyuijenijoyk[Deleted User]
  • Let me just say- yes strip clubs are dirty and horrible and I hate them- but you have to relax about it. Boys will be boys.  I actually went to a strip club with my fiance a few years ago because I had never been and I was so uptight about him going to them.  So we went early in the evening (one in Vermont- during a snow storm) and I was freaking out and trying to start conversations with the strippers.  He kept putting dollars out in front of me and the girl would come up and I would scream "I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE"  Lots of crazy stuff happened- but I can now say I've been there done that.  And my opinion after kind of changed.  There are no touching rules- so all the guys can do is really look. And the girls just dance to get paid.  It isn't a whore house.  

    The best thing you can do regarding the bachelor party is relax.  It's one weekend in his life before he is totally committed to you.  Sure- I don't love the idea of my fiance going to a strip club, but I would never stop him because then if his friends do plan to go to a strip club, you are the person standing in their way.  Not going to make friends by trying to control what they do.  

    And sorry to say it, New Orleans is FULL of strip clubs.  

    My fiance went there 3 times for bachelor parties and definitely went with his friends to some. When he got home he told me they toured lots of museums and I didn't ask any questions.  By being so up tight and controlling with the whole strip club thing- why would he want to tell you the truth?  He will just upset you and make you judge his friends.  

    Let him have his fun, and have some fun yourself! 
  • I don't disagree with you all.  It is gross for guys to go to strip clubs.  I don't get the whole "lets all hang out and get awkward boners together" idea but I also don't control my fiance and his friends. I can either get all worked up and upset every time he goes to a bachelor party because I can't be there to tell him "No" or I can realize that being controlling doesn't get me very far at all.  He's not my child and I don't tell him what to do, who he can hang out with or how to celebrate his bachelor party.  My relationship is built on honesty and trust.  And I trust that he isn't going to do anything to compromise our relationship.  You can't control everything your significant other does.  Creating strict rules for your significant other to abide by will lead to them breaking those rules and lying about it.  

    Guys don't go to strip clubs for a bachelor party with a sexual agenda.  They don't go because they are comparing you to the trashy women dancing in front of them.  They go because in their mind, it's a thing guys do together.  Is it stupid? Yes. Is it a waste of money? Yes.  Is it degrading to women?  Absolutely.  Are they going to run away with a stripper, leaving you crying at the alter? Absolutely not.  They will probably come home and appreciate what they have right in front of them that they can actually touch, kiss and be with.  Will it change your relationship after they go to a strip club?  Not at all.  

    It took me YEARS before I could get to this mentality.  But if you don't create strict rules for your fiance to follow- he might actually start to respect you for not being controlling.











  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    kk111415 said:
    I don't disagree with you all.  It is gross for guys to go to strip clubs.  I don't get the whole "lets all hang out and get awkward boners together" idea but I also don't control my fiance and his friends. I can either get all worked up and upset every time he goes to a bachelor party because I can't be there to tell him "No" or I can realize that being controlling doesn't get me very far at all.  He's not my child and I don't tell him what to do, who he can hang out with or how to celebrate his bachelor party.  My relationship is built on honesty and trust.  And I trust that he isn't going to do anything to compromise our relationship.  You can't control everything your significant other does.  Creating strict rules for your significant other to abide by will lead to them breaking those rules and lying about it.  

    Guys don't go to strip clubs for a bachelor party with a sexual agenda.  They don't go because they are comparing you to the trashy women dancing in front of them.  They go because in their mind, it's a thing guys do together.  Is it stupid? Yes. Is it a waste of money? Yes.  Is it degrading to women?  Absolutely.  Are they going to run away with a stripper, leaving you crying at the alter? Absolutely not.  They will probably come home and appreciate what they have right in front of them that they can actually touch, kiss and be with.  Will it change your relationship after they go to a strip club?  Not at all.  

    It took me YEARS before I could get to this mentality.  But if you don't create strict rules for your fiance to follow- he might actually start to respect you for not being controlling.











    image
    image
    image



    Anniversary
    climbingsinglebeethery
  • Yeah, totally aware- just saying that being controlling doesn't help the situation.  If you act uptight- he won't want you around his friends.  Sometimes when I go out with my fiance's friends and him, he prefers to be DD because it gives me a chance to relax and be social with his friends.  If you are the type to react in your personal life, he might have a preconceived notion that it will happen around his friends, even if you say it won't.  

    If you get the opportunity to hang out with his friends, loosen up a bit.  Maybe offer to buy the first round at the bar (no one can fault you for a nice gesture) and take it upon yourself to start a conversation.  If they enjoy football, talk about that- anything to show them you have an interest in their lives. 

    I'm the kind of girl who clings to my significant others friends- and he has lots of friends from grade school, high school, college, law school, and work.  It isn't always easy and I went through a similar situation with his work friends.  I was judged by them for being over controlling and hard to be around.  They actually all thought I just hated them- which wasn't true at all.  I took it upon to win them over. 

    I know this doesn't work in every instance, but it just sounds like he is protecting you- or protecting his friends.  To say that you hate all of his friends is an over dramatization of some underlying issues that he is having trouble discussing.  But not all guys like to talk about their feelings- and it might not go over well if you suggest couples counseling.  Try to find a positive approach to the situation by saying "hey, let's grab a drink with your friends one night, I'd like to get to know them better"  If he comes back with "you hate my friends" just say "why would I suggest hanging out with your friends if I hated them.  I'm your soon to be wife and I find this to be a very important part of our relationship" If he gets upset, don't mirror his behavior by fighting back.  Remain calm and cool about it.  Don't allow the situation to turn into an argument, that will just make things worse and push him farther away.  
  • I don't really find myself to be 'controlling.' I'd say part of being a relationship is having boundaries, and there are things he's not comfortable with and there are things I'm not comfortable with. I would say that voicing those things is completely fair. And considering there are few things I ask him NOT to do, I'd say I'm not making up rules for his life. Sure, sometimes I ask that he doesn't get hammered and act like an ass, but at the end of the day he's a grown man, if that's what he wants to do he will. I realize places are full of strip clubs, the city we live in has them and the city we went to college in has them too. But that doesn't mean that you HAVE to go to them. I don't feel like it's something that I can't talk to with him. I'm super open about everything, which he doesn't always like because I do expect the same. I want him to tell me everything, because I'm feelings and thoughts oriented. Guys just aren't like that usually. I don't accept the 'boys will be boys' mentality. My FI is one of the last people I would expect to even enjoy a strip club, he doesn't like strangers touching him (totally something we have in common) and he says the only times that he's gone he felt gross there and like it was just dirty. He's a neat freak who likes cleaner locations to drink with his friends, what's wrong with that? But if he doesn't voice those things to his friends, they will do whatever they want. 

    I loosen up around his friends, it doesn't make a difference. They've been friends for their entire lives, and I'm coming in and mess up the 'usual guy stuff' that they're used to. I shouldn't have to drink for people to like me, again what is this high school? I don't enjoy drinking every weekend, sometimes it's nice to get out of the house and just enjoy company of other people. I should also toss in that I'm a bit of a health freak, so drinking isn't really anything that I make a habit of. I've never reacted poorly to something that his friends say, I react poorly to being treated disrespectfully by the person that I'm supposed to be with for the rest of my life. And when he stops and thinks about the situations, he's much more understanding about it. Every time I suggest hanging out with his friends I get an answer like 'I'm tired' or 'I want to stay home.' Okay, that's fine, but when I'm out of town visiting home or a friend, he's all about going out. I'll be honest, it really irks me when that happens.

    The thing I hate that people say about bachelor parties is that it's the last weekend he has until he's fully committed to me. I hate to say it but he fully committed to me five years ago, and if there has been any straying then he isn't committed. Why should I wait to see if that changes after a wedding? That sounds like a terrible idea.

    I went home and talked to him about a lot of things after I had responses to posts. I am grateful that people are willing to help me out and give advice. Obviously we aren't married yet, and I welcome any advice from those that are. We talked about options for the bachelor party and things that they could do. He's a huge sports fan, I said something about going to some March Madness games. One of my biggest issues is that he acts like it isn't about him. I told my friends I want to go to a lake where we can grill out, have drinks, go shopping at outlets in the area and just relax. They listened to me, I have no idea why he thinks his friends wouldn't listen to him. We have looked into extra pre-marital counseling, which is probably the smartest thing we can do.  
    jenijoyk
  • I definitely didn't think you are saying anything to offend his friends and it sucks to be disrespected by them when all you are trying to do is get to know them.  It has irked me also, and I totally know that feeling.  I hope it isn't all of his friends that act this way.


    Are a lot of his friends single?  If so- that will make a huge difference in how they respond to your presence.  I find that my fiance's single guy friends hate having me around and they plan weekend getaways with the guys only.  But the moment they get significant others- they want to hang out again.  

    Your fiance should definitely speak up on what he wants for his bachelor party.  I've seen it all to much that the BM plans a party geared more towards their own wants (because they are single) and ignores what the groom wants.  If he isn't into the strip club thing- then he has to say that without any hesitation that they may judge him.

    And I don't see the bachelor party as the last moment before the groom is fully committed to you. It's a boys getaway to have some fun whether that's going to a sporting event, casino, bar- what have you.  It's a weekend getaway to celebrate the groom with all of his closest friends with him. 

    If you feel you need pre-marital counseling to have someone help you communicate your concerns to each other- then that is your best bet. 


This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards