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MrsHtobe2015

how do you deal with everyone expecting an invite?

we have large families and close friends invited to our wedding. We have had a few acquaintances say they cant wait for the wedding, one said, "don't forget about me at invite time" etc. they aren't invited. its so awkward. we recently had our engagement party and an acquaintance sent fiancé a nasty message about how dare he not invite him. Fiance wrote back saying it was immediate family and bridal party only. I cant imagine expecting an invite omg

beethery

MrsHtobe2015 said:

how do you deal with everyone expecting an invite?

we have large families and close friends invited to our wedding. We have had a few acquaintances say they cant wait for the wedding, one said, "don't forget about me at invite time" etc. they aren't invited. its so awkward. we recently had our engagement party and an acquaintance sent fiancé a nasty message about how dare he not invite him. Fiance wrote back saying it was immediate family and bridal party only. I cant imagine expecting an invite omg

That acquaintance needs to check themselves and also work on their demanding bullshit. You invite who you feel is correct (within the bounds of etiquette), and that person can politely fuck right off.

People are crazy as hell.

[Deleted User]

I think it's just rude to say that to anyone. Is it nice to be invited, of course, but you should never expect to be invited to someone's wedding. Be grateful either way, if you get invited, you get a fun night out, if you don't get invited, well you don't have to buy a gift.

LondonLisa

The best thing to do is not bring up your wedding at all. I would have ignored the nasty text messages. 

Learn this mantra: "We are having a smaller wedding and unfortunately could not have invited everyone we wanted. My, isn't it unseasonably warm right now/ this bean dip is delicious, have you tried it?/ How about that local sports team?"

Just rinse, wash and repeat as much as necessary.Definitely do not get yourself in a situation where you are backed into verbally inviting someone. Don't give any excuses or blame anyone- any adult that cannot recognise that they are not invited everywhere 100% of the time is not a person who I would want as a friend. 

plainjane0415

LondonLisa said:

The best thing to do is not bring up your wedding at all. I would have ignored the nasty text messages. 

Learn this mantra: "We are having a smaller wedding and unfortunately could not have invited everyone we wanted. My, isn't it unseasonably warm right now/ this bean dip is delicious, have you tried it?/ How about that local sports team?"

Just rinse, wash and repeat as much as necessary.Definitely do not get yourself in a situation where you are backed into verbally inviting someone. Don't give any excuses or blame anyone- any adult that cannot recognise that they are not invited everywhere 100% of the time is not a person who I would want as a friend. 

This.  100%.  People are rude for saying things like that to you!

theycallmelinz

I'm wondering if some people honestly don't know that it's rude to do stuff like this. Of course, your FI getting a nasty message is definitely rude, but I've had people text/FB message me saying things like, "When's your wedding? I wanna come!"  I mean, I was taught that it's rude to invite yourself to something, but apparently not everyone was or they just don't care. 

NYCMercedes

"We haven't finalized our guest list yet" or "We're having a smaller wedding" are two suitable answers. Then change the subject.

climbingsingle

People are seriously crazy. I had a girl I hadn't spoken to in ages post on my FB page right after I got engaged, asking if she would be invited. 

The best way to handle this is to tell people you haven't finalized the guest list yet. And if people keep asking, tell them that unfortunately you're not able to invite everyone you'd like, as it's just not in the budget. 

novella1186

That's annoying. I hate when people reach that level of rudeness. You should have responded to the guy who was shitty about your engagement party with "And how fucking rude you are is exactly why you're not invited to the wedding either!" (Obviously don't actually say this, because then you'd be just as bad as him, but I always want to say stuff like this in these types of situations!)

PPs have great advice. When someone is rude enough to bring it up, just change the subject. 

peachy13

Bean dip (change the subject). My co-worker has been doing this a lot to me lately... bringing up my wedding all the time and giving me advice on planning. I usually just smile and answer her questions and then quickly change the subject.

ChemFanatic25

peachy13 said:

Bean dip (change the subject). My co-worker has been doing this a lot to me lately... bringing up my wedding all the time and giving me advice on planning. I usually just smile and answer her questions and then quickly change the subject.

I've actually asked coworkers about their wedding plans just because I was genuinely interested but I wasn't expecting an invite. I know it will be a long time before I get married but planning parties always sound interesting so I ask questions like "Oh what colors are you guys planning on? How is the planning going? etc." Normally I just ask about how the planning is going and they tell me everything that has happened since the last time we have chatted. 

To assume I'd be invited even though I don't hang out with these people outside of work, well I'd be in for a rude awakening quite a lot.

JellyBean52513

To supplement PPs' great advice about bean-dipping, sometimes you will encounter people who just don't get the hint (like, apparently, the jerk who messaged your FI). In times like that, I would honestly be more direct: "You know, we've been asked by a lot of people if they're going to be invited, and frankly the reality is that we had to make cuts to the guest list in order for everything to be feasible for us. It's not something we were thrilled to have to do, but it is what it is and we feel bad enough about not being able to invite absolutely everyone that we'd like to. I'd rather not talk about it anymore, if you don't mind." There's really nothing wrong with politely letting someone know when they are making you uncomfortable, if more subtle moves fail to convey that message.

OnionBreath

Unfortunately, this is a problem that I've been dealing with. My future mother in law has done a lot to cause people to believe they are invited (when they aren't). She's essentially forcing her daughter to have a giant wedding that she's not interested in having...

At every.single.event that involves her or people she talks to, people say "can't wait for your wedding too!' and if my fiance is there, I let him handle the conversation. Otherwise, I've been saying that we're having a small, intimate wedding.