Future In-Law problems?

pompeymagnus

Hello fellow May brides and grooms!! I was wondering if anyone else is having any issues with their future in-laws? I am, and it's really kinda bothering me, so I thought it might be fun to share stories and commiserate!!

My problem is with my FI's brother's wife. She married him a year before our wedding will be, and ever since we got engaged, she has been really nasty! Not so much to our faces, but she makes these comments to all the other family members basically trying to turn our wedding into something to be laughed at and made fun of. For example, I want a dress with long bell sleeves, I always have, I know it's not for everyone, but I think it's really beautiful!! After SIL found this out, she has been basically making it out like our wedding will be a Goddamn renaissance faire, and literally telling people that I will be making FI wear a codpiece. (Not that there's anything wrong with having a hardcore historical themed wedding, which actually could be kind of cool, but that's totally not what we're going for)

I could list about a million more thing on here, but this example about sums up her attitude; when we first told her we got engaged, and I told her which month we chose, the first thing out of her mouth was "Well, just so you know, I will probably be pregnant then, so no one will be paying any attention to you!"

GRRRRRR >:(

blabla89

Don't let her get under your skin, be the bigger person. If she's going around saying rude, petty things behind your back, then she's the one who looks bad.

We've had some ongoing issues with my FILs constantly asking when we're going to have kids. This makes us really uncomfortable since we don't know whether we want biological children or whether I can have them at all. FI had spoken with them privately to no avail. We figured once FSIL had her twins last month they would calm down a little bit. Nope, they want ALL the babies and they still kept bringing it up. FI finally put the kibosh on it this weekend at dinner by telling them in front of everyone that we aren't comfortable discussing that. They seemed to get it, but now I'm bracing for the wrath of FMIL...

thanks for letting me vent

pompeymagnus

Oh no!! Baby pressure!! My FILs haven't been too bad with this, except for some off comments FMIL has made about my hips and how they are well suited for childbearing... (Is this like a polite way to say that I should lose a few pounds? Lol)

Anyways, sorry they're being awful about it.. doesn't venting about it feel great, though?

yogablossom

Holy crap! She sounds super pleasant! Wow...

As much of a B as she's being, I'd try real hard and take the high road with this one.  I am sure everyone else in your fiance's family knows she's being a diva. And even if she is preggers at your wedding, everyone is still going to be looking at you and your gorgeous bell sleeved gown!

Venting does feel good---vent away!

smwolfe15

She's probably just jealous because now the spotlight is on you and not her. Just ignore her. It's your wedding now but I know how annoying that could be if she is pregnant. My cousin got married last year and pregnant on the honeymoon. At risk of sounding self centered I'm just happy her pregnancy will be over before my wedding events! I have a similar issue with an old friend.. Everything about my wedding she laughs at and hates. My date, my colors, my venue. She asked to see pics of me in dresses I tried on and she picked them all apart saying that I looked fat and ugly in all of them while laughing. And then minutes later she actually asked why she's not bridesmaid. Smh. Anyways. My FMIL is awful. My mom and I have asked if she wants to help with anything - dress shopping, florals, food tastings, bridal shower - she always says no but then complains to her family that I'm a horrible bride that won't include her. My FFIL actually called my mom and asked her to include my MIL. It's not my fault she says no to everything. Beside that we just don't have a good relationship. She has three boys and my FH and I are the first to be married. Her and I are just complete opposites. She always complains about not having a daughter too. Like she sees the marriage as losing her son, not gaining a daughter. I really don't know how to deal with her.

smwolfe15

And there were supposed to paragraph breaks in there.. Hi I'm new here . How do I put breaks in here?

pompeymagnus

Lol @smwolfe15‌ I post from my phone, and the breaks don't always work but I just hit enter multiple times, just to be sure, and that works ok. And I'm a quasi-newbie too, so welcome!!

And your friend and MIL sound like a nightmare the only thing I could suggest is that, for the MIL, you will be having to deal with this woman for a good portion of your life so don't lose your cool, no matter how good that might feel!!! That's why it's good to vent on the internet

pompeymagnus

Omg, update: tte FSIL just announced that yes, she is indeed pregnant now. Like six weeks gone... I didn't think you were supposed to tell people until after three months or so, in case something went wrong.. but I suppose the impulse to have all that attention on her was just too strong!!

Mocking aside, I am seriously worried about this kid, once it arrives. If FSIL sees pregnancy as a means of fulfilling her fantasy of life being a play where she is the star, what will she be like once baby arrives, and no one is fawning over her, and there is this little person who needs an enormous amount of work and attention to take care of? I hope she will get it figured out, but I feel really apprehensive..

bakersck

pompeymagnus said:

Omg, update: tte FSIL just announced that yes, she is indeed pregnant now. Like six weeks gone... I didn't think you were supposed to tell people until after three months or so, in case something went wrong.. but I suppose the impulse to have all that attention on her was just too strong!!

That's a personal choice. I told my family right when I found out but waited until 12w to make it public. I've seen friends post announcements on FB before the pee stick even dried. To each their own. I would ignore her snide comments about no one paying attention to you at your wedding. It's just her being the diva she has proven to be. The wedding is about you and all of your guests will be looking at you, not her

onefootinthebayou

Ugh, this woman sounds awful.  I have rarely been faced in real life with such rudeness but I have found that on the few occasions where I have been, I have found that the best response to outrageous comments like that is a poker faced silence, and just to let their comment hang.  Sometimes the best response to rudeness is no response at all.  Let her have the last (unpleasant) word.  I'd say I hope your relationship improves but she sounds beyond help!  I suppose since she is family you must tolerate her but I'd try to avoid engaging with her at all if possible. Sounds like she's looking for attention in an aggressive way.  

I second the other knotties on here.  You will be the center of attention on your day even if she were to give birth in the middle of the ceremony.  Happy planning and best wishes for a wonderful marriage and a harmonious family life  Vent away, but this woman isn't worth your time.  

floridabride44

Ugh. She sounds horrible. Makes me thankful I like my future brother-in-law's girlfriend!