Well at least you're better off than I am

novella1186

Everyone has that really self-absorbed friend, right? When you try to confide something negative that happened to you, their automatic response is something like "Well at least the thing that I'm going through isn't happening to you. My thing is way worse!" or 

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm going through XY and Z" or 

"Imagine how I feel!" or 

"Omg I know, listen to me whine for 20 minutes about how sucky my life is!" 

It's ok when people do this every so often, because I think a lot of people have the tendency to relate/commiserate with you. I'm talking about that needy woe-is-me person who does it. Every. Time. 

What other responses/comments are super annoying? Do you know someone who does this? 

Inkdancer

"Well when I..." and then they go off on a tangent about something they did that has nothing to do with what you're going through, and try to apply their strategy for dealing with that to your situation. If you don't have any experience with what I'm doing, you do not get to offer advice.

theartistformerlyknownas

Ah yes, the one-upper. I especially love the ones like "just wait til you have kids, then ___." You say you're tired, they say "just wait til you have kids, you'll really see what tired is." Your kid-related struggles do not automatically trump my non-kid-related struggles, and stop complaining about your damn kids all the time because you're really looking like you don't like them very much.

novella1186

lolo883 said:

Ah yes, the one-upper. I especially love the ones like "just wait til you have kids, then ___." You say you're tired, they say "just wait til you have kids, you'll really see what tired is." Your kid-related struggles do not automatically trump my non-kid-related struggles, and stop complaining about your damn kids all the time because you're really looking like you don't like them very much.

lol this is a good one! I have someone in my office that does this. I'll be like "Ugh my dog threw up on the carpet" and she'll be like "Well wait till you have kids. My kids throw up everywhere all the time." Ok... Gross. And I'm still allowed to care that my dog threw up on the carpet. 

cupcait927

lolo883 said:

Ah yes, the one-upper. I especially love the ones like "just wait til you have kids, then ___." You say you're tired, they say "just wait til you have kids, you'll really see what tired is." Your kid-related struggles do not automatically trump my non-kid-related struggles, and stop complaining about your damn kids all the time because you're really looking like you don't like them very much.

Or the pregnant friend who bitches about everything she can't do now that she's pregnant. I already know she's going to be the mom that says "just wait til you have kids".

novella1186

cupcait927 said:

lolo883 said:

Ah yes, the one-upper. I especially love the ones like "just wait til you have kids, then ___." You say you're tired, they say "just wait til you have kids, you'll really see what tired is." Your kid-related struggles do not automatically trump my non-kid-related struggles, and stop complaining about your damn kids all the time because you're really looking like you don't like them very much.

Or the pregnant friend who bitches about everything she can't do now that she's pregnant. I already know she's going to be the mom that says "just wait til you have kids".

lol yep! got one of those too! 

Me: "I'm so tired today."

Preggo: "Oh you think YOU'RE tired? Well try being pregnant!" 

Again, I'm allowed to feel tired and say I'm tired. I don't have to be pregnant in order to be tired. 

beethery

I can think of somebody who does this. First one that came to mind.

theartistformerlyknownas

novella1186 said:

lolo883 said:

Ah yes, the one-upper. I especially love the ones like "just wait til you have kids, then ___." You say you're tired, they say "just wait til you have kids, you'll really see what tired is." Your kid-related struggles do not automatically trump my non-kid-related struggles, and stop complaining about your damn kids all the time because you're really looking like you don't like them very much.

lol this is a good one! I have someone in my office that does this. I'll be like "Ugh my dog threw up on the carpet" and she'll be like "Well wait till you have kids. My kids throw up everywhere all the time." Ok... Gross. And I'm still allowed to care that my dog threw up on the carpet. 

Dog vomit can be worst than kid vomit anyway, because sometimes dogs eat poop. Vomit + poop = way worse than just plain vomit. If your baby's vomit has poop in it you've got bigger problems.

lacqueredlover

I was complaining about a work thing a few weeks ago to a friend while at drinks and her friend (so a friend of a friend I"m not really friends with) goes "well at least you're engaged."

Yes, because being engaged means that all my issues no longer matter because at least I found me a man that wants to marry me!  (Imagine me saying that in a southern accent.)

Yeah.  No.

princessofgenovia

novella1186 said:

lolo883 said:

Ah yes, the one-upper. I especially love the ones like "just wait til you have kids, then ___." You say you're tired, they say "just wait til you have kids, you'll really see what tired is." Your kid-related struggles do not automatically trump my non-kid-related struggles, and stop complaining about your damn kids all the time because you're really looking like you don't like them very much.

lol this is a good one! I have someone in my office that does this. I'll be like "Ugh my dog threw up on the carpet" and she'll be like "Well wait till you have kids. My kids throw up everywhere all the time." Ok... Gross. And I'm still allowed to care that my dog threw up on the carpet. 

I'm the asshole who'd say "If your kids are throwing up everywhere all the time you need to get them to a doctor. Or a priest. Either they're gravely ill or possessed".

novella1186

lacqueredlover said:

I was complaining about a work thing a few weeks ago to a friend while at drinks and her friend (so a friend of a friend I"m not really friends with) goes "well at least you're engaged."

Yes, because being engaged means that all my issues no longer matter because at least I found me a man that wants to marry me!  (Imagine me saying that in a southern accent.)

Yeah.  No.

SIB

This one just made me laugh 

lacqueredlover

novella1186 said:

lacqueredlover said:

I was complaining about a work thing a few weeks ago to a friend while at drinks and her friend (so a friend of a friend I"m not really friends with) goes "well at least you're engaged."

Yes, because being engaged means that all my issues no longer matter because at least I found me a man that wants to marry me!  (Imagine me saying that in a southern accent.)

Yeah.  No.

SIB

This one just made me laugh 

I seriously wanted to be like "maybe if you weren't such an asshole someone would want to date you too" but I refrained.  Because I'm a lady.

southernbelle0915

Well, @novella1186, you may be annoyed with your friends, but let me tell you how annoying MY friends are.... And wait until you have kids. You don't even know what annoyed IS! 

hellosweetie1015

lacqueredlover said:

I was complaining about a work thing a few weeks ago to a friend while at drinks and her friend (so a friend of a friend I"m not really friends with) goes "well at least you're engaged."

Yes, because being engaged means that all my issues no longer matter because at least I found me a man that wants to marry me!  (Imagine me saying that in a southern accent.)

Yeah.  No.

HEY! I resemble that statement! :P (Well. Part of it anyway.)

...I might actually be that person y'all hate. I try not to, but my natural response to when someone says, "My shoulders are sunburnt" is usually "It could be worse, you could be in lava" or something equally unhelpful. I'm genuinely trying to make them feel better, though! I mean, I joked about the house burning within a week or so. I can't handle things if I can't find the funny in them.

princessofgenovia

I've got a few "friends" who have flat out told me "You have nothing to complain about" and get mad if I do complain. 

Yes, for the most part, my life is pretty good. I'm happy. But fuck, we all have bad days. One girl, I was complaining about having to fix my car, goes "Oh just shut up, woe is me my car is broken, you ride to work with your fiance, your life is so hard, I've got real problems", namely that she has to go to work now that her parents won't pay her rent and she thinks that's unfair. Oh and she's not engaged. She's not dating anyone, she just wants to be engaged and is mad I got engaged before her. Sorry? Try being less of a bitch?

novella1186

princessofgenovia said:

I've got a few "friends" who have flat out told me "You have nothing to complain about" and get mad if I do complain. 

Yes, for the most part, my life is pretty good. I'm happy. But fuck, we all have bad days. One girl, I was complaining about having to fix my car, goes "Oh just shut up, woe is me my car is broken, you ride to work with your fiance, your life is so hard, I've got real problems", namely that she has to go to work now that her parents won't pay her rent and she thinks that's unfair. Oh and she's not engaged. She's not dating anyone, she just wants to be engaged and is mad I got engaged before her. Sorry? Try being less of a bitch?

Wow! What a... lovely girl. I have a girl in my office who won't speak to me anymore because I got engaged and it pissed her off. When she found out she just rolled her eyes at me and said "Seriously? You too?" She's single, so I guess she wants everyone else to also be single? She hasn't talked to me in almost a year. 

novella1186

hellosweetie1015 said:

lacqueredlover said:

I was complaining about a work thing a few weeks ago to a friend while at drinks and her friend (so a friend of a friend I"m not really friends with) goes "well at least you're engaged."

Yes, because being engaged means that all my issues no longer matter because at least I found me a man that wants to marry me!  (Imagine me saying that in a southern accent.)

Yeah.  No.

HEY! I resemble that statement! :P (Well. Part of it anyway.)

...I might actually be that person y'all hate. I try not to, but my natural response to when someone says, "My shoulders are sunburnt" is usually "It could be worse, you could be in lava" or something equally unhelpful. I'm genuinely trying to make them feel better, though! I mean, I joked about the house burning within a week or so. I can't handle things if I can't find the funny in them.

I don't find that annoying, I find it as you just trying to look on the bright side. It would be different if the person said "My shoulders are sunburnt" and you responded with "Well I have a WORSE sunburn than you and also I'm already at a high risk of skin cancer and I feel burn pain more intensely than most people!" 

hellosweetie1015

novella1186 said:

hellosweetie1015 said:

lacqueredlover said:

I was complaining about a work thing a few weeks ago to a friend while at drinks and her friend (so a friend of a friend I"m not really friends with) goes "well at least you're engaged."

Yes, because being engaged means that all my issues no longer matter because at least I found me a man that wants to marry me!  (Imagine me saying that in a southern accent.)

Yeah.  No.

HEY! I resemble that statement! :P (Well. Part of it anyway.)

...I might actually be that person y'all hate. I try not to, but my natural response to when someone says, "My shoulders are sunburnt" is usually "It could be worse, you could be in lava" or something equally unhelpful. I'm genuinely trying to make them feel better, though! I mean, I joked about the house burning within a week or so. I can't handle things if I can't find the funny in them.

I don't find that annoying, I find it as you just trying to look on the bright side. It would be different if the person said "My shoulders are sunburnt" and you responded with "Well I have a WORSE sunburn than you and also I'm already at a high risk of skin cancer and I feel burn pain more intensely than most people!" 

Oh good. Because I think I generally don't do that.

southernbelle0915

novella1186 said:

Wow! What a... lovely girl. I have a girl in my office who won't speak to me anymore because I got engaged and it pissed her off. When she found out she just rolled her eyes at me and said "Seriously? You too?" She's single, so I guess she wants everyone else to also be single? She hasn't talked to me in almost a year. 

There was an HR woman at my old office who would say stuff like this, too. It was a young crowd so lots of people getting engaged/married/pregnant/etc. She hated me because stupid reasons.

Anyway, when I first got engaged, she came up and asked to "see the ring" (one of my pet peeves). I used to take it off to put lotion on and forgot to put it back on, so I said something like "Oh, I forgot it today... But we're very excited and...." She was like, "Oh *eyeroll*. I just wanted to see how big it was." And walked away. Annnnndddd that's why no man will ever sign up for that nonsense.

jenna8984

I had a friend back in high school that was so extreme about one upping everything- but only tragic things not good things. If someone said their mouth was sore from the dentist she would go on a tangent about when she got her wisdom teeth removed the anesthesia wore off and she could feel them doing it and then she got dry sockets which wouldn't heal. If someone said they got in a fender bender, she would tell you all about that time some maniac hit her on the highway and her car flipped over and she was in the hospital for 3 day. It was always these super dramatic stories and we were all like "uh huh, ok".

novella1186

I had a friend who would always try to one-up my medical conditions, which was just so bizarre. I had a weird freckle, my dermatologist ordered a biopsy, and it came back positive for cancer cells. She removed that spot and the skin around it so I ended up being fine but it really really scared the hell out of me. When I told my friend about it, she responded by saying she was at higher risk for skin cancer than I was, and then went to my same dermatologist and told the dermatologist she needed biopsies. They luckily all came back fine (and she decided these things on her own, without the advice of a doctor). I now have to go every 6 months for more skin checks and they usually do a few biopsies, so my friend started going back every 6 months too. 

I had 6 biopsies. Well she had 7. I had 10. Well she had 11. She was super competitive about it. And again, hers had always come back negative. 

In college I was sick for a long time and my dr couldn't figure out what the problem was. For a while he thought I had lupus. So my friend diagnosed herself with lupus. Then she decided she also had chronic fatigue syndrome. Her lupus was much more severe than mine, by the way. (Turns out I didn't have it anyway, luckily!) 

Then she got mono. We used to share drinks and food all the time, and I started feeling super crappy, so I got tested for mono just in case. The test was positive. Next time I saw my friend I said, "Guess what happened! I have mono too! I got tested and it was positive!" (I honestly kind of thought it was funny that we were sharing mono.) She jumped up and screamed "JUST BECAUSE I HAVE IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU GET TO HAVE IT TOO!" I had no idea what to say to that. She was legitimately pissed that she didn't get this illness all to herself. 

I confided in her once that I was feeling depressed. She said she had chronic severe depression that no psychiatrist could fix and no medication could help. 

She didn't really compete with me in other ways. It was always just medical shit. I never understood. And what gets me to this day is that I would tell her some health issue I was having and she would immediately one-up me, and then I would try to comfort her, console her, offer advice, etc. I'm not friends with her anymore. It became too exhausting. 

princessofgenovia

southernbelle0915 said:

novella1186 said:

Wow! What a... lovely girl. I have a girl in my office who won't speak to me anymore because I got engaged and it pissed her off. When she found out she just rolled her eyes at me and said "Seriously? You too?" She's single, so I guess she wants everyone else to also be single? She hasn't talked to me in almost a year. 

There was an HR woman at my old office who would say stuff like this, too. It was a young crowd so lots of people getting engaged/married/pregnant/etc. She hated me because stupid reasons.

Anyway, when I first got engaged, she came up and asked to "see the ring" (one of my pet peeves). I used to take it off to put lotion on and forgot to put it back on, so I said something like "Oh, I forgot it today... But we're very excited and...." She was like, "Oh *eyeroll*. I just wanted to see how big it was." And walked away. Annnnndddd that's why no man will ever sign up for that nonsense.

I do not understand the engagement competition. Like...do these women think there a shortage of men? That we're taking their potential mate? (swap out gender pronouns as needed, men could be just as upset...though I haven't heard any...)

Maybe it's because I never cared about getting engaged/married. I mean, sure I wanted someone to spend my life with...eventually. But it wasn't a "OMG I MUST HAVE THE MAN OR I'M INCOMPLETE". It was just "Yeah, someone to hang with forever would be cool", never worried about a time table. Nor did I think others were stealing my potential mates.

theartistformerlyknownas

novella1186 said:

I had a friend who would always try to one-up my medical conditions, which was just so bizarre. I had a weird freckle, my dermatologist ordered a biopsy, and it came back positive for cancer cells. She removed that spot and the skin around it so I ended up being fine but it really really scared the hell out of me. When I told my friend about it, she responded by saying she was at higher risk for skin cancer than I was, and then went to my same dermatologist and told the dermatologist she needed biopsies. They luckily all came back fine (and she decided these things on her own, without the advice of a doctor). I now have to go every 6 months for more skin checks and they usually do a few biopsies, so my friend started going back every 6 months too. 

I had 6 biopsies. Well she had 7. I had 10. Well she had 11. She was super competitive about it. And again, hers had always come back negative. 

In college I was sick for a long time and my dr couldn't figure out what the problem was. For a while he thought I had lupus. So my friend diagnosed herself with lupus. Then she decided she also had chronic fatigue syndrome. Her lupus was much more severe than mine, by the way. (Turns out I didn't have it anyway, luckily!) 

Then she got mono. We used to share drinks and food all the time, and I started feeling super crappy, so I got tested for mono just in case. The test was positive. Next time I saw my friend I said, "Guess what happened! I have mono too! I got tested and it was positive!" (I honestly kind of thought it was funny that we were sharing mono.) She jumped up and screamed "JUST BECAUSE I HAVE IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU GET TO HAVE IT TOO!" I had no idea what to say to that. She was legitimately pissed that she didn't get this illness all to herself. 

I confided in her once that I was feeling depressed. She said she had chronic severe depression that no psychiatrist could fix and no medication could help. 

She didn't really compete with me in other ways. It was always just medical shit. I never understood. And what gets me to this day is that I would tell her some health issue I was having and she would immediately one-up me, and then I would try to comfort her, console her, offer advice, etc. I'm not friends with her anymore. It became too exhausting. 

Does she post on TK? That sounds familiar.

Seriously though, almost sounds like Münchausen syndrome.

lacqueredlover

There are the one uppers and the put-downers.

The same girl who told me "at least you're engaged" had once told me when I started dating my fiance that I must feel like I couldn't get a "new" guy because he was divorced and had 2 kids.  I told her that actually I was thrilled to be dating an actual man instead of the stupid boys like most people I knew.  

blabla89

In college I used to kind of hang out with this girl whose response to everything was "I dated this guy who..."

We were talking about a mutual friend of ours and I say something like, "Oh yeah, he was on my trip to Prague and..." She cut me off with something like, "One time I dated a guy who was a street performer in Prague" or some shit like that. Girl I don't care how many people you've dated, LET ME FINISH MY DAMN STORY.

And yeah, I don't understand the idea that dating/engagement/marriage is some kind of competition.

novella1186

blabla89 said:

In college I used to kind of hang out with this girl whose response to everything was "I dated this guy who..."

We were talking about a mutual friend of ours and I say something like, "Oh yeah, he was on my trip to Prague and..." She cut me off with something like, "One time I dated a guy who was a street performer in Prague" or some shit like that. Girl I don't care how many people you've dated, LET ME FINISH MY DAMN STORY.

And yeah, I don't understand the idea that dating/engagement/marriage is some kind of competition.

Have you ever gone to a wedding event and noticed that the other brides seemed oddly competitive/hostile like the whole thing was this nasty intense competition over who was the better bride, who could book the best stuff, who could get what venue first, etc. I noticed this when we went to an open house at a venue in order to check out a caterer and some other vendors. Even my FI commented, "Damn, these girls are giving you some really nasty looks!" It was like "Calm down, ladies. We all get to be brides. We all get to have weddings. No need to rip each others' throats out over it." So bizarre. 

martha1818

Oh man, or how about those people who like to one-up how many hours you work each week?

I have so many friends who humble-brag that they have to put in 80 hours of work a week. Like, congratulations your job is super intense, you must be more important than me! Here's your cookie.

People are weirdly competitive about that stuff sometimes!

southernbelle0915

princessofgenovia said:

southernbelle0915 said:

novella1186 said:

Wow! What a... lovely girl. I have a girl in my office who won't speak to me anymore because I got engaged and it pissed her off. When she found out she just rolled her eyes at me and said "Seriously? You too?" She's single, so I guess she wants everyone else to also be single? She hasn't talked to me in almost a year. 

There was an HR woman at my old office who would say stuff like this, too. It was a young crowd so lots of people getting engaged/married/pregnant/etc. She hated me because stupid reasons.

Anyway, when I first got engaged, she came up and asked to "see the ring" (one of my pet peeves). I used to take it off to put lotion on and forgot to put it back on, so I said something like "Oh, I forgot it today... But we're very excited and...." She was like, "Oh *eyeroll*. I just wanted to see how big it was." And walked away. Annnnndddd that's why no man will ever sign up for that nonsense.

I do not understand the engagement competition. Like...do these women think there a shortage of men? That we're taking their potential mate? (swap out gender pronouns as needed, men could be just as upset...though I haven't heard any...)

Maybe it's because I never cared about getting engaged/married. I mean, sure I wanted someone to spend my life with...eventually. But it wasn't a "OMG I MUST HAVE THE MAN OR I'M INCOMPLETE". It was just "Yeah, someone to hang with forever would be cool", never worried about a time table. Nor did I think others were stealing my potential mates.

These types of people are under the impression that they are in the same dating pool that normal people are in. It's like - we're not even trying for the same people and the people who are interested in you are not going to be interested in me. It's ok because there are plenty of both.

Not to sound like a bitch, but (I will and) that girl always dated LOSERS. She'd be asking for a ring after 2 martinis on the first date.... Um, the only guys who are going to be with you are losers or sheet nomads. 

novella1186

southernbelle0915 said:

princessofgenovia said:

southernbelle0915 said:

novella1186 said:

Wow! What a... lovely girl. I have a girl in my office who won't speak to me anymore because I got engaged and it pissed her off. When she found out she just rolled her eyes at me and said "Seriously? You too?" She's single, so I guess she wants everyone else to also be single? She hasn't talked to me in almost a year. 

There was an HR woman at my old office who would say stuff like this, too. It was a young crowd so lots of people getting engaged/married/pregnant/etc. She hated me because stupid reasons.

Anyway, when I first got engaged, she came up and asked to "see the ring" (one of my pet peeves). I used to take it off to put lotion on and forgot to put it back on, so I said something like "Oh, I forgot it today... But we're very excited and...." She was like, "Oh *eyeroll*. I just wanted to see how big it was." And walked away. Annnnndddd that's why no man will ever sign up for that nonsense.

I do not understand the engagement competition. Like...do these women think there a shortage of men? That we're taking their potential mate? (swap out gender pronouns as needed, men could be just as upset...though I haven't heard any...)

Maybe it's because I never cared about getting engaged/married. I mean, sure I wanted someone to spend my life with...eventually. But it wasn't a "OMG I MUST HAVE THE MAN OR I'M INCOMPLETE". It was just "Yeah, someone to hang with forever would be cool", never worried about a time table. Nor did I think others were stealing my potential mates.

These types of people are under the impression that they are in the same dating pool that normal people are in. It's like - we're not even trying for the same people and the people who are interested in you are not going to be interested in me. It's ok because there are plenty of both.

Not to sound like a bitch, but (I will and) that girl always dated LOSERS. She'd be asking for a ring after 2 martinis on the first date.... Um, the only guys who are going to be with you are losers or sheet nomads. 

And then there's the chicks who are in relationships who straight out say "so and so BETTER not get engaged before I do!" Like... what does that matter? This is not a race. Your relationship is unique and different than anyone else's and should move forward at its own pace. Why must you be engaged before a certain person or you're gonna shoot hell fire out your eyes? 

princessofgenovia

martha1818 said:

Oh man, or how about those people who like to one-up how many hours you work each week?

I have so many friends who humble-brag that they have to put in 80 hours of work a week. Like, congratulations your job is super intense, you must be more important than me! Here's your cookie.

People are weirdly competitive about that stuff sometimes!

I have a few of those friends. I'm like "Yeah, I pretty much work 40 hours a week, maybe a little more if we an event", I didn't want a super intense stressful job. So I don't have one. I'm not sure you're winning if you never go home...

princessofgenovia

novella1186 said:

And then there's the chicks who are in relationships who straight out say "so and so BETTER not get engaged before I do!" Like... what does that matter? This is not a race. Your relationship is unique and different than anyone else's and should move forward at its own pace. Why must you be engaged before a certain person or you're gonna shoot hell fire out your eyes? 

My best friend has been with her FI for less time then my FI and I have been together. They got engaged at like 3 months and this month is their 1 year anniversery and they're getting married in December.

For me...no. I could never do that. After 3 months of dating FI was not ready to marry him. I was ready for him to leave a toothbrush at my place, and that was about it (actually he had a little toiletry bag he left at my place, I was ok with that). 

But I've gotten people who say "Wow, you must be so upset she got engaged first/is getting married before you", oh yes. All I do is sit around all day and think about how awful it is that she "beat" me. Damn it. I lost that race. The only time I think about how quick her relationship went is because, as her best friend, I've been worried they're rushing into things. I hope they aren't, and I wish them the best. I don't care if they get married before me or after me. I just want my best friend to be happy.