Chit Chat

Rant about name change.

So I got married recently (October 5!), so I don't yet have my new driver's license (as in, that's how recently I've begun the process of changing my name).

I opened up a new 401K (eTrade) in my married name and I'm looking to roll over the funds from my old work 401Ks (Fidelity) (still in my maiden name) to the account. From the sounds of it, I'll have to contact my old employers to get my name changed on their end and it will automatically update to Fidelity. I called eTrade to see if it would be an issue if the check is made out to c/o my maiden name, and they said that they check would be rejected, so this seems like something that I do have to do.

I told DH about it and his reply was "you have to do that?" to which I said "well yea, that's what you have to do when you change your name." and he says "what a hassle" and reply "yea. That's what happens when you change your name. It's a hassle." and then he throws back something about "well you only have to do all that if you choose to, there are ways around it" and then kinda stormed off. Granted my "it's a hassle" comment was kind of snarky to him. But at this moment I just kind of felt like he wasn't respecting that I'm fucking changing my name for him. It's a lot of goddamn paperwork to change your name on everything, and he just acts like it's nothing. He can't relate nor does he have to because he doesn't have to fucking do it, I do. All he had to do was get married and then live life as normal with no issues. I had to go to all these government offices and call all these banks and all these HR offices to get everything in my life changed.

Ugh ugh ugh.

I'm just kind of over this whole name changing business right now and need to give a little vent about it.

Re: Rant about name change.

  • I am right there with you!!!! Not that my DH has been ungrateful about. But it is SUCH a hassle, but every time I get a new card with my new name on it, its totally worth it!!! 
    Anniversary
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  • I am right there with you!!!! Not that my DH has been ungrateful about. But it is SUCH a hassle, but every time I get a new card with my new name on it, its totally worth it!!! 
    I know. And I'm super excited to see my new DL! But DH is so anti rules and going his own way that he's just generally pretty...unsupportive (not really...but I'm not sure what other word to use!) about following rules that are just generally annoying.

    I'm just being a biter sourpuss and I shouldn't be upset (especially since DH already...not minutes later e-mailed me forms from both Fidelity as well as eTrade that will streamline this process!).
  • I wanted DH to get a full appreciation of the PITA it is to legally change your name. So I made sure he came with me to the SS office, the DMV, the bank, etc. He gets it now alright, lol!
  • I wanted DH to get a full appreciation of the PITA it is to legally change your name. So I made sure he came with me to the SS office, the DMV, the bank, etc. He gets it now alright, lol!
    It's not even the physical process of doing it, but the mental process too. Every time there's a hoop that I have to jump through it just kind of drives home that this is a choice that I am making and that he doesn't have to do, so it makes me more and more bitter about it.

    I just can't wait for the whole process to be over and for me to just be Mrs A once and for all!
  • I wanted DH to get a full appreciation of the PITA it is to legally change your name. So I made sure he came with me to the SS office, the DMV, the bank, etc. He gets it now alright, lol!
    It's not even the physical process of doing it, but the mental process too. Every time there's a hoop that I have to jump through it just kind of drives home that this is a choice that I am making and that he doesn't have to do, so it makes me more and more bitter about it.

    I just can't wait for the whole process to be over and for me to just be Mrs A once and for all!
    I feel ya! And just when you think it's done, you find some new institution, creditor, club, membership, device or SOMETHING that still has you listed by your old name and you're right back at it!

    Sorry, that probably wasn't helpful. It was more a statement of commiserating because I had a doctor's appointment this morning. My HR department wasn't quick to change my insurance stuff so there was rigamarole setting me up at our new doctor's office. Then I thought I was good for the day on the new-name thing only to go to the pharmacy and explain it all over again!!!

    It will eventually end though. I hope!
  • I'm sure that it will. And honestly, I'll probably be done with all the hard or frustrating stuff in a month or so, so it'll be quick.

    I really just want DH to give me a hug and say "hey babe, this is a really frustrating process. I'm really happy that you're doing this for us!" But that's really not his personality and if that's what I want then I need to communicate that with him. But for now I'm just going to pout in the bedroom while I do homework and then I'll go down and tell him that after I feel sufficiently moped-out.
  • I'm sure that it will. And honestly, I'll probably be done with all the hard or frustrating stuff in a month or so, so it'll be quick.

    I really just want DH to give me a hug and say "hey babe, this is a really frustrating process. I'm really happy that you're doing this for us!" But that's really not his personality and if that's what I want then I need to communicate that with him. But for now I'm just going to pout in the bedroom while I do homework and then I'll go down and tell him that after I feel sufficiently moped-out.
    Tequila might help as well :-)

  • @mrs4everhart hahaha. Good answer!

    I do have sushi plans tonight with a friend, so I may need to do some sake as well.
  • You sound bitter that you have to change your name and your husband doesn't. So why didn't you just keep your maiden name? (No snark intended, honest question).

    I didn't change my name and neither did my husband. We live our life like we did before, for the most part. 

    I find the name change situation interesting, because it's still rare for a woman to keep her name, yet woman keep complaining about it.

    Full disclosure: I changed my last name when I was 20 (not marriage related), but it was much easier than it would be now, because I didn't own property, have a million credit cards, 401Ks, publications, etc then.  
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  • You sound bitter that you have to change your name and your husband doesn't. So why didn't you just keep your maiden name? (No snark intended, honest question).
    Despite all the current frustration, I am excited to see that Mrs A on things. I'm excited to even have a maiden name to put on the "other legal names used" line.

    When all is said and done, I'm super excited to HAVE changed my name. Just the process OF changing it is what's frustrating, and it kind of just feels like I'm going through it alone, since he really can't relate. Partly because he isn't changing his name and also partly because he tends to always go against the grain of standardized processes.
  • You sound bitter that you have to change your name and your husband doesn't. So why didn't you just keep your maiden name? (No snark intended, honest question).

    I didn't change my name and neither did my husband. We live our life like we did before, for the most part. 

    I find the name change situation interesting, because it's still rare for a woman to keep her name, yet woman keep complaining about it.

    Full disclosure: I changed my last name when I was 20 (not marriage related), but it was much easier than it would be now, because I didn't own property, have a million credit cards, 401Ks, publications, etc then.  
    I concur with JennyColada - it's not a resentment of having changed my name that bugs me. It's what a pain in the ass it is to do it. Our government is so very "pro-marriage" but when you make the change in your name, there's no shortage of hoops to jump through or red tape to battle. I'm never sure what items I'm going to need to satisfy different entities so for almost a month now I've been going around with the my driver's license, SS card, passport, and marriage license in my purse! I don't work traditional M-F 9:00 - 5:00 hours, I can't imagine how much worse it is for women who do. They have to actually take time off work for this? Ugh!!
  • Oh damn, I forgot that I have to get a new passport.

    Well I've been looking for $150 to spend anyway. Ugh.
  • Oh damn, I forgot that I have to get a new passport.

    Well I've been looking for $150 to spend anyway. Ugh.
    How long have you had your current one? If less than a year it's free to change your name. 
  • I think I've had it for 14 or 15 months. :/

    Damn me for being on the ball with my renewal!
  • I think I've had it for 14 or 15 months. :/

    Damn me for being on the ball with my renewal!
    Double check, I could be wrong - it may be 18-24 months. I just know I have to do mine within the next month or so to get the free name change. 
  • I think I read that it was 3-6 months.
  • I think I read that it was 3-6 months.
    I'll be crushed! It's bad enough I have to go get two more unflattering 2x2" photos taken where they won't let you smile so I'll just have resting bitch face again. Judging by my last passport pic I'm surprised anyone lets me in their country! 
  • JennyColadaJennyColada member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited November 2014
    smichek said:
    At least you can start the process. I live in fucking MAYBERRY and all of the government offices are only open 7-4 M-F. I work 7-bedtime M-F. I can leave work as early as 4:30, but obviously that's still too late. And I don't have the luxury of getting personal days at work. And I don't want to take a sick day and pay for a substitute teacher. So I won't get to change my name until Thanksgiving break.
    :(

    Yea, I'd rather be frustrated now than have to put it off and be frustrated about not being frustrated. :P
  • Yeah, my FMIL was asking about this bc she was going to get something monogrammed for me, and I was like "still don't know." Basically, take all your shit, then add professional licensing. Getting a new DEA Is like $700. Fuck that noise.
  • smichek said:
    smichek said:
    At least you can start the process. I live in fucking MAYBERRY and all of the government offices are only open 7-4 M-F. I work 7-bedtime M-F. I can leave work as early as 4:30, but obviously that's still too late. And I don't have the luxury of getting personal days at work. And I don't want to take a sick day and pay for a substitute teacher. So I won't get to change my name until Thanksgiving break.
    :(

    Yea, I'd rather be frustrated now than have to put it off and be frustrated about not being frustrated. :P
    The most frustrating thing is that I can't change my name at the bank or on membership cards or ANYTHING until I change it legally at the SS office.
    You can mail in the form with your marriage license and passport! I just did it. They sent me back the passport and license within 2 days, and mailed me the new SS card within a week. I didn't want to have to take off work either. 
    Anniversary

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  • You sound bitter that you have to change your name and your husband doesn't. So why didn't you just keep your maiden name? (No snark intended, honest question).

    I didn't change my name and neither did my husband. We live our life like we did before, for the most part. 

    I find the name change situation interesting, because it's still rare for a woman to keep her name, yet woman keep complaining about it.

    Full disclosure: I changed my last name when I was 20 (not marriage related), but it was much easier than it would be now, because I didn't own property, have a million credit cards, 401Ks, publications, etc then.  
    I concur with JennyColada - it's not a resentment of having changed my name that bugs me. It's what a pain in the ass it is to do it. Our government is so very "pro-marriage" but when you make the change in your name, there's no shortage of hoops to jump through or red tape to battle. I'm never sure what items I'm going to need to satisfy different entities so for almost a month now I've been going around with the my driver's license, SS card, passport, and marriage license in my purse! I don't work traditional M-F 9:00 - 5:00 hours, I can't imagine how much worse it is for women who do. They have to actually take time off work for this? Ugh!!

    I had to do the same thing!  And working M-F 7-4 gave me very little time to do it.  A few days I came in early so I could leave early or I'd spend my lunch breaks getting stuff changed.

    I still have a few things outstaing like my passport (all normal day-to-day stuff is changed).

  • Oh damn, I forgot that I have to get a new passport.

    Well I've been looking for $150 to spend anyway. Ugh.
    How long have you had your current one? If less than a year it's free to change your name. 
    This is good to know! Thank you! I just renewed my in June. 
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