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Feeling extremely disturbed right now... update (just a rant pretty much)

novella1186novella1186 member
5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
edited November 2014 in Chit Chat
I've mentioned this a few times before; I dated a total psycho when I was in high school. He fit every characteristic of a sociopath; he lied, manipulated, convinced me that I was ugly and worthless, convinced me my own family and friends didn't even like me, convinced me no one would ever love me, and beat the crap out of me. After I broke up with him he stalked and harassed me for years and even tried to strangle me to death. The restraining order didn't help at all.

Things got better when I went away to college. I blocked his email address, his phone number, and blocked him from my social media accounts. Because of him I also had to cut off contact with almost all of my friends from high school because he would use them to get information on me. Sometimes they didn't even realize that's what he was doing. And he'd still find creepy ways to get to me. After I blocked his number, he'd steal other people's phones and call me. To this day I do not answer the phone if I don't recognize the number.

I've had friends of his tell me that he was so desperate to find me, or find information on me, that they stopped hanging out with him because they were so disturbed by his behavior and his obsession with me. The last time I heard anything about any of this, though, was about 6 years ago. To me, all this trauma is dead and gone. It's in the past, it doesn't affect me anymore, and I'm ok now. I'm in a good place and in a healthy relationship, and I like my life and like who I am as a person. It took me years to recover from what he did. At one point -- in the midst of his torment-- I had to be on multiple anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medications and my hair was falling out from stress.

Well, a little bit ago I saw that I had a friend request on facebook from some girl I'd never even heard of. Her last name was the same as psycho's last name. Out of curiosity, I clicked on her photo, and sure enough there she was with psycho. Apparently she's his wife. Why the fuck would that guy's WIFE want to add me on facebook? Why. Obviously he still talks about me all these years later (we broke up 11 or 12 years ago and my last direct contact with him was probably 10 years ago) because obviously his wife knows who I am. Why does he still mention me? Just why. Why do I even cross his mind? Even back when he used to stalk me I never understood why he even cared enough to spend the effort. Why pay any attention to me at all? What's the point?

I just feel like my personal world has been invaded. I blocked his wife and made sure he's still blocked too. I don't understand how she even found me, because I have so many privacy settings that when I searched for myself on my friend's computer, even I couldn't find me on facebook. And I'm pissed that it's bothering me this much. I'm pissed that I'm even spending time thinking about it. I just went through and deleted people that could potentially still be connected with him, because I don't want him knowing one single thing about me. This is just being back way too many terrible memories and I fucking hate it.
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Re: Feeling extremely disturbed right now... update (just a rant pretty much)

  • Holy shitballs. What the fuck!?! Why would she try to friend request you? Maybe it's him using her account!?
  • I'm not sure how, but I know you can turn off the ability for people to send you friend requests. That might help for future run-ins. Also, have you considered using a fake name or a version of your  name on Facebook? I'm sorry you are having to deal with this at all! 
  • I've mentioned this a few times before; I dated a total psycho when I was in high school. He fit every characteristic of a sociopath; he lied, manipulated, convinced me that I was ugly and worthless, convinced me my own family and friends didn't even like me, convinced me no one would ever love me, and beat the crap out of me. After I broke up with him he stalked and harassed me for years and even tried to strangle me to death. The restraining order didn't help at all.

    Things got better when I went away to college. I blocked his email address, his phone number, and blocked him from my social media accounts. Because of him I also had to cut off contact with almost all of my friends from high school because he would use them to get information on me. Sometimes they didn't even realize that's what he was doing. And he'd still find creepy ways to get to me. After I blocked his number, he'd steal other people's phones and call me. To this day I do not answer the phone if I don't recognize the number.

    I've had friends of his tell me that he was so desperate to find me, or find information on me, that they stopped hanging out with him because they were so disturbed by his behavior and his obsession with me. The last time I heard anything about any of this, though, was about 6 years ago. To me, all this trauma is dead and gone. It's in the past, it doesn't affect me anymore, and I'm ok now. I'm in a good place and in a healthy relationship, and I like my life and like who I am as a person. It took me years to recover from what he did. At one point -- in the midst of his torment-- I had to be on multiple anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medications and my hair was falling out from stress.

    Well, a little bit ago I saw that I had a friend request on facebook from some girl I'd never even heard of. Her last name was the same as psycho's last name. Out of curiosity, I clicked on her photo, and sure enough there she was with psycho. Apparently she's his wife. Why the fuck would that guy's WIFE want to add me on facebook? Why. Obviously he still talks about me all these years later (we broke up 11 or 12 years ago and my last direct contact with him was probably 10 years ago) because obviously his wife knows who I am. Why does he still mention me? Just why. Why do I even cross his mind? Even back when he used to stalk me I never understood why he even cared enough to spend the effort. Why pay any attention to me at all? What's the point?

    I just feel like my personal world has been invaded. I blocked his wife and made sure he's still blocked too. I don't understand how she even found me, because I have so many privacy settings that when I searched for myself on my friend's computer, even I couldn't find me on facebook. And I'm pissed that it's bothering me this much. I'm pissed that I'm even spending time thinking about it. I just went through and deleted people that could potentially still be connected with him, because I don't want him knowing one single thing about me. This is just being back way too many terrible memories and I fucking hate it.
    Oh, my. What a lunatic. I seriously can't fathom why his wife would want to contact you, even if I assume there's some valid reason that he'd still be talking about you after all this time. Like, there's just no logical explanation for that. 

    Do you still live in the same area as him? 
  • What the hell? That is sooooo creepy. I'm glad you blocked her ass and are taking measures to just double check that he has no info on you. People like that are nuts.
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  • I'm so bothered. It probably IS him using her account. Are you prettier than her?

    But poor girl. She was probably threatened or guilted into marrying him.

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  • Holy shitballs. What the fuck!?! Why would she try to friend request you? Maybe it's him using her account!?
    My first thought was totally him using her account to find out about you. 

    Could you see if you and she had any mutual friends? Or look and see if you and he do? Maybe that's how he found you. I have other possible ideas but I feel creepy listing them, but basically facebook knows everything.
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  • esstee33 I honestly don't know where he lives these days, but I know he doesn't live near me. His parents even moved away from my hometown several years ago, so luckily I've never had any run-ins with him.

    I'm honestly so bothered by this that I just want to cry right now. But I'm not letting myself cry cuz then it's like, well he got me again. 10 fucking years later. I feel like this is the Halloween movies where Michael Myers just keeps fucking coming back.
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  • Update your privacy settings. Make it so that no one can search for you, and that only people with mutual friends can send you a friend request. And make sure all of your pictures and posts are private so only your friends can see them. 

    I'm really sorry. I can only imagine how freaked out you are. 
  • I'm with you on this shit. Similar situation. Blocked on all fronts. A few months ago I log into my linkedin account that I never use, and an invitation to connect is waiting for me from the creep ass. I deleted everything that was on my profile in case he could see anything and try to find out where I'd worked/am working and was going to show up.

    I'd been alright for a long time but that started bringing back night terrors for me and they're just now starting to go away.

    You do not need to be mad at yourself for any of this. You are doing what you can to protect yourself. You are doing RIGHT by yourself to make sure that you're safe. There's nothing wrong with that at all.
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

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  • anjemon said:
    Holy shitballs. What the fuck!?! Why would she try to friend request you? Maybe it's him using her account!?
    My first thought was totally him using her account to find out about you. 

    Could you see if you and she had any mutual friends? Or look and see if you and he do? Maybe that's how he found you. I have other possible ideas but I feel creepy listing them, but basically facebook knows everything.
    It said she and I had one mutual friend. I tried to click on the mutual friend to see who it was but I was on my phone and it didn't work, and then I just hurried up and blocked her. I'm hoping I just deleted whoever that mutual friend might have been.
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  • That is crazy. My friend recently told me that the FB privacy settings recently changed, and that there is no way to now remain completely private. I have no idea if that is true or not, because I think that I am pretty private. I like the idea of changing your name on FB,like maybe using a nickname or another version of your name.I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

    And how creepy is his wife?? Even if it is him under her name, wouldn't he think she would notice him using her account? That's horrible.
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  • beethery said:
    I'm with you on this shit. Similar situation. Blocked on all fronts. A few months ago I log into my linkedin account that I never use, and an invitation to connect is waiting for me from the creep ass. I deleted everything that was on my profile in case he could see anything and try to find out where I'd worked/am working and was going to show up.

    I'd been alright for a long time but that started bringing back night terrors for me and they're just now starting to go away.

    You do not need to be mad at yourself for any of this. You are doing what you can to protect yourself. You are doing RIGHT by yourself to make sure that you're safe. There's nothing wrong with that at all.
    Thank you. I can relate to the night terrors :( Every so often, I'll still have one. They used to be constant but it's better now. I hope they don't come back after today's incident.
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  • Randomly associated question ... can I block my LinkedIn account from someone specific?  My ex views it on a semi-regular basis.  It's not as bad of a relationship, but it still creeps me out.
  • I'm so bothered. It probably IS him using her account. Are you prettier than her? But poor girl. She was probably threatened or guilted into marrying him.
    Of course she is!!!!
    Thank you! This just made me smile
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  • pinkcow13 said:
    That is crazy. My friend recently told me that the FB privacy settings recently changed, and that there is no way to now remain completely private. I have no idea if that is true or not, because I think that I am pretty private. I like the idea of changing your name on FB,like maybe using a nickname or another version of your name.I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

    And how creepy is his wife?? Even if it is him under her name, wouldn't he think she would notice him using her account? That's horrible.
    I'm guessing that, if the guy is as completely fucking crazy as novella described, his wife may be used to that kind of behavior. I feel sorry for her.
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  • I'm so bothered. It probably IS him using her account. Are you prettier than her? But poor girl. She was probably threatened or guilted into marrying him.
    She might have looked novella up because he's doing the same shit to her and has brought up novella's name, she might be looking for support.

    She might be a fuckin' crazy bitch looking to yell at novella for "wronging" that loon-ass motherfucker.

    It might be him using her facebook.

    Also, not sure what bearing prettiness has on any of that. I'm going with none.
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

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  • Randomly associated question ... can I block my LinkedIn account from someone specific?  My ex views it on a semi-regular basis.  It's not as bad of a relationship, but it still creeps me out.
    I think so. I haven't clicked on it, but if you go under your privacy settings there is an option to block people from viewing your profile.
  • beethery said:
    I'm so bothered. It probably IS him using her account. Are you prettier than her? But poor girl. She was probably threatened or guilted into marrying him.
    She might have looked novella up because he's doing the same shit to her and has brought up novella's name, she might be looking for support.

    She might be a fuckin' crazy bitch looking to yell at novella for "wronging" that loon-ass motherfucker.

    It might be him using her facebook.

    Also, not sure what bearing prettiness has on any of that. I'm going with none.
    I get it.  It's not something that is going to consume novella (I'm sure), nor does it necessarily matter.  It's a confidence booster to know that you're the prettiest woman a guy has dated (even if it's all in your head).
  • Ugh, I am so sorry. That is creepy as all hell. I don't blame you for being upset. Sorry I don't have anything more useful to add. :/
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
  • kat1114 said:
    Randomly associated question ... can I block my LinkedIn account from someone specific?  My ex views it on a semi-regular basis.  It's not as bad of a relationship, but it still creeps me out.
    I think so. I haven't clicked on it, but if you go under your privacy settings there is an option to block people from viewing your profile.
    I just figured it out & blocked him.  Thanks!
  • Yeah, I'd be deleting that FB entirely and making a new, super-private one under another name. If he saved the URL to your profile, he could still go back and look at it under another account even if you changed your name. 
  • I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.  I have an ex from high school/early college (broke up 11 years ago) who would do creepy stalker crap and I still have nightmares about him.  When my best friend/MOH got married about 5 years ago, he was there and followed me and my then-bf around and would talk crap to people I'd never met while I was in earshot.  We're getting a security guard for the wedding in the off-chance he does something completely insane like what you're describing, even though that's probably unlikely.

    I can't even imagine how it would feel to get that kind of Facebook friend add.  That must have been so unsettling.  Ditto PPs' suggestions about changing your name a little so it's harder to find you, and updating privacy, if you haven't already done so.  You're doing everything right.  

    Ugh, I'm just so sorry that you are dealing with this... Wish there was more I could say.
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  • beethery said:
    I'm so bothered. It probably IS him using her account. Are you prettier than her? But poor girl. She was probably threatened or guilted into marrying him.
    She might have looked novella up because he's doing the same shit to her and has brought up novella's name, she might be looking for support.

    She might be a fuckin' crazy bitch looking to yell at novella for "wronging" that loon-ass motherfucker.

    It might be him using her facebook.

    Also, not sure what bearing prettiness has on any of that. I'm going with none.
    That was my initial thought. "Maybe he's beating and terrorizing her too. Maybe I should message her and see what she wants just in case." But that was a fleeting thought. I hope she's not in that situation but I can't risk my own safety to find out.
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  • beethery said:
    I'm so bothered. It probably IS him using her account. Are you prettier than her? But poor girl. She was probably threatened or guilted into marrying him.
    She might have looked novella up because he's doing the same shit to her and has brought up novella's name, she might be looking for support.

    She might be a fuckin' crazy bitch looking to yell at novella for "wronging" that loon-ass motherfucker.

    It might be him using her facebook.

    Also, not sure what bearing prettiness has on any of that. I'm going with none.
    I get it.  It's not something that is going to consume novella (I'm sure), nor does it necessarily matter.  It's a confidence booster to know that you're the prettiest woman a guy has dated (even if it's all in your head).
    That's the odd thing... I took a second to notice she was pretty. Way prettier than I thought his wife would ever be. Ugh I just feel so sorry for her. I also noticed that he got really fat. Huge tits and everything. Extremely stupid, petty things to notice, but the whole situation knocked me so off-guard that I don't think my brain had caught up yet.
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  • How scary. I'm so sorry that this happened and brought all this awful shit back up for you.
  • beethery said:
    I'm so bothered. It probably IS him using her account. Are you prettier than her? But poor girl. She was probably threatened or guilted into marrying him.
    She might have looked novella up because he's doing the same shit to her and has brought up novella's name, she might be looking for support.

    She might be a fuckin' crazy bitch looking to yell at novella for "wronging" that loon-ass motherfucker.

    It might be him using her facebook.

    Also, not sure what bearing prettiness has on any of that. I'm going with none.
    That was my initial thought. "Maybe he's beating and terrorizing her too. Maybe I should message her and see what she wants just in case." But that was a fleeting thought. I hope she's not in that situation but I can't risk my own safety to find out.
    If she's in the same situation, she needs to go to the police, not to the woman he terrorized before her. 
  • I mean, my first thought was honestly that he's doing the same shit to her that he did to Novella, and wifey was maybe hoping to reach out and get help. 

    Of course, I didn't even think about the possibility that he could be on his wife's profile. I cannot think of any reason I would ever use FI's profile, or the other way around, so maybe that's why.
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  • Hmmm I don't like this but do you think she might be in need of some help of some sort? Then again she might have just PMd you if that was the case. It does seem very odd.
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  • esstee33 said:
    beethery said:
    I'm so bothered. It probably IS him using her account. Are you prettier than her? But poor girl. She was probably threatened or guilted into marrying him.
    She might have looked novella up because he's doing the same shit to her and has brought up novella's name, she might be looking for support.

    She might be a fuckin' crazy bitch looking to yell at novella for "wronging" that loon-ass motherfucker.

    It might be him using her facebook.

    Also, not sure what bearing prettiness has on any of that. I'm going with none.
    That was my initial thought. "Maybe he's beating and terrorizing her too. Maybe I should message her and see what she wants just in case." But that was a fleeting thought. I hope she's not in that situation but I can't risk my own safety to find out.
    If she's in the same situation, she needs to go to the police, not to the woman he terrorized before her. 
    ^^^^^^^ Yeppi-goddamn-doodles.
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

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