Is it weird to have an unequal number of Bridesmaids/Groomsmen?

Rukisa

Hi everyone! 

My FH originally had 9 people picked out to be his groomsmen, and I explained to him that it was way too many people. Our wedding day is about us, and we both want the focus to be on us as we exchange our vows. The more attendants we have, the more distracting it becomes, and we lose focus on what's important and why everyone has come out to celebrate.

I convinced him that 5 was a good number, and he agreed. Then he added on a sixth person, haha! So finally we have agreed that 6 is our lucky number.  My only problem now is that I do not have 6 close girlfriends I'd like to ask to be my bridesmaids. I have three girls picked out, and two very tentative choices. 

If I just stuck with my three (or potential five), would it look odd to have an uneven amount of groomsmen and bridesmaids standing beside us? Will I look like a loser who doesn't have friends? I really want this day to be special and I only want to share it with my closest friends.

Liatris2010

Rukisa said:

Hi everyone! 

My FH originally had 9 people picked out to be his groomsmen, and I explained to him that it was way too many people. Our wedding day is about us, and we both want the focus to be on us as we exchange our vows. The more attendants we have, the more distracting it becomes, and we lose focus on what's important and why everyone has come out to celebrate.

I convinced him that 5 was a good number, and he agreed. Then he added on a sixth person, haha! So finally we have agreed that 6 is our lucky number.  My only problem now is that I do not have 6 close girlfriends I'd like to ask to be my bridesmaids. I have three girls picked out, and two very tentative choices. 

If I just stuck with my three (or potential five), would it look odd to have an uneven amount of groomsmen and bridesmaids standing beside us? Will I look like a loser who doesn't have friends? I really want this day to be special and I only want to share it with my closest friends.

Uneven sides are fine and large wedding parties are not distracting.

msuprincess04

You can absolutely have uneven sides. Everyone is there to celebrate your wedding, there won't be loss of focus no matter who else is in the party. If you have three closest friends, then ask them.

ETA: clarification

ShesSoCold

Liatris2010 said:

Rukisa said:

Hi everyone! 

My FH originally had 9 people picked out to be his groomsmen, and I explained to him that it was way too many people. Our wedding day is about us, and we both want the focus to be on us as we exchange our vows. The more attendants we have, the more distracting it becomes, and we lose focus on what's important and why everyone has come out to celebrate.

I convinced him that 5 was a good number, and he agreed. Then he added on a sixth person, haha! So finally we have agreed that 6 is our lucky number.  My only problem now is that I do not have 6 close girlfriends I'd like to ask to be my bridesmaids. I have three girls picked out, and two very tentative choices. 

If I just stuck with my three (or potential five), would it look odd to have an uneven amount of groomsmen and bridesmaids standing beside us? Will I look like a loser who doesn't have friends? I really want this day to be special and I only want to share it with my closest friends.

Uneven sides are fine and large wedding parties are not distracting.

This. Why are you trying to control his side of the party? He should ask anyone and everyone he wants to.

Rukisa

ShesSoCold said:

This. Why are you trying to control his side of the party? He should ask anyone and everyone he wants to.

He wanted to include people he was not close with, and I am under the impression that your groomsmen should be your best friends and family.

Rukisa

msuprincess04 said:

You can absolutely have uneven sides. Everyone is there to celebrate your wedding, there will be loss of focus no matter who else is in the party. If you have three closest friends, then ask them.

Thank you

NYCMercedes

He can have as many as he wants and you can have as many as you want. Don't worry about the group being distracting or taking attention away from you. You'll never be overlooked in the big white pouffy dress.

Rukisa

NYCMercedes said:

He can have as many as he wants and you can have as many as you want. Don't worry about the group being distracting or taking attention away from you. You'll never be overlooked in the big white pouffy dress.

Haha thanks so much! You make a good point :P

novella1186

Sometimes I think it's weird when people do have even sides. Like "oh really? You just happen to have exactly the same number of nearest and dearest? Neither of you just tacked on an extra person or two for the sake of symmetry? mmmhmmm." 

climbingsingle

No, it's not weird at all. 

thisismynickname2

Rukisa said:

ShesSoCold said:

This. Why are you trying to control his side of the party? He should ask anyone and everyone he wants to.

He wanted to include people he was not close with, and I am under the impression that your groomsmen should be your best friends and family.

To the bolded: I think that is kind of weird.  Is he asking old college buddies out of obligation or something like that?  Then again, you may not classify them as "close" by your own standards but he does. 

But yeah, uneven sides is not weird and is likely becoming more common in modern times. Heck, see exhibits A) and : My Big Fat Greek Wedding and 27 Dresses. 

slothiegal

It's not unusual at all to have uneven sides, but you need to step back and let him choose who he wants to.

blabla89

novella1186 said:

Sometimes I think it's weird when people do have even sides. Like "oh really? You just happen to have exactly the same number of nearest and dearest? Neither of you just tacked on an extra person or two for the sake of symmetry? mmmhmmm." 

Oh gosh...I was in a wedding once where all the other BMs were just there to fill a space. They were not-very-close college friends of the bride, and one of them was b-listed. I suspect she tried to tell the groom to choose fewer GMs and he refused. That was a super awkward wedding weekend.

Morals of the story: Sides don't need to be even, only ask the people you really want to stand up with you, and don't tell your FI what to do.

tammym1001

I had 4 BM's and DH only had 1 GM. It wasn't weird and nobody ever said anything about it. We asked the people that we wanted to ask.

lacqueredlover

I will have 7 people in my wedding party, my FI will have 4.  It's not weird, it's the people who are closest to us.

Everyone will be paying attention to you, not how many people are in your wedding party.

Cookie Pusher

novella1186 said:

Sometimes I think it's weird when people do have even sides. Like "oh really? You just happen to have exactly the same number of nearest and dearest? Neither of you just tacked on an extra person or two for the sake of symmetry? mmmhmmm." 

DH and I had even sides. We each started out with 3 - siblings and closest friends for each of us. Then my friend dropped out, so we would have been 2/3, which was fine with us. Then one of his guys got deployed, so we were each left with 2. It just worked out that way.

I think uneven sides can make for some really beautiful pictures. Nothing weird about it at all.

MGP

ShesSoCold said:

Why are you trying to control his side of the party? He should ask anyone and everyone he wants to.

Well yes, but to a certain point. He should make the decision on his side and she on hers. However remember the financial and etiquette obligations that come with it. Lurkers take note:

Inviting that person's SO to the wedding
Inviting that person + their SO to the rehearsal dinner - extra important cost to consider if someone else is hosting it
Paying for ceremony related items like bouquets and boutonnieres
Paying for any attire related items that you require such as hair, makeup, nails, shoes, and accessories
Thank you gifts

SteffJay

MGP said:

Well yes, but to a certain point. He should make the decision on his side and she on hers. However remember the financial and etiquette obligations that come with it. 

Lurkers take note: 

Inviting that person's SO to the wedding  - you have to do this regardless of if their in the bridal party. 

Inviting that person + their SO to the rehearsal dinner - extra important cost to consider if someone else is hosting it 

Paying for ceremony related items like bouquets and boutonnieres 

Paying for any attire related items that you require such as hair, makeup, nails, shoes, and accessories - I don't think dude's acquire quite so many "extras",

Thank you gifts

Rukisa

MGP said:

Well yes, but to a certain point. He should make the decision on his side and she on hers. However remember the financial and etiquette obligations that come with it. 

Lurkers take note: 

Inviting that person's SO to the wedding Inviting that person + their SO to the rehearsal dinner - extra important cost to consider if someone else is hosting it 

Paying for ceremony related items like bouquets and boutonnieres 

Paying for any attire related items that you require such as hair, makeup, nails, shoes, and accessories 

Thank you gifts

Thank you so much for pointing this out. While 9 groomsmen might not be a lot for some people, it is quite an extra cost for us to take on.

FH and I talked last night and I asked him his opinion on an uneven WP. He said he was okay with it. I also explained that if he wanted to include the other 3 people, it's okay too. He said he's okay with the 6, but he may or may not ask #7, and he's definitely not going to ask 8 and 9 because he's changed his mind about them.

So overall, we both get what we wanted

Thanks for all your help ladies!

MGP

SteffJay said:

MGP said:

Well yes, but to a certain point. He should make the decision on his side and she on hers. However remember the financial and etiquette obligations that come with it. 

Lurkers take note: 

Inviting that person's SO to the wedding  - you have to do this regardless of if their in the bridal party. 

Inviting that person + their SO to the rehearsal dinner - extra important cost to consider if someone else is hosting it 

Paying for ceremony related items like bouquets and boutonnieres 

Paying for any attire related items that you require such as hair, makeup, nails, shoes, and accessories - I don't think dude's acquire quite so many "extras",

Thank you gifts

To your bolded - yes and yes!  

My point to lurkers was that asking people to be in your bridal party has its expenses and obligations on both sides and many people seem to forget that.  I just attended a wedding where the Bridezilla had 22 people in her wedding party, didn't have a rehearsal or a rehearsal dinner "because she didn't want to pay for an extra meal for all those people", and didn't get anyone a thank you gift.  Relationships have been affected because of this.

huskypuppy14

I had 3 attendants and my husband had 6. I limited my bridesmaids to my sisters and my best friend, because I was also paying for their hair and makeup, and if I had 7 bridesmaids (I didn't have 7 people I would ask anyway) I wouldn't have been able to afford that (+ myself and 2 mothers).

Having 6 male attendants didn't affect the cost too much. Also, I paid for my attendants gifts and my husband paid for his. (I know it's all our money, but we keep it separate for the most part).

ReginaLambert13

I see nothing wrong with uneven parties.  For us, we are having several family members and only a couple friends so it became uneven purely because we have more female relatives than male.  Our party will end up being FH's male cousin and my nephew on the guys side then for the girls it's FH's female cousin, FH's sister, my "un-biological" sister (BFF since infancy), my niece, and two of my girlfriends.  So a total of 2 guys and 6 girls.  Because of this we are simply going to have the guys start already in the ceremony space with the groom and the girls walk down the aisle solo.  FH is really big on who is on whos "side" which kind of drives me nuts because with our ceremony laid out like this you won't be able to even tell!  He keeps wanting to have these discussions about how we can divide people up to make things even no matter how many times I explain that with the guys starting in and the girls walking in there's ZERO point in figuring out who "belongs" to who since they won't be standing on "sides" anyhow.  I feel like he just is having trouble picturing it or something.

Anyhow, of all the weddings I've been to recently only a few have had even parties.

Rukisa

ReginaLambert13 said:

He keeps wanting to have these discussions about how we can divide people up to make things even no matter how many times I explain that with the guys starting in and the girls walking in there's ZERO point in figuring out who "belongs" to who since they won't be standing on "sides" anyhow.  I feel like he just is having trouble picturing it or something.

I like how you countered the "awkwardness" of processing down the aisle with an uneven party by having the guys start down front, and the girls walk in solo - instead of pairing up girls and guys and having them escorted in. I think that's going to help a lot to keep the balance in place.

Maybe since your FH is having problems imagining how it'll look, you could put together a visual aid for him, either a (poorly drawn) sketch, or maybe search for a few Youtube videos illustrating a similar set up to your wedding.

hyechica81

our first number was 7 guys 7 girls. i have 6 cousins plus my sister (moh) who i wanted in my wedding he asked his nephews his best friend (bm) another friend my brothers and my godson. 

both my brothers decided they didnt want to be in it one is the deacon at the church so he helped officiate our wedding, then my other brother did not want to be on the center of attention 

so we ended up with 5 guys 7 girls 

flutteringinfl

My FI has six people he wants to ask to be groomsman. My only hesitancy was to point out the alter is quite small, so six would be a tight squeeze. His response? "Those are the people I want standing up with me."

And you know what? He's 100% right. Maybe when we visit the site again he'll decide 6 is too many, but if not, no problem. We'll make it work. Having the people up there that are closest to him that he wants to witness one of the most important moments of his life is way more important to me than aesthetics.

I also don't believe even numbers are necessary. BUT I'm having a personal struggle with this myself because FI's GMs are his brother, his BIL, and four friends. So far I've decided to go with my sister, FI's two sisters and...I can't figure out anyone else. I have friends, but it's tough for me to decide who I really want up there (I was never the type to have one or two true BEST friends). The numbers don't bother me, it's the fact that I'd like some friends and not just current or future relatives up there with me. But that's my hangup.