BF - you're not helping my BSC! VENT

LabLove86

BF is making me a little nuts. 

We have discussed timeline and HE said by the end of the year we will be engaged. We looked at rings. Ring is on order. I know this because the jeweler accidentally called me and left me a voicemail. BF was none too happy about that . . . . but he called and bitched at the jeweler and they gave him an "Oh shit, we messed up" discount.

Anyway - knowing that the ring is on order for sure is making my patience pants a little tight to say the least. 

Then the other day I get this text from BF at the end of my shift - "I have a nice surprise for you when you get home" 

Now - 

1. If it's the ring, I"ll be pissed you gave me a heads up.

2. If it's NOT the ring, I'll be annoyed because I know its imminent at this point but - OMG WAITING SUCKS. 

{Even before knowing what it was - I would have preferred #2 - because at this point, I picked out the ring, we have discussed by the end of the year. . . . SO - I would like to be surprised as far as when/how it actually happens}

So I get home - and he asked me what my plans for the next day are (My day off) so I tell him - gym, laundry, grocery shopping, lounging around being lazy. And he says "Ok good - I'll do everything with you." (A day he normally works) I say "Oh good! It'll be nice to spend the whole day together." Then go take a shower. 

Get out of the shower, get dressed, go out to the living room - and say "So was you staying home tomorrow my surprise??"  BF says - "Yeah, I want to spend time with you before I"m gone all of next week." (He left on monday for a week for business, and I worked ALL day on Sunday - so we would have only had Saturday together before he was off across the country) So I told him I loved him, gave him a kiss, and I am genuinely happy we had that day to spend together all day.

BUT DAMN. You aren't helping my BSC! I have been trying really hard to NOT be a crazy person. I have been going to the gym, I have been trying new recipes, I have been organizing our Thanksgiving dinner with family. . .. I don't think HE knows I'm getting anxious, and only a good friend of mine knows I'm going slightly bonkers - but I swear, he's doing this on purpose . . . . . 

So - I am really trying my best to just appreciate everything we do and not take for granted the time we have left as "just" BF/GF as opposed to being engaged. 

Anyway - I guess really just a vent here - but I needed to get that out of my system!!!  Thanks for being the sounding board! 

AuroraRose41

I'm sorry you are going through this! I have no real advice, just to let you know that you are doing all the right things and maybe try to find something else to keep you really preoccupied? 

If BF texted me things like that I would also be very annoyed, as my ring is also on order currently (I think...though fortunately I have not received a call from the jeweler). I'm glad he got a discount for that mishap! 

I know getting into financial planning/investing has really helped me (BF wants me to re-balance his 401k now!), and also joining a planning committee for events for a work related club for 20 somethings. I do have my moments too, but I have been really trying to focus on other things and bettering myself. And when I catch myself looking at dresses or other WR related stuff on Pinterest, I try to look at ideas for presents for Christmas or day dream about where I want to travel to next instead. 

Maybe a strategy like this is what you need? It has really helped me. 

minskat30

I know the waiting sucks but it sounds like your BF wants to make this a special moment for both of you.  Hugs...you will get through this.  Just continue to be patient.  If you do feel like he is legitimately teasing you on purpose and it is driving you crazy, just talk to him and tell him to knock it off (nicely, obviously).   

LabLove86

Thank you @AuroraRose41  - most of my close friends are in the same boat as me - with the guys they see forever futures with. One of them just got engaged 2 weeks ago!!! I am genuinely happy for her! So I can talk to these girls a bit. And honestly being on here and reading that others are going through similar things really does help.

I will try to find another outlet - and I like your idea of shifting focus to gift-giving or traveling. We actually just booked a vacation for March - and I have been looking at a lot of the excursions!!! 

As of right now - time to go research some healthy recipes that will re-heat easily and well, or freeze nicely! 

Thank you again!!

LabLove86

minskat30 said:

I know the waiting sucks but it sounds like your BF wants to make this a special moment for both of you.  Hugs...you will get through this.  Just continue to be patient.  If you do feel like he is legitimately teasing you on purpose and it is driving you crazy, just talk to him and tell him to knock it off (nicely, obviously).   

Thank you - he does want it to be special. I can tell by how he acts - and he's asked a lot of specific questions. "Do you want us to be home?" "Do you care if people are around?" "Do you want/care if family is there?" (I honestly could care less how/when/where it happens - but these questions make me kind of think he will do it Thanksgiving while we are hosting - but I am not going to expect it so I am not disappointed if it DOESN'T happen then . . . .KWIM?)

We do poke fun at each other a bit - but I honestly don't think he even connected the text to the proposal at all - he is respectful enough to not "pretend" to propose or anything - I think he knows that would put me over the edge!! Haha If anything else happens I'll tell him to cool his jets. Haha

AuroraRose41

@LabLove86 no problem! I'm glad that you have people who are in a similar situation. It must make things easier (but also harder not to go BSC!). I'm also glad that I am not the only one on here in this situation. 

I think the hardest thing for me currently is that I am really the only one at the moment. I have one friend who is engaged already (they are finally getting married in September), one who is already married, one who is in a steady relationship and hoping that it happens soon, but her BF is overseas in the Navy and won't be home for at least a year (and they haven't talked about it), and the others are single. 

Also, BF teases me about it every once in a while. Once we bought the ring, he told me that I can no longer talk about it because he wants it to be a surprise. Yet, HE will bring up the ring or proposal and talk about it because that rule doesn't apply to him. Let's just say I don't react to well when he does that. I actually asked him last time if he was trying to make me crazy. He hasn't brought it up since. 

Looking at excursions is definitely a good thing to do! Where are you going? 

And I would love some of those recipes too if you find any good ones! 

ETA: BF has also asked me questions about what I would like, and I basically told him I don't want anything OTT and I would like it semi-private (i.e. not at a football stadium but close friends/family around or at a nice restaurant is fine, but also just us is fine too). He teases me, but I think part of it is his own nervousness because he wants it to be special and perfect and he is not a planner by any means. 

lilacck28

Just want to say... I went shopping with FI for the ring. He bought it right in front of me. About two weeks letter, which was about when the ring was going to be ready, I texted him one evening saying "I'm going to be home a little early!" since a class got cut short (I was finishing grad school.) His response? "Oh. I won't be there..."

I knew he was picking up the ring. And he was. He was kind of sad that the "surprise" got ruined. That was a Wednesday. He basically then told me he wasn't holding onto the ring for very long . So, he proposed that Saturday. I knew it was happening. There were little things that surprised me about it (like the proposal itself. I had always said tell me nice things on the couch. He took me to a rooftop that overlooked the Whitehouse with champagne waiting) but I was NOT surprised that he was proposing. Didn't matter at all. Really. I promise, even if you find out when he's proposing, it will still be awesome, because you'll have a pretty ring and a person you love and wedding planning and a life to think about.

There's way too much pressure on men and women surrounding proposals in our society. Men for coming up with a big cool surprise, women for being super emotional and thrilled. Communication about marriage and other goals / needs is important in a partnership. So, a proposal shouldn't be a total shock to anyone... if it is, they're doing it wrong!

LabLove86

@AuroraRose41 - BF was the same way with me about just talking about our wedding - he can bring it up, but if I do I'm 'thinking about it too much' - once I started calling him out on it, and he realized how much HE did it, he doesn't tell me to stop anymore. And its not fair that either ofthem had that double standard!  But I bet he didn't realize how much it bugged you until you said something - so I'm glad you said something, and he stopped!!!

We are going to the Bahamas!! Royal Caribbean cruise - first cruise for both of us, and we are pretty excited! I can't wait!!

Most of the healthy recipes I use are from Skinnytaste - they have a website but I just bought the cookbook - I"ll let you know which ones are good!!!!

@lilacck28 - thank you for your story!!! You're totally right- it will be special no matter what. I love him so much, and I even told him I didn't NEED a ring; but he knew I WANTED one, so he got it anyway. 

And I agree, todays society puts way to much emphasis on the WEDDING, and not enough on the MARRIAGE. We have known we were "it" for each other since a few months into the relationship - so we have talked about so much that getting engaged will be natural (I think/hope!) - And I agree- it should for sure be discussed before the proposal happens! Maybe not in as much detail as we have - but every relationship is different!

bethsmiles

It's too bad you can't turn back the clock because honestly, I think the fact that he said he would propose by the end of the year is probably making you more BSC, because the closer that very specific deadline gets the more antsy you will probably get. A couple years ago BF and I set a very specific deadline like that, we ended having to push it way back but honestly the month or so before that deadline was awful. This time around we set no deadline like that and I'm having a much easier time waiting.

I do think it will help to make a conscious effort to stop guessing when he is going to do it. Even if you aren't necessarily disappointed or feel like things are ruined when he doesn't, it will help not to be constantly thinking, oh what does this text mean or I think he'll do it around this holiday.

AuroraRose41

LabLove86 said:

@AuroraRose41 - BF was the same way with me about just talking about our wedding - he can bring it up, but if I do I'm 'thinking about it too much' - once I started calling him out on it, and he realized how much HE did it, he doesn't tell me to stop anymore. And its not fair that either ofthem had that double standard!  But I bet he didn't realize how much it bugged you until you said something - so I'm glad you said something, and he stopped!!!

We are going to the Bahamas!! Royal Caribbean cruise - first cruise for both of us, and we are pretty excited! I can't wait!!

Most of the healthy recipes I use are from Skinnytaste - they have a website but I just bought the cookbook - I"ll let you know which ones are good!!!!

@lilacck28 - thank you for your story!!! You're totally right- it will be special no matter what. I love him so much, and I even told him I didn't NEED a ring; but he knew I WANTED one, so he got it anyway. 

And I agree, todays society puts way to much emphasis on the WEDDING, and not enough on the MARRIAGE. We have known we were "it" for each other since a few months into the relationship - so we have talked about so much that getting engaged will be natural (I think/hope!) - And I agree- it should for sure be discussed before the proposal happens! Maybe not in as much detail as we have - but every relationship is different!

I couldn't agree more! I basically told BF at one point that I don't care about or need anything fancy for the proposal. What matters most is that the proposal and ring mean I get to spend forever with my best friend and the love of my life. Knowing him it will be an OTT thing though. 

The Bahamas sound awesome! And I will definitely check out skinnytaste!

ETF: typo

Dignity100

What are your plans so far for the cruise/Bahamas?  I've never been on a cruise either, I've thought about it, just never did it.

LabLove86

@bethsmiles - you're 100% right!! (As per usual. . . . .haha) Every day that goes by its like "Ohp! One more day closer!" I really just have to stop thinking about it and let it happen when it happens. And not be disappointed if it doesn't' happen when I think it will. . . . . We'll be together no matter what and that is what is the most important thing.

@Dignity100 - right now its just the cruise that we're going on. I would like to go to the spa and do a couples massage one day, and we have talked about snuba diving (combination scuba and snorkeling - but you don't need a license for you like you do with scuba diving) but have not booked any excursions yet. He said he wants to just take it day by day and do whatever we would like (Which is KILLING my Type-A personality . . . . can you tell thats how I am from this post?!)

We are going on a 4 night cruise - our ports are CocoCay, Nassau, and Key West Fl - departing and arriving in Miami. I'm pretty excited about it! I just can't wait to spend the time ALONE with him. No work, no friends, no internets, no family . . . . . just one-on-one time.

speakeasy14

@lablove86 I'm totally late to the party, but I can help distract you with lots of cruise stuffs!! Royal Caribbean is my favorite out of all the cruises I've sailed with.  The shows are phenomenal, and so is the food.  

Take the spa tour before the ship sets sail your first day, they give special discounts to anyone who takes the tour and books an appointment.  Which ship are you sailing with? 

In Nassau we took a ferry to Blue Lagoon where you can swim with Sea Lions and Dolphins, definitely an amazing excursion. 

LabLove86

speakeasy14 said:

@lablove86 I'm totally late to the party, but I can help distract you with lots of cruise stuffs!! Royal Caribbean is my favorite out of all the cruises I've sailed with.  The shows are phenomenal, and so is the food.  

Take the spa tour before the ship sets sail your first day, they give special discounts to anyone who takes the tour and books an appointment.  Which ship are you sailing with? 

In Nassau we took a ferry to Blue Lagoon where you can swim with Sea Lions and Dolphins, definitely an amazing excursion. 

I will take ANY distraction possible! Especially if I get super awesome first-hand info about the cruise we are going on!!!

That is an awesome tip about the Spa tour - I am really leaning towards doing a spa day anyway - but I will 100% do the tour if it will save me some $$. I have to find out if BF is going to leave my all by myself or if he is going to want to do a couples massage. I guess we will find out on the tour!!

We are sailing on the Majesty of the Seas - I guess its a mid sized ship. No "special" restaurant. Just the normal ones. I looked briefly - I hope there is a comedy night - BF and I would love to do that!!

We will check out the excursions for sure - I would love to do SOMETHING. I would swim with things, or snuba/snorkel - just SOMETHING. But I also want to have nice relaxing days too.

What was your favorite ship/cruise you went on??

speakeasy14

With Royal Caribbean I've been on Explorer and Voyager (both are the same exact ship, just different names), and loved both.  Those were longer cruises, but each stopped in Haiti where Royal Caribbean has their own private island, Labadee.  This was my favorite place because the only people on the island are the people who were on the ship.  Plus. when I was in college I read the book Emergency Sex (highly recommend btw) and one of the characters had ventured into Labadee.

Majesty is fairly similar to Explorer and Voyager.  If you're adventurous the rock wall on the top deck is fun, and I believe they also have the ice rink.  I'm one of those people who will look at the daily itinerary and look for something different to do, or anything that includes alcohol.  If they offer a martini tasting, definitely do it (all I remember from that day is $15 for 6 martinis)!   

Honestly the specialty restaurants are over rated.  The regular formal dining room has great food.  We've always done buffet for breakfast and lunch and second/third lunch, and then the dining room for dinner. Plus since everything is already paid for you can order as much as you would like in the dining room (I usually order one of each of the desserts).

There is usually at least one comedy night that is family friendly and one comedy night that is meant for adults only.  They also have adult game nights, which are always hilarious.  There's the battle of the sexes, which I may have been one of the women who had to give up her bra for the game on at least two occasions.  They also do fun games by the pool.  Though I usually watch those while I sunbathe.

LabLove86

Sounds like so much fun! I'm off to scour the Royal Caribbean website now . . . . haha

WildMagelet

I'm super jealous of all this cruise talk.  I'll be over with @LabLove86 netsurfing their website.