NWR: Confidence and self-forgiveness strategies

levieenrose

I think most of us have been here before at different periods in our lives, and I'm sure there are others here for whom confidence and self-forgiveness are daily struggles. For me, I've gotten to a point where I'm fed up with these issues--they affect my quality of life and others' quality of life. 

Addressing stress by taking hot showers, getting exercise, overworking, short-term escapism, or indulging in stress-eating (a habit I am sorely trying to quit) are things I do avoid compounding my confidence issues. Taking sleeping pills at night is another strategy. Sometimes they help, but more often then not they really don't. 

But outside of addressing stress I have not effectively let go of self-doubt and self-accusation. Talking about and analyzing it with confidants, identifying rational thoughts, and recalling moments of pride are not effective methods for me, regardless of my profuse rationalizations (or others' rationalizations). 

So what are your strategies for breaking the cycle? What is your key to really believing your self-forgiveness rationally and emotionally? How does one "let things go?"  

Any thoughts are appreciated. Thanks for reading. 

RebeccaFlower

I don't have anything to add really, but it sounds like you could benefit from talking to a therapist about coping mechanisms. It makes me sad for you that whatever you're going through is affecting your quality of life so seriously. 

Sugargirl1019

I read a lot, and fiction always gets my mind thinking and makes me feel so strongly about something. Then I take a shower while thinking about this and juxtapose to what I'm going through in life, and I come to the realization that everything will be okay and I have a loving husband to stand by me.

Reading, personal reflection and hot showers help me relieve stress also hugs from my husband.

levieenrose

Thanks for your feedback--and sorry that you're feeling sad about it. That wasn't the intention at all. 

If nothing works out, then talking to a qualified therapist in my case will probably be helpful. But seeing as it isn't the most dire thing in the world (quality of life is great, sure, but right now nobody is in a position to be harmed from this) and many others struggle with these issues (in TK community people are dealing with job loss, increased stress of wedding planning and family concerns, body issues, etc.), I'm just throwing these thoughts out to see what strategies other people use regularly resolve these issues.  

levieenrose

Woops, I missed your post, Sugargirl. Thanks for the thoughts! We ARE incredibly lucky to have loving partners at our side.  

holyguacamole79

I pray the serenity prayer:

I'd like to hope that people who may not believe in God can still gain some perspective from this simple prayer.  I hope it helps you - you can always remove the"God" at the beginning for your own purpose.

I've really been reflecting on this prayer a lot lately.  It helps to acccept that there are things I cannot change and to realize that I have to let those things go.

Also, don't let others' problems diminish what you are going through.  Everyone has their own bumps in the road to get through.  Just because another person's road is bumpier than yours doesn't make your journey any less worthy.

Sugargirl1019

This. I'm serious.
Jessica's Self-Affirmation
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qR3rK0kZFkg

levieenrose

Sugargirl--hahaha! That is adorable! I'm saving that link, thanks. 

Holyguacamole--those are beautiful words, thanks for sharing them!! You reminded me of two things: 

1.) DH sent me a wall hanging from Japan when he was living over there. The translation is: "I don't have to do the impossible as long as I aim with a pure heart and a bright smile." 

2.) I once read a book (specifics long gone from memory--I wish I could leave them here!) which was a collection of anecdotes associated with quotes and phrases which came to mind unbidden when individuals were facing extreme struggles, i.e. bloody trenches, deathly illness, etc. Those words of hope and courage (sometimes movie lines, sometimes biblical, sometimes the person never found the source) got them through their trials. Super interesting read.

I guess the point is that words can travel to wherever you are. Maybe having some inspirational words to fall back on is a key strategy.  

holyguacamole79

@levieenrose - I have several inspirational quotes hanging in my home office.  Too often they blend into the background, but I love it when I take the time to look at them again.  The first is "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come" (Proverbs 31:25).  The second is "It is important to know that I can always continue to hope, even if in my own life ... there seems to be nothing left to hope for" (Pope Benedict XVI, Spe Salvi).

Hang in there.

redwoodoriginal

I like to look at these quotes when I'm going through a rough time. It helps calm me down, remind me what I can and can't control, and to remember, life goes on.

This first quote I stumbled upon when I was going through a big change in life and felt lost and like I had no control over anything. It reminds me of the AA serenity prayer, but I'm not religious so I like this one more. 

“There are things in my life which I have no power to change, my peace depends upon accepting them. The more I fight them, the more they will torment me. Having the courage to change the things I can, gives me unlimited freedom to work on what concerns me. When I emphasize “things” not people, it leaves room for improving MY life. To do that, I must change my attitude and actions for the better.”

and this second one, well, it's an easy one to remember and I say it and remind myself that soon enough I'll be up again.

"Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again, but life goes on."

xx

smalfrie19

I struggle with a lot of what you described. Self doubt, self hate, and general self confidence issues. I see a therapist every two weeks and I just take things one day at a time. My H is very supportive. He is understanding about my flaws and helps me through them. 

levieenrose

@smalfrie19, thanks for commenting. I'm sorry to learn that this affects your life as well, but I'm really glad you are taking positive steps to help yourself through it. I hope that this thread helps other people realize that they are not alone. It would be great if it leads to someone finding a positive solution.  

@youknowhowido, those quotes are great! I'm glad you had those to turn to during rough times. Maybe a little later I'll start a spin-off thread for inspirational quotes... 

buttercup1958

I would have to say therapy, accomplishing things, yoga, hiking, and reading helps me. All those help because I can look at it and say yes I did finish that amazing book or took the extra step to ensure my possible future success. Or I push myself with yoga and hiking and feel so much better afterwards. Therapy helps me talk about things so it's pretty much the sprinkles on my self-help cupcake. I hope this helps in some way but I do know what you are going through.

lovegood90

I would also echo PPs and say therapy (or talking to someone), exercise (yoga has really helped me!), and getting lost in a good book to just get away from your own head for a bit. Also when I'm stressed I like to lay in bed and watch cooking videos on Youtube- I don't know why!