Will I Regret It if FI and I Don't Spend Wedding Eve Apart?

amelisha

There is no way we'll spend it apart.

We're having a DW and I don't want to spend what little vacation we have away from him. Plus we spent a lot of money on a nice suite and I'd like us to both be able to enjoy it, not crash on someone's pull-out bed or in a room with 2 queen beds with another couple or whatever (or spend MORE money on another, less nice, suite.) We're getting ready together too. I'd just rather hang out with him than anyone else. It also gives me an excuse to not have to get ready with any of our family or friends. I love them, but I don't really want anyone around "helping"...I've been putting on my own damn makeup for years and having people fussing over me isn't going to make me calmer.

I really don't care if anyone gives me crap about it. I'm waking up with fiance beside me like every other day, going for breakfast, maybe hanging out by the pool or wandering around the Strip or whatever, getting ready with my fiance, and heading downstairs and to the limo together. It's easier, cheaper, and more comfortable for me.

phira

I think that it's easy with wedding stuff to worry about every detail. It often feels like, when there's a choice to be made, there's one correct answer that will make my wedding The Best Day Ever, and every other option will Ruin Everything.

We had this problem when we were trying to pick music (of all things). Like, it just became this huge THING where we spent hours going through playlists, and there were hurt feelings everywhere. Finally, he made a recessional suggestion, I said, "Fine," even though I still preferred several other songs. Decision got made, that's the song we're using, and I'm beyond caring. It feels kind of good.

Whether or not you spend the night together before the wedding is going to make almost no difference besides offering you logistical options. For us, it means that we don't have to find a hotel or find somewhere for one of us to stay the night before. It means we can go down to the venue together in a hired car, instead of having to hire two cars or bum a ride off a family member. It also means we can just relax the night before the wedding, spend time with our birdo (who is going to be VERY upset and lonely because he's going to be alone for the wedding night). We're looking forward to it.

You're still going to be excited to see your future spouse during the ceremony, either way. It's going to be magical and wonderful no matter what you do.

[Deleted User]

thisismynickname2

We had to book our wedding night hotel for the night before just to ensure we had a place for me and the bridesmaids to get ready (we also had a conf. room for the gentlemen).

We had a great time. The hotel upgraded us, we went out to a nice dinner (no rehearsal; no RD), enjoyed our massive comfy hotel bed, and got breakfast together the next morning.

As others have said, this is a personal choice only you can make. For what it's worth, I stayed overnight with a bride once who was moving out of her parents' house the week after her wedding. She was a huge bundle of nerves. I helped her pack for her honeymoon.  If you think you'll be nervous, have someone be with you if not your FI. 

VulgarGirl

We spent the night before the wedding together, and the entire wedding day together. I didn't want to be separated from her just for traditions sake and it was fun to get ready together.

Plus we got to have hot morning sex before the wedding.

amelisha

MagicInk said:

We spent the night before the wedding together, and the entire wedding day together. I didn't want to be separated from her just for traditions sake and it was fun to get ready together.

Plus we got to have hot morning sex before the wedding.

That is also one of my main considerations when choosing to stay together.

lacqueredlover

We talked about it and it wasn't even a question - of course we will be spending the night before the wedding together!  How else we will start the day with morning sex?  :-)

princessleia22

We spent the night together, just because it was easier and don't regret it.  We also had just spent 3 nights apart, so didn't like the idea of another night apart when it wasn't necessary.  It also worked out great because hair/makeup artist came to our hotel room to get all the girls pretty, so DH made a Starbucks run for us.

themosthappy91

Thanks so much for all your advice ladies!  Honestly it's just really helpful to know that no matter which way everyone here did it, no ones seems to have any regrets.  

My other reservation that I didn't mention initially (but others have touched on here) is the family response... FI's parents were definitely weirded out when we mentioned we were considering spending the night together.  FMIL asked us if she needs to leave FI's childhood bedroom empty that night (as opposed to offering it to out-of-town guests to stay in) so he could sleep there and we said we were thinking about just staying together at our apartment and I kind of laughed it off and was like "We've lived together for five years now, I'm sure being apart the night before isn't going to make the wedding day THAT much more suspenseful" and she (really snark-ily, IMO) was just like "Well, why even bother to have a wedding if you're going to think of it that way...", to which I replied "Yes, that's exactly why I would have been happy going to the court house four years ago!" (kind of a dig at her since her/her family's expectations are the main reason we have waited so long to get married and the reason we are having a "traditional" wedding).  That got her to drop the subject at least, but I'm sure she'll still think it's weird/wrong if we do spend the night together... not that that's really going to influence our decision, just another opinion to deal with.  

VulgarGirl

themosthappy91 said:

Thanks so much for all your advice ladies!  Honestly it's just really helpful to know that no matter which way everyone here did it, no ones seems to have any regrets.  

My other reservation that I didn't mention initially (but others have touched on here) is the family response... FI's parents were definitely weirded out when we mentioned we were considering spending the night together.  FMIL asked us if she needs to leave FI's childhood bedroom empty that night (as opposed to offering it to out-of-town guests to stay in) so he could sleep there and we said we were thinking about just staying together at our apartment and I kind of laughed it off and was like "We've lived together for five years now, I'm sure being apart the night before isn't going to make the wedding day THAT much more suspenseful" and she (really snark-ily, IMO) was just like "Well, why even bother to have a wedding if you're going to think of it that way...", to which I replied "Yes, that's exactly why I would have been happy going to the court house four years ago!" (kind of a dig at her since her/her family's expectations are the main reason we have waited so long to get married and the reason we are having a "traditional" wedding).  That got her to drop the subject at least, but I'm sure she'll still think it's weird/wrong if we do spend the night together... not that that's really going to influence our decision, just another opinion to deal with.  

Oh yeah..you're just gonna have to learn to not give a fuck about other people's expectations of your relationship. Once you master that, your life gets a lot easier.

Repeat after me "I do not give a fuck", "I will not give a fuck", "I have no fucks to give", "I am not giving a fuck", and then when someone says "You guys have to spend the night apart, it's tradition!!!!" in your head think "I do not give a fuck" and out loud say "Hm, that's something to think about, have you tried the bean dip?" and continue to do that with whomever is bothered by your sleeping arrangements if they are not your FI.

amelisha

Sounds like a woman who isn't going to be happy with any of your choices, regardless. This one doesn't affect anyone but you and your fiance, so you can feel free to completely disregard other people's opinions on it.

smalfrie19

themosthappy91 said:

Thanks so much for all your advice ladies!  Honestly it's just really helpful to know that no matter which way everyone here did it, no ones seems to have any regrets.  

My other reservation that I didn't mention initially (but others have touched on here) is the family response... FI's parents were definitely weirded out when we mentioned we were considering spending the night together.  FMIL asked us if she needs to leave FI's childhood bedroom empty that night (as opposed to offering it to out-of-town guests to stay in) so he could sleep there and we said we were thinking about just staying together at our apartment and I kind of laughed it off and was like "We've lived together for five years now, I'm sure being apart the night before isn't going to make the wedding day THAT much more suspenseful" and she (really snark-ily, IMO) was just like "Well, why even bother to have a wedding if you're going to think of it that way...", to which I replied "Yes, that's exactly why I would have been happy going to the court house four years ago!" (kind of a dig at her since her/her family's expectations are the main reason we have waited so long to get married and the reason we are having a "traditional" wedding).  That got her to drop the subject at least, but I'm sure she'll still think it's weird/wrong if we do spend the night together... not that that's really going to influence our decision, just another opinion to deal with.  

My family, THE NIGHT BEFORE THE WEDDING AT THE REHEARSAL DINNER!!, decided they all cared where we were both spending the night... My mom tried to get me to come crash on her couch and I was like UMM NO.. and my grandma was trying to get me to stay at her place in the guest room. I was like NO. I am staying at home. I will have a hard enough time sleeping as is (and I did...it was awful) that I am spending the night in MY BED!!! 

phira

Yeah, this is a personal choice, which means give zero fucks about what other people think.

"Oh, you should just spend the night together because otherwise you're betraying feminist ideals/it's just more practical that way" Haha guess what, fuck off.

"But your day won't be special/it's against tradition/it's just one night" OKAY PLAYER get the fuck out of my way.

Gerbertmcway

H and I ended up spending the night before the wedding together even though he was dead set against it. He started feeling sick during the rehearsal dinner (he swears up and down it wasn't nerves...) and decided he would be more comfortable at home than at his BIL's place. I'm not saying it's necessarily because he was there, but I got THE BEST nights sleep I've had in probably a year. I almost didn't wake up in time for my hair appointment because I didn't set an alarm thinking there was no way I'd sleep late enough to need one.

lovesclimbing

We did not stay together. We also did not live together before getting married. He stayed with his parents with other family they were staying with, and I stayed with my family with other family we were staying with. I did see him before the ceremony.  Not only did we do a first look, but I was really stressing and wanted to see him as soon as he got to the church. He saw me with my hair partly done and in makeup (but not in my dress) before the first look.

rajahmd

We stayed together. Our wedding was local and we didn't want to get a hotel room. We actually ended up having a date night the night before. Our rehearsal was around midday, so we had a rehearsal luncheon. After that, we went home to do some final preparations, then went out to dinner and saw a movie. It was nice to have that time to ourselves the night before. On the day of the wedding, we got up together and ate breakfast, then we went our separate ways (me to get my hair done and him to set up the venue). It worked out great and our first look was still super special. And then from that moment on we were together for the rest of the day. I wouldn't have had it any other way.