My husband has spent our entire marriage chasing a dream

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence, 
My husband and I have been married for six years and together for 10. He was a creative director with a good income when we got engaged but once we got married we decided he would work on finishing his movie script. He hasn’t worked since and the script has little chance of ever making money. I was diagnosed with infertility five years ago and we have not had success with treatment or private adoption. I have my master’s degree and a good job. But with one income, and living in a high cost area, we are always struggling and can’t even afford health insurance. I love my husband, he understands me and encourages me to be creative, fun, inspired, and authentic. I married him because he is fearless in his artistry and living with him makes me feel as if everything is ahead of us. However, I have considered leaving him for all the obvious reasons: his having no real work ethic and my feeling used. Recently things were terrible at work because of a merger, and I was coming home crying. To my shock my husband suggested he put the script away, we move out of state to be near his family where the cost of living is lower, he find a job, and we could adopt. I was thrilled! We started looking, and I have been offered a good job with fewer hours, great benefits, but significantly less pay. He hasn’t found anything although he’s not looking hard. Then things calmed down at my current job and I may have an opportunity for exciting advancement. I have to accept or deny the job offer very soon and I don’t know what to do.

—An Anchor or a Beautiful Balloon?

hmonkey

wth.

every art director i have ever known has had a "dream." they have a job AND a dream, though.

one dude i know has an eisner award nomination, but they still spend their days designing preschool toys in order to keep the lights on and food on the table. the comic book stuff they do on their own time.

VarunaTT

For some reason, I don't care about this lady.

I want to know who your friend is, HMo.

dharmabunny

Hey auteur. Even Phillip Glass worked as a plumber and taxi driver.

baconsmom

This is an attitude I see A LOT from "colleagues". All the Kickstarters for books, etc - Like, I have two jobs besides writing and being a hausfrau. If I had to get another to support the family, I would. If I had to go back to working full-time, I would. 

Art doesn't pay. Period. Unless you get super lucky, you're not going to make a living at it. Suck it up, buttercups, and go get a day job. 

lilacck28

baconsmom said:

This is an attitude I see A LOT from "colleagues". All the Kickstarters for books, etc - Like, I have two jobs besides writing and being a hausfrau. If I had to get another to support the family, I would. If I had to go back to working full-time, I would. 

Art doesn't pay. Period. Unless you get super lucky, you're not going to make a living at it. Suck it up, buttercups, and go get a day job. 

Artist here, and I have a day job at an office. Communication stuff. I feel guilty about it a lot... like I'm a sell out, even though I know I'm being responsible. My peers in the (fine art) world have made day jobs that aren't either "martyr worthy" (i.e. working minimum wage as a contractor/ waiter) or immediately connected to a museum or gallery or teaching at a university seem like a demonstration of a lack of talent/ drive. It's frustrating. I understand why this guy did what he did. The people/ professors I went to grad school with would applaud quitting a job in order to pursue only making art. The rest of us are seen as just less committed.

hmonkey

you need new peers. you can't really create art if you can't eat.

the art directors i work with do great work at their day jobs, and do amazing work pursuing their art. they frequently do shows together and show off their paintings/collages/sculptures/drawings. it's great because they pick a theme and then everyone just goes to town.

i love sitting next to them in long boring meetings, because their doodles are fascinating/hilarious. 

lilacck28

yeah, honestly, I wasn't a big fan of their attitudes (or them.) Of course, I'm not in grad school anymore, so I don't need to see them, but I haven't really found a new art community yet. I've been too caught up in the new job. I think that adds to the sad, guilty feeling. Working at a for-profit company feels very different than working at a museum or teaching (two things I have done in the past. Actually, I still teach on the weekends, but I know I'll need to give that up soon.)